


Lua

by anidalah



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Also because Nathan deserves love dammit, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Storm, Alternate Universe - no Jefferson, Angst, Anxiety, Because ChaseScott is my BroTP, Bipolar Disoder, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Friendship, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Illness, Slow Burn, also eventual fluff, the smut is here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:47:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 108,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8531866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anidalah/pseuds/anidalah
Summary: A drunken mistake changes Nathan’s life in ways he never could have expected, starting with him swearing he’ll never make another drunk mistake again.





	1. I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk

**Author's Note:**

> Go fucking figure I start loving this fandom after it's started to die... but that's why I wrote this!  
> So a few things. This story, the first draft is done. Which is good for people who chose to read it, because even if my inspiration dies all I have to do is edit and then post. But I have so much college course work I'll probably still only be able to post like once a week.  
> Also. A few more things. There will be smut. So I'm aging Warren up a year so there's no underage business, because the first written out sex scene will be after Warren's birthday. So he'll be a legal adult. It just feels weird to me writing underage as a person who's legally an adult so I aged him up. No big deal.  
> Also in this au, Rachel Amber isn't missing, Jefferson doesn't exist, Chloe still goes to Blackwell but she lives at home with her mom and stepdick, Nathan's friends in the Vortex Club genuinely love and care about him, Nathan has bipolar disorder, Warren's family is poor as shit, and Blackwell is a four-year high school. I'm probably forgetting something but... I'll come back and fix this as I remember.  
> Anyways, please enjoy the story and reviews are always appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go fucking figure I start loving this fandom after it's started to die... but that's why I wrote this!
> 
> So a few things. This story, the first draft is done. Which is good for people who chose to read it, because even if my inspiration dies all I have to do is edit and then post. But I have so much college course work I'll probably still only be able to post like once a week.
> 
> Also. A few more things. There will be smut. So I'm aging Warren up a year so there's no underage business, because the first written out sex scene will be after Warren's birthday. So he'll be a legal adult. It just feels weird to me writing underage as a person who's legally an adult so I aged him up. No big deal.
> 
> Also in this au, Rachel Amber isn't missing, Jefferson doesn't exist, Chloe still goes to Blackwell but she lives at home with her mom and stepdick, Nathan's friends in the Vortex Club genuinely love and care about him, Nathan has bipolar disorder, Warren's family is poor as shit, and Blackwell is a four-year high school. I'm probably forgetting something but... I'll come back and fix this as I remember.
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy the story and reviews are always appreciated.

Nathan let out a deep sigh as he examined the yellowing bruises on his ribs.  He poked at them, wincing in pain, before pulling his plain black t-shirt down.  He tried his hardest not to think about how the bruising had occurred.  There was no point.  He’d already spent too much time wondering why it happened and how he could've prevented it.  He continued to come to the same conclusion: he didn’t know.

He didn’t need to be thinking about that shit, anyways.  He had a party to get ready for.

As with most of the other parties, he and Victoria were technically the hosts.  If he wasn’t ready soon and Victoria was left alone in determining if the area was fit for their guests, she’d be beyond pissed at him; she’d be absolutely  _furious_.  During the years they’d been friends, he’d only been on the receiving end of her rage just a few times but it was awful.  He’d do anything to avoid being in that position again, even if it meant going to the party ridiculously early.  As if on cue, his phone vibrated, signaling he’d received a text.  He didn’t need to look to see who it was from or what it said, but he did anyways.

[Vic 9:26pm]

_Ill b done in approx 2 min_

_Ur ass better b rdy_

Nathan muttered a quiet, “Fuck...” before rummaging in his closet for the button-up Gucci shirt he and Victoria had picked out just for the occasion.  He was happy that he was otherwise ready.  His hair was perfectly quaffed.  He’d already spritzed himself with his Giorgio Armani cologne.  He finished buttoning the shirt mere seconds before he heard a knock on the door.  When he opened it, Victoria looked at him and smiled.  That night was going to be fun.

-

Warren didn’t know how he got dragged there.  Well, he did know, but he didn’t know how he let it happen.  Max said it would be fun and he assumed that since she asked him to a party it would be something like a date. When he found out she’d gotten all dolled up by Courtney and Dana, he was certain it was a date.  However, after they entered the VIP lounge of the Vortex Club party and she was whisked away by Chloe and Rachel, he had to admit defeat – it very much wasn’t a date.

He knew he should've seen it coming and frankly felt like a moron for the fact that he’d been blindsided by it.  Max was always getting dragged away by Rachel or Chloe or both and he couldn’t blame her for letting them.  They were far more interesting in a typical sort of way, with their teenage rebellion and their partying.  It was easy to see how Max could get swept up in their moments and run off on some adventure.

Warren, on the other hand, was far more mellow.  He did enjoy his fair share of adventures, but on the average day he’d much rather his adventures be on some sort of screen; whether they were carried out with a movie or some sort of game depended on the exact day.  He was very comfortable with the fact that he was more of an intellectual than an adventurer.  His only real issue with it was that it didn’t help his romantic life, which apparently was non-existent.

He knew Max cared for him deeply, but he was beginning to come to terms with the fact that she would never like him the way he liked her.  It sucked, really, and with her invite to the party and the cute little outfit she wore, he thought maybe things had changed.  Then she ran off within five seconds of them being in the VIP area -which he still didn’t know how she got access to- and he was left alone and with the realization that no, it was _definitely_ not a date.

It sucked but he knew he’d get over it.  He didn’t want to pull any of that “Friend Zone” crap because it wasn’t like she owed him anything.  He valued their friendship too much to ever stoop so low.  Still, he’d have at least appreciated not being left alone in what might as well have been a foreign land.  He recognized a majority of the people surrounding him, but most of them would never associate themselves with him.  The area wasn’t really all that big, though, so he didn’t understand how the trio of girls had disappeared entirely.

Oh well.  At least Rachel and Chloe had been kind enough to hand him a red cup of booze before taking Max.  He’d expected it to be beer, but as he brought the cup up to his lips he could smell that it was something much stronger.  He was apprehensive, as he knew he was a lightweight and didn’t want to get wasted.  Then again, it was a Friday night, he had nothing to study for, no homework to do, and no one to play his games with since his World of Warcraft buddy was currently MIA.  Might as well try to live like a normal teenager.

He sipped at the drink, surprised yet again that it was a cocktail but he couldn’t quite place what it was.  All he knew was there was a hint of citrus, the mixture did little to mask the taste of the alcohol, and the concoction left his mouth dry.  So, like any normal teenager, he decided to just chug it and go to the bar to go get another drink.  It was there that he ran into Dana and Trevor.

Dana initiated the conversation, smiling warmly when she realized it was him and yelling an enthusiastic, “Hi Warren!” over the music.  He was surprised, not expecting a cheerleader of all people to talk to him, but gave a polite greeting back.  He didn’t even know that she knew his name, but realized a moment later he shouldn’t have been surprised.  After all, she was a friend of Max.  “You and Max should come hang with us.”

Warren shook his head, noting the momentary look of surprise on Dana’s face when he told her he had no idea where Max was.  Dana, being the sweet person she was, told him he could hang with them sans Max if he wanted to and then promptly insisted the three take a shot in order to improve his mood.

He didn’t know why he agreed to it.  He’d hadn’t partied much before, but something about being in the VIP section with the seasoned partiers made the irresponsible behavior all the more tempting.  He’d never taken a shot before and it was obvious as the look of disgust crossed his face as the liquid slid down his throat.  He learned from Dana that since the theme of the party was Dia De Los Muertos (it was November 1st after all), the only hard booze on hand was tequila.

It was his first experience with that particular type of alcohol and he’d already learned several things about it.  Firstly, it was absolutely disgusting whether straight or mixed.  Secondly, it took even less tequila than it did beer to really mess him up.  His light weight ass was already feeling the effects.  His head was fuzzy, his face warm, and everything all over felt more okay than it ever had in his life.

The members of the Vortex club all seemed very different when they were intoxicated.  Some of them wanted to actually talk to him.  Some even seemed excited to see him, though most likely just because he was a fresh face in this scene.  At some point, he managed to bump into Max.

“Max Factor!” he yelled in excitement, a slur in his voice.  He clumsily hugged her, not realizing that he was squeezing her a little too tight.  “Where’d ya go?”

Max looked alarmed, something that would've concerned him if he hadn’t been in that state.  “How much have you had to drink Warren?”

“I finished the drink and then took a shot with Dana and Trev.”

Max’s eyes widened.  She knew Warren couldn’t handle his alcohol.  “You already finished that margarita, Warren?  That had like two or three shots in it!”  She grabbed his arm and lead him to a couch, trying to convince him to stay there and relax while she went to get him water.

She didn’t get that far, though, as Chloe ran over to try to reclaim Max before she realized what was going on.  “Is Warren already hammered?” she laughed.  “That’s hella funny, dude.  Fuckin' light weight.”

“Apparently, he also took a shot with Dana…” Max regretted revealing that tidbit of information as if left her mouth, as Chloe’s eyes lit up.  So, she rewound and instead said, “I’m going to go get him some water.  Will you keep an eye on him?”

Chloe huffed.  “Yeah, fine.”  She intended to keep that promise, but when Rachel walked over with three shots and didn’t want to wait for Max -as if they’d be able to convince her to drink it anyways- they passed it to Warren, clinking the little plastic shot glasses together before downing them.

-

It was nearing midnight and Nathan had lost track of how many shots he’d taken.  He also had no idea how many times he’d been passed the bong.  Everything was fuzzy, hazy and he was feeling pretty good.  He was feeling too good, in fact.  He couldn’t retain his attention with the girl who was on his arm but it instead kept flickering toward a guy he didn’t recognize.  Courtney mentioned it was a guy from the regular high school in town and she mentioned his name.

Nathan couldn’t remember the name, not that he really cared.  What concerned him was how tempted he was to go over and make a move.  His control was slipping as the multitude of shots he’d taken were beginning to go through his system and cause him to get more and more drunk, to lose more and more control.  He stepped outside before he could do anything stupid, telling Victoria he’d be back after collecting his thoughts.

-

It hadn’t been difficult for Warren to lose his babysitter.  He hadn’t even meant to.  He just knew that all of a sudden he really had to go to the bathroom and a minute later he was there and Chloe was nowhere to be found.  He couldn’t find any of his friends or even any of the people he’d spoken to that night when he returned to the VIP section from his bathroom trip.  He decided to hang out by the bar, hopeful that at least someone he could talk to would come by.  He recognized Victoria, approaching with her posse of females, but he didn’t think they’d ever said two words to each other.

That’s why he was surprised when she approached him.  “Hey, aren’t you Max’s bitch?  She’s looking for you.”

He was beginning to wonder if he was tripping, maybe caught in some bizarre alternate reality.  The Vortex Club would never be this nice to him sober, if they even acknowledged him and there he was being talked to by the Queen Bee of the club.  Though she had technically called him a bitch, he knew that she meant no harm by it and it was merely just the way she talked.  At least, that’s what he assumed.  Either way, he was too out of it to care.

The thing that did frustrate him, though, was everyone’s assumption that he was with Max.  He could see why they thought that.  It was blatantly obvious he liked her and he was her plus one to the party.  However, wasn’t it obvious to them that they weren’t together?  She wouldn’t have run off without him if it was some sort of date.  The insinuations just added insult to injury.

It was then that he realized he’d been quiet for a lengthy period of time and Victoria was looking at him like she expected some sort of response.  He shrugged, far too gone to censor himself.  “She’s gonna have to come find me, then.  I’m not goin’ after her just to get ditched for Chloe and Rachel again.”

He could have sworn Victoria gave him an apologetic look briefly before muttering, “What a bitch…”  She grabbed two shots that had just been lined up by the bartender, handing one to Warren.  “This will make you feel better.”

Why did the entire Vortex Club seem to think tequila would solve his problems?  Still, he wasn’t used to the popular kids being nice to him and it would be rude to refuse the drink so he, Victoria, and some of the other club members around raised their glasses before downing their shots. He had no idea how much booze he’d drank and in what span of time, it could have been minutes or hours really, but he was beginning to start to experience why people said tequila was no one’s friend.

Everything was a blur after that.  He headed, or perhaps was dragged, out on the dance floor even though he didn’t have any idea what he was doing.  He vaguely remembered making out and dancing with some random girl who he was sure he’d never seen before, whom he did another shot with before he blacked out.

-

Warren opened his eyes in a room he didn’t recognize, his head pounding as a faint streak of light from outside hit his eyes.  He reached for his phone, which was luckily laying on the bedside table next to a stereo, and he saw it was only a little after six o’clock.  He was beyond thirsty and was happy as he spotted a minifridge from the corner of his eye.  He reached out to it, even though he wasn’t anywhere near being close enough to reach it.  He fell out of the bed and winced as a sharp throb went through his skull. He was surprised he didn't vomit.

After he crawled his way to the fridge, chugging a bottle of water he found inside of it, it began to really hit him that he wasn’t in his own room.  And he was naked.  He deduced he must have still been in the dorms, based on the size of the room, but it was certainly not a room he’d ever been in before.  He winced as he thought he must have slept with that random girl last night and he prayed that in his drunken state he was still smart enough to use protection.

He sighed, grabbed another bottle from the fridge, and crawled back into the bed.  He decided those were issues he’d deal with later, after at least a few more hours of sleep.  As he pulled back the covers to lay back in the bed, he caught a glimpse of the person he’d slept with.  His blood ran cold.

Uh oh.

Oh no.

Oh fuck…  That was NOT good.  It wasn’t the girl he made out with that he went home with.  It wasn’t even a girl at all.  Of all the people he could have gone to bed with, he was staring at an asleep, pantsless Nathan Prescott.  It was strange seeing him sleeping, laying all peaceful, looking like he hadn’t a care in the world.  Still, he knew that look would be gone if he woke up to find “Warren Gayram” in his bed.

Luckily, it was still so early that he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing him as he ran down the hall into his own room.  He quickly grabbed his underwear and pants and threw them on, deciding to abandon his shirt when he couldn’t find it, grabbed his shoes and booked it to his room.  When he was safely in there, he locked the door behind him.   He then threw his phone on its charger and collapsed on the bed.  He knew what happened was bad and he would likely freak out again later but he was still too tired, too hung over, still a little drunk and overall wasn’t in the state of mind to handle the situation yet.  He quickly fell back asleep.

When he woke up hours later, his head was still throbbing but not nearly as much as it had the first time he woke up.  His vision was clear, at least, though the flecks of light shining through the curtains were basically torture.  However, he was happy he hadn’t thrown up yet.  He realized he was in quite the conundrum because he needed pain pills but knew if he took them on an empty stomach he would just vomit them back up but if he ate it was likely he’d throw up anyways.

He grabbed his phone to check the time, seeing that it was almost noon.  He also saw that he had over ten unread text messages, almost all of them from Max, spanning from a little after she initially ditched him at the party to just a few minutes ago.

[Mad Max 11/01 10:46 pm]

_Sorry I ran off.  Where r u?_

[Mad Max 11/01 11:05 pm]

_Seriously, Warren, where r u?_

[Mad Max 11/01 11:19 pm]

_Warren! I told you to stay put!_

[Mad Max 11/01 11:23 pm]

_Where’d you go?_

[Mad Max 11/01 11:48 pm]

_I’m seriously worried about you Warren!_

[Mad Max 11/01 11:59 pm]

_Are you alive?_

[Mad Max 12:13 am]

_Warren._

[Mad Max 12:33 am]

_Answer me, Warren._

[Mad Max 1:14 am]

_Are you dead, Warren?_

[Mad Max 8:26 am]

_Good morning, Warren.   I hope you survived.  Wanna get breakfast at 2 Whales? We’re leaving at 9 Xomaxo_

[Mad Max 10:02 am]

_Rachel doesn’t want her hash browns.  Should I bring them back for you?_

[Mad Max 10:21 am]

_I brought you back the hash browns.  Text me when you want me to bring them over._

His stomach rumbled.  Hash browns sounded amazing and like something he’d actually be able to handle.  He texted her back, apologizing for disappearing and asking if she could be over in 10 minutes.  He was in desperate need of a shower; he reeked of alcohol and sex.

His breath hitched in his throat as he began to remember.  The girl he’d been dancing with led him to a couch where they continued their face-sucking for some time.  She excused herself to go to the bathroom and promised she’d be right back.  He wondered if she intended to do so. Regardless, within minutes of her leaving he decided he needed some fresh air and exited out the back door, which is where he ran into a drunk and stoned Nathan Prescott.

It was still fuzzy, but he remembered still being very apprehensive of the other.  He remembered finding it odd that the booze-pot combo seemed to really mellow Nathan out.  He knew they talked, but he didn’t remember about what.  He remembered being pinned to the side of the building and being kissed and he remembered liking it very much, especially when one of Nathan’s hands went down his pants.  He vaguely remembered Victoria opening the back door and quickly going back inside when she realized what was going on.  Nathan suggested they take things to his room, and Warren accepted.

And now that he was sober, he realized that he might have fucked up royally.  He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid to sleep with Nathan fucking Prescott!  His first time having sex with a guy was _not_ supposed to go that way.  It wasn’t supposed to be with a guy who despised him.  His only hope would be that Nathan would be too ashamed to bring up the incident to anyone and that Victoria would be a good friend and not tell a soul what she saw. He certainly knew he wasn’t going to tell anybody, not even Max.

Speaking of which, she texted him back saying she’d be there when he asked and he hadn’t even moved yet.  He grabbed his shower caddy and left his room to head to the showers.  He wasn’t surprised to see that the hall was empty and very quiet.  It normally was the day after parties since most of the people on his floor were hungover.  It was very strange to him to actually be one of those people.

When he got to the showers, he was surprised that someone was inside.  Most weekends when he came to shower at that time, he’d be alone, and it was part of why he’d take early afternoon showers on Saturdays.  It didn’t really matter, as it didn’t change anything as he didn’t have the energy or the need to whack it in the shower.  He quickly showered and changed into clean clothes that didn’t smell like a bar.

His heart stopped as he saw who had been taking a shower a few stalls down.  Of course it had to be Nathan, because everything had to be complicated because Warren was apparently far stupider than he ever thought he could be.  He had to pretend like nothing happened, like nothing was weird, as he walked over to the sink to brush his teeth (because his breath smelt like death).  He tried his best to keep his eyes forward, but couldn’t help but steal glances at Nathan every once in a while.

It was unfathomable what had drawn the two together the night before, as he’d never even considered Nathan to be someone he’d potentially go after even in his wildest dreams.  He could admit that if he knew nothing of Nathan’s reputation he’d think he was cute, handsome even.  If they’d met in difference circumstances, like if Warren had been affluent instead of only being able to attend Blackwell because he got a full scholarship or if at least he wasn’t such an obvious nerd, they could have possibly been friends.

They weren’t exactly enemies, not the past couple of weeks at least.  The beginning of the previous month Max had a prime opportunity to be a complete asshole to Victoria, and when she didn’t she got a second chance.  When the duo realized that they somehow got along great, the entirety of the Vortex Club backed off some of Max’s friends as well.  They didn’t go out of their way to be friendly to him, but being ignored was still an improvement.

Being ignored was exactly what he hoped would happen during his and Nathan’s shared bathroom visit.  If anything was going to revert them back to their original relationship, it sure would be this.  Frankly, he just didn’t have the energy to deal with that with his hangover and he didn’t want to deal with it at all. It was rather nice to not be bullied by anyone for once in his life.

When the Gods smiled at Warren and Nathan left the bathroom without a word, the boy began to wonder if the other even remembered their night together.  He was pretty sure Nathan had been more fucked up than he was, and even for him most of the night was fuzzy.  The only reason he was sure something had happened was because he woke up completely naked and with a few love bites here and there, none of which on his neck luckily.

His face flushed at the strange thought of receiving such a thing from Nathan, especially with what he assumed had happened based on the location of a few of them.  There was one on his shoulder, more of a literal bite than a love bite.  Another few littered his chest.  There was also one right above where his pubes begin, and then another on his very inner thigh.  He felt it was a very safe assumption that Nathan had gone down on him, unless he was just a huge tease.

He wished he remembered the encounter.  He regretted that it happened, wished it never had, and was certain it would be the end of his short-lived peaceful high school social life.  Still, there was no denying it happened and there was nothing he could do about it so at the very least he wished he could remember what exactly they did.  After all, it was his first sexual experience with a guy.  It should have at least been somewhat special instead of a complete blackout mistake.

When he walked back to his room and still nothing eventful had happened, he let out a sigh of relief.  He was starting to believe that Nathan really didn’t remember what had happened and was so grateful for that.  That meant as long as Victoria didn’t mention anything to Nathan about catching the two in a compromising position, he’d have nothing to really worry about.

Except it couldn’t be that simple.  No, of course it couldn’t.  As he sat on his bed to relax while he waited for Max to bring him those hash browns, he noticed a shirt on his bed that he hadn’t left there.  It technically shouldn’t have even been in his room, as he’d left it somewhere in Nathan’s.  Which meant that his one-night stand had been in his room and had at least some inkling of what happened and with who.  He mentally scolded himself for not wearing something else, something to blend in with the other people at the party.  No, he just had to wear his damned Schrödinger’s Cat shirt.

His phone beeped, and he quickly grabbed it, assuming it was a text from Max saying she was on her way.  It wasn’t, though.  It was from a number he didn’t recognize but could easily deduce who it was by the nature of the message.

[Unknown Number 12:13 pm]

_if u tlk yr ded_

And just like that, it seemed like he was on Nathan Prescott’s shit list.  Which meant he was likely going to once again be on all the Vortex Club member’s bad side.  Fan-fucking-tastic.  He laid back in his bed, the potential consequences of his actions flashing through his mind.  Of course, he wasn’t going to tell a soul; he’d never planned on it in the first place.  He prayed that someone else hadn’t somehow found out, that it was only them and Victoria that knew.  She would never blab to anyone, not when it could potentially hurt her best friend.

That didn’t mean that life as he knew it was going to end and go back to the shitty existence he had before.  He could hope that Nathan would treat him the same as he’d been treating him in order to avoid suspicion, but it was doubtful.  All because he made the stupid mistake of getting dragged to a Vortex Party and staying, even though he’d been ditched almost immediately.  He let out an aggravated sigh, wondering how he could be so smart and yet still so incredibly stupid.

-

 “Vic, I fucked up.”

Nathan was pacing around Victoria’s room, the door shut and locked as he was on the verge of a meltdown.  The hangover didn’t help the complex emotions going through him.  The fact that he already wasn’t completely stable wasn’t helpful, either.  The only one he could turn to in his hour of need was Victoria and only Victoria.  Not any other of his friends, nor his sister, or even his therapist could know what happened.  After all, Victoria was the only one who knew he was gay.

He knew, logically, that at least some of the other people he knew wouldn’t care.  His sister, Rachel, Hayden, probably even Taylor and Courtney would give zero fucks about Nathan liking guys.  Hell, it was likely that some of them had figured it out.  Victoria had known long before he told her during one of his breakdowns; she had tried to pretend she was surprised, but he could easily see through it.  It scared the crap out of him.  No one could _ever_ know he was like that.

If word got out to his father…  He didn’t even want to think about what a nightmare his already shitty life would become.   As a Prescott, the one that would be taking over the family businesses and money when the time came, it was important that he maintain a certain image.  It was especially important to his father and he knew the last thing his father would like was a gay son, or a “fag” as he remembered being called as a child one time he made the mistake of saying another boy was cute.

He’d done fairly well up until that point of hiding his actual sexual orientation.  He didn’t date, but he made sure to make it look like he was attracted to girls.  He made crude comments like the other boys and had a stash of Playboy’s not all that well hidden in his room.  When he was high or drunk or whatever and looking for a score, which was pretty much at every single party, he always made sure it was a woman.  He’d never done anything with a guy before and he’d planned on staying that way for the rest of his life.

But then everything got fucked up.  He was tempted to slip at the party and he ran outside after murmuring to Victoria that he needed some air and that he needed to be alone.  The cool November air would help; he was sure of it.  And then Graham showed up.  Of all the people in the world, of all the males at Blackwell, it just _had_ to be him.

He loathed the fact that he had the hots for that nerd.  There was something so mesmerizing about him, how he was who he wanted to be regardless of what other’s thought, how much he cared about his friends even to the point where he would take a punch for them.  It didn’t help that Warren had gym class right before Nathan did and he’d catch the other changing in the locker room.  His light pudge was downright adorable and he had a surprising amount of arm and leg muscle for one so nerdy.

It was only going to be worse.  Now that he knew what was hiding in Warren’s boxers, what it felt like to be penetrated, the sounds Warren made while being pleasured…  It made the wanting even worse.  He didn’t know how he was going to handle being inebriated in the privacy of his bedroom knowing Warren was down the hall.  After all, if he enjoyed being with Warren while they were both wasted, how wonderful would it be if they were sober enough to really get into what they were doing?  He could never allow himself to do those things.

Nathan sat down beside Victoria on her bed and laid his head on her shoulder.  She responded by putting her arms around him and giving a gentle squeeze.  In a small way, she felt guilty but she didn’t know what she could have done the night before.  She wasn’t going out alone to check on Nathan, so it was all she could do to push her followers back inside before they saw what was going on.  She told them he was messing around with some girl she didn’t recognize, and that was enough to get the party goers to avoid that area.  They knew better than to intervene when one of their pack leaders was trying to score.

When she finally managed to go back out without a posse going after her, Nathan and Warren were long gone and she knew it was too late.  Even if they hadn’t of had sex yet, there was no way she’d have been able to stop them.  Not without informing whoever was in the boy’s dorm at the time of what was happening.  So, she kept her mouth shut and her phone on so he’d be able to reach her whenever he woke up the next day.

“What the fuck am I gonna do if people find out about this shit?  My father will literally kill me if he hears about this…”

Victoria really wanted to punch Sean Prescott in the face.  If it weren’t for him, Nathan wouldn’t be freaking out and sobbing in her arms at that moment.  Actually, Nathan would likely be a lot more mentally stable overall, but that was beside the point.  She doubted that Nathan would have been open to the world about his feelings, but he’d at least be out to their group.  Plus, as strange as it felt admitting it, she liked the idea of Nathan and Warren being together.  She didn’t know much about the geeky boy, but she’d heard enough about him to know that he’d never hurt her best friend.

“I don’t think Graham would tell anyone about this.”  She wasn’t lying to make him feel better; she was dead serious.  If the fear of the gay label wasn’t enough to deter him from telling people, she was certain he knew the Vortex Club would.   “I could personally go and make sure he keeps his mouth shut.”

Nathan actually cracked a smile, happy he had someone like her in his life.  “I already texted him telling him not to say shit.”  He was quiet a moment before sighing as he placed his elbows on his thighs and cradled his head in his hands.  “How can I be such a fucking dumbass?”

Victoria looked at him apologetically.  “We didn’t know Max was actually going to bring him.  You couldn’t've prepared for this.”

“I’m the fucktard that actually started it…”

“You can’t help who you like, Nate.”  She gently rubbed his back over his multiple shirts.  “It’s shitty, but that’s just how it is.”

Unexpectedly, he sobbed again.  “What the fuck is wrong with me?  Why am I like this?  Why can’t I just want to fuck girls like every other guy?”

“Don’t say that!”  The concern was evident in her voice.  She hated seeing him in his self-depreciating moods.  “Being gay isn’t a choice, Nathan.  It doesn’t make you a bad person.  It’s the people who tell you that are the ones that have something wrong with them.”

“I can’t fuck up like this again.”

Victoria’s heart went out to him.  She loathed seeing what this did to him and wanted so badly for him to live in a world where he wasn’t treated like shit by his parents and he would be allowed to be out and date just like every other high school kid.

“I have to stop using and drinking.”  He really didn’t want to.  Often times, being drunk or on some sort of drug was the only thing that made him feel good.  It was so different from the drugs he’d been legally prescribed.  Sometimes, they made him feel numb.  Most of the time, though, he just completely and utterly resented the fact that he had to take them.  In his mind, it was just another thing to prove that he was crazy.

If he was thinking clearly he’d know he was romanticizing the illegal drugs.  Having sex with nerd boy wasn’t the first mistake he’d made while under the influence of something.  There had been many times he took things to try to take the pain away, to give him the brief happiness he so desired, only for it to backfire in some God-awful way.  Sometimes they would trigger an even worse meltdown than he’d have had without the drugs.  A few times, they inspired hallucinations that would even give nightmares to the most fucked up horror movie directors.  Still, none of them had the potential to damage him as much as being boned by another guy.

Victoria remained silent, wondering if Nathan was actually going to get sober this time.  He’d said such things before after some particularly bad trips, but things would always go back to normal by the next party.  This situation was in a whole other league of its own, though.  Nothing made Nathan feel more shame than the fact that he was gay.  Victoria knew that all too well, for some of his worst breakdowns had to do with that exact thing.

Finally, she looked at Nathan in the eyes and said, “If that’s what you want to do, then I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”


	2. I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo so like I know I was like, “Hey I’m going to probably only be able to post like once a week” but like I also said, this story is technically finished and just needs some revision. But I’ve been working on this since (according to what it says on my document info) July 31st (so like for 3 1/2 months… this thing is my baby) so I’m like super fucking excited to edit this and share it with the world. Plus midterms are done for me so my homework load is MUCH MUCH lighter so. Yeah.  
> Ah and also I realized I think I forgot to put a warning about child abuse in the first chapter. It’s going to be mentioned a LOT but it’s only actually fleshed out in one scene…. Unless I change something. Or maybe two scenes. IDK but there will be a warning just so you know.  
> Speaking of warnings, there is homophobia in this chapter. Internalized homophobia. Just warning y’all. It’s not that bad I don’t think because like it was painful for me to write (I identify as pansexual, and I had a lot of internalized panphobia/biphobia so it kinda hit home).  
> Shit this is a long fucking intro. Anyways. The fucking comments made my day. I’m sorry if I sound awkward af replying to them but that’s because I’m awkward af irl haha. ANYWAYS! Enjoy and please review/comment/whatever.

Warren was surprised with the ease at which normal life had resumed after the incident.  He supposed it made sense; people would be less likely to suspect anything had happened if Nathan went back to treating the nerd like he didn’t exist.  In a way, he was grateful.  He didn’t want the wrath of the entirety of the Vortex Club.  Not again.  Being a nerd had always made him an easy target for the popular kids for as long as he could remember so he never took them ignoring him for granted.  It was lovely that things were resuming the way they had been.

The only actual difference was that every once in a while, he’d notice Victoria examining him quizzically.  It was as if she were trying to understand why he and Nathan had hooked up.  He couldn’t blame her because he didn’t understand how it happened himself.  For as long as Warren had known him, Nathan was a complete ass to him.  When the Vortex Club backed off the nerd, Nathan treated him like he didn’t even exist.  It seemed as if Nathan despised him, honestly.  It made matters all the more confusing.

It was made even worse by the fact that there was absolutely no one Warren could talk to about what had happened.  He supposed he could've told Max, that even though she was nosy she was still able to keep a secret.  He didn’t want her to know, though.  He figured it would ruin whatever chances he had with her.  When she asked him where he’d run off to that night, he lied and said he ran off to puke and then headed to his dorm to feel like shit in solitude.

Warren didn’t know about Max’s rewind powers; no one did.  As such, he couldn’t have known that she used them.  He didn’t know that originally she’d pestered him until he broke down and told her what happened.  He’d been curious as to her lack of usual inquisitiveness or why she’d spent the past two weeks routinely checking up on him but he suspected it had to do with how bad she felt for abandoning him at the party.  There was no way he could've known the truth.  Based on the fact that he was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack when Max decided to rewind, she’d deduced that was a truth he wasn’t ready to handle.

It wasn’t the only truth about the situation that Warren wasn’t ready to deal with.  He couldn’t admit to himself that a small part of him wanted to see Nathan again. Whenever the thought randomly entered his mind, he hated it.  He would try to push it off as him being intrigued because it was the only time he’d ever had sex with a guy.  He was extremely curious as to how their experience went as he could only remember little bits and pieces of it.  He would never admit that he’d spent quite a bit of time fantasizing about what had happened.

He considered going after a girl, any girl really, to try to take his mind off of it.  But that wasn’t Warren, which might have been part of the problem in the first place.  He didn’t enjoy hooking up.  He didn’t enjoy the physical as much without any sort of emotional connection.  Plus, there was only one girl he was interested in and there was no way he was going to mess that up to try to get over some guy.  It wasn’t like he liked Nathan and needed to get over him or something; there was no way that he was _that_ stupid.  He just liked what they’d done.  Or at least, he liked what little he could remember them doing.

Or maybe he was stupid.  Several times he considered knocking on Nathan’s door to try to fuck again.  He’d rationalize it as being out of curiosity.  Or for science.  Or because sometimes he felt robbed that he couldn’t really remember what might have been the greatest mistake of his life.  He’d gotten to the point where he wasn’t bummed that the moment wasn’t anything special because there was no point in lamenting over that anymore.  He’d have at least liked to remember it was he was sure porn and his fantasies would never do actually having sex with a man justice.

Other than in the hall between classes, Warren hadn’t seen Nathan since the incident.  He assumed it was because Nathan was trying his damnedest to avoid him.  He would never have suspected the truth, that no one had really seen Nathan during the following few weeks after the party.  Giving up drugs and alcohol was rough so he spent the majority of his time locked up in his room.

Other than classes, going to the bathroom, hitting the showers, and the occasional trip to Victoria’s room, Nathan was always in his room.  As long as he was there, he’d be far away from the things that tempted him.  Which was why he was currently holed up in his room, laying on his bed, thinking about life.

Some of his friends were concerned, far more concerned than Nathan thought they would be.  Since only Victoria actually knew why he was quitting drinking and illegal drugs cold turkey, it left many of the people he frequently spent time with worried.  They assumed something horrible must of happened, that he almost died from overdosing or something.  Most of the Vortex Club members didn’t really care, though.  He was still funding their own drug and alcohol habits as well as the Vortex Club parties, even if he wasn’t partaking or showing up to such things.

What confused Nathan was when some of them started making it a routine to go see him.  He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Victoria took it upon herself to bring him dinner every night and make sure he took his medication.  He didn’t question whether or not she actually cared about him and loved him because she was always there.

But then Hayden started bringing him breakfast and stopped smoking in his room across the hall.  Rachel began texting him every morning to see how he was doing.  If he was having an especially shitty day, she’d make sure to stop by his room to see him.  Courtney and Taylor, two people he assumed only give a shit about him because of their friendship with Victoria, alternated bringing him lunch.  Sometimes one or both would stay and eat with him.  Even Zach and Logan would check up on him from time to time.  It was bewildering that they cared, that they were actually concerned for Nathan’s well-being.  He assumed they’d all scatter when they found out he was trying to get sober. He never dreamt he’d be met with support.

The intensity of the detox wasn’t the only reason he’d exiled himself to his room.  There was also no real temptation there.  Not like if he headed out to the town.  Even parts of the school left him wanting drugs when he’d get whiffs of weed.  The only good thing about Warren being so close was that he didn’t have to worry about the smell of pot wafting from his room.

Nathan supposed there was another benefit of getting clean: his body was too busy panicking about not getting its fixes that he didn’t have much time to long for Warren.  It was hard to check him out in the locker room when his head was pounding and his hands were trembling.  It was hard to wonder what the other was doing when it was taking literally all of his effort to not get in his truck and drive to Frank’s RV.  He didn’t even notice Warren in the hall between classes because the bright florescent lights were torture.  Still, he adjusted the time he showered in order to make sure the two’s paths didn’t cross.

When he got moments of reprieve when he was alone with nothing but his thoughts, he couldn’t help but worry about what was going to happen.  The days were getting easier and the brunette was beginning to randomly cross his mind.  It was only a few times at first.  As the withdrawals started wearing off, it became more frequent.  How bad was it going to be when his cravings were just a distant memory?  When they were infrequent and not on his mind a majority of the time?  Were his thoughts of Warren just going to get worse?

He wished he didn’t remember what happened.  He wished he’d been blackout drunk and that he just woke up the next day having no idea how that Schrödinger’s cat shirt ended up under his bed.  He could have chalked it up to some weird laundry fuck up or something.  He could have convinced himself that he’d gone to bed with some random slut who did the walk of shame before he woke up.

It wasn’t the mere fact that he slept with Warren that bothered him.  It was the fact that he enjoyed it.  It was the fact that it felt so right, that it was so very unlike when he’d been with women.  He used to be able to just say it felt wrong because he didn’t love or for the most part even like the girls he fucked.  Or he could blame his disinterest on the drugs.  Or the alcohol.  Not that he was gay.  He was Nathan mother-fucking Prescott.  There was _no way_ that he was gay.

However, it was kind of difficult to deny that when he learned for a fact that he really enjoyed having a cock in his mouth.

He grumbled as he adjusted himself on the bed.  He did _not_ need to be remembering that.  That was just something he was going to have to repress until he forgot it had ever happened.  He doubted that was possible, though.  There were far worse things that had happened to him that he’d never been able to repress.  Plus, he knew he actually rather liked his memory of his one-night-stand with Warren, even if he hated that very fact.  Despite all the contrary information he got from Victoria and as much as he wanted to believe her, he felt in his gut that being gay was despicable.  Awful.  Just one more thing that was wrong with him that needed to be fixed.

There was a knock on the door before the person let themselves in.  He didn’t even have to ask who it was or why they were there.   He knew it was Victoria.  She was there to bring him dinner to make sure that he ate.  She was also there to make sure he took his meds.  He knew she would sit and talk with him at least until he did both of those things.

Victoria greeted him, gave him a small smile, and sat down on the side of his bed.  She had a bag of takeout in hand.   She grabbed a tub of soup from it and set it on his bedside table with a spoon.  Next, the plopped a Styrofoam container next to it and tossed a pair of chopsticks and some napkins on top of it.  She then grabbed her own food and began to eat, telling him about her day in between bites.

“I have to do some stupid ass presentation with that slut Juliet in my lit class next week.  As if it wasn’t bad enough that hoe got to Zach before me, but getting paired with her on any sort of writing project is a fucking nightmare.  She thinks she’s God’s gift to journalism or something.  So why aren’t you eating?”

Nathan quietly exhaled and averted his eyes from Victoria’s gaze.   “I’m not hungry.”  It wasn’t really a lie.  He didn’t feel all that hungry and he certainly didn’t feel like eating.  There was just so much inner turmoil in his chest, stomach, his whole damn body really.  It left him feeling rather disinterested in food.

Victoria examined his face.  “Either you’re lying or you’re taking those diet pills again.”  An alarmed look crossed her face.  “You better not be taking those again, Nathan!  I’m not afraid to flush every single pill down the toilet again.”

He shuddered at the memory of her finding those pills the previous semester.  They’d been drinking wine in his room and were both fairly tipsy and giggly.  She stumbled upon the pills.  A screaming match ensued.  She grabbed the pills and ran to the bathroom.  He followed after her, yelling at her to bring him back the damn pills and then he watched her flush them down the crapper.  He was absolutely livid and swore that he’d never talk to her again. His silent treatment lasted a total of two hours.  He loved Victoria too much to kick her out of his life.  She was the only person he could really trust and he often felt she was the only person who really loved him.

“I’m not taking those pills, Victoria.  I haven’t bought any more since you flushed ‘em.”  He didn’t have the energy to argue with her, so he sat up and opened the contents of the soup container.  He was delighted to see miso soup inside.  It wasn’t filling but it was certainly tasty.

“What’s wrong then?” she persisted.  “Is it the cravings?”

He shook his head as he sipped at the soup.  He didn’t want to get into it, but he had a feeling Victoria wasn’t going to provide him with any other choice.

She examined his face as she put another piece of sushi in her mouth.  Her brows furrowed as if she could figure out what his problem was just by looking at him.  After she swallowed, she said, “Does this have to do with the boy down the hall?”

Sometimes, he would swear she was a mind reader.  It was only his mind she seemed to be able to read, though.  He didn’t understand how she seemed to be the only one who saw him so clearly.  Perhaps it was obvious and she was the only one who cared enough to look.  When he began to fidget, she knew she hit the nail on the head.

 “I’m sure if you tried to go after him, he wouldn’t tell anybody if you told him not to.”

Nathan almost spat out his soup.  He was used to her being blunt but not about _that._ He certainly wasn’t expecting her to encourage him to go after Warren.  She’d never done so before.  Hell, she’d never encouraged him to pursue _anyone_ before.  Even if he was openly gay, he’d never go after Warren.

“I know nothing about him.”  Nathan’s crush on Warren wasn’t based on anything more than an infatuation with the boy’s hard yet soft body and their drunken encounter at the party. Other than that, he knew very little about the other boy.  He just knew that Warren was friends with Max, he was obsessed with science, was a huge nerd, had an extensive movie collection that might rival his own, and apparently Warren knew how to keep his damn mouth shut.  It was enough to spark an interest but not enough to risk everything over.

“Well, I’ve learned a lot of shit about him and I think he’d be really good for you.”  Since the incident, Victoria had been making sure to find out more about the nerdy boy.  It was easy considering she’d become friends with Max.  She could tell that her sudden interest in Warren made Max more than a little uncomfortable but she still gave Victoria the information she wanted.  “Max said he’s very kind and reliable.  A real ‘White Knight’.  Those are hard to come by these days.”  A mischievous smirk crossed her lips as she added, “I would consider going after him myself if he was my type.”

Nathan actually laughed at that remark, a nice hearty chuckle that warmed his chest.  His face returned to seriousness as he said, “I can’t be with a dude ever again, Vic. If word got out that I’m a fag-“

“Don’t use that fucking word, Nathan!” Victoria snapped.  “Not when you’re talking about yourself at least.”  She didn’t want to push the issue too much but she was wondering if she needed to.  She’d seen so much improvement in him in so many areas in the years they’d known each other.  His self-hatred over his sexuality was one area where nothing was getting better.

“I’ll call myself whatever-the-fuck I damn well please.”

Victoria repeated what she always said when he started getting down on himself about his sexuality.  “Being gay isn’t bad and it doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“Tell that to EVERYONE else!”

“Nathan, we don’t need to care what the common folk thinks.  And as for your father, you’ve said so yourself a million times; he’s an asshole.”

“An asshole that can make my shitty life so much worse if he found out…”

Victoria sighed.  Oh, how she despised Sean Prescott.  She hated him with a passion that was made worse by the fact that there wasn’t anything she could do to protect her best friend from him.  If it were just a dumb bully at school, she knew she’d have no issue getting them out of the picture or at least making them shut up.  If almost anyone else hurt Nathan, she had people to deal with them if she didn’t handle the situation personally.  However, Mr. Prescott was someone she couldn’t touch.  It was a real shame for she’d never wanted to put someone in their place so badly in her life.

“That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, Nate.”  She scooted closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder affectionately.  “You know I and a lot of other people would still care about you if you dated a guy, right?”

Nathan cocked an eyebrow at her, silently challenging her as he set his now empty soup container down.  It was astounding to him that she loved him even though she knew his many flaws.  It was impossible for him to imagine anyone else could feel the same way about him.

“If people didn’t care about you, our friends wouldn’t be showing up to your room every day to support you giving up drugs and alcohol.  I bet Warren would care, too, if he knew what was going on.”

“Warren’s afraid of me, Victoria.”  He’d made sure of that a long time ago.  He knew it was a cliché, but it was the only way he could think of to keep Warren away.  He didn’t need to learn more about the other, especially since it had already been tempting with him being down the hall.  Sneaking into each other’s rooms would be so incredibly easy due to that fact. Yet, he couldn’t risk what would happen if people found out.

“Maybe he used to be but I don’t think he is anymore.”

Nathan was silent, deciding instead to focus on the food she’d brought him in the Styrofoam container.  He didn’t want to talk about the issue anymore and really couldn’t.  He was becoming very overwhelmed and could feel his anger rising.  He absolutely didn’t want to end up snapping at Victoria.  He knew what a supreme asshole he could be once he’d crossed a line and he never wanted to go there with her; not again, at least.

Victoria knew that and so she let the conversation drop for the moment.  She made a mental note to bring it up again at a later time.  One way or another she was going to get him to stop being so homophobic towards himself.


	3. But Julie knows a party at some actor's west side loft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the warnings should be badly written sexual tension. At least, I think it’s bad. Or at least it’s awkward. It’s not my fault, y’all. I’ve been with the same person for almost a fucking decade so idr what early sexual tension feels like. Now that I think about it, I believe it was awkward. So maybe this isn’t so bad after all haha.  
> I kinda wanna try to get the whole story out in not that long amount of time but I’m afraid of burning myself out. Which is good for no one. Cuz then it’ll be like, “Yeah I posted 6 chapters in 2 weeks but then it took be 2+ weeks to post the next one.” Writer problems. The line between stoking the fire and burning out is too thin, y’all.  
> So anyways. The kind words and the kudos mean a lot. I always enjoy reading feedback. And as always, please enjoy the chapter.

It was very cloudy that Thanksgiving and there was a chill in the air.  Even the dorms were freezing since the heat was hardly ever coming on.  Nathan was fine in his dorm room, though.  His space heater was on.  He wore a multitude of layers, as usual.  He was nice and toasty.  Even if he was freezing, he’d still be happy.  He managed to convince his parents that he didn’t need to go home for Thanksgiving.  Spending the majority of a week alone in his dorm would normally bother him but it was immensely better than being around his father.

Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to be spending actual Thanksgiving alone.  When she found out he wasn’t going home for the holiday, Rachel insisted that he go with her to Chloe’s house for the day.  She couldn’t stand the idea of him being alone on Thanksgiving of all days.

Warren didn’t go home for the holidays either.  Though his parents resided on the outskirts of Arcadia Bay, they were working pretty much all of Thanksgiving Day so there was no point in him heading home yet.  Though he could cook, there was no way he’d be able to handle a full Thanksgiving meal by himself.  Instead, he’d be celebrating that holiday with his family on Sunday when his parents weren’t working.  He didn’t mind because Max was still in town.  She, too, was invited to the feast at Chloe’s and she asked if she could bring Warren along.

Max didn’t know Nathan had also been invited.  Chloe and Rachel didn’t mention I because they didn’t know there was a potential issue.  They didn’t know what happened at the Vortex Club’s Dia De Los Muertos party.  Max panicked when she found out, which didn’t happen to be until Chloe and Rachel showed up to pick them up.  Initially, Max panicked, but then rewound because neither of them needed to know something had happened.  Especially Chloe.

Max didn’t know what to do.  She couldn’t warn Warren over text because then he’d know that she knew something.  She couldn’t figure out a reason to text him literally two minutes before she went to get him without sounding suspicious.  Besides, it wasn’t only good for her that he didn’t know.  It also was also good for him because he didn’t seem ready to tell people.  Warren had told her before, rather nonchalantly, that he was bisexual after she told him that she identified that same way.  That wasn’t the same as admitting he had a one-night stand with a guy, with Nathan Prescott of all people.

Max couldn’t help but notice that both Warren and Nathan looked like they were going to vomit when they realized that they were going to be spending the day together.  It was almost as if you could see the cogs in Nathan’s brain turning as he tried to figure out a decent and reasonable excuse to get out of going.  The best he could do was insist that he take his own car to the Madsen/Price house, probably so he could ensure that he could make a speedy getaway later when he came up with a reason to leave.

Warren was apparently just as anxious as Nathan was.  Not too long after they got to the house, Joyce announced that she was going to start preparing the turkey and the stuffing.  Warren volunteered to help and practically bolted to the kitchen, Max not far behind him.  Chloe seized the moment of her mom leaving the room to nonchalantly head upstairs and away from her step-father and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade that was playing on the television.  Rachel followed, dragging Nathan along with her.            

Nathan was happy to have created even more distance between himself and Warren.  That was, until he realized part of why Chloe wanted to get away from her mom and step-dad was to smoke some pot, or “medicate” as she called it.  He didn’t know if he could handle being around it, especially with it being all the more tempting due to his nerves going haywire over the nerd downstairs.  Though he was taking his anxiety meds, they could only do so much.  A few hits of pot would really take the edge off.

“I won’t be able to handle a whole day with step-ass without my meds,” Chloe said as if she had to explain why she’d bounded upstairs at the first opportunity.  The scowl on her face showed just how irritated and already done with the day she was and it wasn’t even noon yet.  She grabbed her lighter from her desk before plopping down on her bed.

Rachel took her usual seat beside her, taking the joint from Chloe before it even had a chance to be lit.  “Nathan doesn’t wanna be around this shit, Chloe.”  The mentioned boy physically relaxed, happy that at least someone was still there to look out for him when Victoria was gone.

Initially, Chloe looked annoyed, though only at the fact that her precious medicine was out of her hands.  Then she looked confused, her eyes flickering between Rachel and Nathan.  She felt as if there was some joke she wasn’t being let in on.  It was an odd concept to her to think of Nathan Prescott as someone who didn’t want to be around drugs, much less weed.  At the parties, she’d seen him try a ton of crazy shit.  She couldn’t think of a drug she’d heard about that she personally hadn’t seen him try at least once at the parties.  Yet, he didn’t want to be around weed?  It _had_ to be a joke.

Rachel sighed and shook her head, deciding to repeat what she’d already told Chloe weeks before.  “I told you Nathan gave up all that shit weeks ago.”

Chloe cocked and eyebrow at her.  “You did?”

Rachel nodded.  “Remember?  It was the day after that party Max dragged Warren to.  The one where we did body shots offa Dana with Trevor.”

Chloe grinned, remembering that mentioned moment fondly.  “That was a good party…”  She stared off for a moment.  Then her expression changed to one of complete seriousness as she looked at Nathan.  “Wait, woah.  You’re actually still clean?  After almost four weeks?  You musta hella fucked up at that party, dude.  What happened?”

Nathan’s body was once again tense.  There was no way in hell he’d let Chloe know what happened.  He didn’t even want Rachel knowing.  No one could know.  It was bad enough Victoria, the person he trusted more than anyone, had found out.  But no one else was ever going to know.  At least, not as long as he could help it.

His first instinct was to snap at her but he fought the urge.  He’d been working so much on his anger with the help of Victoria and the therapist he’d been sneaking off to see (one that wasn’t paid off by his father to agree with whatever Sean Prescott said) and he didn’t want to be a jackass to the person who saved him from spending Thanksgiving alone in his dorm room.

“It was just some dumb shit,” he mumbled, eyes averting both of theirs and looking out the window.  “It was no big deal, really.”  He felt his panic rising and he knew he needed to do something, anything, to change the subject.  “Don’t worry about it.  Just light it up and let me take a hit.”  It wasn’t like marijuana was one of his vices, anyway.  It wasn’t like it was booze.  Or coke.

Chloe didn’t need to be told twice.  Rachel only briefly glared at him in protest, mostly because she knew Victoria would be livid when she found out (and she somehow would find out).  Nathan knew, if nothing but for that reason alone, he’d end up regretting his decision to smoke.  He didn’t really care.  Anything was better than being found out, even by people he was pretty sure wouldn’t give a shit.

-

Nathan was grateful that he was stoned a little while later.  He somehow ended up alone with Warren in Chloe’s room.  Something about Joyce demanding Chloe, Rachel, and Max help make appetizers because Chloe’s two friends were over often enough that they were basically family.  Warren and Nathan didn’t have to help because they were considered guests.  If Nathan weren’t high, he’d be freaking out over being in such close proximity to the nerd, even though they were practically on opposite sides of the room.

Warren was fiddling with Chloe’s practically ancient TV.  He was trying to set up an old school Nintendo David had pulled from the garage when Warren said he’d never played one before.  If it hadn’t been for that exciting distraction, he too would likely be nervous.  Maybe even terrified.  Seeing the cartridge for the Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt combination and a working original NES was enough to override his apprehensions.

The nerd's eyes finally lit up when he turned the contraption on, then frowned when the screen flashed orange.  His brows furrowed as he turned the device off.  He didn’t know how to fix the almost ancient machinery.  He took the cartridge out and checked to see if there was anything lodged in it.

“You blow it.  I mean the cartridge.  You blow the cartridge.”

Warren turned to look behind him, seeing Nathan on the edge of the bed.  He was surprised he was even acknowledged by the guy he’d had a one-night-stand with.  It was the first time that day, or even since the incident, that Nathan had said any words to him.  His heart pounded for a multitude of reasons.  Partially because he’d expected Nathan do continue to ignore him for the whole evening, or maybe even for the rest of their lives honestly.  He was also afraid of what could happen and what sadistic degree of bullying someone could do that had seen him naked and all hot and bothered.

“You blow in the cartridge?” Warren repeated what had been said to him as if it were a question.  He knew nothing of the old technology and it sounded like some weird joke he wasn’t understanding.  It couldn’t have been, though.  Nathan was always a lot more direct when he was being a dick.

Nathan groaned as he got off the bed and sat on the floor next to Warren.  As he grabbed the cartridge, their fingers touched briefly and Nathan was thankful he was too stoned to be affected by it.  Warren’s breath hitched slightly, so slight that it might not have been noticed if Nathan hadn’t been checking for some sort of reaction.  As he took the cartridge and blew into it, hopeful that he was getting whatever speck of dust that wasn’t allowing the game to work out of there, he wondered if Warren was remembering their night together.

Of course, he didn’t know that Warren couldn’t remember.  But he also didn’t know how Warren would often try to reconstruct how that night could have gone in his mind.  It was a lot more often than Warren would like to admit.  It was hard not to think about it since they were alone in a bedroom and likely would be for a while. 

Warren seemed to be watching him intensely.  He was stoned enough to admit that he was enjoying it. He was liking knowing that he had an effect on the boy who had such an effect on him. Their close physical proximity was almost more intoxicating than the pot, which he was already starting to regret.  It loosened him up just enough to allow his thoughts to flow freely but he wasn’t gone enough to overlook the consequences.

He couldn’t help but focus on how close they were.  Their knees touching, shoulders brushing against one another every so often, faces really only a few inches apart.  He couldn’t help but notice how cute the light blush on Warren’s cheeks was and he wondered if it was from the two being so close or from the snuggly warm temperature of the house.  He mentally cursed at himself for smoking to shut Chloe up when the reason he gave up such things was to prevent something like that from happening again.

A flush rose to his own cheeks as his gaze met Warren’s. He bit his lip as a vivid memory of what happened the last time their faces were that close entered his mind.  Warren was on top of him, inside of him.   Even though Warren was wasted he was still oh so very gentle.  He remembered thinking in his crossfaded hazed that nothing had ever felt so good, so right, so fucking amazing in his life.  It hadn’t even occurred to either of them how complicated and fucked up what they were doing was going to make things.  All Nathan could think about was how wonderful it felt.  It made literally every single other sexual encounter he’d ever had pale in comparison.  He wanted the night to last forever.  He stupidly hoped that in the morning things could continue or at least something would happen.

However, that might as well have been a dream.  When he woke up and remembered what had happened it was enough to send him into a full fledged panic attack.  He was grateful that Warren had already snuck off and wasn’t there to witness it.  Yet a small part of him, a part of him that he’d tried and failed to destroy so many times, wished he hadn’t woken up alone.

His thoughts were interrupted as Warren grabbed the game from his hand.  He could have sworn Warren was beginning to lean in and Nathan was having none of that.  Maybe it was his imagination or wishful thinking.  Regardless, he pulled back sharply and turned his gaze towards the TV.

“Aren’t you going to see if it’ll work now?”  He hoped Warren wouldn’t comment on how his voice broke halfway through the sentence.  He cleared his throat to try to prevent it from happening again.  From the corner of his eye, it looked as if Warren were momentarily confused or maybe disappointed but it appeared as if the other was going to comment on his cracking voice nor the obvious partial in his tight pants.

Warren’s eyes lit up once again as the game actually worked that time.  He went to the Super Mario Bros. game screen and his eyes widened.  He was excited to get to play one of the most iconic games in history on its original console.  Nathan made a motion like he was about to get up and go back to where he’d been sitting.  Warren stopped him, grabbing at the hem of his jacket.

“Don’t you wanna play?”  Warren’s voice sounded innocent, like a child asking someone they admired to come play with them.  There was no way Nathan could deny him such a simple pleasure.  Plus, there was nothing better for him to do until the others returned.  Nothing he was willing and able to do at least.  There was also something so endearing about playing a game that was actually near and dear to his heart (because he had many memories of playing it with Kristine) with the guy that he had a crush on.

Nathan couldn’t let it be known that he wanted to play and actually wanted to spend time with Warren.  So he grumbled, “ _Fine_ , but I’m playing Mario,” in the most exasperated voice he could muster as he grabbed the controller from Warren.

-

It was late into the evening when Nathan decided to head back to the dorms.  Other than his moment of weakness, the evening had been rather pleasant.  He and Warren were pretty far into Super Mario Bros. when the girls summoned them from the bedroom with the prospect of food. The hours between then and dinner were extremely laid back, with video games, board games, YouTube videos, and lots of giggling between the five teenagers.  Even including the moments that Nathan had been tempted to jump Warren’s bones, it was still a far nicer day than it would have been had he spent it with his parents.  Hell, even if he had fucked Warren on Chloe’s bedroom floor, it _still_ would have been a better day than one he’d spend at the Prescott Estate with his father home.  Even if his father didn’t hit him.

One of the major drawbacks of spending the day at the Madsen/Price house was something he hadn’t anticipated: he discovered that he liked spending time with Warren.  Though his jokes were lame and his puns awful, there was just something so calming about his presence.  He was so laid back and didn’t care too much about what people thought about him, his interests, his plans for the future.  It was so different from everything Nathan typically associated with.  To top it off, it seemed as if he really was helpful and kind as Nathan always thought but never had gotten close enough to confirm.

Getting to know Warren wasn’t helping him in the least bit. It just made him want to know more, made him want to spend time with him and he hated it.  He hated feeling that way about a boy, especially one that he knew he had sexual chemistry with. If it weren’t for that he’d just chalk it up as wanting to be friends for he’d still be able to be in denial about the fact that he was gay.

Despite all of his apprehension, he ended up driving Warren back to the dorms with him.  Alone.  It only made sense, as Max and Rachel were staying at Chloe’s house and the two boys were literally heading to the same building.  It also would've aroused more suspicion if he flat out refused to let Warren go with him, especially since it was obvious over the course of the day that the two were on good terms.  The drive started out okay enough, with Warren prattling on about planning a Christmas Movie Marathon and that Nathan should totally go to it and it would be so great!

About halfway to the school, Warren’s disposition changed to one that was far more serious.  At a stop sign, he reached over and gently touched Nathan’s shoulder, causing their eyes to meet.  Nathan could sense what was plaguing Warren’s mind and he silently pleaded for the topic to not be brought up.

“Are we ever gonna talk about what happened at that party?”

Well, so much for that thought.  Nathan tensed, his shoulder locking up under Warren’s touch.  Their eyes remained locked as Nathan somehow calmly said, “No, we’re not.”  His eyes went back to the road and he continued driving to the school.  He hoped that would be the end of it but, unfortunately, it wasn’t.

“I guess I should rephrase that.  We’re _going_ to talk about it.”

“Whatthefuckever…”  Nathan tried to play aloof like he didn’t care in the least bit.  Internally, he was screaming.  His heart was pounding so fast and loud he could hear it and wouldn’t have been surprised if Warren heard it as well.  For a moment he considered pulling over, leaving Warren on the side of the road, and then driving away.  He didn’t want to deal with whatever aftermath that would bring.  It would also kind of kill his act of indifference. Instead, he drove slightly faster, wanting to get to the school as soon as possible.  Then he could book it into the safety of his dorm room and hide.

“I don’t really remember what happened that night.  I mean, I have a pretty good idea of what happened…”  Warren paused, trying to give Nathan a chance to respond.  Maybe fill in some blanks.  His face felt so warm that he was sure if he looked in the rearview mirror he’d see that his face resembled a tomato.  He felt uncomfortable verbalizing that something had happened but he felt that it was important.  After the great day they’d had, he wanted to be sure what it actually meant.  Was it just a lapse in judgment and nothing more?  Or did it mean something else?  When he realized Nathan wasn’t going to say anything, he decided to speak again.  “I remember that you made the first move.”

“Woah…  no,” Nathan finally spoke, the usual anger in his voice that Warren had been used to hearing in days past.  “ _You_ threw yourself at me like a little slut.”

Warren didn’t understand why Nathan was so angry.  He’d assumed after they slept together that Nathan had one-night-stands with a lot of guys.  He assumed that Nathan would just laugh at him and tell him to not think anything of it.  That it would never happen again, that it was merely the result of Warren being by his side when Nathan was in the mood to be fucked.  He didn’t expect Nathan to throw those kinds of words at him.  He also didn’t expect for the words to hurt. There was something about hearing them after a day of bonding that left him feeling wounded.

“I distinctly remember you pushing me up against a wall.  Even if I did come on to you first, I know for a fact you invited me to your bedroom.”

“What-the-hell do you know?  You were drunk as fuck!” Nathan was so happy he was pulling into his parking spot at the school, about to make the speedy getaway he’d been planning since the conversation started.  His hand was on the handle of his door when Warren spoke again.

“I know you liked having me inside of you.”  Warren didn’t want Nathan to go so he blurted something out to keep him there.  If it was nothing, he needed to know.  If it could happen again, he wanted to know.  He suspected that what he said might make Nathan angry, but not as angry as it actually made him.

Nathan turned around to face him, looking as if he’d like nothing more than to push Warren out of the car and run him over a few times.  He roughly grabbed the collar of Warren’s shirt, pulling him closer before screaming, “I said you were drunk as FUCK.  You came on to _me_ and I didn’t fucking let you do _that_ and-“

“I just want to talk about it, Nathan.”  Warren was extremely calm, far too calm for someone in his position.

“I don’t want to fucking talk about it!  _Nothing_ happened.  Nothing could have happened!”

“Nathan,” Warren cooed.  “Why are you getting so upset?  It’s not like I did something wrong.  I didn’t tell anyone.  You told me not to, so I didn’t.  I just wanna talk about what happened.”

Nathan loosened his grip, hating the fact that the boy he was threatening sounded like he genuinely cared.  He also noted how Warren seemed unafraid and unaffected. Maybe Victoria had been right all along and the nerdy boy would be good for him.  If Warren was a girl, he’d be all over her in that moment, even though he didn’t like girls like that.

Nathan’s angry expression changed to one of shame.  “I can’t like that.  I can’t _be_ like that…”  He released Warren, feeling another one of his breakdowns coming on.  He placed his elbows on the steering wheel and cradled his head in his hands, trying to prevent the meltdown from happening.  It was bad enough that Victoria, Rachel, and Hayden had seen him like that, but Warren?  He just couldn’t let that happen.

“Go…” Nathan commanded, trying to maintain a sound of control in his voice but instead sounding broken and fragile.  He hated how much it soothed him when Warren pulled him into his arms.  He despised how quickly the rhythmic sound he heard when his ear was pressed to Warren’s chest slowed his own racing heart.  He knew he should pull away from Warren’s touch, from the comforting feeling of a hand stroking his hair and face and the comforting murmurs he was hearing.  He couldn’t.  Warren was far better at comforting him than any drug he’d ever taken.  As he leaned up and pressed his lips against the other’s, he also noted that Warren was far more addictive.

The kiss was gentle, very unlike the sloppy, drunk kisses they’d shared weeks ago.  The kiss was sweet and left him feeling safe.  Yet, much like all those other kisses, it left him wanting more.  They kissed again and again, their slow and tender kisses gradually increasing in speed and hunger.  Soon Nathan’s lips left Warren’s and started trailing up his jaw and down his neck.

“Nathan,” Warren mumbled.  He mentally cursed himself for the growing issue in his jeans.  He needed to think with his brain before things got too out of hand.  After all, they still needed to talk.  “Nathan,” he repeated with a little more force.  His response was a few nibbles on his neck and he knew he was just going to be ignored.  He grabbed Nathan’s face and for them to make eye contact.  His heart was starting to race.  He wanted to let things progress.  It felt good, amazing even.  He knew he needed to think a lot more logically than that.  “We need to talk about things before we let this happen again.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”  Well, there was, but Nathan sure didn’t want to discuss it.  He rubbed against the bulge in Warren’s pants.  Warren tensed in response and bit his lip to prevent the gasp that had threatened to escape.  Nathan hoped it would be enough of a distraction to let them keep going.

Warren was persistent.  He grabbed Nathan’s hand and pulled it off him with a frustrated sigh.  Again, he told Nathan that they needed to talk about what happened.  That there was no way they were going to progress if they didn’t.

Nathan glared at him as he pulled away.  He got out of the car in an irritated huff, again insisting that there was _nothing_ to talk about.  Of course he actually knew there was, but talking about it was just going to make matters worse.  It would make the mistake more real.  It would force him to think about what they’d been doing in the car and where things were surely headed.  Then the bad feelings would set in. The guilt.  The shame.  The anger.  It was better if they didn’t talk, if he didn’t even think.

Warren followed behind Nathan as he stomped towards the dorm room.  They were both happy the campus was empty.  No one was there to see the scene that was unfolding.  No one could hear the pair yelling back and forth, Nathan continuing to claim that there was nothing to talk about while Warren maintained that there was.

“Nathan!” Warren called after him.  He groaned in aggravation.  With the few things Nathan had told him in the car, he was beginning to understand what the problem might have been. However, it just made him feel even more like they needed to talk.  He was going to try a different tactic, being honest in a different way.  “I’d really like to get to know you better…”

Nathan stopped in his tracks.  In a way, he was touched by what Warren said. It was sweet in a rather cheesy sort of way.  He knew the other boy was sincere.  He also felt like the other wouldn’t feel that way once he got to know him.  He was extremely hard to handle.  There were a lot of things wrong with him.  Even if there wasn’t, they couldn’t be anything.  Even if Nathan stuffed down the feelings of shame, having to hide from his father would prevent them from being anything more than fuckbuddies.  Nathan didn’t want to have that discussion out in the open.

 “…If you wanna talk, you gotta follow me to my room.”


	4. Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they'll be gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all. I’m fucking trash. I was like, “I need to get this chapter out on Sunday because it’s Warren’s Birthday!” Because I celebrate fictional characters’ birthdays. I don’t even celebrate my own birthday and haven’t since I was 16 but whatever. Happy Birthday, Warren Graham-cracker. But really, I HAD to get this out for his birthday because what better birthday present than the gift of getting him laid?  
> So yeah that means there’s smut in this chapter. Idk if any of y’all dislike smut but it’s at the end so like if you don’t like you can just read the beginning part and just skip the end. But I did tag this as eventual smut so I’m guessing if you’re reading you at the very least don’t mind sex scenes. I don’t know where I was going with this ramble.  
> Also another warning. I’m pretty sure the next chapter’s going to be short as hell. Compared to every other chapter I’ve published so far, at least. It might not be when I’ve finished hardcore editing it but there’s a good chance it’s still gonna be pretty short.  
> But uh... yeah enjoy. Comment/review/whatever and I hope you like it.

Warren plopped down on Nathan’s couch the moment he was let into the room.  He took in the sight of the room for the first time while being completely sober.  It was strange how clean and organized it was.  It almost looked like it wasn’t lived in if it weren’t for the few personal touches here and there.  He immediately noticed the projector and his eyes lit up as he thought about the prospect of watching movies on that thing.  It would be amazing.  Even Netflix and chilling with that thing would be awesome, except it would be too awesome and they’d probably never get to the “and chill” part.  He also noticed the bondage-esque photos and felt a blush creep up his cheeks as he wondered if Nathan was actually into that sort of thing.

After Nathan closed the door and locked it, Warren gestured for him to sit beside him.  Nathan instead opted to sit on the edge of his bed.  He didn’t want to be that close to Warren, not when he expected the conversation to not go well at all.  He didn’t even understand why he was entertaining Warren by agreeing to have it.

He bit his lip and lowered his eyes to the ground.  He knew full well why he agreed to it.  There were so many reasons.  Like he was tired of denying himself what he wanted, especially since he knew he could get it from someone that would keep their mouth shut.  There were other reasons.  Warren intrigued him.  He was different and kind and not at all judgmental.  It was apparent that he even enjoyed the others company at least so some extent.  His stupid little crush he’d once had when he’d steal looks at the boy down the hall was beginning to progress into something more serious.  It started with the night of the incident and was only made worse by them spending almost the entire day together.  The feelings were so new and exciting and oh so very captivating and he just wanted to be able to relish them.

Except he couldn’t because Warren was a boy, which only confirmed that he was gay and therefore he was disgusting.  He could never allow himself such a revolting pleasure again.  It could ruin the Prescott name.  He had an empire to carry on and he couldn’t destroy it, couldn’t disappoint his family like that.  It was bad enough that all these other things were wrong with him.  Like that he was crazy.  Like he had to take a slew of pills just to appear somewhat normal.  For him to also be gay, though…

He remembered at a young age his father making it perfectly clear that him liking boys was possibly the worst thing he could ever do.  It was a memory he’d never forget.  He was about eleven when it happened.  He stupidly made an offhanded comment about another boy being attractive.  He didn’t understand that it wasn’t normal or that he’d done something wrong until the moment they got behind closed doors at home.  Up until that point in his life, his father had only hit him a few times and slapped him around a bit.  But that time, that was the first time he was actually beaten.  It was also the only time his father had thrown something at him: a majolica vase, which hit his stomach and shattered on impact.  It left a long, jagged scar that ran from his ribs down his belly that served as a constant reminder of what could happen if he ever entertained those feelings again.  As if he needed a reminder of the exact moment his life started its downward spiral

Or maybe he did.  If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have brought Warren into his room with the intention of trying to get in his pants again.

“We can’t be anything, so you need to stop trying.”  There was an edge to Nathan’s voice as he said it.

Warren looked up at him, his face scrunched in confusion as he said, “You brought me in here just to tell me that?”  He was quiet a moment as he examined Nathan, knowing that he must have been missing something.  He stood up, taking a few steps towards Nathan, and bent his knees so they’d be eye level while Nathan continued to sit on the bed.  He placed a hand on the other boy’s shoulder and felt a light tremble pulsing through Nathan’s body.  “Whoa, are you okay dude?

Nathan felt panicked and conflicted.  He wanted Warren to be near and stay near yet he knew that he absolutely shouldn’t want that.  He hated the feeling.  He hated the confusion.  He hated that his life had to be so damn complicated.  He wanted, oh so badly, just to pull Warren on top of him and collapse on the bed.  They could cuddle and talk and then let it naturally progress to more things.  An incident that wasn’t clouded by drugs or alcohol, only lust.  Yet, what Nathan wanted more than anything, was to be just be loved.  Hopefully by his father.

The older he got, the more he doubted that was something he’d ever get.

Warren sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him, pulling Nathan in.  His other hand went to gently caress Nathan’s face.  Nathan hadn’t even noticed he was crying until Warren wiped a few tears away.  He allowed himself to rest his head on Warren’s shoulder.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care about you.”  Warren didn’t understand what was going on.  Why was Nathan having so upset?  It had seemed like the pair had a good day.  It seemed like they were getting closer and how could that be a bad thing?  He could easily understand why Nathan would want him to keep his mouth shut about them; it could murder their reputations but maybe there was more to it.  Warren’s parents had always been understanding of Warren’s sexuality but maybe Nathan’s parents weren’t.  It wasn’t an uncommon problem for non-straights to have.  He didn’t know, though.  He just knew that he hated that Nathan was upset.

“You don’t care about me!” Nathan snapped, forcefully pulling out of Warren’s embrace.  “No one fuckin’ does!”  He stomped a few feet away before pacing around the room as he continued to ramble.  “There’s so much shit wrong with me.  I’m fucking crazy…  I fuck up all the time!  And then I try to fix it and just fuck things up even worse!”

“Nathan, don’t think like that…”

Nathan stopped his pacing momentarily as he turned to Warren and said, “Why? It’s the God-damned truth!”  He fidgeted, his fingers tapping against his legs.  “People who aren’t crazy don’t need to be pumped up full of meds just to get through the day!  People who aren’t crazy don’t need drugs or booze to feel happy!  People who aren’t crazy don’t want the things that I want!”

“Nathan,” Warren said once again, this time gently as if he said the word too harshly it would shatter.  “Being different doesn’t make you crazy.”

Nathan stopped pacing once again, his hands still twitching and trembling.  “Then why do I feel like I’m losing my mind?”

Warren couldn’t stand it.  The tone of Nathan’s voice, the words he was using, the body language; it was obvious Nathan was hurting and felt alone.  Though Warren didn’t understand what Nathan was going through, he still wanted to help.  Even if Nathan refused to tell him what was going on, Warren could at least do his best to make Nathan not feel like he was alone in the world.

He hesitantly got up from the bed and pulled Nathan into a tight embrace, one hand on the other’s head and the other on his back.  Nathan sobbed into his shoulder for the second time that night.  Again, Nathan hated himself for loving the feeling of being in Warren’s arms.  He couldn’t help it; he just felt so safe.  After all, if even Victoria thought Warren was a good person, then he must be amazing.

However, was he amazing enough to risk everything for?  It wasn’t everything, really.  It just felt like everything.  It wasn’t like he wanted to take over the Prescott Empire.  It was just something that had gotten showed off on him when Kristine had been practically disowned by the family.  She was originally supposed to take over the family business but a year into college she switched her major to Social Work and the responsibility got thrust onto Nathan’s shoulders.  It was never what he wanted.  He didn’t know what he wanted for his future, but having it planned for him certainly wasn’t it.

As Nathan’s sobs subsided, he removed his head from Warren’s shoulder and was met with the realization of how close their faces were.  He _knew_ very well what he wanted in that moment.  It had kept randomly crossing his mind in the weeks since it last happened. He had rather pleasant dreams about it. With them alone in his room, the door already locked, they had the perfect set-up for it. Besides, it wasn’t like he wasn’t already a disappointment to his father.

He felt his heart pounding in his chest as their lips connected one again.  The bad thoughts started to melt away, the thoughts about how he shouldn’t want it and it made him repulsive.  Instead, his mind was focused on what was so right about it.  His pulse was racing in a good way.  It made him happy even without any drugs or alcohol in his system.  He’d always assumed he didn’t really like kissing and thought of it as something that impeded what he really wanted.  He could no longer think that as he explored Warren’s mouth with his own.  He almost groaned as Warren pulled away, their noses still lightly touching but their lips too far apart.

“You’re avoiding talking again,” Warren stated.

Nathan gave him a look of desperation, trying to convey with his eyes what he was sure he’d never be able to vocalize to Warren.  “Can we just…  not talk please?”  There was an imploring lilt in his voice.  He wanted to keep going, to progress the passion before his troublesome thoughts had a chance to take over once again.  He wanted to feel the connection without the numbing effects of tequila and pot and whatever else he'd put in his system that night.  He wanted to wake up with Warren beside him in the morning, maybe go out to breakfast or something.  By then, though, he knew he’d be in the midst of another panic attack.  But that was an issue for tomorrow.

Warren was at a loss for words.  He hadn’t anticipated the possibility of them going to bed together when they found out they’d be spending the day together.  He expected Nathan to completely ignore him or to be a dick to him.  He also wanted to know if it was going to actually lead to something or if that was even a possibility.  He wondered if Nathan even cared about him or if it was just to pass the time. Considering he’d seen Nathan cry twice in the past hour, he was beginning to think it was the former rather than the later.

“Fine, but you’re not getting out of talking about it tomorrow.”  It went against Warren’s better judgment.  The logical part of his brain knew that it was entirely possible that he’d regret giving in when he woke up the next morning.  That wasn’t the part of him that was currently in control, though.  The part of him that was in control was the part that constantly wondered what drunk him had experienced with Nathan.  It was the same part of him that had contemplated going down the hall to try and find out.

Which was why he couldn’t resist.  He didn’t need to go down the hall and the wondering was just making him shiver in anticipation.  Nathan was standing right in front of him, fully willing, and Warren couldn’t resist the offer.   Though he was smart and finally a legal adult, he was still a horny, hormonal teenager.  Besides, with the way Nathan was intensely looking up at him, his eyes darkening with anticipation, how could Warren deny him?

Warren wrapped one arm around Nathan to pull him closer, the other hand being using to tilt Nathan’s chin up.  As it had earlier, the kiss started out gentle.  Soft.  Tender, even as Warren sucked Nathan’s bottom lip into his mouth.  It was after Warren took a few steps back towards the bed, pulling Nathan on top of him, that things changed.  The kiss became eager.  Teeth clicking.  Lip biting.  Warren tried to steady his breathing, to slow himself down.  He was getting into it far too quickly.  Maybe it was because he knew where it was headed.  Maybe it was the fact Nathan was just a really good kisser.  Warren would have been embarrassed at the ease of which the problem in his pants returned if he didn’t feel evidence of Nathan’s arousal pressed against his hip.

Nathan tried to move more quickly than he normally would.  Partially because he was afraid Warren would otherwise change his mind and demand for a talk he wasn’t ready to have.  Partially it was because of his own excitement.  He’d been denying himself what he wanted for so long, forcing himself to instead try to satisfy those cravings with random girls he’d meet at parties.  It never worked and it had been worse since his first experience with Warren.  Now his time with women just left him wanting more.

So he couldn’t really blame himself when he hurriedly tried to rid Warren of his clothes.  As soon as Warren’s shirts were off, Nathan’s hands roamed.  He didn’t understand why he loved Warren’s chubby little stomach so much.  He loved it even more as his hands roamed the mostly smooth skin over it.  The only place it wasn’t soft and smooth was bellow Warren’s navel, where thick, coarse hair covered it and lead down to something that Nathan was sure would make him feel fucking amazing by the end of the night.

Nathan complied as Warren removed his jacket.  And his cardigan.  When it was only a thin, white t-shirt that was left covering his stomach and, more specifically, the hideous scar that plagued it was when Nathan protested.  Warren didn’t understand.  He was certain that Nathan had nothing to be self-conscious about.  But he didn’t know and Nathan wasn’t going to tell him.

Before Warren could press the issue further, Nathan rolled his hips against his.  He hoped the delicious friction was enough of an incentive to drop the subject.  When Warren grabbed the collar of Nathan’s shirt and pulled him down into a rough kiss, Nathan knew the subject wasn’t going to be discussed further.  It was almost too much for him. Their hips grinding together.  Warren fucking his mouth with his tongue.  Nathan felt dizzy.  Intoxicated.  All the sensations were amazing.

And then they got better.

Warren flipped Nathan onto his back and before he knew it, his whole lower body was exposed.  Shoes off.  Slacks off.  Grey briefs off.  His breathing became labored as Warren knelt before him on the floor and pulled Nathan to the edge of the bed.  Warren stared at the newly exposed hardness between Nathan’s legs.  It was intimidating.  He’d never gone down on a guy before.  He knew vaguely what he needed to do based on what he liked himself as well as things he’s seen and read.  It seemed easy enough, or at least it did when his face wasn’t inches away from a fully erect cock.

Nathan let out a content sigh as Warren took him into his mouth.  Nathan was once again surprised at how different being with a guy was, especially when it was something he’d had done to him loads of times before.  He hadn’t expected how much better it would feel, especially since it was obvious that Warren wasn’t experienced in that way.  Warren was tentative as he tried various things; running his tongue up the underside of the length, sucking on the tip.  Trying to deepthroat was a bad idea that made him almost vomit.  He was sloppy.  His movements were erratic.  Yet Nathan loved it and rewarded his efforts with groans of his name and gentle tugs on his hair.

Nathan looked down, watching his dick disappear and reappear from Warren’s mouth and hand and he settled into a rhythm.  What Warren lacked in skill he more than made up for with enthusiasm.  It was certainly a sexy thing to see, one Nathan hoped he’d always remember.  He tried his best to hold off on his release.  He wanted to relish in the sensations and take in the sights for as long as possible because in the back of his mind he knew what the morning held.  As he was about to warn the boy between his legs of his imminent release, he did just that.  He dissolved into pleasure, throwing his head back into his plush comforter as he let out a raspy moan.

Warren’s eyes widened as Nathan unexpectedly spurted down his throat.  He swallowed because it was already in his mouth so it just made sense to him.  He hadn’t expected it to taste the way it did, assuming for some reason it would taste like how a woman's juices did.  He removed the cock from his mouth after Nathan was fully finished.  He licked the remnants of the cum from his lips as he got back on the bed beside Nathan.

“I’m sorry, Warren…”  Nathan looked mortified.  He knew if the roles were flipped and Warren had unexpectedly finished in his mouth, he’d have been livid.  He’d have told Warren to get the fuck out of his room.  Yet another part of him couldn’t help but notice how incredibly hot he found it that Warren had swallowed.

Warren nuzzled his cheek, murmuring, “Don’t worry about it,” after Nathan once again apologized.  He laid a trail of kissed up Nathan’s jaw, stopping when he got to the ear.  He was hesitant for a moment, not sure if he should say what he was about to say.  “Did I… Did we…  Can I…”  His already red face darkened with embarrassment.  “Never mind.”

“Warren,” Nathan said flatly, “…considering I just jizzed in your mouth, you shouldn’t be fuckin' afraid to ask me shit.”

“Can I… uh...”  Warren mentally cursed how awkward he was. Nathan was right; he shouldn’t be afraid to ask him, especially since they’d already fucked before.

Nathan rolled his eyes, his typical cockiness returning as Warren became flustered before him.  He walked over to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer, grabbing a condom and a bottle of lube from inside.  He placed them in Warren’s hand, trying to expedite what he was certain was going to happen, before sitting back down.  He kissed the other deeply while he freed Warren from his jeans and Spiderman boxers.  He lazily stroked the newly exposed cock.

“Go for it.”

Warren nodded before laying Nathan down on the bed and propping his hips up with a pillow.  He went slow, using a considerable amount of lube, as he inserted one finger into Nathan’s entrance.  Nathan was relaxed and so the first finger slid in with ease.  Still, Warren gently fingered him quite a bit before relubing and adding a second digit.  He was afraid of rushing and hurting Nathan.  He had no memory of preparing Nathan before and had only a vague idea of what he was doing.

Nathan’s breath hitched as Warren slid a third finger inside of him.  Warren paused, mistaking it as a sign of pain before Nathan grumbled at him to keep going.  It felt wonderful, especially when Warren experimentally curled his fingers and ran them along Nathan’s prostate.  Nathan grew impatient with Warren’s overly cautious prepping, squirming as he tried to get Warren’s fingers out of him and just get to what he’d wanted all along, dammit!

He huffed, grabbing the condom from the bedside table where Warren had placed it, and carefully sliding it onto Warren's cock.  As Warren fully slid out of his jeans and boxers, Nathan made a motion to turn back over so he’d be on all fours.  Warren stopped him, returning Nathan onto his back with his hips propped up.  Nathan stared up at Warren in confusion.

“I…  I want to see your face… and stuff…”  Warren hated how awkward he sounded, especially considering what they were about to do.  For fucks sake, he needed to sound confident.  In control.

Nathan didn’t understand why Warren would want to be up close and personal while they fucked.  “I think you can get deeper if I flip over.  I mean, I’ve never been in your position but I think that’s how it works.  I figured you’d like that.”

Warren pushed Nathan’s hips up to where they needed to be before climbing over to kiss him.  “I’d rather be able to do that.”  He was an uncharacteristic warmth fill Nathan’s eyes before he averted his gaze and nodded in response.  Warren leaned back for a moment, applying lube to his latex-covered cock and some more to Nathan’s entrance.  He leaned back in for a kiss as he entered Nathan, almost painfully slow, moaning into the other’s mouth as he did so.

Warren stopped after he was fully inside of Nathan.  He was certain he was supposed to give Nathan a moment to adjust because fingers would never do a cock justice.  At least, Warren didn’t think so.  It was difficult for him to resist moving.  Nathan was tight, delectably so, and it took every bit of restraint not to immediately start pounding into him.

“Are you okay?” Warren breathed, his forehead pressed against Nathan’s.

Nathan looked up at him intensely.  “Yes.  Keep going.”

As Warren began a steady rhythm, Nathan couldn’t help but feel emotional.  It was weird as it wasn’t something he typically felt while having sex.  He was used to sex as being merely a means to an end, something just to get his orgasm before moving on with his life.  The girls he’d been with were always well aware and were using him for the same reason.  He’d had the inkling it was the same sort of thing when he and Warren had been drunk and had sex weeks before.  Going into their current encounter, he assumed it would be the same thing.

It seemed like that wasn’t the case.  Not with the constant kisses from Warren.  Not with the way Warren tenderly ran his fingers through his hair.  Not with the way Warren caressed every inch of exposed skin he could get his hands on.  Not with the way Warren moved his hips to make sure that Nathan was enjoying every thrust just as much as he was.  Not with the intense gaze he kept seeing in Warren’s eyes.  It was very different from the sex Nathan had prior, where both he and the whatever girl it was could easily change each other out and get the same effect. No, the sex he was having was very different and it was terrifying.

But it also felt amazing.  He always craved the sort of contact and longed for the kind of connection that Warren was giving him.  He was too into it to focus on the worries that would surely plague him in the morning.  Like how he wanted Warren all to himself, or at least for Warren to only share that part of himself with Nathan.  To try to obtain that, he roughly raked his nails down Warren’s back, hard enough to make sure that there would be marks.  He also bit down onto Warren’s shoulder, being sure to leave another mark there.

Since Warren’s mouth was no longer being occupied, he began murmuring into Nathan’s ear, “Oh fuck you feel _so_ good, oh my GOD, you’re so tight, holy shit, you feel so damn good around my dick…” and suddenly Nathan was all too aware of the fact that he was hard again.  Huh.  Nathan hadn’t expected dirty talk to have such an effect on him, but whatever.  He grabbed Warren’s hand and led it up and down his erection.  Between that, the dirty whisperings in his ear, and the steady rhythm of Warren hitting his sweet spot, he didn’t last very long.  He was soon moaning Warren’s name as he spilled onto the shirt he’d refused to take off.

There was no time to be irritated by his soiled shirt as unexpected emotions followed Nathan’s second orgasm.  He didn’t understand his urge to hold Warren close, to whisper sweet words into his ear as they fell asleep. He wanted Warren to actually stay with him in his bed for the night, something he’d only tolerated -never actually wanting it- a few times before.  He gingerly placed a hand on Warren’s face, guiding their lips back together.  With his other hand, he tried to pull Warren as close as he physically could be and for a moment he was angry at himself for keeping his damn shirt on.  He craved skin-on-skin contact and he didn’t know why.

Warren finished soon after, emitting a guttural groan into Nathan’s mouth as he did so.  He no longer felt foolish spending those weeks randomly wanting to go down the hall to have his way with Nathan since he’d discovered that sex with Nathan Prescott was fantastic.  It was something that he hoped would happen again, maybe eventually turn into something more.  He stopped himself from allowing that train of thought to continue.  Like Nathan would want him for anything more than a fuckbuddy. 

Still, a boy could hope.

Warren silently rolled off Nathan, carefully removing the condom and tying it off to avoid spills.  His chest heaved as his heart rate began to calm down and there was a sheen of sweat across most of his body.  As cold air hit his belly he was suddenly very aware of the fact that Nathan’s jizz had been smeared all over it.  He pretended it didn’t bother him and it probably wouldn't have had it not been so cold in the dorm.

He looked to his side, taking in the novel site of post-coitus Nathan Prescott.  It was strange to see his typically perfectly groomed hair disheveled.  His face and neck had a lovely pink tint to them.  His lips were light red and moist.  The thought entered Warren’s mind that Nathan looked gorgeous but he pushed the idea away, not wanting to dwell on such things.

Warren grabbed a few tissues from a box near the bed to clean off his tummy before throwing that and the used condom in the trash.  He then laid back down by Nathan, on his side, kissing the other’s neck and cheek. He put an arm around the other, making sure to avoid the cum on Nathan’s shirt as he did so, and pulled him closer.

“That was amazing,” Warren whispered, smiling.

Nathan’s cheeks darkened as the realization of the ramifications of his actions threatened to seep into his mind.  He didn’t want that to happen.  He wanted to enjoy the afterglow, enjoy the company of someone that could have been perfect for him had one of them been born female.  He bit his lip, chewing nervously as the bad thoughts kept coming.  He couldn’t even live in denial long enough to enjoy some after-sex cuddling.

“What’s wrong?”  Of course Warren noticed something was amiss and cared enough to ask.  Because Warren was perfect, too fucking perfect, and it made everything so much harder.  “Did I do something wrong?”

Nathan pulled away, getting off the bed and heading to his small closet as he grumbled that everything was fine.  He hoped Warren would accept the obvious lie.  He grabbed a button-up flannel pajama top and matching bottoms.  He stared at them a little too long as he tried to figure out how to change without Warren seeing anything.  Soon Warren was up and standing beside him.  He just couldn’t let it be easy.

“You know you can talk to me, right?  I really care about you and not just because we had sex.”  Of course Warren did.  Because he was amazing.  And perfect.  And why did he have to be born with a fucking penis?

“Whatthefuckever…”  Nathan grabbed one of his looser sets of pajamas and handed them to Warren.  “Just change into these and go to bed.”

Warren looked at the clothing and contemplated standing his ground, not sure if he should drop the subject or press the issue.  He could always bring it back up in the morning.  The chances of them having a decent conversation so late in the night would be small, anyways.  He sighed and put the clothes on before sliding under the covers on Nathan’s bed.

Nathan made sure his back was to Warren, changing his dirty shirt as quickly as possible and then slid the matching bottoms on.  He wished he could have been happy that Warren dropped the subject but his worries were already back and had worsened.  He felt sick for wanting Warren in his bed.  He hated that his views of Warren were changing and that he was seeing him less and less as some nerd who just happened to be really cute and more like an actual person who was really sweet and considerate and a very giving lover that was only certain to get better in time.

He turned off the light and laid beside Warren under the covers.  He almost protested as the other laid an arm around him and pulled the two close once again.  Warren chastely kissed his cheek and whispered, “Good night” before falling into a deep sleep almost instantly.  Nathan soon followed, the sound of Warren’s soft breaths in his ear lulling him to sleep.


	5. When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, y’all. I can’t stop playing the new Pokémon game. It’s taken over my life. It’s taken over my life. Well, that and this story. I need to be working on essays and the fucking story I wrote for my fiction writing class but… this and Pokémon are more fun. I’ll get those done later. It’ll be more stressful than it needs to be but I’m a procrastinator. I’ve theorized that I low-key enjoy that pressure of putting my homework off until the last minute. This ramble has nothing to do with the story.  
> Shit this story is getting so long with the hardcore editing I’ve been doing. My original draft was 85k words. I wonder how long this will be when I’ve finished editing every single chapter… I feel like it’s going to hit the 100k mark by the end.  
> BUT WARNING Y’ALL! Intrusive thoughts ahead. It’s a bit depressing. At least, I thought it was. It made me sad to write it. My poor sweet sad Nathan. He just needs love and therapy and the right medication. Don’t worry, my bipolar cinnamon roll. You will be happy soon. Eventually. I mean, it’ll get worse before then, but there will be a Happy! Nathan in this story… I just got really excited for happy Nathan. Guess I gotta keep editing to get there.  
> Anyways! The reviews mean a lot to me, they really do! And as always, please enjoy and review/comment/whatever!

Though he would never admit it out loud, Nathan really liked waking up to being the little spoon.  There was just something about waking up with a pair of arms wrapped around him that made him feel so protected and cozy, especially when those arms belonged to Warren.  Warren, who had yet to cross him or give him any reason to doubt him, who he was getting rather smitten with even though he knew he shouldn’t be.  It scared him.  It wasn’t the kind of fear he was used to, though.  It wasn’t like when he had panic attacks or when he got summoned to his father’s office at home.  It was more akin to when he watched a scary movie in the sense that even though it sometimes terrified him he actually kind of liked it.

Of course, that wasn’t to say it didn’t terrify him in the other ways.  Though that was no fault of Warren, but the feelings could very well lead to him being summoned into his father’s office, which very well could give him a panic attack in and of itself.  But he wasn’t going to think about that.  No, he was going to cuddle further into Warren and just enjoy the feeling of safety.  He was going to try to, at least.  The fact that he felt so safe bothered him.  There wasn’t any real reason to feel that way in Warren’s arms.  It was probably Victoria’s “White Knight” bull shit getting into his head.  Or maybe it was the fact that Warren could have completely destroyed him and didn’t.  Warren could have used the information to blackmail him, gotten him to do pretty much anything, gotten chunks of the Prescott fortune.  Yet Warren didn’t and maybe that was why Nathan already trusted him.

Nathan laid there a while, he didn’t know how long, before he finally decided to check what time it was.  He carefully stretched to reach his phone without disturbing the sleeping boy beside him.  It was a little past nine, which meant it was time for him to take his anxiety medication.  However, that required him getting out of bed and that was something he didn’t want.  He was afraid that as soon as he got out of bed, it would all come crashing down.

It would become all too real and he wouldn’t be able to fend off his usual woes.  He’d start thinking about the consequences of his actions, how fucked everything would be if his father somehow found out what he’d done the night before.  As long as he laid in bed, in Warren’s arms, he was sure he could keep the bad thoughts away.  He could pretend that he wasn’t disgusted with himself for liking a guy and getting fucked by one.  He could just relish the feelings of enjoying cuddling with someone.  Plus, the surprising bit of muscle that was always hidden by Warren’s sleeves helped him feel so protected from both the world and his own mind.

Carefully, Nathan rolled onto his back to try to get comfortable.  He felt a smile grace his lips as he caught sight of the boy beside him.  Warren was absolutely adorable when he slept; he had the most peaceful look on his face.  Warren’s bangs were also framing his face in such a perfect way. If he wouldn’t have had to get out of bed to grab his camera, Nathan would've taken a picture to capture the moment.  It deserved better than his comparatively crappy cellphone camera.

Minutes later, a change in Warren’s breathing signaled that he was waking up.  Nathan quickly reached for his phone and began to mess with it.  There was no way he was going to let Warren know he’d been watching him sleep.  No fucking way.  It was important to Nathan that the other boy had no idea how much he actually liked him; Warren needed to be under the illusion that it was just sex and nothing more.  There was no way that the great Nathan Prescott liked a fucking nerd.  He just liked being fucked by the nerd.

At least, that’s what Nathan kept trying to convince himself.

Warren didn’t seem to get that memo.  A grin spread across his face after he saw that Nathan was still in bed with him.  He leaned over to kiss Nathan’s cheek before mumbling a drowsy “Good morning” and settling closer to the other form on the bed.  Nathan continued messing around on his phone, checking various social media apps and trying to be aloof to the boy next to him.  The lack of attention didn’t seem to damper Warren’s spirits.  He didn’t even seem to notice that he was being ignored.  He just assumed that Nathan was going about his usual morning routine and Warren was lucky enough to get to be a part of it.

“How’d you sleep?” Warren asked as he nuzzled Nathan’s cheek.

Nathan didn’t know whether to be annoyed that Warren didn’t get the hint that he didn’t want to be talked to or to be touched that Warren cared enough to try.  The few times he’d let girls sleep over, the mornings were always awkward as hell.  Half the time, no words would be exchanged, just the girl quickly grabbing her clothes and going.  Certainly, no pleasantries were exchanged.

“I slept okay.”   Which was wonderful for Nathan, really.  As a person who’d become used to waking up with nightmares induced by intrusive thoughts, sleeping okay was amazing.  Since the therapist he’d been sneaking off to see changed which anxiety medication he was taking, he’d been having a lot less anxious nights with the kind of dreams that would traumatize all but the most dedicated horror movie fans.

“I slept great,” Warren replied even though Nathan hadn’t asked him how he’d slept.  It was obvious, by his tone of voice and the way he snuggled closer, that he was genuinely happy with the mere fact that he woke up next to Nathan.  It also made it obvious that he had morning wood.

Nathan contemplated mentioning it, making some sort of crass joke.  He also thought about acting on it. After all, the night before he had every intention of initiating another encounter in the morning and Warren was already halfway there.  It would also prolong the amount of time he got to spend in bed and push their talk and his eventual freak out until later.  He set his phone back down and gave Warren a deep kiss, hoping it was obvious what he was trying to go for.  With the amount of vigor Warren kissed back with, he was certain he’d gotten the point across.

It wasn’t long until clothes were once again flown off in a flurry of passion and Warren was inside of Nathan again.  At least, it wasn’t that long when compared to how much time they’d gone at it the night before.  Nathan made sure to leave more marks on Warren, more scratches down his back and a love bite on the crook of his neck.  He wondered how the other guys in the locker room would react to it being so blatantly obvious that Warren had gotten laid over Thanksgiving break.  He also pondered if it was going to be their last time having sex of if he’d find a way to rationalize them doing it again and again.  He loathed himself for enjoying the feeling of being filled so much and knew later if was likely he’d fall into a pit of self-destruction but he couldn’t deny how amazing it felt in the moments that it happened.  For the time being, he wasn’t going to dwell on those thoughts.  Instead, he was going to enjoy all the sensations he was feeling.

If Nathan was being honest with himself, he’d admit it wasn’t purely the act of having sex that he was liking; he also loved a lot of the things that came with it.  He loved the feeling of Warren’s lips against his and his breath in his ear. He loved how Warren acted as if they couldn’t be close enough.  He loved the smell of sex mixing with Warren’s naturally pleasant scent.  He loved the wanton and warm looks in Warren’s eyes and the sounds he made when he was especially pleased.  Most of all, he loved how safe he felt even when being so very vulnerable.

Well, that and he loved how Warren was so affectionate even after the sex was done.

It was strange, as Nathan typically didn’t like being touched.  He kind of enjoyed it when it was Victoria, Kristine, or Rachel.  He could tolerate it when it was Hayden or his mother.  However, those things paled in comparison to the sparks he felt when Warren touched him.  Whether it was something sexual, like when Warren shoved his hand down his briefs, or if it was something sweet, like Warren tenderly running his hands through Nathan’s hair, it felt fantastic.

Nathan was delighted when the bad thoughts didn’t return during the afterglow.  He laid his head on Warren’s chest, their hands intertwined, and they just talked.  Much to Nathan’s relief, Warren didn’t bring up their relationship or if they even had one.  The first thing that was brought up was Nathan’s extensive movie collection and, for the most part, their conversation stayed light-hearted like that.  At some point, they talked about the colleges they’d applied to a few months prior but that was as serious as it got.  Nathan felt like they could have just laid on his bed and talked forever if it weren’t for the loud rumble in Warren’s stomach.  It reminded Nathan that he hadn’t eaten since the previous night and made him all-too-aware of the fact that he was starving.

“We could go to Two Whales?” Warren suggested before kissing Nathan’s forehead.  Nathan wrinkled his nose at the idea, thinking that it would probably be best that they not be seen in public alone together.  A lot of things could go wrong if that happened; his father could find out, if people at school saw it would look bad, or Warren could think it was a date or something and there was no way they were going on one of those.  He didn’t want to say any of those things and ruin the moment, though.  He wasn’t ready to bicker on an empty stomach and without his anxiety meds in his system.

“It’s almost noon on Black Friday.  The diner is probably packed.  We’d have to wait for-fucking-ever for food if we could even find a place to sit.”  It wasn’t a lie, technically, as he wouldn’t have gone to the diner even alone for that very reason.  There was no way he was going to wait an hour for some grub, even if it was delicious.  He was too damn hungry to wait that long.

Warren looked thoughtful for a moment before getting off the bed and putting his clothes from the day before back on.  He didn’t want to wait for food, either, so he left the dorm room saying that he’d be back.  While Warren was gone, Nathan took his pills, put his pajama bottoms back on, and spent some time editing a photo on his laptop.  He was hoping keeping his mind busy with photography stuff would be enough to push off the thoughts that were starting to seep into his mind.  He was surprised when Warren returned not too long later with a fat stack of pancakes.

Warren sat on Nathan’s black couch and set a plate of pancakes on the desk next to Nathan. He grabbed a disposable plate he’d also brought with him and started putting pancakes onto it as he spoke.  He apologized that they weren’t going to be as good at the ones from The Two Whales, or even as good as the ones he could make it he had more than box mix to work with.  But it was quick and easy and he hoped that Nathan would enjoy them anyways.  He stopped talking for a moment, a plate of pancakes in hand, as he realized that Nathan was staring at him with a peculiar look on his face.

“…What?”

 _You don’t deserve someone like this…_   “…Nothing.”  Nathan grabbed the plate Warren had made for him and set it down on his desk.  _You’re seriously going to eat breakfast with him?  Breakfast that he made you? That’s even gayer than when you got plowed by him last night…_   He looked down at the plate and realized that he was no longer hungry.  Food sounded disgusting and he felt like if he tried to eat there was a good chance he was just going to vomit.  “You should probably get out.”

Warren, who was about halfway through his own pancakes, stopped eating and looked up at Nathan questioningly.  “What..?  Do you not like pancakes?  I can make waffles.”

 _Even if you did pursue something with him, if your father didn’t fuck it up **you** would.  It’s amazing you haven’t already scared him off…_   “No, it’s…” Nathan didn’t know if Warren was actually irritating him or if it was purely the intrusive thoughts.  He fucking despised the thoughts.  They made him feel crazy, fucking insane, even though he knew logically it wasn’t his fault.  They happened sometimes when he was in a manic phase, at the height of them, and at least they signaled that soon he would be coming down.  It would be better if he didn’t have them at all but it seemed hopeless.  No pills seemed to work for him, for his bipolar disorder, and it was frustrating as all hell.  Warren needed to get out before it could get any worse.  He got out of his chair, grabbed Warren’s arm, and physically lead him out.

Warren stopped as he was in the doorframe, turning around in Nathan’s grip to face him.  “Did I do something wrong?

“This-“ Nathan gestured between himself, Warren, and the pancakes, “-can’t fucking happen.  You can’t make us breakfast.  We can’t just cuddle and talk.  We can’t fucking spoon all God damn night.”

The briefest glimpse of devastation crossed Warren’s face but Nathan caught it.  “I…  I thought you liked what we were doing.  I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you last night.  I’ll leave you alone.”

 _See?  You’ve already fucking hurt him.  Someone might actually care about you and the first thing you do is hurt them.  You chase them away!  This is why you’re alone…_   Nathan hated being alone, more than anything.  It felt like the only one he had was Victoria because she wouldn’t let him push her away.  Still, his thoughts had a point: if Nathan didn’t fuck things up with Warren, his father certainly would and it would hurt a lot worse if he did.

Still, Nathan really didn’t want it to end.  “Look, we can still fuck if you want but we can’t do any of this coupley shit.”  Or maybe they would and he’d just have to pretend he was doing it purely for Warren’s sake to rationalize it in his mind.  For fucks sake, why couldn’t Warren just be a girl and he just be straight?

_Yeah, because that would totally fix all your problems, right fag?_

Warren looked apprehensive for a moment before he murmured that he’d have to think about it and closed the door behind him.  Nathan was all alone with nothing but his thoughts.  He felt a panic rising in his chest and he fought the urge to go after the other boy.  Instead, he locked the door and grabbed his phone.  He needed to talk to someone, someone who wouldn’t judge him and maybe even give him some sound advice.  He dialed the number he knew by heart, his hands shaking as the phone rang.  He let out a sigh of relief when they answered on the second ring.

“Victoria, I fucked up really bad again…”


	6. I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s several reasons why this chapter took hella long to get out. At least when compared with the other chapters. The first being I’m a procrastinator and I spent all this time editing instead of doing my essays and planning for finals. The second being I realized I hated the first version of this chapter. So I edited most of it, realized I still didn’t like it, and scrapped it and rewrote it completely differently. Originally, this chapter was a Vortex Club party but it ruined the flow still plus there’s a ton of stuff I wanted to be added in earlier so yeah. Bye bye original Chapter 6 and hello new, improved Chapter 6.  
> It's also important to note that for the next few weeks, because I have finals and essays and what not, I’ll be slowing down on how often I update. Idr if I already mentioned it, but in case I didn’t, now y’all know.  
> Fun fucking fact: When I was originally writing this waaaaaaay back in August, I was going to have Warren and Nathan get together in this chapter. Then I thought, “No… Let’s make this a slow burn.” Does this count as a slow burn if they fuck several times before they actually get together? But yeah. It almost happened so early, in chapter 6. It won’t happen for a while though.  
> There’s at least 3 separate times I almost got them together. Probably more. I’ll make sure to make note of it each time it almost happened. I frustrated myself writing this. If it wasn’t for the smut, I’d probably have gone crazy as I kept pushing off Warren and Nathan having an actual relationship.  
> But uh yeah warning: smut ahead. Except it’s not very good smut. But it’s not supposed to be very good smut. You’ll see what I mean when you get there.  
> Anyways, as always my lovely readers, enjoy and review/comment/whatever!

It boggled Nathan’s mind that his mother insisted that they go out for breakfast the Saturday before finals week.  He’d have no choice but return to the Prescott Estate when the semester was over, where she’d be able to see him whenever she pleased.  It was only six days away when he’d be returning to that hell.  When he brought that up she protested, insisting that she missed him and he didn’t have it in him to keep arguing.  Even though his mother wasn’t one of his favorite people in the world, she was still one of the few people that he loved.  Though she wasn’t the best at showing it, he knew that she loved him as well.

Even so, he dragged Victoria along to try to make the morning a little more tolerable.  After all, the time Nathan spent with his mother was silent at best but was most often it was extremely uncomfortable.  Candice Prescott didn’t really know how to talk to her son.  She’d never really been nurturing type and it was largely why they had such a strained relationship.  Nathan needed comfort, affection, and she was ill-equipped to give him such things.  Still, she loved him and wanted to see him.  It didn’t bother her that he wanted to bring Victoria along.  Besides, she really liked Victoria and always hoped that the girl would eventually become her daughter-in-law.

Victoria wasn’t happy that she was once again being brought along to one of Nathan and his mother’s meetings.  It always felt like it dragged on forever and she’d rather spend her time doing almost anything else.  There was no way she’d be able to tell Nathan no when he asked her to go with him.  She couldn’t deny Nathan when he needed her, especially not when it came to his shitty family.  She didn’t let him know how discontented she was with the situation, even though it was obvious by how preoccupied with her cappuccino that she was and by how little she spoke as she ate breakfast with Nathan and his mother.

“So, Nathan, your father tells me your grades have been improving,” Candace spoke, slowly pushing her egg whites around on her plate.

Nathan tensed momentarily at the mention of his father, muttering a quick, “Yeah,” before stuffing some of his French toast in his mouth so he’d have an excuse not to continue speaking.

Either Candice didn’t notice or she didn’t care because she kept speaking as if her son wasn’t bothered by the mere mention of his father.  She prattled on about the family business, how good it was that Nathan was pulling up his grades.  He could get into a good school and continue getting trained to take over when he graduated.  She never asked him if that was what he wanted but it wasn’t like there was anything she could do if her son wanted to live a different kind of life.

Nathan was happy when his mother changed the subject to what would be going on during the holidays.  Of course his father would be working on Christmas like he did every year.  It wasn’t because Sean had to but because he wanted to.  By the time he would get home, he’d be even more bitter than usual due to the amount of his workers that took the holiday off and Nathan would have to be even more on edge to try to prevent bad things from happening.  It was the same every holiday but Thanksgiving and Christmas were the worst unless Kristine was there.

Unfortunately, Kristine wasn’t going to make it home that year.

“She hasn’t acquired enough vacation time, so she’s going to save up to take a week off when you graduate,” Candice explained.  She became very fixated on her plate when Nathan’s uneasiness was too much for even her to ignore.  She knew full well why he so quickly went on edge when she mentioned that Kristine wouldn’t be there but she didn’t want to acknowledge the issue.  It wasn’t like there was anything she could do about it so why bother talking about it?

Victoria cautiously looked at Nathan and he stared back at her wide-eyed.  Panicked.  The worries of what a shitty two weeks he was going to endure were too much.  Victoria knew that when Kristine was there, Sean Prescott backed off.  No one really knew why the physical abuse only happened when Kristine was away but it was something Nathan looked forward to as a way to endure the holidays.  The room was hot, too hot, and so suffocating and Nathan silently pleaded with Victoria to find a way to get him out of there.

Victoria looked down at her phone, flicking the screen open and putting on her best fake angry face she could muster.  “Courtney texted me saying she’s having an issue with the DJ that’s supposed to play for the Christmas party tonight!  The idiot double booked and she needs us to go handle it because he won’t listen to her.” She shoved the phone in her purse and stood up, grabbing both the purse and Nathan’s wrist.  “I’m sorry that we have to run out on you, Candice, but you know how the plebeians are.”

Candice smiled up at them.  “Of course, my dears.”  If she knew that Victoria was using an excuse to run off, she certainly wasn’t showing it.

Victoria smiled and said goodbye before swiftly dragging Nathan out of the restaurant and into his red truck.  She took the keys from him, not trusting him to drive in his panic-stricken state, and drove just far enough away that Candice wouldn’t spot the truck when she left.  Moments after Victoria parked the car under a tree, Nathan flung himself into her arms and cried.

-

“I don’t think this is going to be enough food for tonight,” Max observed as she sank onto Warren’s bed.  She, as well as Kate and Alyssa, had been helping Warren bake things for the Christmas movie marathon he was hosting that night.  They had three different kinds of cookies, as well as Rice Krispy treats and vanilla cupcakes.  All of it was made from scratch.  After hours of baking, the four friends were exhausted and it was barely noon.

“I’m sorry, my dear Max, but I’m done baking for the day,” Kate mumbled as she leaned onto Max, causing Max to smiled softly.  Kate still had to cut up vegetables and make some veggie dip so she was putting her foot down that she wasn’t going to do any more baking that day.  It already looked like she was going to need a nap before the gettogether, and she still had so much studying to do.

“We’ll be fine,” Warren said.  Though quite a bit of people were going to be crammed into the common room where they’d be watching movies later, everyone was bringing something.  Chloe and Rachel were bringing chips and dip.  Luke was bringing the soda.  Daniel a fruit platter.  He didn’t know what Brooke or Stella were bringing but they both promised that they’d bring something.  Dana and Trevor said they’d bring something as well, even though they’d only be there for a short time before leaving for the Vortex Club party.  They would be all set after Warren picked up some last-minute supplies.

For the time being, he was going to relax for a bit after spending literal hours baking and, in the case of the cupcakes and the sugar cookies, frosting and decorating.  He plopped down on his couch and as he leaned his head back he realized that he was very ready for a nap.

The four friends chattered, their excitement about the Christmas movie marathon very obvious despite how tired they all were.  It was also obvious they were all stressed because of the impending finals and very much in need of the relaxation of such an event.  Still, it wasn’t long before Alyssa and Kate excused themselves to go study for the Art History final they had on Monday.

It left Warren and Max all alone in his room.  They were very rarely alone like that, completely out of the public eye.  It would have been the perfect time for Warren to make a move.  Except, there was a problem; Warren didn’t want to make a move anymore.

His crush on Max was fading and it wasn’t only because of his growing feelings for Nathan.  Though it was obvious to their entire friend group that Max harbored at least some feelings for Warren, it was clear to Warren that she was much more interested in other people.  Namely, Max was rather smitten with Kate Marsh.  Things had been slowly progressing for the two girls over the past month and there was no way Warren was going to interfere with it.  The girls were too cute together, they were good for each other, and Warren was okay with the idea of him and Max not having a romantic relationship.  Besides, she was the best World of Warcraft buddy he’d ever had and he didn’t want to risk screwing that up.

“How have you been, Warren?  I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.”  Max hadn’t seen Warren much in the past two weeks.  She suspected that there was more to Warren’s absence than just the final projects of the semester and tests he needed to study for.  Between what she knew happened at the Dia De Los Muertos Party and the marks she noticed on Warren’s neck after Thanksgiving that he _swore_ were just bruises, she had ample reason to suspect that something was going on with her friend and Nathan.  She had no way of knowing that she was right, that three times in the past two weeks Nathan had asked Warren to sneak over to his room.

Things were so confusing for Warren.  Nathan insisted that they could never be more than just two people who got together to fuck once in a while, but every time they had sex they ended up bonding. The first time Nathan called him over, when they were done they just talked.  About school, movies, the future, and it just felt so natural.  The second time, after Warren had gotten up to get dressed and head back to his dorm, Nathan asked him to stay for the night.  Warren couldn’t refuse.  The third time, they started talking about things they liked during their childhoods. Movies, games, TV shows, and it resulted in them marathoning old shows they watched until late into the night.  They were meshing well together, very much so, and Warren couldn’t understand why they couldn’t be something more.

Of course, Warren couldn’t tell Max that.  He insisted that it was just school work that had been bogging him down.  After all, he had to keep good grades to keep his scholarship and had to get straight A’s if he wanted to get into a good college.  It wasn’t a lie, just stretching the truth a bit.  It wasn’t like Nathan was occupying that much of his time.

“You musta been hella busy if you missed our WoW time last Sunday.”  Max and Warren played World of Warcraft together every Sunday, but the previous Sunday was the night Nathan asked Warren to stay with him.  Max suspected that something to that effect happened but there was no way she could know for sure unless Warren told her.  Her curiosity was driving her crazy.  She wanted things to be out in the open but on Warren’s own terms, not because she mentally beat him down until he told her what she wanted to know.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Warren muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck.  He knew how nosy and unrelenting she could be and he hoped she wasn’t about to be that way.  He didn’t care so much if Max knew about him being bi and what he did with Nathan.  He didn’t want to out the other boy, even though he was certain Max wouldn’t tell a soul.  Besides, he didn’t know how she’d take it and he didn’t feel like dealing with that at the moment.  Instead, he changed the subject to one he knew she’d love to discuss: her blossoming relationship with Kate Marsh.

Max jumped on the subject, talking in detail about the pseudo-date she’d gone on with Kate the night before.  They’d gone to Two Whales for dinner.  It was nothing major or fancy, but apparently Max did well enough to get a kiss goodnight.

-

It was only a few hours before the start of the Christmas Movie Marathon.  Warren had gone to the store to grab some themed disposable plates and cups, which he’d forgotten to get when he bought the baking supplies a few days prior.  He didn’t think anything of it as he turned the corner in the Prescott Dormitory and saw Victoria Chase near his room.  It wasn’t all that of an uncommon sight, with his room being so close to Nathan’s and Hayden’s.  He thought it odd that she greeted him, but wasn’t going to think much of it until she approached him as he neared his door.

“You’re going to let me in so we can have a little chat, alright Cherie?”

Warren’s mouth went dry when he heard Victoria say that.  Victoria wanted to talk to him?  _Alone?_   He knew it likely had something to do with Nathan because why else would Victoria want to talk to him?  _Alone?_   God, why did she want to talk to him ALONE?!  He hadn’t done anything wrong, not that he could think of, but he was still terrified.  He’d seen how mean Victoria could be, even to people she liked.

Warren assumed Victoria didn’t like him.  She was indifferent towards him at best, but it was entirely possible she hated him.  It was possible she thought Warren, being a poor, unpopular nerd, wasn’t good enough for her best friend.  It was possible she was going to just murder him in his room.

Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic, but still, Warren was petrified.

Even so, Warren let her into his room.  He plopped the bags he was carrying on a table next to all the baked good that had been made.  Then he sat on his bed, awaiting whatever fate Victoria had in store for him.

Victoria sauntered into the room, closing the door behind her, and stopping when she was standing in front of Warren.  “I’m not going to bite you.  That’s Nathan’s job.”

Warren tensed and he cautiously looked up at Victoria.  He wondered what she knew about his relationship with Nathan.  He wondered what she thought about it. Mostly, he wanted to know why she was even talking to him.  Other than when they did shots, he couldn’t recall ever having a pleasant conversation with Victoria.

Victoria sighed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.  “That was a _joke_ , Warren.”  She shifted the majority of her weight to her right leg and crossed her arms over her chest. “You know, to lighten the mood?  Seriously, though, I know you have a thing for my best friend and I wanna help you.”

Warren looked at her skeptically.  “What..?  Why?”

“I’ve been…” she smirked, “… _gathering_ information on you.  Well, I have been since you and Nathan first fucked at that party. It seems like you’d be a lot better for him than those little sluts who throw themselves at him.”  She shifted her weight and looked down.  It seemed to Warren that she might have actually been afraid of talking to him about the subject.  “Look, at least with you, I wouldn’t have to worry that you were using him for something.  Based on shit he’s said and what I’ve found out, it sounds like you might genuinely give a fuck about him.”

Warren was silent for a moment as he contemplated whether or not he should open up to Victoria.  He doubted that she was messing with him because there was nothing she could do with the information he could give her that wouldn’t also hurt Nathan.  It was likely that she was the only one who could really help him with the situation he was in, as well as the only person he could talk to.

“I care about him a lot.” Warren cared about him a lot more than he probably should.  “I get that we couldn’t be openly together, but I could keep it a secret…”  He sighed and Victoria cocked and eyebrow at him.  She doubted he really knew why he couldn’t be with Nathan.  “I just don’t know why he won’t even talk to me about it.  I mean, we get along great together.  He likes spending time with me and I really like spending time with him.  I just don’t understand really what’s going on.”

“As Nathan’s best friend, I can’t really tell you what the problem is, but I’ll at least tell you that it isn’t you.”  There was a barely-there smiled on Victoria’s face as she explained why she wanted to help Warren.  She knew Warren made her best friend happy and that his intentions were pure.  It’s what she wanted for Nathan; it was what Nathan deserved.  So, though she didn’t know how she was going to do it yet, she was going to try to help Warren in any way she could.

Warren’s eyes widened and a grin spread across his face as he thanked her.

“Just a few more things.”  Victoria took a few steps towards Warren and glared at him menacingly.  “If you hurt him, I will destroy you.  I won’t kill you because-“ she emitted a humorless laugh, “-that would be too easy. No, if you hurt him, you will suffer.  You got that, Nerd?”

Warren swallowed and nodded.  He knew he was right to be absolutely frightened of Victoria.  He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her wrath.  Though he logically knew that he most likely wouldn’t ever have to endure that, as he had no intention of ever hurting Nathan, he didn’t want to risk it.

“Well, this was a nice little chat, Cherie,” Victoria took a few steps towards the door.  She paused briefly before exiting, telling Warren that Nathan would be seeing him later.  After she left, Warren stared at the door for a moment, extremely perplexed by the girl who’d just left his room.

-

Victoria hadn’t lied to Warren that Nathan would be seeing him later.  It was past midnight, hours after the movie marathon had finished, but he still randomly showed up at Warren’s door.  Nathan was pissed, something about some girl being all over him all night, she went to go grab her purse that had been checked so they could head to his room, and then she just fucking disappeared.  He had no way of knowing that the girl got scared away by Victoria and it was probably for the best.

Nathan really didn’t need to be pissed off with Victoria; his day had been stressful enough.  Between having to finish planning the Vortex Club Party, dealing with his mother, finding out his Christmas Vacation was going to be two weeks of hell, as well as doing some studying, he was stressed enough.  He just needed some form of release, something to take his mind off things, which he’d been working on getting but it got snatched away from him.

It seemed like it might be getting snatched away from him again as Warren asked him what was wrong.  Because of course Warren would ask that.  He cared enough to ask and he would probably listen if Nathan started spewing all his troubles right then and there.  He wouldn’t tell a soul because Warren the White Knight was amazing.  He was perfect and it just made everything even more complicated for Nathan.

“I already told you what was wrong, Graham,” Nathan grumbled.  “Some bitch was rubbing up on me at the party and she went to go get her shit and then she disappeared.”  He’d have been a lot less frustrated if she’d just straight up told him no when he asked her to go to his room.  But she led him on.  She made him think he was going to get what he wanted.

Well, it wasn’t _really_ what he wanted but it was close enough.

It was easier than having to head to Warren’s room.  Shame would surely follow in the morning when he was thinking with a clearer head.  Plus, Nathan had known it was highly likely that Warren would want to talk.  Warren would ask what was wrong, ask about his day, ask how he was feeling.  Honestly, it was nice.  It was what Nathan wanted.

It was becoming easier to see why Victoria wanted him to date Warren.  Warren was nice and thoughtful and he didn’t seem to care about the Prescott name nor fortune.  He was also extremely cute and it was extremely cute that he’d made them breakfast.  His face when he was sleeping was adorable and his face when he was coming…  It was hot as _fuck_.  Yet, Nathan couldn’t let it happen.  It didn’t matter what either one of them wanted because he couldn’t risk his father finding out he had a boyfriend.

…Not that he wanted a boyfriend.

“You can talk to me, Nathan,” Warren got up from where he was sitting on the bed and walked over to Nathan.  “I can tell there’s something else that’s wrong.”

“There’s _nothing_ to fucking talk about.”  Nathan fidgeted.  His leg twitched.  He didn’t want to talk about his problems, especially not with someone who shouldn’t even care about him. “Why do you have to complicate shit by talking about it and acting like we’re a couple and all that kinda crap?”  _Besides the fact that we both want it…_

“I already apologized for assuming things.  This isn’t exactly easy for me, either, Nathan!”  Warren sighed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.  “I’ve never really done these kinds of things before…  Not with a guy at least.  It’s just that I…”  _I really like you and you act like you really like me too._   “…I don’t really know how to do this fuckbuddies thing properly.”

“For starters, we sure as hell don’t eat together like we’re on a fucking date.”  Nathan paced as he spoke but kept his eyes on Warren.  “We don’t talk about _shit_.  You don’t ask me personal questions like how my day went or if something’s wrong.  No cuddling, no spooning, and definitely don’t fucking bask in the afterglow.  When we’re done, we clean up and go our separate ways.  Do you think you can handle that?”

It wasn’t what Warren wanted, not really anyways, but it was better than nothing.  Maybe it was stupid and impulsive to agree to just be fuckbuddies with someone he wanted a real relationship with.  At least the sex was good, amazing even, so if it was all he could get then so be it.  So he nodded, murmuring yes before Nathan joined their lips together.

Nathan was glad that he was too horny to care about how much better it felt kissing Warren than it had felt kissing that girl all night.  The girl, whose name he never caught nor cared to, was obviously far more experienced than the boy he was currently kissing but the two weren’t comparable.  Kissing Warren had more of an effect on him.  It didn’t just feel nice; it was something that could soothe him when he was upset and distract his mind from whatever currently ailed him.  It was also something that could ignite a fire within him, waking up a passion for physical intimacy he hadn’t know he possessed.

He knew that because of that time spent fooling around with the girl that it was likely that he wouldn’t last very long.  He yanked down Warren’s pajama bottoms and boxers but only far enough to expose the half-hard dick.  Warren made a small attempt to pull away, muttering something about slowing down and taking their time or some shit that Nathan didn’t catch because he frankly didn’t care.  He knew that Warren wouldn’t mind once his cock was in his mouth.

He was correct.   The moment he took the semisoft length in his mouth, Warren’s protests stopped and were replaced by low groans of pleasure.  It was an interesting feeling, having a cock go from partial to full in his mouth.  He loved knowing he had that kind of power.  He loved knowing he had that effect on someone.  The sounds coming from Warren weren’t helping his own situation, so soon he let Warren’s dick out of his mouth.  He gazed up at Warren, a lusty look in his eyes.

“Let’s fuck.”

Warren looked as if he were going to protest, likely some crap about them needing to take their time again.  He knew there would be no point in arguing.  Instead, Warren quickly closed his mouth and nodded.  He went over to the table by his bed and grabbed the lube and a condom.  When he turned back around, Nathan was facing a wall; his pants and briefs were pulled down just enough for him to get what he wanted.  Warren didn’t really know how to feel about the situation anymore but knew better than to bring anything serious up again.

As he prepped Nathan, Warren tried not to think about what Nathan was doing by rushing, staying clothed, and making sure that they wouldn’t be facing each other during sex.  He really didn’t understand what the problem was and he was starting to become desperate with wanting to know.  It was driving him crazy but he knew, even if he waited until the morning to ask, Nathan would just once again shut him down.

At least if he didn’t ask any questions they’d a least be able to have sex, though even as Warren entered Nathan, he wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted anymore.  Even though Nathan had been right about him being able to get deeper at that angle and it still felt good, it just felt wrong.  He knew he’d agreed to the conditions, but for fucks sake, did it really need to be _that_ cold and distant?  Couldn’t they at least be friends with benefits who were actual friends?  Or at least acted friendly towards one another?

He didn’t know why he tried to initiate some sort of contact when they’d both finished.  He laid on his bed, trying to coax Nathan to lay down with him and he wasn’t the least bit surprised when Nathan rejected his advances.  Nathan cleaned up quickly, not even bothering to say goodbye when he left the room.  Warren went to bed, trying not to think about the mess he may have gotten himself into.


	7. With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so many warnings for this chapter, y’all. Child abuse it mentioned with some detail. Also smut in the form of masturbation and blow jobs. Because why the fuck not have this chapter be a fucking emotional rollercoaster? It goes from sads, to mads/sads, to masturbation, to a feels trip, and then closes with a blow job. I don’t even know. The original draft didn’t have the masturbation scene fleshed out. I don’t know why I did it. ‘Tis the season to be horny, I guess. I hope y’all enjoy it.  
> Also, did I mention I’d be slowing down for a few weeks? IDR my brain is fried. Finals week is approaching, which means essays and presentations and assignment and making study guides and actually studying. But when I’m done! Well, probably a few days after I’m done because I’m going to need a mini-hibernation, I will be back to getting chapters up left and right! Probably. Idk. I need a nap.  
> Oh, and I guess one final warning: the next chapter will probably be super fricken short. I don’t like how short it is honestly so I’m going to try to expend it quite a bit. If not, this chapter’s pretty long so :D  
> Anywho. I enjoy your comments and kudos. Love them to pieces. They make me happy. It’s nice to know that other people are enjoying this piece that I absolutely loved writing. And as always, enjoy and comment/review/whatever.

Christmas Eve is a time of joy for most people, including a majority of the residents of Arcadia Bay.  The actual town itself was dead; most of the businesses were closed and a lot of people were at home with their loved ones.  A few unfortunate souls had to work.  The park Nathan Prescott was residing at was empty due to those reasons but also likely because of the chilly winter rain.

Not that he cared.  It was better that no one saw him the way he was, especially since he hadn’t thought of a good excuse as to why he looked like that.  He had a black eye and a cut that ran down his arm and ruined the clothes he was wearing.  He was shaking, partially from the cold but mostly from randomly remembering bits and pieces of what had happened.

He didn’t know how the argument escalated so quickly, or how it even started for that matter.  The day had started out so well.  He and his father had gone out to breakfast because Nathan had pulled his grades up since getting sober.  The meal was uncomfortable, even more than when it was just him and his mother, but it had gone alright considering how fucked up their relationship was.  They were taking the limo back home from the nice restaurant.  His father mentioned something about him taking over the family business and Nathan thought about how he absolutely didn’t want that.  Or, did he actually say it?

Considering it was followed by a first to his face, he must have actually said it.  Everything was fuzzy after that, probably because he didn’t want to remember any of it.  Something about him being a failure, a disgrace, a waste.  Or maybe Sean Prescott didn’t say any of those terrible things and Nathan just assumed he had as he’d been hearing those things from his father almost continuously for the past few years.

Either way, when the limo got to a stop sign by the empty park, Nathan got physically thrown out of the vehicle and left.  It was then that he got the cut, as well as covered in mud, and he was grateful that at least he wasn’t wearing the red varsity jacket he got from Kristine.  He was also thankful that he’d been thrown out of the vehicle.  It was a better alternative to what would have happened had they gone home, where Nathan surely would be dragged into his father’s office.  It wouldn’t have just been a punch and a throw if it had gone in there.

Once again, he was reminded of how bad he was shaking as his fingers wrapped around his cell phone.  He had to call somebody, he just didn’t know who.  There were three people he’d normally contact when shit got bad and they were all out of state for Christmas Vacation.  Victoria was at home in Seattle.  Rachel was visiting her grandparents in Idaho.  Hayden was in Hawaii.  Though he didn’t know how she could help him, Nathan still dialed Victoria.  At the very least it would be comforting to hear her voice.

“Nathan?”  He was so relieved that she picked up that he tried to let out a content sigh but instead he emitted a sob.  He could hear shuffling as she left whatever crowded room she was in and a moment later everything was quiet.  Victoria didn’t ask if he was okay because she knew the second she saw that he was actually _calling_ her that no, he was most definitely not okay.  So instead she asked if he was safe.

“I’m all alone…  I’m such a fucking idiot, Vic.  I shouldn’t have said anything.  My… my fucking asshole dad…”

It broke her heart as she heard more sobs on the other side of the line.  They’d both known something was going to happen during the break.  Something always happened when Nathan had to be around his father for more than a few days or a few hours.  She hadn’t expected that jackass to hurt her friend so close to the holidays, though.  She thought it would be a few more days before Nathan called her because of his father being a monster.

“Nate, where are you?”

He took a couple of deep breaths to try to calm down because choking out the name of the park he was at.

“Alright, Nate.  I love you and you’re going to have to trust me, alright?”

“Okay…”  Of course he trusted her.  He wouldn’t have called her if he felt otherwise.

“I have to get off the phone for a little while, okay?  I’m going to find a way to help you.  I’ll call you back in a maximum of ten minutes.”

“…What are you going to do?  How can you help me?”

“You’re just going to have to trust me, okay Nate?  Just trust that I know what I’m doing and that I’d never do anything to hurt you.  I love you, Nathan.”

“I…  I love you too, Victoria.  I trust you.”

\--

At first, Nathan had been furious when he saw Warren’s crappy blue car pull up.  Of all the people Victoria could have sent to help him, it just had to be Warren.  Of-fucking-course she sent the one person he was actively trying to maintain an emotional distance from.  The anger subsided when he realized he didn’t have another choice.  There was no one else who was currently in the Bay that could help him; not anyone that would keep their damn mouths shut.  Warren was his safest bet.  It also helped that neither of Warren’s parents were home since they both had to work.  Briefly, Nathan wondered if it was normal for poor people to work on the holidays but he quickly dismissed the thought.

It felt strange being brought to Warren’s actual home.  It was small, or perhaps it just felt that way because of what Nathan was used to living in.  For all he knew, it was a normal sized house.  It was a lot less spacious than the Prescott Estate, but he wouldn’t call it cramped.  Actually, he’d probably call it cozy.  It was somewhat neat and organized but there was no mistaking that people actually lived there.  The books and magazines that were on the coffee table were obviously not for show with how warn some of them looked.  There was also a fluffy grey-and-black cat whom Warren said was named Erwin.  Apparently, he was named after that Schrödinger guy, whothefuckever that was.

He was led into Warren’s room.  Though he’d been in the boy’s dorm room, there was just something so personal about being in his actual room at home. The room was small, much like the house, about the size of the rooms at school.  Or maybe it wasn’t small; Nathan seriously didn’t know.  It most definitely was Warren’s residence, though, with a desktop PC and nerdy paraphernalia galore.  It was also somewhat of a mess like Warren hadn’t been expected anyone else to see his room anytime soon.

“You need to get out of those clothes,” Warren said simply.

Nathan glared at him.  “For fucks sake, Graham.  Not now.”

Warren rolled his eyes before walking a few paces towards his dresser and looking inside.  “You’re soaking wet and you’re shivering, dude.  I’m not trying to get into your pants, just trying to get you in some dry clothes.”  He threw a pair of Pokémon sleeping pants on the bed, as well as a long-sleeved thermal shirt.  “I also need to get a good look at that cut on your arm, probably need to disinfect and cover it.”

Nathan scoffed. “It’ll be fine.  You’re worrying over nothing.”  It wasn’t like he needed someone to take care of him.  It was bad enough that Victoria and Rachel did but he sure as hell didn’t want Warren to do such things.  He didn’t really need Warren’s help, anyway.  He was obviously getting by just fine.  Since he’d started taking different medication and making sure that he routinely took it, the bad thoughts had been happening less and less.  Which was good; otherwise, he’d be freaking out over Warren wanting to nurture him instead of just merely being irritated.

Warren’s eyes narrowed on him.  “It’s been slowly bleeding since I picked you up so, no, I’m _not_ worrying over nothing.  If we leave it alone, it could easily get infected.  So take off your damn shirts and let me get a look at it.”  He walked over to Nathan and just stood there, waiting patiently.

Nathan nervously bit his lip and shook his head.  He didn’t want Warren to see.  He didn’t want to explain where he got that long, hideous scar on his stomach.  Maybe Warren wouldn’t ask, though.  He didn’t ask about the black eye or why Nathan was all alone in the rain at a park on Christmas Eve.

“Look, Nathan, you’re going to have to let me take care of you,” Warren sighed, placing a hand on Nathan’s shoulder and positioning himself in such a way that Nathan would have no choice but to look at him.  “I don’t really understand why you don’t want me to see you without a shirt on but I’m sure it’s fine.  If you can handle how chubby I am then why don’t you think I can handle whatever you’re hiding under your shirt?”

Nathan’s throat went dry and he felt a fresh batch of tears in his eyes.  It was hard for him to comprehend why Warren wanted to help.  Nathan hadn’t been the best to him.  For the past week, Nathan had used him for his body to destress from all the finals.  He’d tried to push Warren away.  Yet Warren still was kind to him.  Warren still wanted to help him and wanted nothing in return.  He didn’t know if he’d ever done anything to deserve Warren’s kindness, but he was fairly certain that he hadn’t.

“Nathan, just let me help you.”

Nathan sighed and closed his eyes.  Some tears slid down his cheeks.  He knew he had to let Warren help, as much as he didn’t want to.  Between the cut and the black eye, it was likely that Warren had already deduced what had happened.  There was no point in hiding anymore.  Yet, he still wanted a little more time to mentally prepare.

“Can I take a shower first?”

Warren nodded, grabbing the Pokémon pajamas he’d pulled out as he led Nathan to the bathroom.  He grabbed the biggest and fluffiest towel he could find from the linen closet on the way.  After showing Nathan how to work his particular shower, he left Nathan to his own devices in the bathroom and waited outside until the shower turned on.  Then he called Victoria, who had demanded a full report the instant Warren got a chance.

 He told her what little he knew, from how Nathan looked when he picked him up, what injuries he’d seen, and that Nathan was actually going to let him wrap up the one wound like looked like it would need some attention.  Victoria was tight-lipped about what had happened but considering he knew Nathan had been fully sober for about a month at that point he was sure he could cross something going bad with a drug dealer off the list.  He really hoped that it wasn’t caused by someone in Nathan’s family but he was almost certain that it was.

“Hey Victoria?  Why did you call me to go get Nathan?”  The question first entered Warren’s mind the second he got in the car to drive to the park.

“Wouldn’t you have taken care of him even if I hadn’t threatened you?”

“Of course.”

“That’s why.”

\--

Nathan’s heart was pounding as he stood in front of Warren’s door.  He was shirtless and terrified.  He knew it made little sense to feel that way because there was nothing left to hide from Warren, but still. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d let someone see him without a shirt on but he was certain that it had to of been before he’d even gotten the scar about seven years before.

He was glad when Warren didn’t make any comments about his body or any of the scars and wounds that adorned it other than the one that needed to be cleaned up.  He was lead to Warren’s desk chair, sat down, and the desk lamp was turned on and pointed at the cut.  Without his shirt on, he could see how long the cut actually was, starting near his shoulder and going almost all the way down to his elbow.  He was certain that was going to end up scaring, too and he hated it.  What he didn’t hate was the feeling of Warren’s skin on his bare arm.  It felt strange, almost intimate.

“Shit.  There’s bits of gravel and class in there…” Warren had prepared, though.  He’d brought out a first aid kit when Nathan was showering and had it ready on his desk.  “It’ll be okay.  Dr. Graham’s in the house.”

Nathan observed as Warren took care in sterilizing a pair of needle nose tweezers with rubbing alcohol.  He focused on Warren’s look of deep concentration as he intricately removed the bits of debris from the wound and he was in awe.  Someone was actually taking care of him, someone that wasn’t Victoria or Rachel or Kristine.  Warren had no ulterior motive that he could see.  He wondered if that was why Victoria was so smitten with the idea of him being with Warren.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

A few minutes later, when Warren went to disinfect the wound, he was reminded of how it very much could be bad if he pursued a relationship with Warren.  If his father found out or of he even knew for a fact that his son liked a boy…  Nathan shuttered to think if what could happen.  He looked down at the scar on his stomach, the scar he got for just mentioning that he found another boy “cute”.  If Sean Prescott found out that he was dating a boy, having sex with a boy, maybe even loving a boy, the consequences could be disastrous.  It wouldn’t be difficult for his father to make it look like anything that happened to him was an accident.  Even if he couldn’t, he had more than enough money to keep people’s mouths shut.  It was probably best that he did whatever he could to prevent his father’s wrath.

Yet, as Warren carefully applied Neosporin to the cut, Nathan thought something he might have never thought before: maybe there was nothing that he could do to stop Sean Prescott from being a monster.  After all, he’d said maybe one little thing to irritate his father and before he knew it, he was getting thrown out of a car.  He didn’t know if it would be more or less terrifying to truly know if there was nothing he could do to prevent his father’s rage.  Yet there was a certain comfort in it because if there was nothing he could do, then why should he continue to deny himself what he really wanted?

Warren was tenderly wrapping Nathan’s arm with a roll of sterile gauze when he asked a rather dreaded question: “Nathan, is this the reason we can’t be together?”

Nathan tensed, his throat feeling tight and almost like he couldn’t breathe.  He didn’t know why answering that question made him so nervous; there was no way that Warren hadn’t deduced that he was abused.  Warren wasn’t an idiot.  It wouldn’t be hard for him to put the pieces together.  Between Nathan vehemently bitching any chance he got about how his father was an asshole and the fact that he got found with a shiner in a park on Christmas Eve, Warren had to of figured it out.  He might as well tell the boy who was doctoring him oh so nicely.  He shifted his gaze, focusing on a Minecraft poster on the wall.  _Fucking nerd_.

“It wasn’t the cause of this specifically but…” Nathan trailed off for a moment and let out a sorrowful sigh before speaking again.  “I… I’m gonna be honest but if you tell anyone you’re fucking dead.”  He forced himself to look back at Warren, who had finished rolling the gauze and finished it off with some medical tape.  “It’s the only reason that all we are is fuckbuddies.”

Warren held in a gasp.  “So, I wasn’t imagining things before…”  Nathan shook his head and averted his gaze again.  Warren walked over to his bed and grabbed the shirt he’d gotten out earlier.  He stared at the bed, not wanting to look at Nathan as he asked, “…is that why you hate your father so much?”

Nathan swallowed, murmuring a quiet, “Yes…”

Warren let out a heavy sigh before walking over to Nathan and handing him the thermal shirt.  “I’ll stop pursuing you, then.”

“What?” Nathan hadn’t meant for it to sound like he was snapping at Warren but that’s how the word left his mouth.  He knew that, logically, that’s what he should have wanted but he didn’t want it at all. He wanted to live in a world free of his father, or where being gay wasn’t considered to be a bad thing.  Or he at least wanted to live in a world where his jackass of a father understood that Nathan being gay wasn’t a choice, something that needed to or could be fixed. A world where he didn’t have the pressure to eventually impregnate a woman to carry on the Prescott name would have been wonderful.

“I’m not going to risk your safety, Nathan,” Warren said somberly as he sat on the edge of his bed.  “I’m sorry I ever did…  If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have tried anything.  I would have left you alone.”

Desperation for what Nathan knew he shouldn’t want wracked his body upon hearing those words. He didn’t want Warren to stop trying.  He wanted Warren to fight for him, get him to a point where he’d decide it was worth the risks because at least when he was with Warren he felt happy.  At least when they had sex it actually felt good, even wonderful.  At least when he was in Warren’s arms he felt safe.  Their talks came easy and they laughed a lot together. Nathan didn’t want it all to stop.

So he did what he thought was the only logical thing he could do: He launched himself at Warren, right onto of the full-sized bed.  One hand was at Warren’s shirt collar, pulling him up into a kiss.  The other hand was desperately trying to pull Warren’s shirt up, wanting the skin-on-skin contact they’d never had before.  He didn’t understand how something as simple as Warren’s soft stomach lightly rubbing against his thin one could feel so good but he relished the feeling.  His legs were around Warren’s hips, pinning him down, and he used the opportunity to grind on the other boy until they were both aroused. 

Unfortunately, he’d neglected to pin Warren’s hands and somehow that fucking nerd was stronger than him.  Warren pushed him off and onto the bed beside him.  Nathan glared, resembling a disgruntled 5-year-old who just got their favorite toy taken away.

“Nathan, we’re _not_ going this.”  But Nathan wanted it!  “You’re having a shitty day-“ that was quite the understatement, “-and I’m _not_ going to take advantage of you.”  Was it really taking advantage if he wanted it all the time?  “I’m going to go make us lunch now.”

Warren shuffled out of the room before Nathan had another chance to pounce on him again.  He took a detour to the bathroom first.  He needed a moment to himself to do a few things.  One was jack it as quickly as possible.  He didn’t want his resolve to weaken throughout the day because he felt it was a safe assumption that Nathan would try to jump his bones again before his parents got home from work.

Even as he took his cock in his hand, Warren was frustrated.  Doing the right thing was just shitty sometimes.  There he was, in the bathroom, trying to get off by his own hand when there was a very willing boy laying on his bed.  To top it off, he already knew that Nathan felt amazing.  Nathan was so tight and warm and the fucking noises he made when Warren pushed into him were just so lovely.  But Warren genuinely cared about the other boy, so he couldn’t make a move.

In a way, that made things worse.  Caring about Nathan made the sex feel better.  It made the delighted mewls he earned even more rewarding.  It made him enjoy taking Nathan into his mouth.  He was sure it made the way it felt when he was fully inside of Nathan feel even better.  It was indescribable.  It was just a haze of pleasure and affection and intimacy and it would certainly feel a hell of a lot better than his fucking hand felt but no.  He just _had_ to do the right thing.

He really needed to stop fixating on that if he even wanted to finish.  He’d just work himself into an aggravated frenzy if he kept thinking about how much better everything would feel if he gave in and went back to his bedroom where Nathan was waiting for him. Nathan was willing.  Nathan was eager.  Nathan would probably let him do whatever he wanted.  Nathan would drop to his knees and enthusiastically suck his dick or maybe even just let him inside with minimal prep.

Nathan would want it rough.  Nathan would beg him to go deeper.  Nathan wouldn’t hold back as he screamed Warren’s name over and over again.  Then Warren would hit that spot, that special spot that made Nathan gasp and tighten around him.   Nathan would push into him, desperation evident as he neared his own release.  Warren would lean over, whispering for Nathan to come for him.  Then Nathan would, screaming Warren’s name again and again, loud enough that even the neighbors would hear.  Nathan would lay there, still groaning over how amazing Warren felt.  Nathan’s face and chest would be flushed, a sheen of sweat over them, and he’d look up at Warren with a look of adoration.  Nathan’s voice would be sore from screaming as he pleaded with Warren not to stop, to come inside of him, to fill him so full that he’d overflow.  Of course, Warren would oblige because how could he say no to Nathan when he just looked so fuckable?

Warren bit his lip to prevent making any sort of noise as he finished in real life.  It was a rude awakening as he erupted all over his hand; the fantasy was better, infinitely so, but there was nothing he could do about that.  It was probably a bad idea to continue thinking about Nathan in that way when it was so obvious that they could only be friends.  It was painful, though.  They both wanted the same thing and yet they couldn’t have it.  All because of some homophobic jackass who didn’t deserve a son as wonderful as Nathan.

There was no point in dwelling on that, though.  There wasn’t anything Warren could do about that.  Not directly, anyway.  The only thing he really could do was be Nathan’s friend and he was going to make sure that he was a really good friend.  So, after cleaning himself up and washing his hands, he made them grilled cheese sandwiches and warmed up some leftover chicken and rice soup he’d made for dinner the night before.  When he went to make dinner a few hours later, he attempted to teach Nathan how to chop vegetables.  It resulted in veggies of very varying sizes but it was still good enough for the chicken and dumpling stew he was making.

Nathan had attempted to make several romantic and sexual advances towards Warren during that time.  However, he completely stopped those attempts when Warren’s father got home.  He was extremely grateful when Warren told his parents that Nathan needed to be over because his “jackass cousin” sucker punched him.  Nathan hadn’t even thought to come up with an excuse but was happy to know that Warren was looking out for him.  Not that it mattered, really, because even if Warren’s parents or even the Arcadia Bay Police Department knew, there was no one who could help him.

Eating with Warren’s parents felt strange to both boys.  Even though they weren’t together, it still felt like a “meet the parents” kind of dinner.  What was especially strange to Nathan was that Warren’s parents talked to him like he was a normal person; they didn’t treat him like he was a Prescott, a child from a highly affluent family.  He wondered if they hadn’t made the connection that he was one of the Prescott’s or if they just didn’t care.  Either way, he really enjoyed being treated like he was just a regular person.

After dinner, Warren had Nathan help him bake chocolate chip cookies.  They ate some of those cookies as they curled up on the couch with Warren’s parents to watch Christmas movies.  At some point, Erwin the cat went to lay on Warren, demanding pets until he fell asleep.  It was so weird to Nathan how his Christmas Eve had started out so awful and ended with him doing normal family things.  Dinner at the table.  Baking cookies.  Watching movies.  It was wonderful to be a part of, even if he wasn’t experiencing it with his actual family.

Yet, it made the fact that he couldn’t be with Warren even more painful.  They seemed like a nice family, something he wouldn’t mind being a part of.  It was obvious that Warren’s father, Chester, absolutely adored his son.  It was obvious that Warren’s mother, Aubrey, cared more about Warren than anything in the world.  They were both so kind to Nathan, immediately treating him like he was a part of the family merely because he was a friend of their son.  It was such a juxtaposition from the family Nathan grew up in and he was thankful that, even for just a night, he got to be a part of it.

Since Chester and Aubrey still had to work on Christmas morning, they went to bed far before the two boys did.  Nathan didn’t remember nodding off sometime a few movies later and he went down hard.  It made it all the more bizarre when he woke up in the middle of the night on a bed that wasn’t his.  He gulped and began to panic but was met with a familiar, soothing scent and realized he must have been in Warren’s bed.

“Warren..?” he whispered aloud, wondering where Warren was sleeping.  He felt a shift on the other side of the bed.

“Hmm?”  Warren rolled over from directly against the wall where he’d been sleeping.  “Everything okay, Nate?”

Nate?  It was the first time he’d been called that by Warren.  He didn’t quite know how to feel about it.  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay then.”  Warren yawned.  He scooted closer to Nathan before grabbing him and closing the distance between their bodies.  They were spooning in the middle of the bed and Little-Spoon Nathan was extremely happy about that fact.  “It’s time to go back to sleep now.  He yawned again, covering his mouth with his hand before snaking it around Nathan’s waist.  “G’night, Nathan.”

“Goodnight, Warren.”  Nathan smiled, enjoying the safe feeling and wondering if Warren would be spooning him if he was more awake. Either way, everything in that moment was fantastic, from the arms securely pulling him closer to the warm breath hitting the back of his neck to their intertwined legs.  It was comforting and provided the best sleep he’d had since Christmas break had started.

\--

Warren woke fairly late the next morning.  Though it was still gray and raining like it had been for days, it was still bright enough that he was certain that his parents had left for work already.  The rain was coming down harshly, loudly pelting the window near his bed.  That wasn’t what had woken him up, though.

He’d woken up because of the unexpected sensation of his dick going into something warm and moist.  He didn’t need to look below the covers to see what was going on.  There was a human-sized lump under the covers and Nathan was nowhere to be found.  The logical part of his brain berated him for not stopping what was going on.  He needed to be strong, damn it!  He needed to stand by what he’d said the day before; it’s what would be best for both of them.  However, his mind was fuzzy with sleep and lust and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t always fantasized about waking up in such a way.  It was impossible to protest as Nathan licked up the underside of his cock because, holy fuck, it felt _amazing._

Warren was suddenly very glad that they were all alone in the house when he practically screamed, “Oh FUCK!” as Nathan unexpectedly took _all_ of him in his mouth.  It was something he’d never experienced before, being deepthroated, and it was almost overwhelming.  He was pretty sure the sensitive head was hitting the very back of Nathan’s throat with how tight it felt.  Everything was warm and wet and oh so lovely that he continued to moan until Nathan had to pull up.

Nathan played with the tip, his tongue focusing on the underside of the head.  Then, he took all of Warren into his mouth once again because the throaty screams it elicited the first time could have very well been the most amazing thing he’d ever heard.  He needed to hear it again and was delighted when he did.

As Nathan lingered, Warren lifted the blankets to gaze down at him.  Nathan’s cheeks were flushed, his hair a mess and it all just added to Warren’s arousal.  There was just something so damn sexy about seeing his cock in someone’s mouth, especially when that someone was Nathan Mother-Fucking Prescott.  As Nathan peered up at him with a sultry glint in his eyes, he wrapped his lips around the tips once more and used his hand to stroke the shaft.  Warren’s hands disappeared into Nathan’s hair, pulling roughly whenever Nathan did anything that felt especially amazing because he knew that was what Nathan liked.

All it took was his dick being swallowed by Nathan one more time before he was spurting down his through.  Warren continued to watch as Nathan eagerly swallowed.  He half expected to get hard again at the sight and was almost disappointed when he didn’t.  He laid there unmoving, enjoying the high of his orgasm and not thinking about how a little later he’d have to remind Nathan that they wouldn’t be doing that sort of thing again.

In the meantime, it would be rude for him to not return the favor.  After Nathan crawled up to lay beside him, Warren immediately went to the drawstring in Nathan’s pajama bottoms.  When Nathan grabbed his hand and moved it away, Warren looked at him quizzically.

“You don’t have to return the favor, Warren,” Nathan said.

“I know I don’t have to,” Warren murmured, “…but I want to.”

Nathan smiled at Warren with red, swollen lips.   “Merry Christmas, Warren.”


	8. The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So more warnings. On a serious note, more mentioned child abuse and sadness as a result of that child abuse. On a less serious note, warnings of the author projecting her love of Star Wars onto the characters. But tbh it’s not farfetched at all. I mean, can you imagine Warren NOT loving Star Wars? What nerd doesn’t love Star Wars? And don’t say people who love Star Trek because you can TOTALLY love both and I bet Warren would be one of those people.  
> Oh and I guess Star Wars spoilers? But only for the first six movies. Those are all old af so I’m guessing if you don’t already know, you don’t care. Or if you do care and somehow haven’t seen Star Wars, you probably know all the spoilers anyway. That reminds me. Last winter I think I went to show my sister-in-law Star Wars because she somehow hadn’t seen it and she knew all the plot twists and I’m like, “FUCK media has RUINED your experience!” Because I remember watching the original trilogy back in the 90s and I didn’t know any spoilers and Star Wars just BLEW my mind at the time. Life changing experience, y’all. 10/10 would watch and write Anidala fanfiction again.  
> But yeah I’m happy with this chapter. It’s first draft was really fucking short, as in only the first section, and I was like, “Nah… let’s add some fucking relationship building,” so I fucking did and I’m so happy with it. I hope y’all are happy with it, too. I feel like y’all will because remember how I mentioned Happy! Nathan would make an appearance? He does. He fucking does. I mean not at the start of this chapter, but it happens. So Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Happy Kwanzaa. Good day to you if you don’t celebrate shit.  
> As always, enjoy and review/comment/whatever.

It was only a few days after Christmas when Nathan had to get out of the Prescott Estate once again.  He’d stayed with the Graham’s for all of Christmas day so he’d really only been home a few days.  Nathan normally had more time in between his father being a physically abusive jackass, normally weeks.  There was usually a grace period where his father would buy him something and then go about acting like his son didn’t exist.  That period lasted all of about twenty-four hours before Sean Prescott started showing signs that Nathan needed to be extremely careful once again.

Nathan had no idea how the argument started.  His father said something about Nathan needing to be groomed to take over the Prescott legacy and he was certain he hadn’t spoken out of line.  He pretended that he was interested and that it was something he really wanted.  It wasn’t enough to prevent the conversation from escalating.  The older he got, the more it seemed like he was getting worse and worse at preventing those situations from happening.  At least he could take some solace in the fact that all of the hits landed in places that could be easily hidden.

Since it happened while he was at home, Nathan got the chance to pack a bag before he left.  He made sure to bring his essentials, like his bottles of pills and his camera, so that was he’d be able to stay away longer.  He also had his wallet and keys on him so he’d be able to stay at a hotel and buy food.  He also had his truck, so he wouldn’t be dependent on anyone going to save him.

He wouldn’t have to be a hindrance on the Graham’s again, at least.  Of course, they never said or did anything to make him feel like he had been.  He just felt a strange sort of guilt over how kind they’d been to him when he could give them nothing in return.  The only thing he could really do to show his gratitude was give Warren head, but later other boy insisted that they really couldn’t continue to be physically intimate.  Which meant there was nothing that Nathan could give them, especially since they refused to take any of his family’s money.

Therefore, Nathan went to a decent hotel.  He didn’t want to go to anything too fancy on the off-chance his father decided that he might want to come after him himself.  There was no way Sean Prescott would be caught dead in anything other than a 5-star resort because public image came before virtually anything else so Nathan knew he’d be a lot safer there.  As he settled into his room at the Seaside Inn, he dialed the one person he always contacted after he was an incident with his father.

Victoria sounded worried, as she always did, but not as concerned as she’d been on Christmas Eve.  At least Nathan had access to a vehicle, money, and food.  At least he was guaranteed a warm place to sleep for the night.  He didn’t think anything of it when she asked what hotel he was at and what room.  It was something she always asked regardless of if she could go see him or not.

Almost half an hour after their call had ended, there was a knock at the door and he realized that maybe he should have thought something of Victoria asking him specifics about where he was staying.  A moment later he got a text message.

[Warren Gayram 3:24 pm]

_knock knock_

Nathan read the text and sighed.  As if anyone else would be at the door.  He groaned, getting off the stiff hotel bed to open the door.  He would never have been surprised that Warren had shown up and he wasn’t surprised that Victoria told Warren to go check on him.  What did surprise him was that Warren brought a backpack and a grocery bag full of snacks and Christmas candy with him.

“What’s all this shit?” Nathan gestured to the bags.

“I’m not letting you stay here alone, dude,” Warren simply stated as he walked in and closed the door behind him.  “Victoria didn’t tell me what happened but I’m pretty sure I know.”

Nathan rolled his eyes before going back to where he’d been on the bed.  He grumbled something under his breath that Warren didn’t catch.  He didn’t want to admit that he was rather happy that he wasn’t going to be alone.  Being alone after incidences with his dad could get really brutal.  If left to just fester on the events that had happened, it would almost drive him mad.  There were no pills strong enough to stop those particular bad thoughts, and sometimes even the intrusive ones, when he got to those points.

“What did you tell your parents?” Nathan asked as he grabbed his laptop from its case beside the bed.

“That you’re bored at home so you wanted me to have a movie marathon at your lair.”  Warren put the grocery bags on the hotel desk and his backpack on the floor on the empty side of the bed.  He sat down beside Nathan and spoke again, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Nathan tensed, momentarily pausing as he scrolled through Twitter.  “What’s there to talk about?  My dad’s an asshole and everyone in the Bay already knows it.”  His voice didn’t match his words.  His words were angry, bitter but his voice betrayed him and revealed how emotionally wounded he was.  “It’s like he looks for any fucking excuse to…”  He stopped talking, swallowing the lump in his throat, and booted up Photoshop on his computer.  He didn’t want to think about it and editing photos was the perfect distraction.

Warren placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder, squeezing it gently.  He didn’t say anything and just scooted a little closer to the teary-eyed boy on the bed.  He watched the intense look on Nathan’s face as he tried to push the events from his mind and focus on the photo he decided to edit.  Nathan’s irritation grow rapidly before he slowly closed the laptop and set it back in its case.

A moment later, Nathan burst into tears and screamed, “FUCK!”  He cradled his face in his hands and Warren did his best to wrap his arms around the now hysterically sobbing boy.  Nathan practically melted into the touch, wanting desperately to feel safe and not so alone.  He rambled to Warren about how there was nothing he could do, nothing that he could ever fucking do, to make Sean Prescott happy.  He used to know how to diffuse the situation, how to yes his father in such a way that got him left alone.  Since his sister had gone away, things had gotten progressively worse.  The torment that used to happen only once every few months started occurring once every few weeks and it seemed as if it was shifting to once every few days.  There was nothing that he could do to stop it.  There was no one that he could go to for help, no place to go where he would be safe from his father.  The Prescott’s owned the town, they owned the school, they probably even owned the crummy seaside hotel he was staying at for all he fucking knew.

Nathan cried until his head was throbbing.  Warren just sat beside him, holding him, not telling him lies about how everything was okay or about how his father actually loved him.  He didn’t make empty promised about making the pain go away or about protecting him from his problems.  Warren just sat there, one hand around Nathan’s waist and the other around Nathan’s shoulders.  It was all Nathan really needed and it was all that it really took to eventually lull him to sleep.

\--

Nathan was surprised when he woke later that the sound of the TV coming on hadn’t woken him up.  He was normally such a light sleeper that he found it odd.  In his sleep, he apparently had buried his face in Warren’s chest and one of Warren’s arms was still wrapped around him.  He must have slept so soundly because he felt safe in Warren’s arms.  It was a strange thought to Nathan, who normally resisted being touched, that something as simple as that could allow him to fall into a deep slumber.

Then again, it wasn’t all that surprising because when he was awake he found himself loving when Warren touched him or held him.  He laid there quietly for a moment, his eyes barely open, listening to Warren’s calming heartbeat.  He just wanted to enjoy the feeling for a little while in case Warren had decided that they could no longer cuddle either.

It dawned on him, when his eyes opened a little more, just how dark the room was.  He glanced at the window; though it was covered, he could still tell how much darker it had become since he’d broken down in Warren’s arms earlier.  How long had he been asleep?  A grumble in his stomach alerted him that it had been a while since he’d last eaten.  It had to be late.

“What time is it?” Nathan asked, his sleepiness evident in his voice.  He needed another nap but he knew he should worry about food first.  “It feels like midnight.”

Warren glanced down at Nathan, whose face was still buried in his chest.  He hadn’t even realized that the other boy had woken up.  He smiled and looked back at the TV.  He absentmindedly rubbed Nathan’s back.

“It’s like six or something.”

“Nah, it’s fuckin’ midnight,” Nathan declared as he looked up at Warren.  “It’s either midnight of there’s a solar eclipse.”

Again, Warren looked down at Nathan and smiled.  “If there was an eclipse I’d know and we’d be out there watching it.”

 “Doesn’t that make you go blind or some shit?” Nathan teased as he sat up beside Warren, making sure Warren’s arm was still wrapped around him as he did so.

“You know what I meant.”  Warren considered removing his arm from around Nathan.  It was obvious that, for the moment at least, that Nathan was fine and they didn’t need to be cuddling otherwise.  Cuddling was something that mostly couples did, which was something they couldn’t be.  Cuddling felt nice, though, and was probably one of Warren’s favorite forms of affection. So, even though he knew it was most likely a bad idea, he allowed Nathan to snuggle into him as they continued bantering.

Warren described what would occur if an eclipse happened.  Apparently, that fucking nerd already had a detailed plan.  He’d get proper supplies for viewing the eclipse.  There would be some barbecuing regardless of the weather outside. Nathan would take pictures.  It would be fantastic, or at least that’s what Warren thought.

The second time Nathan’s stomach rumbled, Warren demanded that they go get food.  There was a little Chinese restaurant across the street that Warren insisted was good so they went.  They decided to get take-out because apparently, Warren had actually brought movies so they really could have a marathon.  He tried to pay for the food they’d ordered but Nathan insisted that he cover the tab; Warren spending time with him and not leaving him alone was payment enough.

“So, what movies did you bring?” Nathan asked as he kicked off his shoes and settled on the bed.  From the bag their food had been carried in, he grabbed a container and his eyes lit up as he opened it.  The eggrolls they’d ordered were huge, almost the size of burritos.

“We’re watching…” Warren was quiet a moment, trying to build the suspense as he shuffled through his backpack for the first movie they would be watching.  He huffed as he dug around, trying to find the correct DVD.  He mumbled “Aha!” as he finally spotted the movie.  “Okay, okay so we’re watching…” he flashed Nathan the movie case a big grin, “Star Wars!”

Nathan looked unimpressed.  “Star Wars?  Are you shitting me?  You fucking nerd.”

“What?” Warren walked over to the hotel TV and hooked up his laptop to it since the hotel room didn’t come with a DVD player.  “Everyone likes Star Wars, dude.”

“No, they really don’t.”

After he finished setting things up, Warren just stared at Nathan with an arched eyebrow.  “You’re full of shit.”

Nathan huffed and mumbled something inaudible.

Warren grinned again while he plopped on the bed next to Nathan.  “What was that?”

“…I said,” Nathan blushed, “I fucking love Star Wars.”

Warren chuckled, mumbling, “Fucking nerd…” as he grabbed his eggroll from the Styrofoam container.  “I’m glad that you do because we’re watching five of them.”  When Nathan looked at him confusedly, Warren emitted a dramatic gasp.  “You’ve _never_ watched them in Machete order?”

Again, Nathan looked confused.  “Machete order?  What the fuck is that?  You watch one through six, bruh.”

Warren sighed and shook his head.  “No.  You fucking watch Machete Order.  It’s godly, dude.  You watch ‘A New Hope’, then ‘Empire Strikes Back’.  Then, at the height of the drama and the whole ‘Luke, I’m your father,’ bit, you go back to ‘Attack of the Clones’ and ‘Revenge of the Sith’.  See the tragic Darth Vader backstory.  Then see him get saved by his son in ‘Return of the Jedi’.  It’s legit.  You’re gonna love it.”

Nathan remained skeptical, mostly because he’d never heard of this “Machete Order” business and it sounded far too complicated.  Why couldn’t Warren just watch one through six or the original trilogy and then the prequels?  However, when they began watching “Attack of the Clones”, Nathan felt very differently.

“Holy shit…” Nathan murmured as the two lead males bantered back and forth.  They two boys looked at each other and again Nathan said, “Holy shit.”

Warren chortled.  “Right?  I fuckin’ told you it was epic this way.”

They were both quiet for a while as they continued to watch the movie until a random thought struck Nathan: “Do you think Luke knows that Obi-Wan’s why Vader’s in that suit?”

Warren was silent as he thought.  He loved thinking about those kinds of things, putting too much thought into movies, shows, and games that he loved.  Picking apart lore, coming up with theories, and spending time thinking in theoreticals were all things that he loved.  It was nice sometimes to use his intellect for things that didn’t really matter.

“I don’t think so but I don’t think it’d change anything if he knew.”

Nathan looked at Warren wide-eyed, appalled at what he’d heard.  “Obi-Wan left him in a volcano to die!  After he cut off all his fuckin’ limbs, except the one fake one.  That’s a dick move.”

“Dude, Anakin fucking commit genocide and you think him being left to suffer is a dick move?  He killed younglings!”

 “He was manipulated.  It’s not really his fault.”  Nathan shrugged before looking back at the TV. “Besides, he redeems himself in the end.”

“Okay, dude.  Like, I feel bad for him but you’re letting him get away with murder.  Literally.”  Warren chuckled.  “Is Anakin your favorite or something?”

Again, Nathan shrugged.  “I guess you could say that I relate to him…”  Nathan got a distant look in his eyes even though his gaze remained fixed on the TV.  “Most people in his life are dicks to him.  He just wants some fuckin’ love and affection.  So, he gloms onto a father-figure who praises him and tells him he’s not a piece of shit.  I don’t even wanna think about the shit I might’ve done if some jackass took advantage of me like that when I was still using and refusing to take my meds.”

Warren didn’t know what to say.  He hadn’t anticipated such a serious response from Nathan; he hadn’t even thought that Nathan would put any sort of thought into the Star Wars movies.  Hell, he was surprised that Nathan even agreed to watch something even remotely nerdy with him.  There was probably nothing that he could say to comfort the other boy, so he did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped an arm around Nathan and brought him close.

Nathan leaned into Warren’s shoulder.  He loved being close to people he trusted, probably more than anything, and he’d grown to trust Warren so much over the past few days.  Warren was good, amazing, probably far too good for him.  Yet, he couldn’t help but want Warren.  He couldn’t help but sharply inhale Warren’s scent.  He’d grown to love it; it was comforting.  Almost everything about Warren was comforting.  But, he needed to respect Warren’s wishes, even though he really didn’t want to.

To try to lighten the heavy mood, Nathan looked up at Warren and said, “I also relate to Anakin Skywalker because we’re both sexy blond guys.”  Warren laughed a good hearty laugh that filled Nathan with glee even though he gave Warren a mock-offended look.  “What?  You don’t think I’m sexy?”

“Oh my God, you give me shit but I think you might be an even bigger dork than I am.”  Warren giggled before he added, “But yeah, I think you’re sexy.”

_Dude, what the fuck?_    How was Nathan supposed to take that?  Of course, he loved the compliment.  It was nice hearing a confirmation that the boy that he for some reason found so physically appealing felt the same way about him.  However, why did he have to say that?  Sure, Nathan had prompted it, but fucking hell did it confuse him even more.  His brain was already frazzled from the stressful day and he was still working out how to cope properly without going back to his old habits.  It was hard to deny himself what he wanted when he knew it would make him feel better, though.  Especially if he did things with Warren.  Warren, who he felt safe with.  Warren, who he actually really enjoyed having sex with.  Warren, who he was starting to have strong feelings for.

Oh, what the hell.  He was going for it.  What was the worst that could happen?

Warren pushed away just as quickly as the kiss began, his hand lingering on Nathan’s chest.  He didn’t seem angry or upset.  Actually, he looked rather indifferent.

“I told you we can’t be doing this anymore.”

Nathan deflated, sinking against the head of the bed.  “I know, but Warren…  I had a shit day.”  He kissed Warren again.

Yet again, Warren pushed away but not as far as the previous time.  “We need to worry about your safety.”  His resolve was weakening and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it.  After how he’d been woken up on Christmas morning, he swore he wouldn’t give in again.  He couldn’t risk Nathan’s safety.  In the end, it didn’t matter what either of them wanted or how badly they both wanted it.  Nathan’s well-being had to take priority.

Then again, there were so many other things that were important.  Nathan needed to feel a sense of control over his own life.  It played a key role in his mental health and when coping with the shit hand he’d been dealt in life.  It helped prevent him from falling back on old habits, like using and taking those diet pills.  So when Nathan told Warren that kissing him would help him feel better and proceeded to kiss him for a third time that night, Warren didn’t pull away.

Nathan was delighted when Warren stopped protesting.  He didn’t want to push his luck, though, so he didn’t try to push their encounter any further than kissing.  It was strangely fine by him.  It still had the desired effect, with it calming him down and distracting him from the ales of his life.  It soothed him enough that by the time “Attack of the Clones” had finished, he was ready to fall asleep.


	9. And I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on Winter Break now! Woo! It’s my last one before I finish my Bachelor’s degree, y’all. It’s crazy. It’s just crazy. So, I kinda wanna like try to get three chapters out a week during my break. See, like I mapped it out and like if I keep posting the way I am, this story won’t be done until March and there’s several reasons I don’t want this. One is I have ideas for other stories and I don’t wanna start those until this one is out in the world because I don’t wanna neglect this for something else. Another reason is I’m super excited about the upcoming chapters in this story because the slow burn is driving me insane. I wrote it, and it’s bugging me. I’m like, “GET TOGETHER ALREADY!” but no. Why did I do this?  
> SPEAKING OF SLOW BURN AND ME BEING A PAIN IN MY OWN BUTT! I almost made Grahamscott an official couple in this chapter during my first draft, but I didn’t. But like, even so I feel like the slow burn is worth it. I reread the part where they get together and it’s worth the wait. The frustrating, rage-inducing wait. They don’t get together for a long. Long. Time.  
> Anyways, I would appreciate some comments/reviews because I’m curious af what y’all are thinking, if you have any ideas or suggestions, where you think this is going, anything really. I mean, obviously you don’t gotta but it would really be much appreciated. I just wanna know if I’m doing a good job I guess, especially in regards to romance and smut scenes since I’m rusty af with romance and smut scenes are things I’ve only very recently started writing. As always my lovelies, please enjoy.

At the beginning of the school year, if someone had told Warren that he’d have been put on the VIP list for a Vortex Club Party, he would have laughed at them.  If they’d have told him that Nathan Prescott himself was the one to put Warren on the VIP list, Warren would have told them that they were crazy.  Yet there he was, at a beachfront house owned by the Prescott’s on New Year’s Eve.  In the VIP section.  Allowed in there by none other than the mother fucking Prescott heir himself.  Life certainly was strange as hell.

It still felt odd being in the VIP section of a Vortex Club party.  Warren kind of liked it, though.  It was far less crowded than the main party floor, which was downstairs and so crowded that it took him almost half an hour to make it from the front door to the stairs that led up to the VIP section.  He also liked how easy it was to keep an eye on Nathan.

Not to prevent the Prescott boy from getting laid, no, because that was certainly where things were going with some girl Warren had mentally dubbed “Random Bimbo Number 52”.  Warren was making sure that Nathan stayed sober, which had been rather difficult at the start of the night until Nathan distracted himself with that girl who’s been flouncing around.  Normally, Victoria would’ve been the one keeping Nathan away from the “party favors” but Warren offered to take the job of babysitter.  He wasn’t planning on drinking anyway so at least Victoria was free to get sloshed.

Still, watching a girl all over Nathan in such a public place was painful.  Warren knew it wasn’t Nathan’s fault, that he’d be in that girl’s place if it wasn’t for Sean Prescott and a homophobic society but it still hurt and angered him.  It made no sense that the whole damn town would know that Nathan slept with a different girl at almost every party but heaven forbid that Nathan be with one guy that really cared about him.

Oh well.  It could have been worse.  At least he wasn’t alone, as Max hadn’t left his side all night. He suspected that it was because she was there with Kate and that prevented her from being abducted by Rachel and Chloe.  Or Max was afraid of him getting wasted again.  Or it was a long-term plan to weasel out of him how he’d gotten invited to the VIP section in the first place and how he’d become friends with Nathan Prescott.  (Of course, he didn’t know that Max already knew and just wanted him to tell her again so that she could stop pretending that she didn’t know.)  Regardless of Max’s intentions, it was better than being alone and watching Nathan get dry humped by Random Bimbo Number 52.

Warren was very glad that he wasn’t alone as he watched Nathan lead the girl into a private room.  Warren tried not to think about it, to get angered or jealous by it, but he couldn’t help how he felt.  He reminded himself that he was just going to have to get used to it.  It stung like hell but what else was he supposed to do?  There couldn’t be a romantic relationship between them so he’d just have to bite his tongue while Nathan found some nice girl to be with.  Or a whole slew of Random Bimbos.  Whatever.  It wasn’t like he had any say in the matter.

With the feeling of pain and rage in his chest, he couldn’t deny to himself that he wished he had a say. He could keep reminding himself that he needed to get over it, get over the envy and bitterness, but that wouldn’t be enough to dull the ache in his heart.  He hated it.  He wanted to be the only one to lead Nathan away at partied, but he also wanted so much more than that.  He mentally chided himself for wanting something that he couldn’t have and let out a heavy sigh.

Warren tried to distract himself with Max and Kate, trying to go on and on about anything and everything except what was really on his mind.  It worked for a while until someone declared that midnight was approaching and he realized he had to get out of there.  There were couples everywhere.  Juliet and Zachary were making out in the corner.  Dana was dancing with Trevor on the other side of the room.  Chloe and Rachel were doing body shots at the bar.  Then there was Max and Kate, holding hands while they stood next to him.  He hated how childish and stupid he felt but he excused himself anyway.

He was grateful when he disappeared into a bedroom and didn’t find a couple fucking on the bed.  Sweet solitude was what he needed, especially with midnight only twenty minutes away.  He walked to a window and opened it, enjoying the feeling of the cool night air that breezed in.  It wasn’t what he wanted but it comforted him nonetheless.  Besides, what he wanted wasn’t reasonable because what he wanted wasn’t safe.

And that made him really want to punch Sean Prescott.

Warren wasn’t surprised when the door creaked open because of course someone would bother him.  The only thing he wanted that he was allowing himself to have was a moment alone with his misery but for some reason, the universe couldn’t allow that to happen.  It was just one simple thing, really. He guessed it wasn’t all that simple since he was at a crowded house party, but still.

Victoria staggered into the room, collapsing against the door and closing it simultaneously.  “Warren!” she snapped.  She was far less threatening than she normally was as she talked with a slight slur. “Keeping Nate away from the dumb bitches was part of the job description!”

Warren tried to defend himself.  “I agreed to keep him out of trouble-“

“He’s sticking his dick in some dumb whole he’ll never see again, Warren, is that _not_ trouble?”  She let out an aggravated huff as the drunkenly tottered to the bed.  “Look, Graham, he really likes you and he’s not gonna be happy if he keeps fucking random girls.”

Warren closed his eyes and let out a long, irritated sigh.  “I don’t think I can make him happy, Victoria.  We’d have to keep things hidden and if we got caught he’d be so beyond fucked.  What if we got caught and his dad just…”   Warren paused for a moment, not daring to finish that thought out loud.  “Besides, I’m sure eventually he’ll find a nice girl-“  He was interrupted by Victoria laughing.  He turned to look at her perplexedly.  “…What?”

“Of all people, Warren, you should know that doesn’t like girls.” Victoria shook her head.  “He’s fucking gay.”

“What?” Warren repeated with a completely different affliction than before.  “I always assumed he was bi like me.”

“Nah, he’s gay,” Victoria said with complete seriousness. “He’s like super fucking gay, especially for you.”

 “Then why is he with Random Bimbo Number 52?”

Victoria looked at him quizzically, blinking slowly, as she wondered if she misheard him in her drunken state. “I always thought he fucked those girls because he was in denial.  It’s probably for the image, I guess.  I mean, no one at school suspects that Nate likes guys and because of his douche of a father it’s probably best that no one starts thinking that.  Speaking of his fuckwad of a father, you never gave me the complete rundown of what happened while I was gone.”

Warren told her, knowing full well that Nathan’s secrets were safe with her.  He told her about how he treated Nathan’s wounds and saw him, for the first time, without a shirt on.  He talked about how they spent the rest of the day doing normal Christmastime activities.  He told her about Nathan’s breakdown at the hotel and how they marathoned Star Wars movies until they fell asleep.  He didn’t mention the more intimate details, like the Christmas blow job, how they cuddled when they slept, or the random kisses they still shared because Warren was weak and had to give in.

Then Victoria left because she’d gotten a test she said she had to attend to.  Warren was happy to once again be alone, especially with midnight only ten minutes away.  Being around all those happy couples seemed like a nightmare so he was glad that he managed to slink away into solitude.  He hated it, how jealous he was.  He normally wasn’t bitter when he went solo during the holidays.  Being single because no one was interested in him was a lot easier for him to stomach than the reason that he was single that New Year’s Eve.

He sat in a chair by the window and pulled out his phone, deciding he’d mess around with it until midnight had passed.  Then he’d head home.  He could have screamed when, after only a few levels of his game, the door opened again.  For fucks sake, he just wanted to be _alone_.  His lips tightened into a line and he kept his eyes on his phone.  He hoped that if he didn’t acknowledge whoever was in the room that they’d just leave.  It proved to be pointless as he heard the door close and a lock click (that door had a fucking lock?  How had he missed that?!).  He finally looked up to make sure some drunk couple wasn’t going to start getting busy with him in the room.

“Nathan?”  In the room?  Alone?  With him?  And not with Random Bimbo Number 52?  “What are you doing here?”

“It’s almost midnight,” Nathan stated simply as if that explained everything.  He strode over to where Warren was sitting.  He glanced down at Warren and noticed how confused the other boy looked.  With all that had happened over the break, how didn’t Warren understand what that meant?  “I want to be with you at midnight.”

_But why..?_ “Why aren’t you with that girl?”  There was no accusation in Warren’s tone because he felt that he didn’t have the right to do that.  As envious as he was, he wasn’t going to do anything to get in the way of what Nathan did with other people, even if there was a very bitter part of himself that wanted to.

“She doesn’t mean shit to me.  None of them do.”  Nathan hoped that Warren picked up on what he was implying because there was no way he was going to spell it out for him.  He wasn’t really good at that kind of thing.  Apparently, he was even worse than he’d thought it Warren didn’t understand why he’d ditched the girl.

Warren bit his tongue, refusing to ask what he meant to Nathan because they couldn’t go down that road.  Not when all they could be was friends.  Besides, he was fairly certain he knew what sentiment Nathan had been trying to get across.  Those subtle advances that Nathan kept making at him made it difficult to be just his friend and was largely the reason he was constantly giving in. It was also the reason that he knew he was going to end up giving in again.

Well, that and the fact that he was weak for Nathan because he felt exactly the same way.

It might have been easier if Nathan was highly articulate because then Warren would just convince himself that Nathan was being smooth.  He’d be able to believe that he was just being told whatever was necessary to get into his pants.  While Nathan could be like that when he was going after someone he wanted purely for sex, he became an awkward teenager whenever he tried to flirt with someone he really liked.  His words would come out clunky, sometimes even bitter or crass when he wasn’t trying to be.  He’d get irritated at himself to the point of bluntness, though with physical affection he was still as suave as ever.

Even without looking at a clock, it was obvious when midnight hit.  There were cheers erupting from outside of the doom.  There were fireworks going off somewhere in the distance that they could see from out the window.  When Nathan bent over and tilted Warren’s chin up, Warren fully understood what Nathan had meant when he said he wanted to be with him at midnight.  Warren was growing more accustomed to the soft and gentle kisses with Nathan and their midnight kiss started out as one of those.  The sound from the outside world seemed to fade, the worries that both boys had momentarily forgotten.


	10. So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really think Imma try to post 2-3 times a week because that way this entire story or at least most of it will be out before I go back to school next semester. It’s my final semester so it’s probably going to be hectic. Or maybe not. Either way, I’d feel better if a majority of this story was out when I went back. My goal is three times a week but there’s gonna be a few times that won’t be possible. I wanna add a new chapter in a few chapters, and then combine a later chapter (Imma point out what chapter that is and you’ll likely agree that the two needed to be combined I think… or maybe I won’t do that and just post both chapters on the same day… hmm…). That and Christmas. It’s gonna be hard to edit during Christmas. And next Monday is what I’m observing my Birthday since I couldn’t properly celebrate it since it was right before finals week.  
> I also should probably work on this as much as possible before I go to see Rogue One… Because I’ll probably end up abandoning the “Life is Strange” ship and going back to the “Star Wars” ship. But that’s okay because I plan on replaying “Life is Strange” so it’ll probably bring me right back. Hopefully. Probably. Yeah, probably. As much as I love Star Wars I don’t think I shop any of those couples as nearly as hard as I ship Grahamscott. I do love me some Obitine, though. (If you don’t know what Obitine is, get on Netflix and watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Now. I’ll be waiting when you get back, don’t worry.)  
> But yeah. I really, really love reviews/comments. I really do like to know what y’all are thinking and talking about “Life is Strange” with y’all (I don’t have any fellow LiS Lovers IRL so please… talk to me.)  
> As always my little lovelies, please enjoy.

When did everything get so complicated in Warren’s life?  The same time the year before, his biggest concern was school; school and the occasional bully throwing him into a locker.  Yeah, it was shitty, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.  Not many people paid him much mind.  He had a few friends, some that he liked as more than that but they didn’t return the feelings.  He had a lowkey friends with benefits situation with an ex-coworker who went to another school.  It never turned into anything and neither of them wanted it to do.  Eventually, it fizzled out.  That entire school year was uneventful and Warren had been okay with that.

If starting off the current school year with college applications wasn’t stressful enough, meeting Max had complicated things and not how he’d expected.  An unrequited crush on her would have been easy for him to deal with.  Annoying, but he’d deal with it.  He’d get over her and move on with his life with her just as his friend.  But no, it couldn’t be that simple.  She just had to be the one to drag him to that party where everything in his life became so damn complicated.

Things should have gotten easier that January, with him again declaring Nathan as someone who he could only be friends with.  Which they were.  They were just friends who cuddled and made out sometimes.  Friends with benefits, no big deal.  It wasn’t like they did anything more than kissing.

Anytime Nathan tried to take things further than that, Warren always stopped him.  Sometimes it would royally piss the Prescott boy off, while other times it didn’t seem like it even fazed him.  Other than the kissing and the cuddling, there was no other couple stuff going on.  No meals shared unless one counted the popcorn they ate while watching movies in Nathan’s room a meal.  There were still periodic serious talks about life but it wasn’t a daily occurrence. 

To further complicate things, there were days Nathan refused to even acknowledge him.  Trying to find out what was going on only made matters worse.  It normally resulted in him annoying the crap out of Nathan, which typically meant Nathan would go lock himself in his or Victoria’s room.  If they were in class, Nathan would just wait and fiddle with his phone until Warren shut up and left him alone.  Warren had no idea what caused it to happen but even in a better mood, Nathan refused to talk about such things.

Of course, Nathan couldn’t admit that those were the times he got so frustrated that he had to get away.  The whole situation was shit, really, and being around Warren just made it worse sometimes.  Nathan knew what he wanted.  He knew he couldn’t have it and sometimes it felt like just being friends wasn’t enough, not when he knew that Warren wanted the same things.

It was obvious that Victoria didn’t agree with the distance that was being created between Warren and Nathan.  She hadn’t explicitly mentioned it since the New Year’s Eve party but her periodic snarky remarks towards Warren when she typically ignored his existence spoke volumes.  Warren surprised it stopped at that but she understood why it was happening.  She hated it but she couldn’t fault him for worrying about her best friends’ safety.  If Nathan’s safety weren’t on the line, Warren wouldn’t have relented on his romantic conquest.  Since that was the case, though, they’d have to stay friends and only friends and move on to other romantic interests.

Warren couldn’t believe that he’d been so oblivious to the fact that another person liked him until Max pointed it out.  They were talking with Brooke, who had been oddly warm towards Max since she’d gotten together with Kate.  Brooke was in an abnormally chipper mood, he thought, until she headed to class and Max asked him how he felt about Brooke.  He found it odd that she asked that until Max informed him that Brooke had been flirting with him for the entire conversation.

Though he was highly intelligent, it didn’t mean he picked up on signals like that.  It was probably also because up until that point, he’d never entertained the notion of having Brooke be anything other than his friend and he didn’t really know why.  They got along amazingly, with a shared love of science, technology, and anime.  He always enjoyed their intellectual conversations and their over-analysis of media like video games and TV shows.  He also always thought she was cute but hadn’t really felt that spark like he had with Max or Nathan.

Maybe, that spark could come.  It was worth a shot because if he did start to have feelings for her it was highly likely they’d have a wonderful relationship.  After all, they were extremely compatible and it wasn’t like one date could ruin years of friendship.

However, he decided to be very upfront about his intentions with Brooke.  He didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about his intentions and accidently lead her on in case things didn’t go well.  He didn’t want the friendship to be ruined if they didn’t hit it off and end up going on more and more dates.  In fact, he refused to even call it a date when he invited her out to dinner and a movie that Friday before Valentine’s Day.  It wasn’t really a romantic outing.  It was just dinner at Two Whales and an old movie at the dollar theater that only played movies years or decades after they’d left theaters.  Plus, they were going to be seeing “Ghostbusters” and were both paying for their own stuff so it wasn’t like it was a date in the least bit.

Except that’s how Brooke thought of it.  She completely and totally thought of it as a date, even after Warren insisted that it wasn’t.  She asked Max for help getting ready, but since Max was clueless she enlisted the help of Rachel.  When Max texted Warren about what was going on,  with Rachel getting Brooke made up, doing her hair, and parading her around in outfits to see which would be best, Warren realized that he probably screwed up.  The guilt hit him like a ton of bricks; he was only going on the outing to see if he could like Brooke in that way and, if he was being completely honest, to try to get over how deeply he felt for Nathan.  Yet, Brooke thought he was serious and he felt like a complete asshole.

As politely as he could, he tried to backpedal and reaffirm to Brooke that they were just hanging out and it wasn’t a date.   She assured him that she knew, that he’d made his intentions perfectly clear and that she was okay with that.  Or at least that’s what she said while they were in the dinner eating burgers before the movie and Warren foolishly believed her.  When they got to the theater, she insisted that they sit in the very back corner and for a moment Warren thought that maybe she really didn’t think that they were just hanging out.

Warren’s suspicions were confirmed a few minutes after the theater had darkened for the movie when Brook leaned over and kissed him.  It felt nice, kissing Brooke, but it was lacking.  There was still something there, a jolt of feeling, but it wasn’t anything like when he kissed Nathan.  Kissing Nathan ignited something inside of him that sometimes left him feeling like he never wanted to stop.  Still, a jolt was enough to work with.  Plus, it still felt comfortable kissing Brooke and it was certainly a lot less complicated of a romance than the one he’d been dealing with.

When they got back to the dorms for the night, he walked Brooke to her room because he wanted to be a proper gentleman.  He was honest with her; he had a good time but he still didn’t really know how he felt.  He wanted to take her out again, somewhere where they could talk more than they could in the theater.  He made it clear that he didn’t want to go out on Valentine’s Day, which was the following Friday, and she agreed.  As much as she’d loved to have had a Valentine, she didn’t want to put too much pressure on the budding relationship. It wasn’t romantic but she was happy he was at least being upfront with her instead of lying and getting her hopes up.

They agreed to go out the day after Valentine’s Day, a picnic in the park so they could actually talk.  He gave her a light peck on the lips before he turned to walk back to his own dorm room.  It was then that he saw Victoria, who looked like she would murder him if she could have gotten away with it.  She didn’t like what was going on.  She didn’t want Warren with Nathan just because they looked cute together; Warren would be good for her best friend and she knew it would have happened already had it not been for Sean Mother-Fucking Prescott.

Oh, how she _despised_ that man.

After Brooke disappeared into her room, Victoria dragged Warren into hers.  She immediately went off on him, going on about how she didn’t understand why the fuck he was doing what he was doing.  It was going to hurt her best friend and anyone who hurt him that she could protect him from was going to suffer.  She didn’t anticipate the bitterness with which Warren yelled back at her.

She wasn’t used to people arguing back with her and she certainly hadn’t expected Warren to be one of the people with the guts to do such a thing.  She hadn’t expected the brutal honesty that Warren shared with her.  She hadn’t considered how much the fact that he couldn’t be with Nathan tore him up inside.  She also hadn’t realized that Warren might have been as afraid for Nathan as she was.

“I can’t fucking stand the thought of not being with him, Victoria, but…”  Warren trailed off for a moment.  His face was red, brows furrowed, a sheen of tears in his eyes.  He was confused, angry, and aching.  Everything was just so complicated and it felt like any decision he could make would be the wrong one in one way or another.  “What if I did get together with Nate?  And what if his father found out?  And what if he…”  He couldn’t finish the thought.

That’s when Victoria knew that she couldn’t make good on her threat.  Yeah, she was pissed, more than she’d been in a while.  She didn’t have the heart to take it out on Warren, though.  Warren wasn’t the problem, not really, and he was obviously hurting over the whole situation.  As much as she cared about Nathan, as much as every fiber of her being led her to want to destroy those that hurt him, she couldn’t punish Warren when it was obvious that he was suffering.

“Do you love him?” Victoria asked, speaking to Warren much more calmly than she had been.

Warren was quiet a moment, his eyes averting to the floor.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  He’d hoped she wouldn’t ask something like that.  He couldn’t lie to her, though.  She already knew so much so why start lying now?

“As a friend, yes.  I love him very much.”  Warren shuffled his feet, his eyes remaining fixed on the floor.  “But, do I love him as more than that?”  He swallowed the lump in his throat.  “I honestly don’t know…”

\--

Nathan was still recovering from having to spend way too much time during the break with his father.  Their relationship had become so damaged that even during the times that Sean Prescott wasn’t being a complete and total abusive asshole to his son, Nathan couldn’t relax.  He’d remain on high alert, even if he was holed up in his room and he knew that his father was in his office.  After all, he’d learned a long time ago that it only took one tiny mishap to cause things to spiral out of control.

A lot of his time recovering was spent alone because when things got really bad he didn’t want that blind rage aimed at someone who didn’t deserve it.  He also didn’t want anyone knowing about the bad thoughts.  They’d been a lot more frequent since Christmas break and though he knew it was entirely tied to the stress and that he’d likely be fine in a few weeks, that didn’t mean he wanted people to know that he was having them.  It was bad enough Victoria knew he had intrusive thoughts sometimes.  Even Rachel and Hayden didn’t know and he had every intention of keeping it that way.  He thought Warren might have suspected such things but he wasn’t going to ask.

Because of how Nathan was currently handling life, Victoria decided it was best that she inform him of the Warren and Brooke situation.  She didn’t want him to be blindsided by it.  If Warren didn’t tell him and Nathan found out while out and about at school, things could end badly.  The last thing he needed was the added stress of the school on his ass for throwing another desk or punching someone in the face.  So, a few minutes after Warren left, Victoria headed to the boy’s section of the dorms and let herself into Nathan’s room.

Victoria began her speech as soon as she opened the door and saw Nathan sitting on his bed.  “Nate, there’s some shit I need-“  It was then, as she was slamming the door behind her, that she noticed Warren was sitting on the couch.  Her mouth snapped shut.

Warren awkwardly waved at her and pretended that he didn’t know why she was there.  “I just gotta finish telling Nathan something real quick and then he’s all yours.”  His attention returned to Nathan and he spoke as if Victoria wasn’t there.  It wasn’t like she didn’t already know.  “I’ll be going out with Brooke again next week…  I just wanted to make sure you heard it from me.”

Much Victoria’s surprise, Nathan didn’t even look phased by the news.  “That’s cool.”

Warren appeared to share her astonishment.  “Are you sure?”

Nathan shrugged, a nonchalant expression on his face.  “Why should I give a fuck?  We’re just friends, Warren.  And it’s not like I don’t fuck a different chick like every week so why should I care if you go after one?”

Warren chuckled and rose from the couch, rubbing the back of his neck.  “I was kinda worried considering-“ he glanced at Victoria “-never mind.  I guess I’ll see you tomorrow for our Lord of the Rings marathon?”

Nathan nodded.  “Yeah, at noon.  You bring the popcorn.”

“Will do!” Warren said before leaving the room.

Victoria wasn’t surprised to see the distraught look on Nathan’s face the moment the door closed behind Warren.  She was impressed by how well he’d fronted that he wasn't bothered by Warren dating Brooke; it was certainly not something he’d have been able to pull off months ago.  If it had occurred a few months prior, he’d have flown into a jealous rage, spewed some hurtful words at Warren that he didn’t mean, and then would have drowned his pain in a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

Even though it was good that he was acknowledging what he was feeling, it still broke Victoria’s heart to see Nathan like that.  He was crying.  Not the cute, sorrowful crying that’s seen in the movies.  No, it was the real crying that was ugly, with tears streaming down over blotchy red cheeks.  It was the kind of crying that was so violent that it was hard for him to form words if he wanted to.

Victoria sat next to him and held him but she didn’t really know what else to do.  How was she supposed to comfort him? If it had been Courtney or Taylor crying over some guy, she would have gone on about how that guy was a loser and they’d find someone better soon. The situation wasn’t anywhere near the same for Nathan.  It wasn’t going to be easy for him to find another guy that liked men, that he also likes, that would keep their mouth shut.  That was assuming he would even try to find another guy, which she seriously doubted would happen anytime soon.

 “Victoria…” Nathan choked out as his tears started subsiding, “…did I fuck up again?”

She ran her hands through his hair as she said, “No, no Nate.  This isn’t your fault.  I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault.”  _Except your fathers…_

“I shouldn’t have pussied out on my advances,” Nathan groaned, removing himself from Victoria’s grasp and falling back on the bed, “or I shouldn’t have let him know about my father.”  Fresh tears welled in his eyes.  “Go fucking figure the first person who likes me and doesn’t give a shit about the Prescott fortune or the fact that I’m fucking crazy is the only one who cares that my dad beats the shit out of me.”

“Nathan, don’t talk like that.  You’re not crazy.”

“I don’t know what the fuck to do!” he snapped, his anger suddenly flaring.  “I don’t want to lose him but I can’t…  I can’t let people know that I’m a f-…”  He paused a moment, releasing a heavy sigh.  “That I’m like _that_.”

Victoria was once again surprised.  She was used to him being frustrated and calling himself degrading names… Psycho.  Crazy. Dumbass. Faggot.  She always had to correct him because she didn’t want her best friend looking at himself like that. The fact that he stopped himself, even though he still had never called himself “gay”, was a big step.  As Nathan started weeping again, Victoria curled up beside him and just let him cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. Just trust me, okay? I know what I’m doing. I know what you’re here for and I will deliver. Eventually. Until then, sit back, try to relax, and just trust me.


	11. But me I'm not a gamble you can count on me to split

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, remember how last chapter I said I was sorry and that y’all needed to trust me? Well… I’m VERY sorry and y’all REALLY need to trust me. I know what I’m doing. The payoff is worth it, I swear! Fortunately for my lovely little readers, I hate writing stories with sad endings. Sad beginnings and middles, though… Well, they just make the happy ending even more enjoyable. Well, that and LiS ended sad as hell no matter what ending you choose so I don’t need to end this story sad because canon is sad enough.  
> So, I’m going to try to get the next few chapters out really quickly, because I don’t like leaving the story in these sad places. That and it’s just getting closer and closer to Nathan and Warren getting together and I’m just SO EXCITED! I’m already most of the way through editing chapter 12 so that’ll be out soon. Because 13 is likely going to be something I’m writing fresh instead of just hardcore editing, plus with the holiday coming up this weekend that’s going to probably make me super busy, y’all might have to wait a little longer for 13 or 14 (depending on how easily chapter 13 comes to me).  
> Holidays are stressful, y’all. Candid writer story time. So like this is going to be the first time I’ve seen my husband’s family since Thanksgiving. Where they got me drunk. And I said some things, because I was drunk. Also a 7-year-old was the one in the family who brought up the election (kid is WOKE af). It was wild, y’all. But yeah. When I was drunk, I got too real. I get too real when I’m drunk. So yeah. I joked with my husband that now that his family knows too much Imma either have to divorce him because shame or stay with him forever because of the fact that they know too much (of course I’m kidding. I can’t leave that guy. He encourages my ships even though he doesn’t ship things. 10/10 would marry again).  
> Anyways. Please review/comment and I hope y’all enjoy even though this chapter is painful.

When Warren and Nathan had their “Lord of the Rings” marathon, Nathan acted as it nothing was the matter.  At least, he tried to.  Snippets of passive-aggressiveness appeared every so often but Warren didn’t think much of it.  He assumed it had something to do with Nathan’s father and nothing to do with his date with Brooke.

When they marathoned movies and shows, Nathan would typically try, at least once, to kiss Warren and typically, at least once, Warren would give in.  During the “Lord of the Rings” marathon, Nathan didn’t try anything, though.  Warren knew he should have been grateful but he wasn’t.  He’d been the one that was adamant that there couldn’t be any sort of intimate relationship between them but that wasn’t what Warren really wanted.  He enjoyed it when Nathan tried to initiate physical intimacy.  It was partially because he enjoyed being wooed (even though Nathan wasn’t all that good at it) and partially because he really liked kissing Nathan (which Nathan was exceptionally good at).

Warren felt like the hugest jackass for wanting it, though, especially during the end of the third movie when he contemplated initiating intimacy himself.  He hated wanting something that could potentially hurt somebody.  He’d never be able to forgive himself if he found out that he was the specific cause of Sean Prescott’s abuse towards his son.  He had no choice.  He had to stop liking Nathan and maybe dating someone else would help with that process.

Or maybe it would just make everything even more complicated.

He wasn’t at all surprised when he found out that Nathan hadn’t been truthful and actually had cared that he was dating Brooke; it was what he’d expected to happen in the first place.  The way that Nathan went about making it known that it bothered him, though, _that’s_ what really shocked Warren.  It also really, really pissed him off.

He got sent a bouquet of red roses and a really expensive box of assorted chocolates on Valentine’s Day.  It was something he’d typically have found to be really sweet.  Except it arrived in his science class.  In front of Brooke.  He knew that the choice to have it sent then and there was deliberate; it was the only time Warren was guaranteed to be around Brooke.

Though there was nothing indicating who the gifts were from, Brooke was still furious.  She took it as a sign that Warren was dating around.  Though she was okay with them not being serious or exclusive, she was livid that he hadn’t told her that she had competition.  She wasn’t going to fight for him.  She had more pride than that. She broke off their date for the next day and ran off in a huff.

“Nathan, what the fuck?” Warren snapped after he let himself into Nathan’s room and locked the door behind him.  The bouquet and the chocolates were in his hands and his face scrunched into a furious scowl.  His irritation only worsened as Nathan looked up at him from his textbook nonchalantly, like he wasn’t bothered in the least by Warren’s rage.

 “Did I not send the right chocolates?”

“…Are you fucking joking with me right now?”  Warren blinked slowing, wondering if Nathan really didn’t understand why he was mad.

 “What?”

Warren scoffed as he threw the gifts down on Nathan’s bed.  Go figure the first time someone gave him something for Valentine’s Day it turned into a nightmare.  Because his life had to be fucking complicated.  The relationship he had with Nathan was even more complicated and it didn’t seem like it was getting any better.

So Warren went off, yelling about the hypocrisy of the situation.  It wasn’t fair that Warren had to bite his tongue as Nathan fucked some random bimbo almost every fucking weekend.  Yet he couldn’t go out on a few dates with one nice girl.  Warren had seen Nathan making out and flirting with several girls, yet Nathan couldn’t handle the mere idea of him being with one.

Nathan looked up at the rambling boy, not sure if he could verbalize what he felt.  He knew it was selfish and when Victoria found out, she’d probably give him a piece of her mind as well.  It wasn’t really hypocritical because it really wasn’t the same thing.  The girls Nathan slept with meant nothing to him.  It was just done to uphold an image, to keep him as far in the closet as possible in the public eye.  It wasn’t possible for him to care about the girls in the way he cared about Warren.  Brooke, though, could easily mean something to Warren and Nathan wouldn’t stand the thought of that.

“We can’t do this shit, Nathan!” Warren continued to ramble when Nathan responded with silence.  “There is _nothing_ going on between you and me and there can’t be, so you can’t pull this shit.  We _aren’t_ together!”

“But I’d like us to be…”  Nathan hadn’t expected his voice to sound that meek and he wondered if Warren had even heard it.

That sent Warren off.  He went on and on, reiterating his point, that that couldn’t happen.  It was never going to happen, not as long as it interfered with Nathan’s safety.  Since they weren’t together and couldn’t be, then Nathan couldn’t stop him from dating.  Finally, Nathan snapped back.  All he did was send Warren shit for Valentine’s Day; it wasn’t his fault that Brooke couldn’t handle the fact that someone else liked Warren.  Warren pointed out that it was obviously what Nathan had intended when the gifts were sent to the one class he shared with Brooke.

Nathan was silent for a moment, his eyes focusing on the projector in front of him.  There was no point in lying to Warren, especially not when he already knew the truth.  Maybe it was time to be honest and spell things out clearly.

 “I wanted to send the person I liked something nice on Valentine’s Day.”

Warren sighed and plopped down on the bed.  The statement cooled his anger quite a bit. In a way, he understood Nathan’s frustrations because he wanted the same thing. It was painful to think about, the something as simple as what was between his legs was really the only reason they couldn’t be a happy, healthy couple.  Much more calmly than he’d said it earlier, Warren reiterated the point that they could only be friends.

“I just want you to be safe, Nathan,” Warren said with a melancholy expression in his eyes.

“For fucks sake, Warren!” Nathan snapped as he rose from the bed.  He paced, his arms flailing as he spoke.  “What about what _I_ want?  What about what I need?”

Warren remained calm.  “What you need it to be safe-“

“-what I need is to be able to live my life outside of the fucking closet!”

“One day, Nathan, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.” 

“You don’t get to decide that!”

Warren looked up at him.  Everything was getting even more confusing.  Nathan had never really talked like that before, never even hinted that he wanted to be able to be openly out.  Of course it was a valid want and need, a very important one at that.  However, Warren still stood by his feelings that Nathan’s physical safety needed to take precedence over that.

“Yeah, but I get a say in deciding whether or not we’re together or not.”  Warren took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he exhaled a shaky breath.  He knew what he needed to do; he knew what would be best for Nathan, for both of them.  That didn’t make it any easier.  “Maybe…  we shouldn’t hang out for a while.”

“What?”  Nathan felt a panic rising within him.  His heart pounded, throat constricted, his mouth went dry, and he was pretty sure he was shaking.  He trusted Warren.  He’d let Warren know things that only Victoria had.  Warren knew the truth about his father for fucks sake!  And Warren was just going to leave him?

“I…”  Warren took another deep breath, trying to remain strong.  He couldn’t waiver on what he was saying, not that time.  “This isn’t working out.  I want it to but it’s obviously not to maybe we shouldn’t hang out until us being friends can work.”  Warren didn’t want to stop seeing Nathan and saying the words gutted him like a knife.  It seemed like the only logical course of action, though.  Maybe distance was all they needed to stop having feelings for each other.

Nathan’s panic subsided momentarily and was replaced with red hot anger.  “Don’t give me those bullshit excuses, Graham. Get the fuck out of my room.”

Warren got off the bed and walked towards the door.  He halted a moment when his hand rested on the doorknob.  There was a feeling of guilt in his stomach but he felt that he needed to push through it, but not before saying one last thing to Nathan.

“If anything happens, though, I’ll still be there for you.”

Nathan repeated, with far more venom, “Get the _fuck_ out of my room.”

Warren did so, quickly darting to his own room, his hands shaking as he tried to unlock the door.  He didn’t want anyone to see him.  He wasn’t fully confident that he’d made the right choice.  He didn’t know if he’d regret what he’d done in the morning. He didn’t know if Nathan was going to hate him forever or just for the moment for what he did.  It seemed like the best thing to do, though.  It would keep Nathan safe and his safety needed to be a top priority.

Though that thought provided some comfort, it wasn’t enough to prevent tears from spewing from his eyes the second he made it into his own dorm room.

Like Nathan, Warren was panicking and in desperate need or someone to be with him.  Being alone felt terrifying, suffocating even.  He prayed as the phone rang that Max would answer and she would go see him because he didn’t know who else to do to for comfort.  His hands continued to shake as he held the phone to his ear, his breath quickening with every ring.

Max was in her room, with Chloe.  They were listening to music, strumming on her guitar, and just bullshitting about the double date they were going to be on with their girlfriends in a few hours.  Max sighed when she saw who was calling because she’d been hoping that it was Kate.  She was just so excited to have her first Valentine’s Day where she wasn’t alone.  Still, she answered the phone.

“Hey, this isn’t really a good time.”

“M-max…”  Warren had been hoping that his voice wouldn’t break when he spoke but of course it did.

“Warren, are you okay?” Max asked, her concern immediate.  She gestured to Chloe to turn the music off, which she did.  Chloe looked concerned and quietly asked what was going on.

Warren shook his head, which he realized was pointless as Max couldn’t actually see him.  “No, no I’m…  I can’t be alone right now.”

Max got off her couch, placing her guitar in its usual spot.  She didn’t know why Warren was crying but she didn’t like it one bit.  She suspected that something really bad had happened because she’d never known of him crying the whole time she’d known him.

“Where are you?”

“My dorm…”

Max turned to Chloe, telling her to get out of her room as she grabbed her keys.  “I’ll be there in literally a minute, okay?”  She stepped out of her room, turning around to lock her door.  “I’m literally locking my door right now.  I’ll see you in a minute.”  She ended the call and finished locking the door.  She wasn’t surprised when she saw the door across the hall open as well.

“I’m leaving right now, Nate.  Just hang on until I get there.”  When Victoria hung up the phone and saw Max, she stopped dead in her tracks.  She was certain she knew where Max was going.  It couldn’t be a coincidence the were leaving at the exact same time.

“Hey, Victoria,” Max said awkwardly, not sure what to say but feeling like she should say something.

“Hi, Max.”  Victoria was quiet a moment before asking, “You’re going to see Warren, aren’t you?”

Max nodded in response.

“If you or Warren tell anyone, I’ll personally have you both destroyed.”

There was no point in playing dumb, acting like she didn’t know anything.  There was no way Warren wasn’t about to tell Max.  If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have called her up crying.

 “Don’t worry, Victoria.  We won’t tell anyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. New chapter will be up super soon don’t worry! 


	12. The love I sell you in the evening, by the morning won't exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter isn’t nearly as sad as it should be considering what happened at the end of the previous chapter. But whatever. When I wrote the first draft of this story, this is what naturally flowed out so… It is what it is. It’s Nathan and his friends being good friends. Especially Victoria. I love Victoria.  
> Besides, I guess it’s kinda uplifting that this chapter isn’t super depressing. It’s like after the bad shit comes some good shit or something. Plus, y’all know that by the end of this, Nathan and Warren will be together. But how? When?! Stay tuned to find out!!! (God, I’m such a fucking dork.)  
> Also I think I’m becoming obsessed with Yuri on Ice. I’m only on like episode 5 right now but like it blew up on Tumblr and even though I don’t like anime really I decided to watch it anyways because canonical gays. I need this in my life. I just hope that it ends well because I am apparently drawn to tragic things (Like Grahamscott and Anidala and Obitine in Star Wars). Why are all my ships tragic? I just realized you might be thinking, “Hey, writer bitch. You’re complaining about tragedy but look at what you just did to Grahamscott! You had a good thing going!” But again, I must stress, this story has a happy ending. I cannot stand writing things with sad endings.  
> Anyways, as always I love hearing from you lovely reads! Please enjoy.

Nathan didn’t know how to handle his emotional pain.  After the fight with Warren, his second desire was to drink half a bottle of whisky, do a line of, take some diet pills like he used to, or maybe all three of those things at once.  It was fortunate that his first desire was to call Victoria before those thoughts occurred because otherwise he might have acted on those impulses.  With Victoria around, he couldn’t do those things no matter how much he wanted to.  Instead, he had to deal with his intense feelings in much healthier ways.  She let him cry until he didn’t want to cry anymore. Then she put a stupid show on Netflix on and they watched it until he fell asleep.  She raided his closet for some clothes to sleep in and slept on his couch.  She wanted to be there if he needed her.

The next day, Victoria got to work getting help monitoring him.  She knew, with how bad everything seemed to be going for him, that relapse was extremely likely and she didn’t want to start back at square one after he’d been sober for almost three months.  Again, Hayden was bringing him breakfast, Taylor or Courtney would bring him lunch, Victoria would make sure he had dinner, and Rachel would randomly show up in his dorm room at least once a day.  Though the majority of the Vortex Club had no idea what brought about the new bout of monitoring Nathan, most just suspected he had a major relapse and almost died or something.

It drove Nathan crazy at first, having almost no time to himself but after about a week he realized it was probably the best thing for him.  He couldn’t use drugs, or alcohol, or even sex as a crutch.  It also kept him eating regularly.  He really enjoyed his breakfasts with Hayden.  Hayden would always bring him something small and typically healthy to eat.  Even if it was hipster bullshit food like overnight oats or parfaits with plain yogurt and chia seeds in it, he always enjoyed it.

His favorite thing about breakfast with Hayden was merely being in the presence of the other boy.  He didn’t like him like _that_ , which honestly surprised him at times.  It was for the best, as Hayden was most definitely into girls and only girls. Hayden’s presence, though, was something Nathan found very comforting and had for quite some time.  Hayden was good at keeping secrets which was one of the reasons that Nathan actually allowed him to be one of his few best friends.  Hayden also just had a calming presence in general, since he was almost always relaxed and gave very few fucks about anything even when he wasn’t stoned.  It was a nice contrast to the near-constant anxiety Nathan felt.

Having lunch with Courtney or Taylor wasn’t as nearly as welcome as breakfast with Hayden.  Initially, he only allowed it because it gave Victoria peace of mind and at the very least he owed her that much.  At least they, too, almost always brought him healthy food.

Courtney was especially a stickler for healthy food and almost always brought them some type of salad for them to eat.  Occasionally, when she was having a bad day, she’d splurge and get them salads with fried chicken or steak on it.  She’d sit with him while they ate and avoided looking at his bondage posters on the wall.  They never talked about anything serious.  Just parties, random things about Victoria, but initially they’d mostly sit in awkward silence.  Eventually, Nathan learned to just put Netflix on the projector and they’d pick out a show.  They didn’t have a lot to talk about, but at least they had a few shows that they both loved and could bond over.

It was different when Taylor brought him food.  She seemed a bit more concerned about him and he wondered if it was because of her own genuine interest of it she only cared about him because Victoria did.  On days when it was really cold, she’d bring them soup.  When it rained or snowed, she’d open the blinds covering his window and watch the weather.  He didn’t know how she wasn’t tired of it considering how often it rained in Oregon, but then he remembered that she was actually from California and had only been in Arcadia Bay since the start of the school year.  She would occasionally ask him how his sobriety was going and praise him for how good he was doing.  Eventually, he’d grown to enjoy Taylor and Courtney’s company.

It wasn’t anything compared to the time he spent with Rachel, though.  He didn’t know why he felt like Rachel understood him; probably because she was one of the few people he’d never felt judged by.  For a while, he’d thought she’d run off when he stopped supplying her with drugs and was surprised for the first month that he was sober that she was still coming around.  They could talk about anything, serious or stupid.  They could talk for hours or marathon movies and shows in complete silence.  In a way, their relationship was a lot like the one he had with Warren except he wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to Rachel.  In fact, that was part of how he realized that he really was gay; if he did like girls, he'd totally have fallen in love with Rachel Amber.

Most people thought Victoria was more his type and he could see what they thought that.  From an outsiders’ perspective, the two seemed like the kind of people who would end up together.  Both came from affluent families, neither of them were bad too look at, both shared a love of art and photography, and both of them were far more insecure than they let on.  Yet their similarities were what left them feeling more like family than romantic interests.

Well, that and the fact that Nathan wasn’t interested in girls.

After Warren, that was a rather undeniable fact.  Sure, having sex with a woman felt… okay.  However, it paled in comparison to what he’d grown accustomed to with Warren and he knew it purely wasn’t because he actually had feelings for the boy.  That fact was forcing him to deal with the fact that he really was gay and no matter how many girls he fucked that wasn’t going to change.

Most days, he still hated that he was gay.  Some days it was purely him being disgusted with himself.  Some days, though, his bitterness towards his sexuality had to do with how other people might treat him for being that way if they knew.  There were some days, a lot more than he used to have, where he didn’t feel like being gay was bad.  After all, even though things didn’t end well with Warren, how could something that caused him to fall for someone like Warren be so bad?  Warren had hurt him, very much so, but Warren was the only person he’d ever met that was attracted to him and only him.  Maybe one day, in the distant future, he’d find another nice guy just like Warren and maybe it would work out better.  Maybe one day he’d be able to be openly gay.

The first time that Nathan actually called himself “gay” -not a “fag” or “someone who likes guys- Victoria almost cried.  It was a lazy Sunday.  She had brought them a ton of finger food to eat while they watched a few episodes of “Steven Universe”, Victoria’s new obsession that she was too embarrassed to let most people know that she loved.  They chatted, giggling about this, that, and the other thing, at times more wrapped up in their conversation than what was going on in the show.

Victoria was delightfully surprised at how well Nathan was doing that day.  It had been a little over two weeks since he’d talked to Warren.  Though there were days that were really difficult, Nathan seemed to be doing wonderfully that day.  He was bright, alert, and happy and she was so grateful.  She was especially happy when he started joking around with her.

“So, fusion is basically another word for fucking right?” Nathan asked, playfully nudging Victoria in the side, as they got to the episode of “Steven Universe” that introduced ‘fusion’.  When two characters ‘fused’, they danced (somewhat erotically, Nathan thought) and melded into one character (a blatant metaphor for sex, Nathan also thought).

Victoria scoffed, “Nathan, for fucks sake, this is a kid’s show!”  She rolled her eyes at him, half-playfully and half-annoyed, before grabbing a piece of broccoli from the veggie tray she’d brought and shoving it in her mouth.

“Just because this is a kid’s show doesn’t mean it’s not super sexual and so fucking gay.”

Victoria gave him an irritated look before she swallowed and spoke again.  “How many times do I have to tell you not to use that word like that?  Being gay isn’t bad, Nate!”

“I know, I know.  I didn’t mean it like that, Vic.  This show is literally gay.”  Nathan was silent a moment, his eyes returning to the projection on the wall before he quietly added, “…you know, like me.”

Victoria slowly turned to look at him, not sure if she’d heard him right.  “What did you just say?”  She’d heard Nathan refer to himself as a multitude of derogatory terms for being gay in the time since he’d first come out to her, never a neutral or positive term.  Not once had she heard him speak so nonchalantly about it, like it was just a part of who he was like having blue-eyes or something else mundane, instead of something that was wrong and needed to be changed.

Nathan looked uncomfortable and a little anxious, like it had been a difficult thing for him to say.  He didn’t know if he could say it again but he knew that he needed to.  His eyes didn’t leave the show as he spoke again, his voice sounding like it would break at any moment.

“I’m gay, Victoria.”  Nathan’s face was a brilliant shade of red and his eyes flickered over to his friend.  He felt foolish for feeling so nervous because there was no way she didn’t know he was gay.  She knew everything about his relationship with Warren, even how he’d gotten the scar on his stomach.  There was absolutely no way it was new information to her.  He supposed the uneasiness came from the fact that it was the first time he’d verbally used that word to describe himself.  Ever.

Victoria knew what a big milestone that was for him.  She looked at her best friend in awe for a moment as it fully sank in just how important what he’d just said was.  She’d been trying to get him to a point where he’d at least stop calling himself a “fag” for literal years.  She’d been hoping that one day he’d start getting to a point where he’d be comfortable admitting he was gay and eventually being thoroughly comfortable with that fact within himself.  However, with Sean Prescott, those things seemed like a distant dream to Victoria, seeming like an impossible feat at times.  Yet, she’d just heard him take the very first steps in the direction that he needed to go in and Victoria couldn’t be happier for him.

“I’m so proud of you!” Victoria exclaimed as she hugged him tightly.  It was kind of weird as they rarely hugged for good reasons; Victoria wasn’t one for physical affection and she typically only gave it to Nathan when he was in need of comfort.  She didn’t particularly enjoy it but she did it because she knew that he needed it.  It wasn’t often that she was so overwhelmed with glee that she hugged someone.

“There’s nothing to be proud of, Vic,” Nathan muttered as he awkwardly hugged her back.  “I like guys.  You know this.”

“I know that had to be really hard for you to say.”  She pulled out of the hug but one of her hands lingered on his shoulder.  “You’ve made a lot of progress, Nate, and you’re working so hard-“

“Whatthefuckever, stop gushing,” he grumbled as he rolled his eyes.  “It’s not a big deal.”

“For fucks sake, Nathan, don’t do this!” Victoria sighed.  “You downplay anything good you do but dwell on tiny fuckups.  Dr. Crane said you need to work on that and you need to work on taking compliments.  So, let me gush.”

Nathan grimaced.  He knew that she was right and maybe, just maybe, the fact that he used the word was a really big deal.  Compliments and praised had become a very foreign concept to him since his sister moved out and his family life turned into even more shit than it’d been before.  It felt like Kristine was the only one in the family that really took an interest in him and the only one who seemed to have anything good to say about him.  He understood why she left because he’d periodically considered how to escape from their parents as well but it still hurt.  She was the only protection he had against their father and though there was no way she could have known how bad it would get after she left, he sometimes resented her for it.

When she first left, he became hungry for praise, affection, anything and everything he no longer got at home.  That was until he leaned that those things were just tools people could use to get things from him.  Even though he still really wanted them, he began rejecting such things.  It was a large part of why he’d been spout off by Victoria when they first met.  It was in the introductory class they shared when they were freshmen.  She complimented his photography and of course he thought she wanted something from him.  He brushed her off and she responded by inviting herself to his room for dinner and a movie marathon.  He assumed she wanted to sleep with him because it was obvious with the designer clothes that she wore that she didn’t need him for his money.  They stayed up until the sun came out, watching movies, giggling, talking, and not once did she try to make a move on him.  It was then that he began to trust her.

Maybe he needed to trust her again.

“Okay, so maybe me saying that I’m…” the word still felt strange in Nathan’s mouth but he forced himself to say it,” …gay is kinda a big deal.”  Victoria beamed at him and he smiled gently back at her for a moment before adding, “…but it’s not going to get me what I want.”

Victoria gently squeezed his shoulder and remained silent.  She didn’t know what to say.  She hadn’t expected Nathan to still be longing after Warren two weeks later.  She’d expected him to move past that point, to focus on the anger and the betrayal that he felt.  Then again, it was hard to be angry at Warren.  He didn’t do what he did to be an asshole, he did it because he wanted to protect Nathan.  Besides, Warren wasn’t a bad person.  Max had been right; Warren really was a White Knight: chivalrous, kind, caring, and he put others needs before his own.  However, Victoria couldn’t help but wonder if Warren made the wrong call. It didn’t seem like it was possible for things between Nathan and his father could get any worse, even if Nathan began dating a guy.

“You really still wanna be with that nerd?”

Nathan sighed and nodded.  “I don’t fucking get it, Vic.  I want to hate him or be angry with him or even blame myself but I can’t.  I know I fucked up and I know he fucked up too but it’s just…  It’s just all so damn shitty.”

“It’s not really either of your faults, though.”

“I know, I know.”  Nathan sank further onto the bed and strummed his fingers on the mattress.  “Vic?”

“Yes, Nate?”

“I fucking hate my dad.”


	13. You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… this was supposed to be out earlier today but… I got a Sims expansion and yeah.  
> With how this chapter turned out, it probably should have been chapter 12 because it’s sadness and longing but… It is what it is. This is what flowed out. I feel bad that this is what I post just before Christmas, though. Oh well at least there’s some smut in this chapter.  
> I think I’m going to stop giving smut warnings… or I’ll be more vague about it. But it uh yeah in this chapter there’s some melancholy smut.  
> I do feel bad for the timing of this. I mean, I made sure to get smut out for Warren Graham-Cracker’s birthday. I feel like I should try to get out a happy chapter as a Christmas Present for all you lovelies reading out there. But honestly, the first happy chapter isn’t going to be for a little while. Like, if I keep posting at this rate it’ll be next week but it would be a lot of work getting that out before Christmas and frankly I don’t have that kinda time right now.  
> Anyways! Reviews/comments are always very much appreciated! I love hearing from y’all and talking with y’all. And as always, I hope you enjoy (even if it is sad).

It was supposed to be a lot easier than it was.  At least, that’s what Warren thought.  It wasn’t like it was a breakup as he and Nathan had never actually been together.  Even if it was, he was the one who initiated it.  It was what was best for both of them, even if neither of them wanted it.

The shitty feelings were made worse by the fact that he couldn’t really talk about what had happened.  He could only talk about it with Max, who had come to learn almost every detail over the first weeks that he’d stopped seeing Nathan.  Of course, he couldn’t tell Max the biggest reason, that he broke things off with Nathan because he feared that Sean Prescott would do something horrible and unfixable to his son if they were found out.  He just told her that Sean Prescott didn’t like the gays and would kick Nathan out and cut him off if he found out.  It sounded reasonable and Max bought it and maybe it wasn’t far from the truth.

Warren doubted that, though.  Warren didn’t think that Nathan would get off that easily if his father found out.  All Warren could think about was the cut he cleaned on Nathan’s arm, the black eyes, the bruised ribs.  He couldn’t help but wonder if Nathan lied to him.  What if some of those things had happened because Sean suspected something?  Nathan not having any idea what caused the beatings sounded like a cover, like he didn’t want Warren to know that he was actually the cause of those incidents.  Warren couldn’t handle it, the idea that he was causing someone he cared about so deeply to get hurt.

Sometimes, it seemed stupid that he thought the only way to prevent Nathan from getting hurt was to hurt him himself.  After all, it was obvious that he’d wounded Nathan when he declared that they needed time apart.  It was painful to do.  It was painful to live with.  Warren couldn’t even describe how awful he felt having to do that.

In some ways, Warren felt the way he had months ago.  He longed to give in, to go down the hall and knock on Nathan’s door.  So long ago that was purely about sex, though.  Admittedly, that was a small part of it but it had grown into so much more.  He’d come to care for Nathan, to enjoy his company, his touch, his smell, his everything.  He missed so many things they used to do.  He missed having someone to watch weird movies and shows with.  He missed waking up next to someone.  Most of all, he missed talking to Nathan.  They could talk about anything and everything and, for the most part, it came so easy and natural.

Even Chloe had noticed how down Warren had been, even though he tried to hide it.  It drove her insane that he wouldn’t tell her what was wrong.  Even so, since she’d grown to see him as one of her best friends, she decided that she was going to take it upon herself to make him feel better.  She decided to drag him to a Vortex Club party to try to get him laid.

He resisted her entire plan.  First, he said he didn’t want to go to the party.  When she managed to drag him there, he refused to go into the VIP section and wouldn’t budge on that matter.  He insisted he wanted to hang out with his other friends so she gave up on that one.  Besides, there would be a larger selection of people for her to choose for him if they stayed out of the VIP section.

When she first brought him a random girl and told him to go for it, he continued to protest.  The girl was cute and was looking for a hookup, but Warren didn’t really want to go for that sort of thing.  That was until he saw Nathan walk out of the VIP section and then the party with some girl.  He knew where they were going and it was made all the more obvious the way the bimbo was all over Nathan.  He felt jealousy burn in the pit of his stomach and then he decided that he was going to give in.

He always thought making out with someone at a Vortex Club party would be more enjoyable, more freeing, but it wasn’t.  It felt nice, of course, being kissed on and rubbed up on while surrounded by people, but not the way he thought it would.  He couldn’t help but think that was because she wasn’t Nathan.

It wasn’t long until Warren was leaving the party while the girl remained all over him.  The second they made it to his room, she pushed him up against the door and he tried not to think about what was going on in the room down the hall.  He wanted to want it, to not think about it and just enjoy it.  In many ways, it felt good.  Of course it felt good as clothes flew off and hands explored the newly exposed flesh.  It felt amazing as she got on her knees and took him in her mouth.

And yet, he felt guilty.  It was illogical and angering but he felt like he was betraying Nathan.  Even though he’d seen Nathan run off with so many girls, even though it was likely Nathan was fucking someone else as Warren was getting blown against his door, it still felt wrong.  He hated that he felt that way.  He tried to push it from his mind but he couldn’t.  The girl picked up that something was wrong, likely because of how silent he’d become.

She pulled off him and looked up.  “Am I doin’ somethin’ wrong?”

Warren shook his head.  “It’s not you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

His irritation flared as he looked down at her.  The only clothes she had on were her tiny panties.  His cock was still in her hands, even though they were unmoving.  She was willing, so willing.  All he’d probably have to do is put a condom on and push her up against the wall.  Or over his desk.  Or on the bed.  Fucking someone else would probably have been good for him, but no.  Though his body was responding, his mind just couldn’t get into it.  His stupid brain had to ruin everything and think about Nathan, because even though fucking random women would feel good, it wasn’t what he wanted.

“I’m sorry but you should probably go.”

The girl seemed aggravated, insulted even, as she hurriedly got dressed.  Warren apologized again and tried to reassure the girl that she didn’t do anything wrong as he put his boxers back on.  She left in a huff, glaring as she closed the door.

Warren locked the door before he collapsed on his bed.  A complex slew of emotions hit him all at once.  He felt angry, at Nathan, at Sean Prescott, but mostly at himself.  Yet, he was sad for many of the same reasons.  He felt stuck because he knew what he wanted and he couldn’t have it.  It was obvious, painfully so, that he truly cared for Nathan if that was all he could think about while he was trying to fool around with someone else.  He felt guilty for trying even though he knew that was stupid.  As he’d told Nathan what felt like a million times, the two of them weren’t together.  He shouldn’t feel bad for trying to hook up with some cute girl yet he did.

All of the things Warren was feeling were so overwhelming.  He wished he could instead feel nothing.  Numbness was better than the shitstorm of emotion coursing through his body.  He grabbed his phone, wondering if he should call someone.  The only person he could talk to was Max and it was likely she was still with Kate.  He didn’t want to ruin their time together.

It was then that Warren was hit with another terrible emotion: envy.  Kate’s mother would definitely disapprove of Kate’s relationship with Max if she knew about it.  But Kate’s mom was hours away and therefore it was easy to make sure she didn’t find out anything.  Kate’s shitty family didn’t own the town.  Even if she did, Kate’s mother was a bitch but she’d never lay a hand on her daughter.  Max didn’t have to worry about Kate the way Warren had to worry about Nathan.

And he hated feeling that way.  He hated being jealous of Max and Kate.  He hated feeling guilty all the time.  He hated the feelings of longing.  He hated how much he missed Nathan.  Maybe most of all, he hated how much he’d been crying over the things that he wanted but that he just couldn’t have.

\--

Nathan couldn’t stand how much he missed Warren.  He’d rather be angry with Warren.  Anger was easier for him to deal with.  He couldn’t be all that angry with Warren, though, just hurt.  He had grown to be angry at himself.  He knew he’d fucked up. He’d known that it was very likely that things would end badly when he sent Warren things on Valentine’s Day but he thought the risk was worth it.  It was selfish and hypocritical.  Logically, he knew that, but it wasn’t the logical part of his brain that had been in control.  He was jealous.  He couldn’t stand the idea of Warren with someone else.

He was most angry that he’d decided Warren was worth the risk, all the risks, after Warren had decided that he wouldn’t let Nathan take that kind of risk.  It was frustrating, especially since that declaration was exactly why Nathan had decided he wanted Warren more than anything.  Warren actually cared about him as a person.  Not the money.  Not the name.  Not the limitless resources the Prescott fortune could buy.  Warren cared about him and liked him for who he was, even though he often felt like he was a fucking basket case.

Oftentimes, those things didn’t make him angry.  He wished they did but they mostly made him feel other sorts of negative emotions.  Like sadness.  Regret.  Longing.  Longing was an emotion he wasn’t familiar with and it was probably the feeling he hated the most.  It was likely that most prevalent.  He longed to go over and talk to Warren when they passed each other in the halls.  He longed to go down the hall to Warren’s room when he couldn’t sleep or when he had a bad dream.

Increasingly, he found himself longing to be with Warren when he hooked up with girls at parties.  He would throw his head back, close his eyes, and think of Warren as he was being blown.  He tried not to focus on how it didn’t feel like Warren.  The girls he hooked up with almost always had more experience and therefore skill but they always lacked the enthusiasm that Warren had.  Thinking of Warren made it bearable, almost enjoyable.  It was impossible to imagine it was Warren when he entered a woman, though.  The women who went after him were small, with little waists and narrow shoulders.  It was quite the opposite of Warren, with his broad shoulders, light muscles, and the small layer of fat that accumulated on his stomach that Nathan had always loved.  Warren also had strong legs, which again was so different from the mostly size zero girls who tried to bed him.  It was the only thing he could have, though, so he muddled through.

He knew he could get a man to fuck him if he wanted.  If he took a trip out of town for the weekend, he could find a random hook up that wouldn’t know who he was and he’d never be found out.  It would be easy, with his fake ID allowing him to get into bars and GRINDR.  It was tempting at times but it wasn’t what he wanted.  He knew it would physically feel better than sleeping with women.  Emotionally, though, it would be painful.  He knew it would cause him to long for Warren more, to miss him more, so he didn’t do it.  Instead, he would just lie in bed and try not to think about what he was missing.

Sometimes, that was easier said than done.  Sometimes, the girls weren’t enough to abate his arousal.  So sometimes, he’d have no choice but to think of Warren as he touched himself.  The only other alternative was to give in, go down the hall, and demand that Warren fucked his brains out.  He had too much pride to actually do that but not enough to keep him from thinking about it as he masturbated.

It had become a familiar fantasy.  He’d given into it when a girl would leave and he couldn’t sleep because he was so sexually frustrated.  Some nights it didn’t matter how the girl got him off; it wasn’t satisfying enough.  So he’d think about giving in to what he wanted.  As he’d removed himself from his briefs, he’d imagine dashing down the hall and flinging Warren’s door open.  Warren would be there, alone, doing some nerd shit on his computer.  He’d stop what he was doing, swiveling around in his desk chair to see who barged into his room.  He’d look at Nathan and cock an eyebrow.

“Nathan?  What the hell are you doing here?”

As the fantasy continued, Nathan would stroke himself.  He was already fully hard, dripping with precum which would serve as a lube, allowing his hand to glide with ease.  He’d start slow at first, wanting to enjoy his dirty thoughts.

In his fantasy, he would lock the door behind him. He’d saunter over to the bed, plop himself down and give Warren his most seductive look.  He’d maintain eye contact as he slowly unzipped his pants.  Warren would initially try to protest, try to avoid moving his gaze away from Nathan’s face, but the complaints would be halfhearted and he’d give him quickly.  Warren’s gaze would shift downward as Nathan freed himself from his pants and briefs.  Warren would bite his lip and his eyes would glaze over.  There would be no point in feigning disinterest.

 “I want you to fuck me, Warren,” Nathan would purr as he looked over at Warren with mock innocence.

Warren would abandon his computer and whatever game he’d been playing.  He’d go to the edge of the bed and look Nathan up and down hungrily.  Nathan would lick his lips in anticipation of what was to come.  Warren would grab him and pull him to the edge of the bed.

“I’d rather do something else, first.”  Then, Warren would sink to his knees and take Nathan’s cock into his mouth.  He’d be eager, enthusiastic like he’d always been.  Unlike when he was with women, Nathan would watch and he’d enjoy doing it.  He couldn’t help how damn sexy he found it when he watched Warren go down on him; he remembered it so well.  Warren’s cheeks would flush.  His eyes would be half-lidded as he licked up Nathan’s cock before fluttering closed as he focused on the sensitive nerves under the head.  Warren would lick at the spot and use one of his hands to pump the base.

As Warren increased the pace in his fantasy, Nathan increased his pace and tightened his grip on his throbbing cock.

Warren would try to take as much of Nathan into his mouth as he could; Nathan would feel him swallowing, his throat tightening, around the tip.  Warren would bob his head, trying to go a little further each time he went down.  Nathan had seen him do that a few times in real life and he couldn’t explain how much it turned him on.  It was like Warren couldn’t get enough of him, like there was nothing better than having Nathan’s cock in his mouth.  However, unlike in real life, in his fantasy Warren would be able to take all of Nathan into his mouth without gagging.  Warren’s tongue was flat, protecting Nathan’s dick from his teeth.  He’d make sure to apply pressure to the underside as he bobbed up, licking at the tip before he had Nathan spurting into his mouth.

Warren would swallow; Nathan had come to learn that he always swallowed.  It was not only sexy as hell but it was convenient for cleanup.  In real life, he emitted all over his hand and had to clean up with a tissue.  Earlier, when there’d been a girl in his room, cleanup was easy because he came in a condom.  He preferred that he was alone, though.

Of course, he’d rather Warren was there but being alone was better than dealing with some chick he picked up at a party.  There was no awkward post-sex small talk or her trying to stay for the night.  He could just clean up, turn off the light, and go to bed before he remembered just how lonely he felt.


	14. You just keep going to the bathroom always say you'll be right back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so remember how I was like, “There’s no happy chapters for a while?” Well I realized that this chapter, while still sad, is a lot happier than the last one was. So Happy Holidays, y’all. And if you don’t celebrate any holidays around this time, good day to you my little lovelies.  
> Also I got a new Sims expansion pack and it might have been a mistake. All that time I was dedicating to editing is now dedicated to the Sims and… yeah. Plus, holidays. Christmas with my family, Christmas with my husband’s family, and I’m having a board game party tomorrow because I fucking love me all types of games.  
> Anyways, as always reviews/comments are extremely appreciated you don’t even know (or maybe you do) and please enjoy.

Nathan was doing what he could to get by.  Him rarely being alone helped quite a bit.  Victoria made sure that someone way always nearby in case he needed someone because she was adamant that he wasn’t going to drown his sorrows in booze or drugs after being completely sober for so long.  However, Victoria wouldn’t stop him from engaging in sex to dull the pain.  He had increased his efforts to get laid and was often successful in doing so, even if it wasn’t what he really wanted and often times it wasn’t enough.

One of his sexual encounters ended rather badly.  He got a sloppy blowjob and it set him off; it made him long for Warren and he then proceeded to flip his shit.  His panic was made worse when he returned to the party and couldn’t find Victoria.  Her phone was dead and she was off with some guy she’d been wanting to pick up all night.  She waited until Nathan had left with the random floozy before she made her move because typically once Nathan disappeared with a girl, things would end fine.  He’d kick the girl out when they were done and go to sleep; if there were any sort of grievances, it wasn’t normally anything major and could be pushed off until the morning.  Needless to say, Victoria thought it was safe to go after the guy and then promptly felt like the biggest asshole in the universe when she woke up the next morning in the guy’s bed and realized how many calls and text she’d received from Nathan.

During the blowout, he had fortunately managed to find Rachel before she went home with Chloe for the night.  It was then that he told her about Warren, about how he felt, how he missed Warren, and how he was slowly going crazy trying to enjoy fucking the gender that he didn’t actually want.  He omitted a bit; Rachel knew that Nathan’s dad was an asshole but she didn’t know the full extent of it and he wanted to keep it that way.  He told her as much of the truth as he could, though, about how Warren pulled away because of his jackass father and the potential repercussions.  He was bitter when Rachel said she’d kind of known about the relationship.  She said she starting noticing months ago when they were all at Chloe’s house for Thanksgiving.  It made him wonder how many other people suspected that something had happened between him and Warren.

A few days after that party, when he was having an especially mopey morning because he ran into Warren on his way back to his room from the shower, he told Hayden.  He told Hayden everything he’d told Rachel.  Again, he was irritated that Hayden wasn’t surprised in the least bit but in a way it made him happy.  It was nice knowing that his straight guy friend didn’t think any differently of him or make jokes about the fact that he was gay.  However, when Hayden said he’d suspected since freshmen year because he’d caught Nathan checking out guys more than once, it alarmed Nathan.  Seriously, how many people knew and how had he been so terrible at hiding it?

Oh well.  As long as his father didn’t find out.

Nathan found it comforting how nonchalant Rachel and Hayden had reacted when he came out to them.  He’d expected something more: anger, disgust, or at the very least he thought they’d start treating him differently.  He didn’t think that what Victoria had said long ago, that most of his friends wouldn’t care that he liked guys, was correct.  It made him really start to think about some things differently.

Being comfortable with the fact that he was gay was still something he was working on.  He’d recognized he made progress, with him taking ownership of the word, but he still had a long way to go.  There was something so helpful about so many people knowing and not caring.  His three best friends knew and didn’t care.  Warren knew and didn’t care.  Hell, even that nosy bitch Max had to of known and she didn’t care either.  Maybe being gay really wasn’t a big deal.  Maybe it really didn’t mean that there was something else wrong with him.  Maybe it really was just something that was different.

However, he wasn’t ready to come out to anyone else yet. The fact that five people knew that he was gay was enough to make him panic sometimes so he wasn’t ready to tell more people.  Victoria told him that she was proud of him for telling Rachel and Hayden but he didn’t really understand why it was something to be proud of.  First of all, they’d apparently already known.  Secondly, it wasn’t going to change how hurt he felt sometimes.  It wasn’t going to change the fact that Warren largely ignored his existence.

That was unless Nathan was doing something to make Warren’s life miserable.  Nathan made sure that his efforts wouldn’t reveal what had actually happened; he didn’t want to act like a bitter ex.  He just went back to how things were before Victoria asked him to lay off Max and her friends.  He didn’t go out of his way to bully Warren.  He was only an ass when Warren was nearby or in his way, which wasn’t very often at all.

Warren hated it but tolerated it.  He assumed that if things went back to how they used to be, the feelings would have to fade.  The main issue was that his normal life just seemed to lackluster.  He’d gotten used to spending a lot of time with Nathan and now a lot of that time was spent alone.

Yeah, Warren still had Max but she was frequently disappearing with Kate or Chloe and Rachel.  Even though she’d offer for him to come along, most of the time he felt like a burden.  When she was with Kate, he felt like a third wheel.  When she was with Chloe and Rachel, he felt like he was just getting in the way of their fun.

He was fortunate that Brooke had at least forgave him; she agreed to be his friend still but there was no way she was going to date him.  Stella was willing to hang out with him but she was determined to find out who sent Warren things on Valentine’s Day so he didn’t want to deal with her at the moment.  He hadn’t really talked to Luke since he’d started spending time with Nathan and the few times they did talk, Luke seemed rather bitter towards him (probably because of how much Luke hated Nathan).  He tried to hang out with Alyssa, but she was too deep in her own problems to have much time to spend with him.

Since he needed to keep himself busy, he buried himself in his studies even more than he already had been.  It was a difficult feat considering how much time he already dedicated to school and the fact that his actual drive to do school work was at an all-time low for him since getting his college acceptance letters.  A lot of his time was also spent replaying video games, rewatching movies and TV shows, and trying to do whatever he could to not think about the boy down the hall.

Sometimes he’d get lucky and convince someone to marathon movies, shows, or go down the Youtube rabbit hole with him.  All through March, Max went on a WoW kick so that was a major plus for him because the possibilities were almost endless in that game.  However, the one weekend that Max didn’t play was especially difficult for him.

It was the weekend after Chloe’s eighteenth birthday.  She wanted to go away to Portland for the weekend to celebrate and had spent months saving up to do so.  She didn’t give Rachel or Max the option to say no in whether or not they were going (as if they didn’t want to go).  Kate and Warren had also been invited.  Since Kate had agreed to go, Warren declined the offer because he didn’t want to be that awkward guy alone with two couples.

At that point, he hadn’t talked to Nathan in over a month.  At least, he hadn’t talked to him like they had been talking before the incident.  When Nathan did talk to him it was jabs that Warren knew didn’t mean anything. If anything, he thought it just showed how much Nathan still missed him.  It made the fact that maybe all he had to do was go to the door adjacent his and knock all the harder to deny.

He knew he shouldn’t because they’d just go back to how they were the last time Warren was in that room.  They’d blow up like they had before but it was likely that it’d be worse.  Nathan would probably be angrier and it would be more painful than it already had been.  But he still missed Nathan so much and still wanted to be with him even when he wasn’t lonely.  Sometimes, a lot of times, when Warren didn’t have class first thing in the morning and he could just lay in bed, he’d think about what he wished he had.  Sometimes he thought maybe he should have been selfish; maybe he shouldn’t have cared about the potential repercussions for Nathan being with a guy.  After all, they both wanted it.

But, if something had happened to Nathan because of him…

The loneliness only made it worse.  The Saturday that his friends were in Portland he had no one to go to when he was at his worst.  It was nighttime when he gave in, went down the hall and knocked on the door.  He knocked softly at first so he wondered if the reason no one had opened was because it was too quiet.  So he knocked again with a bit more force, but then he remembered hearing something about another Vortex Party.  It explained why the hall was especially dead even for a Saturday night and likely why Nathan wasn’t there.  He walked back to his room, defeated and feeling more than a little ashamed.  He went to his computer and scrolled through the games he had on his Steam account.  He scrolled through his games, deciding that starting a new file on “Game Dev Tycoon” might help him feel better.

The game was a great distraction, maybe too good in fact, because by the next time he checked the clock it was well past midnight.   He mentally scolded himself because he still needed a shower.  There was no way he was going to bed without one because the March humidity had left him feeling disgusting.  He grabbed his shower caddy, his pajamas, and his phone to use as a flashlight and then headed through the darkened hallway to the showers.

The second the warm water hit him he relaxed, letting out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.  The breath was shaky and his body hurt from the tension he’d been holding.  The game had been a great distraction but at the end of the day, when he was once again alone, he was still so lonely and bored and sad.  Those feelings, mixed with the sudden realization of just how tired he was and because he was certain that no one would see him, he let himself finally break down and cry.  He was too tired to care about how much he’d hate himself for allowing such a thing to happen.

When he finished crying, when it felt like there were no more tears left, he washed his face and finished showering.  He tried himself and quickly dressed.  When he pulled back the shower curtain he saw himself in the mirror and saw just how shitty he looked.  He examined himself further as he walked toward the mirror and brushed his teeth.  His eyes were bloodshot, his face splotchy, his nose red.  He had dark circles under his eyes.  He looked thinner, malnourished and he realized he’d unintentionally been skipping meals.  He just didn’t feel as hungry as he used to and he didn’t realize it was taking a toll on his body until he was standing in front of a mirror in a tight undershirt.

His eyes widened and his body tensed as the bathroom door opened.  No one was supposed to be in there; it was like three in the morning and he just wanted to be alone.  He allowed himself to break down because he’d expected to spend the rest of the night in complete solitude.  Yeah, it was the time that the party normally died down but the drunken partygoers were always too drunk or too high or otherwise too fucked up to care about personal hygiene.  Except, the partier in the bathroom didn’t do any of those kinds of things; not anymore.

Nathan was the one entering the bathroom, already in his pajamas and holding his toothbrush and toothpaste.  Of course it was him because the universe hated Warren and wanted to watch him squirm. At least, that’s what it really felt like to Warren, who was praying that Nathan wouldn’t acknowledge his existence.  Normally, Nathan’s rude remarks didn’t bother him but he just didn’t think he could take it at that moment.  He spat and rinsed, trying to be nonchalant as Nathan stood a few sinks down.

“Are you okay?”

At first, Warren thought it was a tired hallucination.  With how things had been going between the two of them, he hadn’t expected that Nathan would act concerned.  It had to be his imagination.  Nathan shouldn’t care about him anymore anyway, not after how Warren had hurt him.  When Warren dared to sneak a glance at Nathan, he realized that Nathan was looking straight at him and he thought maybe he wasn’t hearing things after all.

“Graham?” Nathan walked a few paces towards Warren, causing Warren to tense even more than he already had been.

“Prescott.”  Warren could see from his reflection in the mirror just how completely and utterly pathetic he looked.

“Are you okay?” Nathan repeated as he stood directly in front of Warren.

“I’m fine…  just tired.” As if on cue, Warren yawned.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m doing better than you are.”  Nathan didn’t say it with the usual bite that he’d been speaking to Warren with.  Warren read between the lines, knowing that it was Nathan’s way of letting him know that he was concerned.

Warren’s breath hitched as he was pulled into a hug, a nice, warm, friendly and not-at-all-sexual hug.  He froze for a moment, not sure how to react to the feeling of Nathan’s arms around his waist and their bodies firmly pressed together.  It was easier when Nathan was cruel to him in the hallway.  Nathan being kind to him should have felt wonderful but it just hurt.  Neither of the boys were surprised when Warren burst into tears.

Warren cried for what they could have had.  If Nathan had only been born to a kinder father, if they were in a non-homophobic world, things would have gone extremely differently.  Maybe it still would have begun as a drunken fling.  Maybe Nathan still wouldn’t have talked to him again until Thanksgiving, but the next morning when he made pancakes, Nathan wouldn’t have freaked out.  Nathan would’ve been happy.  They would’ve eaten breakfast together and talked.  Maybe they’d marathon something. Maybe the next day they would’ve gone on a proper date.

No matter what they would’ve actually done, Nathan would’ve been receptive to his advances.  Because it was obvious that they were great together.  They were so compatible.  They both enjoyed the other’s company.  They would’ve made a wonderful, happy couple.  They’d probably have fallen in love.

Or maybe they already had.  At the very least, as Warren stood in that bathroom and sobbed into Nathan’s arms, he realized why he still hurt so badly after a month.  He was in love with Nathan and there was nothing he could do about it.  He could never risk Nathan’s safety, even though he was certain that he could make Nathan happy.

Eventually, with the help of Nathan whispering sweetly to him, Warren calmed down.  Even once he was calm, he lingered in Nathan’s arms.  He missed it, too much, so he was going to allow himself to indulge in just being held.

“If shit gets really bad, I’m only a little down the hall,” Nathan spoke softly as he stroked Warren’s back.  “I know we’re not supposed to be anything but… I’m there if you need me.”

“T-thank you.”  Warren let out a sigh before willing himself to pull away.  He needed to get out of there before he did anything he may regret in the morning.  He grabbed the things he’d brought with him to the bathroom.  He walked towards the door, stopping a moment to look back at the boy he’d grown to love.  “Goodnight, Nathan.”

“Goodnight, Warren.”


	15. Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not that any of you care but I finished Yuri on Ice and is there going to be more because I need it. Seriously it’s so fucking cute. This is coming from a person who doesn’t really like anime so. If you don’t watch it already I suggest you do so. It’s so pure I just can’t. It’s nice to have a new couple to ship because the Life is Strange fandom is mostly dead. Bless you other Grahamscott writers and artists and bloggers.  
> So I was in the middle of editing this chapter when Carrie Fisher died… I mean, I know this isn’t a Star Wars story but I think I’ve brought it up several times in this story (including this chapter). Maybe this sounds silly but Star Wars, and specifically Leia and Padme, played important roles in my growing up. As a female, it’s nice seeing female badasses (which is probably what drove me to this fandom because Max is pretty fucking badass). Idk where I’m going with this. I guess I’d like to dedicate this chapter to Carrie Fisher, our Space Mom.  
> Also… uh trigger warnings, really bad anxiety in this chapter. I don’t think it’ll trigger anyone with the way I wrote it but just in case the warning is here.  
> Anyways, this chapter is still sad but happier so I hope it helps those of you who have had shit holidays, are sad over the deaths of one of the many idols who’ve died the past few days, or if you generally are having a shitty time. As always, reviews/comments are ALWAYS appreciated and loved and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

It wasn’t very often that Warren’s anxiety overtook him.  In fact, he typically wasn’t anxious at all. He didn’t feel anxious in public, when talking to people, even talking in large groups or giving presentations didn’t really bother him.  Social rejection and being bullied did trouble him but not enough to give him anxiety. 

What did make him panic was when he had a metric fuckton of stuff due in the span of only a few days what were all worth way too much of his grade.  He had a test in English on Shakespeare.  He had a Chemistry lab on stoichiometry.  He had a huge project due in Digital Art. He also had a test in his Statistics class and his history class.  All of which were due on or took place during the three days before Spring Break started.  Which meant that in a few days, he’d be in hell and Warren was freaking out.

Actually, freaking out was an understatement.  He was merely freaking out when he was bouncing between studying for his Statistics test and working on his Digital Art project.  He’d gotten to a point where couldn’t concentrate, no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried.  It sent him over the edge.  He was hysterical, curled up in a ball on his bed, facing the wall, and sobbing hard enough that it was difficult for him to breathe.  The pressure was just too much.  Five things in three days, each worth around ten percent of his grade for each class.

Sure, he’d taken plentiful notes and likely had studied harder than any of his classmates but he still wondered if that was going to be enough.  His project for Digital Art was almost finished but was it really going to be enough to get him an A?  He knew chemistry backwards and forwards but he couldn’t fuck up on anything in that class when he was planning on majoring in Biochemistry in college.  If he somehow failed his English test, it would be enough to drop his grade in that class from an A down to a solid B.

He was fucked it he botched any of that.

Warren didn’t realize how loud he was sobbing until he heard a knock on the door.  He tried to bury his face in a pillow to quiet himself because he thought it was a safe assumption that the person knocking was there to tell him to shut up.  However, it made it even more difficult to breathe.  He heard them knock again and he didn’t say anything, knowing that with how hard he was crying it would be impossible for him to speak audible words even if he wanted to.

When the knocker let themselves in, Warren didn’t even bother to look.  He didn’t really care and he assumed they’d leave as soon as they realized that there was no way to shut him up. He realized he was wrong when he felt the weight on his bed shift as the person sat next to him.  He tried to tell them to go away but another loud sob erupted from his throat instead.  He felt a hand on his side, rubbing soothingly.

“You need to sit up and take deep breaths if you ever wanna calm down.”

Warren immediately recognized the voice as Nathan’s and was too frazzled to care.  He felt Nathan try to roll him over and sit him up.  He didn’t have any fight to he complied, letting Nathan move him as he pleased.  Nathan moved him to the edge of the bed and rubbed his back.

“Slow, deep breaths Warren.”  Nathan’s voice was soft as he walked Warren through a breathing exercise he’d undoubtedly learned in therapy.  For several minutes, Nathan guided Warren through something he called “Square Breathing”: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Warren was surprised by not only how well it worked, but also how good Nathan was at guiding him through it.  Eventually, his breathing began to normalize, his pulse began to slow down, and he stopped crying. The only downside was that he’d become extremely aware of how his violent weeping had left him with a pounding headache.

“W-what are you doing here, Nathan?” Warren finally asked when he’d finally calmed down enough to speak, even though his voice cracked several times.

Nathan frowned, not expecting that to be the first thing out of Warren’s mouth.  “I heard you crying so I came to check on you.”

“Were you listening at the door or something?”

“Whatthefuckever…” Nathan rolled his eyes, obviously irritated that Warren thought he’d do something like that.  “People could hear you from halfway down the hall.  You weren’t exactly quiet.  Oh, and your welcome.”

Warren sighed, his already pink cheeks darkening in embarrassment as he buried his face in his hands.  “Thank you for helping me.”     

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” was Warren’s automatic response, but he knew there was no point in lying.  “No.  I…  It’s just…” Warren groaned as he leaned back, lying on the bed.  “There’s so much shit to do for my classes.”

“Yeah?  Everyone does right now.  Teachers are sadists and want their students to suffer before we go on breaks.”  Nathan really didn’t understand why Warren was stressed.  Warren’s grades were immaculate.  When Warren sighed, further deflating into the bed, Nathan realized he’d said the wrong thing.  He didn’t want to do that.  Warren had been there for him so many times; the least he could do was try to be there for Warren in return.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.  Help me understand what’s going on.”

“I _have_ to get straight A’s, Nathan.”

“You will.  You always fucking do, so why are you so worried now?”

Warren gave a humorless laugh.  “I’m _always_ worried, dude.  I freaked out like this when we had finals last semester but you didn’t notice.”  For a moment, Nathan looked guilty before averting his gaze.  Warren continued talking.   “I’m just…  I’m so fucked if I don’t get good grades. It’s just like…  There’s too much riding on this.”

Nathan remained quiet, wanting to let Warren continue his ramble if he wanted and needed to.  Nathan leaned back on the bed, lying right next to Warren.  He wanted to be comforting and let Warren know he really was going to be there for him; he’d told Warren he’d be there and he wanted to make good on his word.  Despite everything that had gone down and how Warren had hurt him, he knew it had been done with the best of intentions.  Besides, it was obvious the two really cared about one another even still.

So Nathan listened, only talking every so often to make sure that Warren knew he was paying attention.  Warren was terrified of failure.  He was terrified of losing a huge college scholarship he’d earned that was absolutely necessary for him to have if he wanted to go straight to a university.  As long as he maintained a 3.5 grade-point-average in high school, and then a 3.0 grade-point-average in university, he’d keep that scholarship.  It was terrifying knowing that one little fuckup, one mediocre grade could cost him everything.  He was especially afraid because, even though he was an astounding high school student, he didn’t know if he would still be able to get such good grades over his college career.

“If I lose that scholarship, there’s no college for me.”  Warren’s breathing was picking up again and Nathan tentatively rubbed his arm, trying to reassure him that he’d be okay.  “Getting into a good school and getting a college degree is literally the only thing that can save me from working a minimum wage job all my life.”

“You’re smart, Warren.  I’m sure you’d be able to figure something out if you somehow lost your scholarship.”  Nathan was trying to comfort him, but the words left Warren feeling bitter.

“My parents are smart too, Nathan, but look at the fucking jobs they’re working at.”  Warren groaned, his hands fidgeting with anxiousness as he continued to explain to Nathan why he was so worried.  “My parents have been working at the same places for like forever and they still have periods where their days off are irregular.  They hardly get holidays off.  Like, I can’t even remember the last time I spent an actual holiday with both of them.  They try to hide it but I know their shit jobs take a lot out of them and I know it would just kill them if I had to do the same type of thing for the rest of my life.  Hell, I don’t think I could handle working a shitty, dead-end job.  It would probably literally kill me.  I worked full-time shit jobs the past few summers and I really, really don’t think I could handle going that all my life.”

Warren continued to lament about how difficult being working class was.  He talked about how he was at least fortunate that his parents were well off enough that he only needed a job for money for himself and not to help his parents pay the bills.  He talked about how he only had his shitty old car because his uncle was getting rid of it and it was cheaper to just give it to Warren than have it impounded.  He talked about how he lived on campus because, with his scholarship, it was cheaper for his parents if he lived there rather than living at home.  He talked about the reason he loved his flash drive so much was because it was probably the nicest thing that he owned and how his father didn’t even sleep the Thanksgiving he got it because the only way they could afford it was by waiting in line all night for the Black Friday sale.  He talked about how his laptop was a hand-me-down from his cousin and the only reason he was good with computers was because he had to get good to make the piece of shit work.

At some point during his ramble, Warren started crying again.  Sometime after that, Nathan made him stop talking because Warren was well on his way to having another panic attack.  He felt that what Warren needed was a distraction.  So, he grabbed Warren’s flash drive and they went to his room.  Nathan hooked the flash drive up to his computer, scanned the movies, and settled on a pirated copy of “Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope” because he was certain it would be enough to occupy Warren’s buzzing brain.

“Why do you have a pirated copy when you have it on DVD?” Nathan asked as he plopped on the bed beside Warren.

Warren excitedly explained how he’d managed to find a first edition of the movie, where it hadn’t been messed with and Han shot first.  Nathan smiled as Warren prattled on about the movie, only to become dead silent the moment the words, “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...” came on the projector.  Warren’s eyes widened in delight, surprised that it had never occurred to him to ask Nathan to marathon Star Wars on his projector.  It was utterly amazing and now that he was seeing it, he didn’t think he could ever watch Star Wars on a regular screen again.

When he told Nathan that a few minutes into the movie, Nathan couldn’t help but laugh.  It wasn’t a chuckle or a snicker, but a nice, happy, genuine laugh.  It was a noise that Warren hadn’t heard in quite some time and he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it.  He’d missed a lot of things about Nathan.

It was strange how quickly they settled into their old routine, minus any physical forms of affection they used to show.  It was like the two months they hadn’t talked never actually happened.  Warren was lying in what had become his usual spot beside Nathan, mentioning random facts about the movie and the cast as they popped into his head.  Nathan listened, providing commentary every so often, some of it humorous, some showing that he indeed had a background as an artist, and others showing that he, too, had a deep love of Star Wars and was obviously a closet nerd.

“Are all of you popular kids closet nerds or something?” Warren asked after Nathan mentioned a Star Wars fact that he hadn’t known.  Nathan looked at him, smiling mischievously before winking at him, which Warren understood meant yes, they were, but Nathan wasn’t going to tell him.  “Come on, tell me just one.”

Nathan shook his head and chuckled.  “You already know way too much.  You already know about my weird movie obsessions and Victoria’s love of cartoons.  You don’t need to know anything else.”  It was nice, like how it’d been before they stopped talking.  It was like nothing had ever happened.

Warren smirked as he looked back at the screen and Luke Skywalker was pouting about something or other on it.  “Ya know, I think Mark Hamill was the first guy I ever really had a crush on.”

Nathan chuckled once again.  “Are you fucking kidding me?  Mark Hamill?  Luke Skywalker is why you had your gay awakening?”

“I’m not gay, Nathan, I’m bi.”  Warren’s eyes didn’t leave the screen as his eyes stayed glued to Mark Hamill, whom he still found fairly attractive.

Nathan rolled his eyes.  “You know what I meant.  But seriously, that whiny bitch Luke?  How when you have Han Solo on there?  He’s sexy as _fuck_!”

“I guess I have a thing for angsty guys with blue eyes.”  Warren glanced at Nathan and noticed the remark had made him blush.  Warren grinned as he continued talking, “But yeah, the whole damn Star Wars main characters are sexy as fuck.  Even you have to admit that Carrie Fisher is ah-mazing.”

Nathan shrugged.  “She’s pretty and a badass. What’s not to like?”

Warren continued his ramble.  “Damn right!  Leia the Hutt-Slayer can choke me _any_ day.  But yeah, even the three from the Prequels are hot as hell.  I mean, fucking Natalie Portman, dude.  Hayden Christensen…  That’s when I knew for sure that I liked guys.  That shirtless scene from Revenge of the Sith was so amazing.”

“It was only like two seconds.”

“It was an _amazing_ two seconds.”

Nathan shook his head and laughed.  He missed how ridiculous Warren could be.  He’d missed Warren a lot.  He didn’t only miss them fooling around, kissing, cuddling, though he did miss those things, too.  What he missed the most was Warren’s company.  Warren was typically so relaxed.  His presence was so soothing.  He was okay with just sitting around, bullshitting, watching TV or streaming a show for hours.  It was so nice to be able to do that once again.

He also missed how they used to talk.  The sound of Warren’s voice was comforting to him and he could listen to the other boy talk for hours.  He loved Warren’s commentary on things, how brilliant and bright he was.  He enjoyed how Warren talked to him like they were just as smart as one another.  He’d even grown to like Warren’s lame jokes though he’d never admit that.  What he liked the most was how open and honest Warren could be at the most random times, like randomly mentioning that the Star Wars cast was what made him realize that he was bisexual.

“Do your parents know that you’re bi?” Nathan asked.

Warren was quiet for a moment and a look of concern flashed on his face.  The fact that Nathan asked him that kind of worried him.  His parents had always known he was bisexual since he was about four or something.  At least, that’s what they said when he asked them about it.  They also said that they never really cared; it didn’t change how they felt about him in the least bit.  Though Nathan had never explicitly said anything to him, it was a safe assumption that a very different scenario played out in his childhood.

 “Yeah, they know.”

“How did you come out to them?”

A blush crept over Warren’s face at the memory.  “I didn’t exactly.”  He told Nathan the story about how in seventh grade one of his guy friends came over to play a new video game Warren had gotten.  It started out innocently enough, with them playing Mario Party and somehow resulted in his first kiss with a guy.  As they sloppily made out on his bedroom floor, his father walked in to tell them to tell them that dinner was ready and immediately rushed out of the room when he realized what had been happening.

“Did they totally flip their shit?”

Warren shook his head.  “Nah, dude.  They don’t give a fuck.  They acted like nothing happened until the guy left.  Then we had this long talk about STDs and how to put a condom on.  It was super awkward.”

“Huh…”  Completely different than what would have happened if Nathan had been caught with a boy.  He didn’t want to dwell on that, though, so he didn’t do anything to keep that conversation going.  He went back to paying attention to the movie and tried to push out of his mind how much better his life would be if his parents were more like Warren’s.

A little while later, Nathan noticed just how long it had been since Warren last spoke.  He turned to Warren, seeing that he’d fallen asleep.  He looked far more at peace than he had hours earlier when Nathan came into his room.  Though the Prescott boy knew it would be in his best interest to wake the other boy up and send him back to his own dorm room, he didn’t have the heart to do it.  Warren just looked so cute curled up on his bed in Dr. Who pajamas.  So instead of waking Warren up, he pulled a blanket over him and continued to watch the movie until he, too, fell asleep.


	16. But what's so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter… this chapter. So trigger warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of blood but not in detail at all because this author is squeamish, mentions of homophobia, and just generally an emotional as fuck chapter all the way through. But it’s not all sad and angry emotional. There’s some happiness because in this AU, Nathan is a resilient little bugger.  
> But yeah. Happy New Year’s. For those of you who are bringing in the New Year by drinking and such, be smart about it. Don’t overdo it. Drink a metric shitton of water before you go to sleep to help with the hangover. How are y’all bringing in the New Year? I’m going to be stuffing my face and maybe getting drunk. Maybe. The last time I got drunk, I said way too much to my husband’s family. They didn’t hold it against me but it makes me reluctant to drink again even though this time I’ll be drinking with friends. Idk I just go through phases where I don’t really feel like drinking.  
> On a story note… There was an idea for a chapter pretty late in the story that I scrapped because I didn’t like how it as going but I kept it saved in another word doc just in case. I reread it and I fucking love it and I don’t know why I got rid of it. I might be adding it back in. It’s so fluffy, y’all. So fucking fluffy I can’t. My little queer heart can’t take it. But yeah after all this drama shit there’s like 3 or 4 fluffy fucking chapters in a row and it’s just so good.  
> I’m sorry I’m just so excited that the fluff is coming in a few chapters.  
> But anyway! As always my little lovelies, I love hearing from you via comments/reviews. Please enjoy and have a wonderful new year. May 2017 not be as bad as it seems like it’s going to be.

It was the first night Nathan was home for Spring Break.  He’d gone to the Prescott Estate immediately after his classes were over, stopping only to say goodbye to Victoria before she left for her flight in Portland.  His bags had already been packed, so he loaded them into his truck and left quickly like he was supposed to.  He wasn’t even there for six hours before he had to leave again.

Things were getting worse with his father.  It was really looking like there was nothing he could do to change the nature of their relationship.  Nathan had drastically improved his grades and didn’t skip any classes unless he absolutely had to for one reason or another.  There weren’t any rumors about him and Warren or he and any guy for that matter.  Most everyone thought he was straight as could be.  He was doing everything right and it still wasn’t enough.

Nathan had sat down to dinner with his parents.  He was telling his father everything he was supposed to.  He spoke about how he was grateful he’d one day be taking over the family business.  He went on about how he was going to carry on the Prescott legacy.  He’d even gotten into the university in Portland and was on his way to majoring in business just as his father wanted.  Everything was going great.  His mother was praising him.  His father was offering him smiles every so often when he said something perfectly right.  He didn’t know what happened.

They were talking.  Everything was going beautifully, better than he’d hoped.  He didn’t know how his past fuck-ups got brought up or how it got so fluidly worked into the conversation.  One second everything was fine, the next Nathan’s mother was making an excuse to leave the table for a moment, followed by Nathan starting yet another vacation with a black eye.  He left quickly, not even bothering to grab the bags he hadn’t had time to unpack in his room.  He had backup pills in his truck and that was all he really needed anyway.

After driving away, just far enough that he knew he’d be safe, he pulled over.  He wracked his brain, deconstructing the situation more times than be could count.  He couldn’t figure out what happened.  Everything was fine and then suddenly everything wasn’t.  He’d been wondering if there was nothing he could do to stop those situations for a while but he didn’t want to admit that it was the truth.  It was terrifying.  Having absolutely no control over that shitty aspect of his shitty life wasn’t something he could bear to think about.

He grabbed his phone with shaking hands.  He knew he needed to go somewhere and he probably needed to talk to someone but he didn’t know who.  He knew Victoria was still on the plane home but he tried to call her anyways.  Rachel didn’t answer either. She was probably off having what she called “special couple time” with Chloe.  Hayden’s presence was comforting but he was basically a mute on the phone so there was no real point in contacting him if he even picked up.  Chances were, he was already blazed out of his mind.

Briefly, he considered just heading to a hotel or even driving out of town because at least he had his wallet and his phone on him.  He didn’t want anyone to see his black eye, though.  He didn’t want the looks, the stares, and he really didn’t want anyone to ask him where it came from or if he was okay. He could have always returned to his dorm since his family owned the place anyways.

But the thought of being alone was suffocating.  He needed to hear a comforting voice, maybe even feel a comforting touch.  He was afraid.  His father wasn’t normally that reckless and sloppy.  His mother ducking out as soon as she realized what was going to happen left him feeling even worse.  So Nathan drove away, going to the one place he was certain that his needs would be met at.

As he parked next to Warren’s crappy blue car at the Graham’s house, he didn’t care how desperate he might look.  He didn’t even care if Warren’s parents were home.  All he cared about was being around Warren.  Despite what had happened between them, he still trusted Warren wholeheartedly.  He knew Warren wouldn’t let him down or turn him away, not with his black eye and bruised ribs.

When Nathan limped to the front door he became aware of that very thing.  His sides hurt.  Almost every part of his body ached, whether it was caused directly by his father or from how tense the byproduct anxiety made him.  His shoulders and legs hurt from the tension he’d held there, while his chest and stomach hurt from the kicks.

He pounded on the door, noting that Erwin the cat was sitting on the window sill on the inside watching him intently.  When Warren’s father Chester answered the door, Nathan tensed once again.  He tried to mentally prepare for an onslaught of questions that he really didn’t want to answer.

Nathan was surprised when Chester’s question was, “Jackass cousin again?”  It was a safe assumption that the Graham’s had figured out what was actually happening and he was right.  Chester and Aubrey quickly figured out that the jackass cousin explanation was a lie but when they found out Nathan was none other than Sean Prescott’s son they understood why Warren had lied to them.  If Nathan had been the child of any other parent, they’d have gone to the police but the Prescott’s owned the police.  Sean Prescott was above the law and so the only thing they could do was allow their son to take care of Nathan.

“Yeah, he’s visiting for Easter.”  Nathan shifted uncomfortably, wanting to get to Warren as quickly as possible but he still wanted to be polite.  He was happy when he was welcomed into the house and offered dinner.  When he declined, he was told that Warren was in his room and to let himself in.

Nathan knocked before opening the door.  Relief immediately flooded through him as he saw Warren sitting in his beanbag chair, playing some game on a Nintendo 64.  He was in his pajamas already, his hair a mess, and a random assortment of snacks beside him.  He paused his game, thinking his dad had come to talk to him.  He jumped when he realized it was Nathan.  His eyes widened at he noticed the black eye.

“Nathan?  Nathan, oh my God…”  Warren was visibly alarmed, which meant what Nathan had already known: he looked awful.  Warren didn’t ask what happened because he already knew. He didn’t ask who did it because he already knew.  He ran out of the room to grab the First Aid Kit and quickly rushed back inside.

He guided Nathan to his bed and quickly got to work.  He helped Nathan remove the outermost of his layers of shirts but Nathan insisted he keep his plain white t-shirt on.  Warren got him to change into a pair of comfortable house shorts so he could check his legs, even though it was the only part of Nathan that hadn’t been damaged.

It wasn’t until Warren went about wiping his face that Nathan realized his nose and cheek were bleeding.  Between that and the black eye he was sure he had, he knew he had to look terrible.  He was glad he didn’t go to a hotel and was instead safe in Warren’s bedroom.  Warren spoke softly to him, comforting words, as he disinfected and bandaged Nathan’s face.  It wasn’t empty promises that Warren couldn’t keep.  It was Warren assuring Nathan that he was there, that for the moment Nathan was safe, that for at least a little while Nathan was going to be taken care of.  He kept talking as he checked Nathan’s ribs as well as he could over the shirt to make sure none were cracked or broken.

Warren continued to whisper to Nathan and hold him as he cried.  They curled up on Warren’s bed, with Nathan burying his face into the crook of Warren’s neck and Warren’s hands gently ghosting over Nathan’s back.  It was comforting for Nathan, being held in familiar arms and inhaling the familiar scent.  With Warren, no matter where they were, he always felt so safe.  It was strange considering he knew fully well that there was no way Warren could protect him from his father.

Eventually, Nathan began to calm down and his sobbing subsided into just a few tears streaking down his face.  “I didn’t do anything wrong,” Nathan tried to explain.

Warren gently raked his fingers through Nathan’s messy dirty blond curls.  “I know you didn’t, Nathan.”

“I did everything right this time, I _know_ I did.”  Nathan was trying to verbalize his earlier thoughts, trying to understand just where he went wrong because there had to of been something to trigger his father.  “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”  He felt Warren shift his head away, the hand that was in his hair retreating to cup his face and force the pair to make eye contact.

“You didn’t do anything to deserve this.  You’ve _never_ deserved this, Nathan.  No one does.”

“I don’t know why my father hates me.”  Nathan exhaled a shaky breath.  “It’s not like I asked to be born.”

“I’m glad you were.”

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t been…”

With more force, Warren repeated, “But I’m glad you were.”  He guided Nathan’s head back to the crook of his neck and went back to whispering into Nathan’s ear.  “My life is so much better with you in it.  I’m so gl-glad that you’re alive.”  He cleared his throat, hoping that Nathan hadn’t heard his voice crack.

“Warren?” Nathan asked, pulling away to see that Warren had gotten teary eyed.  “What is it?”

Warren shook his head, very angry at himself for getting that way when Nathan needed him.  He needed to be strong for Nathan; Nathan was the one with the real issues after all.  Nathan was the one with the shitty life and the shitty father.  Warren was just the one who cared about him, the one who worried about him.  Warren was the one who was in love with him.

He took a deep breath, trying to push the worst-case scenarios of what Sean Prescott could do to Nathan out of his mind.  The thought that he was the cause of Nathan’s black eye, the bruised ribs, the cuts on his face was too much.  It could have happened because he was weak, because he gave in even though he knew he shouldn’t have.

“You need to talk to me,” Nathan insisted and Warren shook his head again.  “For fucks sake, Warren, you need to talk to me.  This isn’t a Goddamn one-way street.”

“This wasn’t caused by me, r-right?” Warren squeaked as he conceded and burst into tears.

Nathan looked confused.  “What?”

“This isn’t because I fell asleep in your room like a fucking idiot, right?”

Nathan looked at him, scanning his face and he realized just how concerned Warren was.  He knew Warren cared for him but he didn’t realize just how much until he saw Warren crying for him.  As he cupped Warren’s face and brushed the tears away he wondered when and how their paradigm shifted.  He found that he didn’t mind.  In a way, it was comforting knowing that he could soothe the boy that had been there for him so many times.

“Warren,” Nathan whispered, “this didn’t happen because of you.”

“I…  I just…  I can’t stand that he does this to you.”  Warren ghosted a finger over the bandage on Nathan’s cheek.  “It would kill me to know that he did this because of me. I want to protect you but I…  There’s nothing I can do to stop him from hurting you and I hate it.”

“He doesn’t even know that you exist, Warren.  He would’ve mentioned you and he hasn’t.”

Warren was quiet as he thought for a moment, his arms wrapping around Nathan’s waist.  “…None of this has been because of me?”

Nathan shook his head.  “Honestly, I think he’ll find any fucking excuse to do this to me and if he can’t find a reason he’ll make one up.  I don’t even know what happened.  We were talking, he was happy. I was doing everything right and he just-“ Nathan let out a disheartened sigh “-went off.”

Warren’s frown deepened and he pulled Nathan closer, being careful not to put too much pressure on where he was sure there were bruises.  He felt stupid and helpless.  He’d assumed that Nathan had been lying, that he was the cause of Sean Prescott’s violent outbursts.  Being apart was the only thing that could keep Nathan safe or at least that was what he’d thought.  However, it was becoming increasingly apparent to both of them that there wasn’t anything that actually caused Sean to treat Nathan the way that he did.

The physical abuse had started not too long after Kristine moved out and was pretty much disowned. Back then, Nathan could pinpoint what set his father off.  It was caused by a bad grade, by him getting caught looking at a boy for a little too long, him not being enthusiastic about how he was going to be the one to inherit the family business.  If he had the audacity to ask or beg for his father to stop, it would be even worse so he quickly learned that it was in his best interest to just take it.

With time, he thought he was learning how to avoid it happening altogether.  He learned what his father wanted to hear, what his father wanted him to do.  To keep himself from going completely insane and exerting some control over his life, he turned to booze and drugs.  It helped numb the pain but it impeded his grades and he did too many stupid things while on them.  Within days of starting to get sober, he realized how much control they actually had over him.  Sex started failing as a crutch as well once he began to realize that having sex with women was something he did for cover and not because any part of him actually wanted to.

When he turned eighteen and his father’s abuse became more random, more violent, and more controlling, Nathan needed something to prove to himself that he had some control over his own life or he’d quite literally go insane.  He realized that maybe one of the most powerful things he could do was to admit, at least to himself, that he was gay and that was okay.  He wasn’t a “fag”, “a guy who likes guys”, or any other euphemism or derogatory term.  He, Nathan Prescott, always had been and always would be gay.

His father could never control that or take that away from him. Sean Prescott could demand that he not go out with boys, that he date a girl, that he eventually marry and procreate with a woman to have a Prescott heir.  At the end of the day, it would never stop Nathan from being attracted to men and it wouldn’t change the fact that he was a bottom (something that he was certain would horrify his father even more than merely knowing that his son was gay).

Nathan didn’t know how long he and Warren held one another but it was fantastic.  It was warm, cozy, and so familiar and safe.  It was enough to help both of them to calm down. At some point, Warren stopped crying and Nathan’s heart slowed down from the erratic pace it’d been beating at.  Nathan was just beginning to doze off when Warren spoke.

“Nathan, can I see?”  Warren’s hands rested at the hem of Nathan’s soft cotton t-shirt.  “I wanna get a better look at your ribs to make sure they’re okay.”

Nathan tensed from instinct.  “If anything was really wrong, we’d have known by now.  They don’t hurt at all anymore.”

“I know, I know, but just…” Warren hesitated, his cheeks reddening.  He knew it was illogical but he couldn’t help but worry until he gave Nathan a complete inspection.  “Just humor me, please Nate?”

Nathan pulled away from Warren and sat up.  As anxious as being seen without his shirt made him, he couldn’t deny Warren such a pure request.  Besides, he felt like he owed Warren that piece of mind because he didn’t know what he’d have done if he couldn’t take refuge in the boy’s bedroom.  He carefully removed the last shirt he had on, taking a deep breath as he felt Warren’s eyes roam over him.

Warren’s face was stoic as he inspected but his eyes betrayed his otherwise calm demeanor. They were wide, scanning frantically.  He counted at least five dark bruises on Nathan’s back, one on Nathan’s chest, two on his ribs, and one on his stomach.  They all looked painful, especially one of the darker bruises on his ribs.

“You’d tell me if these were my fault, right?” Warren asked as he gently touched around the bruising on Nathan’s ribs.  “You wouldn’t lie to protect me, right?”

“Warren.”  Nathan grabbed Warren by the chin, forcing them to maintain eye contact as he spoke slowly.  “My father hits me because he wants to and there’s _nothing_ that anyone can do about it.”

Warren’s face softened as he absorbed the sad words.  “Nathan…”

“There’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.  He’ll find any fucking excuse to do it.  Who gives a shit anymore if he finds out I’m gay?  He’s going to beat me anyway.”

“Nathan, it’s just…”  Warren let out a sigh.  _I fucking love you and I want to protect you…_   “I really care about you and I wanna do what I can to help you.”

“I know, Warren.”  Nathan smiled a nice, soft smile.  He hadn’t realized that one of his hands had trailed and landed on Warren’s.  A blush graced his cheeks as he nonchalantly pulled his hand away.  “You’re already doing what you can to help.”

Warren shook his head and explained that he felt like he wasn’t doing enough.  It was likely he would never feel like it was enough unless he could keep Nathan completely safe.  He also felt bad for how little they’d talked for the past few months.  He felt terrible for telling Nathan that they shouldn’t hang out for a while when it was apparently all for nothing.

“Well, I did cockblock you and that was pretty fucked up.” Nathan shrugged, not wanting to dwell on what had happened.  “I just get so jealous.”            

“Yeah, I do too,” Warren admitted.  He picked up on the hint that that Nathan didn’t want to talk about it so he didn’t push the issue.  They were quiet for a moment until Warren realized something. “…Wait, did you call yourself gay?”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  “That was hella minutes ago.”

“I know but I’ve never heard you say that before.”

“Are you surprised?” Nathan laughed a nice, hearty laugh that brought joy to Warren’s heart.  “You shouldn’t be.  I’ve swallowed your jizz, Warren.  You’ve came in my ass.”

Warren smirked at that.  “I know, but it’s just…”  The smirk turned into a grin and he hugged Nathan, a lot more gently than he normally would have.  “I’m so damn proud of you.”


	17. I've got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit a burn out, y’all. Partially because I went too hard for too long. Partially because Sims. Partially because I just didn’t wanna edit this chapter. It’s pretty heavy and I got super emotional writing it. I mean, I don’t think I need to put any warnings. Depression warnings I guess. Idk it’s just really heavy right before a bunch of light chapters so yeah.  
> But side fucking note. I was going to sleep last night and I had another Grahamscott story idea. And I have this place where I keep all my story ideas and I put it there and I realized I fucking have 14 different Life is Strange story ideas and I’m pretty sure 13/14 of them are Grahamscott. I hope when I’m done with this story I’ll be able to get one of those out. A few of them are one-shot ideas so I think I’m going to go with one of those before diving into another long piece if I do continue writing Life is Strange fanfictions after this.  
> I feel like I should work on like more original works but idk I don’t find them as fulfilling I guess. With fanfiction writing, there’s already fandoms ya know? So there’s people to talk to and stuff and to share your work with who want to read it.  
> Anyways. I’m going to be unable to edit for like four days because I’m going on a trip to visit my wee little nephew so if the next chapter isn’t out before Friday, it probably won’t be out until sometime next week. But I feel like the next chapter will be out probably Thursday because I’m SO EXCITED FOR IT! But then the following chapter won’t be out for a wee little bit.  
> Anyways, as always my darlings, reviews/comments are extremely appreciated. I love hearing from y’all, knowing what you’re thinking, telling me theories and ideas, where I can improve and where I’m doing well, and so on. Please enjoy.

Although it wasn’t the first time that week that they’d slept in the same bed, it was the first time in months that Warren woke up with his arms wrapped around Nathan.  When he offered to let Nathan sleep in his bed with him, he had no intentions of cuddling.  He was adamant that they didn’t cuddle.  Yet, when Nathan woke up sometime in the night freaking out, he had to give in.  It was the only thing he could do to help calm Nathan down.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the cuddling.   He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed it, because he had.  He totally did and went out like a light as soon as he was spooning Nathan.  He knew he shouldn’t have enjoyed it so much, that he needed to remember why he made the terrible decision to keep them apart for about two months.  However, that decision obviously didn’t work, not in the least bit.  So maybe he should allow himself to give in and cuddle with Nathan.

Warren snuggled closer.  His face was buried in the back of Nathan’s hair.  It was soft.  It smelt nice.  It felt odd to him that he missed Nathan’s scent.  He missed the feeling of holding him.  Nathan’s touch.  Nathan’s kiss.  Those amazing sounds Nathan made when he entered him.

Warren attempted to shift away when those sorts of memories entered his mind.  It made him all too aware of the fact that he had morning wood that was digging into Nathan’s backside.  However, as soon as he inched away, Nathan sleepily turned around and snuggled back into Warren.  He scanned Nathan’s face, wanting to see how the injuries were doing.  The black eye had darkened around the middle and become rather colorful around the edges.  The cuts couldn’t really be inspected because they were bandaged but it appeared that they hadn’t reopened in the night.

If it weren’t for the bruises and bandages on his face, Nathan would have looked absolutely adorable with his hair unkempt, the peaceful look on his face, and with Warren’s Pikachu pajamas on.  Actually, Warren still found him really cute.  Against his better judgment, he pulled the other boy closer and their bodies meshed together. Nathan’s head was under Warren’s chin and their groins were very close, too close, so close that Warren could feel that Nathan, too, had morning wood.

Even though Warren knew it meant nothing, since it happened pretty much every morning regardless of what kind of dream he was having, he couldn’t help but hope it did.  It was another one of the things he missed, having sex with Nathan, and he couldn’t help but hope that Nathan missed it, too.  He bit his lip as Nathan shifted, causing their dicks to rub together.  He was so sensitive, too sensitive, made worse by the fact that he hadn’t been touched by anyone but himself since Christmas.

His cheeks flushed as he remembered, in detail, what had happened.  Waking up to his dick in Nathan’s mouth.  The feeling of him sliding in and out of Nathan’s mouth.  The sensation of Nathan taking every single inch of him and finally him spurting down Nathan’s throat.  It was fucking amazing.  The entire thing was fucking amazing and he really, _really_ needed to stop thinking about it.  Even if Nathan woke up and tried to jump his bones, as much as he wanted it, Warren couldn’t let it happen so he needed to stop working himself up.

Nathan was too vulnerable for him to think about initiating such things.  At least, Warren assumed so based on the other times he’s comforted Nathan after the incidents with Sean Prescott.  In good conscious, Warren couldn’t take advantage of him like that.  He also couldn’t do it because Nathan trusted him and he’d quickly realized how rare and special that was.  Even with what had happened, Nathan still trusted him.  Nathan didn’t trust very many people and Warren was lucky to be one of those few people.

Reluctantly, Warren got out of bed, trying to be careful to not rouse the still-sleeping boy.  The problem in his pants was just getting worse so he needed to go take care of it before it overpowered the more logical part of his brain.  Though he’d tried his hardest to be stealthy as he climbed out of bed, the way the weight shifted on the bed when he got off it was enough to wake Nathan.

“Warren..?” Nathan grumbled sleepily as his arms reached out in search of his cuddle buddy.  When he felt no one beside him, he slowly opened his eyes.

“Good morning, Nate,” Warren greeted, smiling as Nathan turned his head to look at him.

“Come back to bed,” Nathan demanded, sounding like a grumpy child.  “I’m tired.”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.  I just gotta use the bathroom.”

Nathan gave a disgruntled, “Humph!”  as he was left alone in Warren’s room.  He actually wasn’t tired; he was more well rested than he’d been in days, maybe weeks.  He just wanted an excuse to continue cuddling.  He’d missed cuddling, especially with Warren.  He’s missed the way he felt in Warren’s arms.  He was sure that once they’d both fully woken up, Warren wouldn’t allow the cuddling to continue.

Though, the more Nathan thought about it, the more he wondered if he’d want it to continue.  As he laid in bed, with nothing but his own thoughts, he’d finally started to become angry.  He could understand why Warren rationalized pulling away for his protection.  He understood how sweet his was that Warren had been willing to give up what he’d obviously wanted to keep Nathan safe.  However, it didn’t keep Nathan safe.  It didn’t prevent the beatings.  It was like that time apart was for nothing.  He knew it was irrational but he was still angry.

It was just another thing he’d been denied because he was a Prescott.  He didn’t have much in the way of a good or even normal childhood, except a few times when Kristine was around, because his time was spent being groomed into a proper little Prescott gentlemen.  His whole sexuality had been denied largely due to public image and the fact that he was expected to have a son one day to carry on the Prescott name.  He’d been denied proper mental health care for the longest time because his father swore that pills were enough and that Prescott’s didn’t need to see shrinks.  He was being denied any sort of future because he absolutely had to get a degree in Business to take over the Prescott legacy.

Even with a large chunk of the Prescott fortune at his disposal, there were really few things of value that were really his.  The little bit of childhood he’d gotten to experience with his sister was one of those things.  His friendships with Victoria, Hayden, and Rachel were another.  The time he’d been spending with an actual therapist who was actually helping him was another thing he valued.  The only think of monetary value he really cared about was his camera.  Most other things were meaningless to him.

The time he spent with Warren could have been on that very short list but almost all of it had been tainted, in one way or another, by his father.  His denial of his feelings, the fact that he was drunk and high as fuck the first time they had sex, how most of their bonding and the whole reason he trusted Warren had to do with how things would play out after one of Sean Prescott’s violent outbursts.  Everything had been so fucked up from the beginning, long before their two-month hiatus and Nathan hated it.  He loathed how completely and totally his father shaped and ruled his life.

By the time Warren got back to his room, Nathan was furious and was getting dressed in the clothes he’d been wearing when he came over.  Warren noticed for disgruntled Nathan looked and wondered if something happened in the minutes that he’d been gone.  He plopped down on his bed, watching Nathan as he continued to dress.

“Are you going somewhere?” Warren asked.

“Yeah.”  A short, curt answer.  There was no way that nothing was bothering Nathan.”

“Where are you going?”

“The Prescott Estate.”

Warren’s eyes furrowed in concern.  “Are you coming back?”  He hoped that Nathan was only going to be there long enough to grab a few things.

Nathan grabbed his cell phone and wallet before stuffing them in his pants pocket.  Then he grabbed his keys.  “No.”

“Oh, I see,” Warren mumbled, trying to hide how frantic he felt.  “Are you gonna head to the hotel then?”

Nathan shrugged and made his way towards the door.  He felt like he needed to get out of there because he didn’t want to deal with Warren’s interrogation.  He didn’t want to deal with anyone at that moment.  He just wanted to wallow in his shitty, shitty life from which he had no escape from.  He hadn’t expected to feel a hand wrap around his wrist as he laid his other hand on the doorknob; he hadn’t even heard Warren get up from the bed.

“For fucks sake, Graham, what do you want?” As Nathan turned to face the other boy, he hadn’t expected to see a wounded look on Warren’s face.  He didn’t think his snappiness would hurt.  For a moment, he didn’t care that it did.  He didn’t want to care.  At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

Warren looked into Nathan’s eyes as he said, “I want you to be safe.”

“The safest I am around my father is right after this shit happens.”

Warren’s grip on Nathan’s wrist loosened; it made sense based on what Warren had learned about the cycle of abuse.  How long did the cycle take, though?  How long would it be until Nathan wasn’t safe again?  It had only been a few days in between during Winter Break; what if Nathan’s reprieve was shorter this time?

“Will you come back in a few days?  I’m worried about you.”

Nathan scoffed, rolling his eyes.  “Are you fucking kidding me? We talk like once a fucking month for two months and all of a sudden you want me to come and see you?”

Warren swallowed; his throat felt tight.  “Look, I know I fucked up-“

“Oh my God, spare me those shitty fucking clichés,” Nathan interrupted as he ripped his hand from Warren’s grip.  “Don’t give me that shit.  Don’t fucking tell me that you were only doing what you thought was best for me.  Do you really think that you know what’s best for me?  Do you really think that you can do a God damn thing to protect me from the asshole who owns this whole fucking city?

“Nathan, I-“

“No!  The answer is fucking no.”  Nathan knew he was going on a tangent but at the moment he didn’t really care.  He continued to ramble, going on about how everything assumed they knew what was best for him but only Dr. Crane asked him what he honestly wanted.  “Hardly talking to you, not spending any time with you, was fucking hell, Warren!  But everyone fucking thinks they know what’s best for the Goddamn Prescott fuckup.”

As Nathan opened the door, ready to leave and maybe never come back, Warren called out, “I’m coming with you!”

Nathan froze in the doorway.  “Did you even listen to one damn thing I just said?

Warren was frantically pulling clothes on as if Nathan had agreed to let him come along.  He threw off his pajama bottoms and threw on the first pair of jeans he could find.  They were on the floor and he knew they were dirty and strained but he also knew he didn’t have much time.  As he dressed he explained to Nathan that he wanted to help in whatever way he could.

Fortunately, Nathan was listening and was still lingering in the doorway.  He didn’t understand Warren’s reaction.  He laid into Warren and yet Warren didn’t pull away.  Warren didn’t try to find a way to pin the blame on him. Warren still wanted to help, even though the efforts were likely to be fruitless and could potentially put himself in danger.

“Why?” Nathan asked as he looked back at Warren, who was searching a drawer from some socks.  He was still far from being fully dressed and it appeared that his franticness was slowing him down.  The fact that Warren froze for a moment when the question was asked wasn’t helping.

Warren slid the socks on but his movements slowed once again as he reached his closet and started thinking.  A blush crept over his cheeks as he reached for the first shirt he saw and threw is on.  He didn’t bother to grab an undershirt or one of the long-sleeved shirts he normally wore under his t-shirts; he just threw his “X-Files” shirt on without one.  He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes finding their way to the floor.

“I…  I… uh…”  He began to fidget as he walked over to where he’d thrown his shoes when he got home the day before. “I care about you… a lot,” his heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, “more than I think I’ve ever cared about anyone…”  He considered telling Nathan everything, that he loved him, but the moment just didn’t feel right.

A part of Nathan, the part that wholly trusted Warren, believed what he’d heard.  It was obvious that Warren cared about him.  However, he wasn’t thinking logically.  He wasn’t thinking with facts.  He was feeling shitty, like he wasn’t worthy about being cared about.  He felt, even though he fully knew it wasn’t right, like he couldn’t trust anyone.  Not Warren.  Not even Hayden and Victoria.  Not even himself.  It was that same part of him that told him that he wasn’t good enough, that he deserved what his father threw at him, that he didn’t deserve to be happy.  He knew it was the depression talking, that it had been triggered by the events of the day prior because even pills couldn’t help with that, but that didn’t stop him from believing that someone as good as Warren could never really like someone as fucked up as himself.

“Whatthefuckever,” Nathan murmured under his breath as he stormed out of the room and then out of the house.  He was glad that Warren’s parents were long gone so he wouldn’t be asked questions or given sympathetic looks.  It had to be obvious by looking at him that he was upset, furious even.  He could feel a bitter warmth in his cheeks and his pulse was racing.  His hair was probably a mess and his clothes weren’t perfectly smoothed out and tucked in like they normally were.

A strange feeling that he couldn’t quite place came upon him when the door of the house reopened as he neared his car.  When he was in one of those moods and ran off, people didn’t follow him.  Every so often, Victoria would when she assumed he was going to do something reckless but that was the extent of it.  He supposed that maybe, that part of him that wanted him and Warren to work out had hoped that Warren would follow him.  Yet, that wasn’t the part that was in control.

“What the fuck are you doing, Graham?” Nathan spat, his brows furrowing.  Before he knew it, Warren was beside him, out of breath from literally running after Nathan.  Nathan didn’t know how to feel as Warren stood right next to him.

“I’m not gonna fuck up again.  I’m not leaving you again.  I’m gonna be there for you.”

“Fuck off!” Nathan snapped.  He didn’t want to deal with the situation anymore.  His emotions were overwhelming.  He didn’t know what he wanted, which just made him even more furious.  He wanted Warren there, to yell at him to be held by him and told that everything would be okay, to slap the shit out of him, to kiss him.  Yet he wanted Warren away, out of sight, out of mind, long gone, anywhere but beside him.  He didn’t know what he actually wanted but he knew what he needed: his pills, which he had in his car like always.

When Nathan attempted to open the car door, Warren wrapped his wrist and pleaded for him to stay, or for him to let Warren come along, or whatever as long as he was with Nathan.  He insisted that he wasn’t going to leave Nathan’s side and he apologized again and again that he’d ever done that.  He wasn’t surprised when he found himself pinned against Nathan’s car, a hand curled into his shirt and holding him there.  Nathan was completely and utterly pissed and overwhelmed so Warren had come to expect it.  Between the mistake he’d made and what had happened to Nathan the night before, he’d have been more surprised if Nathan wasn’t like that.

“What the _fuck_ is your problem, Graham?” Nathan sounded threatening and yet Warren wasn’t afraid at all.  “I don’t need you so leave me the hell alone!”

Warren was calm as he rested a hand on the one Nathan had fisted in his shirt.  “Yes you do, Nathan.  You need me.  It’s okay because I need you too.”

“Whatthefuckever, just shut the fuck up!” Nathan’s eye twitched before they glossed over.  _For fucks sake, is that really all it takes to get teary eyed you little bitch?_   “I don’t need anyone!”

“Everybody needs someone, Nathan, and that’s okay.”

Nathan scoffed, “I told you not to feed me those cliché fucking lines.”

Warren sighed and blinked slowly.  “Fine, you’re right.  You wanna know why we had to stop talking?  The other reason?”

 _Yes._   “I don’t give a fuck.”

Warren still couldn’t tell him everything.  He couldn’t tell Nathan that he loved him.  He told Nathan about how he had wanted them to be together, more than anything, and how badly it hurt that they couldn’t.  Spending time together made the pain worse, made him realize how much he liked the other boy.  By the end of it, he was crying because it was so much, too much.

Nathan’s grip on Warren’s shirt loosened.  He didn’t know how Warren had gotten through to him.  Maybe by crying, because it was still so bizarre that someone cared about him enough to cry for him.  He wanted them to go back to how they were when they would watch movies and cuddle.  He wanted to go back to fucking every so often.

He wanted more than that.  He wanted things to continue how they were going long ago, back during Thanksgiving and the early morning after.  He wanted tender moments and loving caressed.  He wanted dates and staying up all night talking.

Nathan fully understood the pain that Warren felt because he very much felt it himself.

Nathan released Warren from his grip and his eyes went to the grass on the lawn.  He wasn’t ready to keep talking about their relationship; if they had one, if things were going back to how they were a few days ago or a few months ago.  They’d need to eventually but he wasn’t ready.  He needed his pills, some food in his stomach, and a few days to get the prior night out of his mind.  He took several deep breaths, trying to regain his composure before he spoke again.

“Will you come with me while I grab my stuff from the Prescott Estate?  My father shouldn’t be home.  No one should except the maids and stuff.”

Though there were still tears in Warren’s eyes, they still lit up at the breakthrough.  “Of course I’ll go with you, Nathan.”

Nathan looked up at him, his cheeks pink.  “I can ask the cook to make us pancakes or something.”

Warren smiled.  “I’d like that.”

“Warren?”

“Yeah, Nate?”

“Don’t ever leave me like that again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn’t wanna say this at the start of the chapter, but Warren and Nathan almost got together in this chapter. Most of what happens in the next chapter was this chapter originally but I realized they didn’t talk about what I call their pseudo-breakup and they kinda really needed to. They don’t get together in the next chapter but they almost did. I wrote it and I was like, “Nah let’s put it off.” I don’t know why. The setup was perfect but it just didn’t feel perfect enough I guess. Idk. That was several-months-ago-Kim’s thought process and idk what they were thinking.


	18. If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck this is a long chapter. It clocks in at almost 6k words. But it’s so good in my opinion. I REALLY enjoyed writing this one. This is one of the chapters I’ve been super excited to get to. Hopefully it’s enough to tie y’all over while I’m on my mini vacation. I probably won’t be posting for at least a week (which I know isn’t that long but it feels like forever since I’ve been posting every 2-4 days for the past few weeks).  
> Also I mentioned food a lot in the first part of this chapter. Be wary if you’re reading this while hungry. I wasn’t hungry when writing this. It’s just that this writer thinks that food is the best way to show that you care about someone. Eating together. Making food for someone. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.  
> So as always my little lovelies, please enjoy this chapter because it’s a rather lovely chapter I think. I’d REALLY like to know what you think about this one, y’all.

After how intense the first twenty-four hours of Nathan’s Spring Break started, he was thankful that nothing else terrible happened for the rest of the vacation.  His and Warren’s visit to the Prescott Estate was surprisingly uneventful.  His father wasn’t there, which he’d already known, but fortunately his mother was off somewhere as well.  One of the maids said she ran off to deal with a shopping emergency.  Typical, but at least it meant she’d be gone for a long time.

That meant that Nathan could make good on his promise of pancakes, which he requested the cooks make before he took Warren to his bedroom.  As they waited for the pancakes and Nathan grabbed things to throw in his already packed suitcases, they discussed where Nathan could stay during the week.  Warren insisted that his parents wouldn’t mind if Nathan stayed over for the entire vacation but Nathan refused.  He didn’t want to put them out like that and he didn’t want to intrude in their Family Easter Time.  Besides, Hayden was going to be at home in Arcadia Bay all week and staying at a hotel for the rest of the week wasn’t really all that bad.  Warren made him promise he’d stay the night that night and come back at the end of the week, though.

They stayed at the Prescott Estate long enough to pack, eat their pancakes, and load Nathan’s truck with the suitcases.  Though it was likely that neither of Nathan’s parents would be home until the afternoon, Nathan didn’t want to risk lingering on the rare chance that his father came home for lunch. The rest of the day was comparatively mellow and mundane but that’s what made it so nice.  They spent the day doing what they used to always do: watch movies and shows, playing video games, and bullshitting.  They avoiding delving into deeper topics when they spoke, even though they knew they’d need to have another serious conversation soon.

Even though the topic wasn’t addressed again, Warren did what he could to make up for his mistake.  He made Nathan lunch, a really simple homemade macaroni and cheese recipe which Nathan loved.  They ate it while they watched one of Nathan’s favorite creepy, dark movies that his other friends refused to watch.  Warren let Nathan decide what video games to play.  They even cuddled when they slept that night but nothing more happened.

The next day, Nathan was surprised by several things.  First was that Warren’s mom, Aubrey, actually had Easter off.  The second thing that surprised him was that she insisted that he stay when he tried to leave in the middle of the day.  She knew he was going to a hotel and there was no way she was going to let her son’s friend -or boyfriend, she wasn’t really sure which- spend the holiday alone.  She assured him that he wouldn’t be a burden since she always made tons of snacks and a huge dinner when she had holidays off.

The third thing that surprised Nathan was how Aubrey treated him and talked to him.  When she asked Warren to help her make a veggie tray and deviled eggs, she asked Nathan to help as well.  As Nathan awkwardly tried to help since he had no idea what he was doing, she explained to him that he was always welcome in their home.  She told him that he was welcome at any time even if Warren wasn’t home and it became apparent to Nathan that she, too, had a good idea about why he kept getting black eyes.  She was very warm to him, probably nicer to him than his own mother was and it felt strange. She treated him like he was a member of the family, trying to tease him and joke with him the way she did Warren.  At first, he didn’t know what to make of it but by the time the appetizers and snacks were done that day, he decided he rather liked it.

As Nathan sat down to eat Easter dinner with the Graham family, he couldn’t help but be extremely envious because of the mundane things that most people took for granted that he didn’t have.  Even when he was younger and his sister still lived with them, even when they would sit around the table for dinner with his parents, they only had the semblance of a nice family.  The conversation, if one could even really call it that, would be dominated by his father.  Sean would check in to make sure his wife and children were to his satisfaction and then spend the rest of the meal bitching about things that didn’t matter.  Nathan’s parents were cold towards each other, tepid at best.  He was fairly young when he discovered that his parents didn’t love each other and wondered if they ever had.

It was completely different with Warren’s family.  Chester and Aubrey were affectionate with each other but not overly so.  Chester would ask some of the same questions his own father would –“What have you been up to today?”, “How was that test?”, “Did you decide on what college you’re going to?”- but his intentions weren’t that of inspection but of genuine interest.  He’d crack lame jokes and terrible puns, just like his son did.  Aubrey laughed but never said such things herself.  Her humor was a bit more well-crafted.  It was obvious that she was highly intelligent, just like her son, and she seemed tired virtually all the time.  All three of the Graham’s were kind, so very nice, and it was obvious that they all cared about and loved each other from how they interacted.  It felt very special to Nathan that they all made an effort to treat Nathan like he was one of them.

Nathan spent the next few uneventful days at Hayden’s.  He always enjoyed spending time with Hayden.  Hayden was always mellow, like he was stoned even if he wasn’t.  Hayden never really asked Nathan personal questions, aside from the occasional “Are you okay?” and “How ya doin’, bro?”  However, if Nathan started talking, Hayden would always be there to listen.  He typically wouldn’t say much, if anything, and he always kept his mouth shut about what Nathan told him.

Days later, Nathan popped by the Prescott Estate to grab some different clothes before heading to the hotel.  For once, Hayden insisted that he go with him.  When they ran into both of Nathan’s parents, Nathan was grateful for the insistence.  His father wouldn’t dare do or say anything while Hayden was there; though the Jones Family wasn’t as rich or well-known around Arcadia Bay as the Prescott’s, they were still affluent enough that the elder Prescott’s cared about what they thought.  Because of that, they also wholeheartedly approved of Hayden’s friendship with their son.  It was the only thing about Hayden that Nathan didn’t like.

Though part of the reason Nathan wanted to go to a hotel was to have some solitude to think about things, he was very rarely alone during his stay there.  Hayden hung around for a while after Nathan got settled in.  When Hayden left, Nathan ordered takeout and enjoyed his thoughtful solitude.  When morning came, he was woken by Rachel calling him, telling him to open the hotel door and let her in.  She stayed the majority of the day, letting him know that she was worried about him and cared about him in her own little ways.  Almost the moment she left, Victoria called.  Though he’d been looking forward to having more time to himself to think, talking to Victoria might have been better than that.

Though she’d been caught up on what happened with Nathan and his father the night it happened, mere seconds after the plane landed and she was allowed to turn her phone back on, she hadn’t been told about what happened the next few days with Nathan and Warren.  Though she tried to hide how happy she was with the prospect of the two boys actually get together, Nathan could easily hear it in her voice.

Oddly enough, she was still rooting for Warren.  Yeah, he fucked up and yeah, he’d hurt Nathan but it was with the best intentions.  He wasn’t doing it to be cruel for power or control; Warren did what he did because he honestly thought it was best for Nathan even though it went against what he’d wanted.  Someone who acted against their own self-interest and doing what they thought was best for someone else was what Victoria wanted for Nathan.

“Nate, you should just go for it,” Victoria told him, before reiterating points she’d made previously as to why he should date Warren.  She talked about how good Warren was for him, how Warren wouldn’t spill his secrets, and how it was obvious that Warren actually cared about him.

“I don’t know, Victoria,” Nathan sighed as he laid back on the hotel bed.  “I don’t wanna rush this shit.”

Victoria giggled for a moment, thinking that Nathan was joking.  When she realized that he wasn’t, she laughed even harder.  She loved her best friends and normally took what he said seriously but she was of two minds of the situation.

“Oh my God, Nathan,” Victoria chortled.  “I’ve been trying to get you two assholes together for almost half a year.  That’s like an eternity in high school time.”

“Victoria, I’m serious!”

“Okay, okay, okay but listen for a second, Nate.  How can you worry about rushing now?  You’ve done more with him than you’ve done with any of your ex-girlfriends.  You’ve fucked.  You’ve literally slept together and spooned all night long.  You’re fucking in love with him-”

Nathan felt his cheeks get red as he replied weakly, “No I’m not.”

Though he couldn’t see it, Nathan knew Victoria was smirking when she replied, “Oh?  Is that so?”

They didn’t continue that conversation after that, but it was enough to keep Nathan lost in thought half the night.

The next day was strange.  It was a Friday and instead of partying like he usually would, he spent a quiet evening doing what Warren liked to do on Friday nights.  They, along with Max, Rachel, and some of their weird friends that Nathan couldn’t remember the name of, went to Chloe’s house to hang out.  It was so quiet and mellow compared to what he was used to but he was beginning to see the appeal.  Since getting sober, partying was losing its luster.  He really only kept going to keep up appearances. A quiet evening with food, friends, Netflix, and games was a lot more fun than he’d once thought.  Warren and Nathan stayed late into the night long after the sun had gone down.

When the pair finally lied down on Warren’s bed, Nathan laid his head on Warren’s chest.  The room was fairly dark, with all of the lights turned out since they were supposed to be going to bed.  It was late and they were both tired but the bantering they’d been doing on the drive back to Warren’s house continued long after the lights were turned off.  They were giggling about a lame joke Warren made when Nathan randomly said something Warren hadn’t expected.

“I missed you.”  Nathan was glad that it was so dark, with their only light being that provided by the moon.  It was faint, bright enough for them to make out one another’s faces but not bright enough for Warren to see the blush on Nathan’s cheeks.  Nathan wasn’t used to speaking such intimate things like admitting he missed and needed people and it left him feeling so vulnerable.  Yet, in a strange way, he felt safe.  He was so vulnerable and so exposed and secure at the same time.  Despite everything that had happened, he still trusted Warren.

“I missed you, too.”  Warren gently rubbed Nathan’s back.  Nathan was looking up at him with wide eyes and he looked down at Nathan adoringly.  “I’m sorry I fucked up so bad.  I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us.  I fucking hate-“

“-Warren, stop it.  We’re not getting into this shit right now.”  Nathan sighed and rested his head on Warren’s shoulder.  “Besides, I fucked up then, too.  I feel like an ass for cockblocking you-“

“I wouldn’ta had sex with Brooke.  And besides, at least I’m still friends with her and since we only went on that one date it isn’t awkward.”

“It’s not just that…”  Nathan moved out of Warren’s arms and sat up.  His hand remained rested on Warren’s chest.  “I shouldn’t have let you distance yourself from me.  I should’ve annoyed the shit outta you until things went back to how they were before.”

Warren chuckled.  “I don’t think you can annoy me, Nathan.  Besides, I’m the annoying one, remember?”

“You’re not annoying, Warren.”

Warren blinked slowly, not sure if Nathan was being serious or just being nice.  “A _lot_ of people wouldn’t agree with you.”

Nathan shrugged, though it was barely visible in the dark. “Well, those jackasses are wrong.”

Warren sat up so that his back was against the headboard next to Nathan.  “Really?  Even when I’m like rambling about chemistry or some anime or movie or something?”

“It’s cute.”

Warren bit his lip and fidgeted.  He knew, with the tone of voice that he’d used, that Nathan really meant what he said.  Nathan wasn’t joking or blowing smoke up his ass.  Nathan really found his long, nerdy rambles, that most people found annoying as hell, to be cute.  He’d sometimes wondered, when he caught himself going on about something, why Nathan never told him to shut up.  Most people did but never Nathan, not even when Nathan was in the most terrible moods.

It was just another thing that made Nathan so special to him.  Nathan never seriously judged him about his nerdy obsessions, his love of science, or his weird sense of humor.  He was never judged about his bizarre collection of movies, which they bonded over once he saw that Nathan had his own strange collection of movies.  He loved their conversations about such things, their critiques of films, and the fact that Nathan would at least acknowledge his stupid cinema jokes.

Over the months that they’d actually been talking, he learned so much about Nathan. Nathan wasn’t really and asshole like most people thought he was.  He was misunderstood.  He wasn’t doing okay but he tried so hard.  He’d given up self-medicating, started taking his actual medication on a regular basis, even made an effort to go to therapy once a week.  Nathan might not have been perfect but he certainly was wonderful.

And Warren almost let him get away.

It was surprising to both boys that Warren was the one to close the distance between them but it seemed all the more fitting as he was the one who’d created it in the first place.  Nathan’s eyes widened in surprise before fluttering shut.  It had been so long, too long, since he’d kissed Warren and finally getting to do so again was heavenly.  The first kiss was sweet, as if Warren was trying to convey his remorse.  The second kiss was tender, as if Nathan was trying to convey that it didn’t matter anymore.  The fifth kiss was slow and sensuous, as if they were trying to convey what they were both too afraid to say.

For once, Nathan was overwhelmed in a good way.  He was delighted that Warren had actually made a move and was finally kissing him after all that time.  It was blissful, exhilarating, and amazing.  He kept the pace slow because he wanted to cherish the moment and all the sensations it brought him that he’d missed so much.  He leisurely searched Warren’s mouth, the taste of mint toothpaste still lingering.  Warren’s hair was so very soft because it had never been damaged by hair products or heat.  Warren’s skin was smooth, warm and his light natural musk was divine.  He missed everything about kissing Warren so much.

“I missed you,” Nathan repeated with his eyes half closed and a lusty tone in his voice.  He moved to straddle Warren’s hips and could feel a bulge beneath him.  He began kissing Warren’s jaw, then down his neck, nibbling every so often.

“I missed you too,” Warren gasped as Nathan bit the crook of his neck.  “I missed _this_ ,” he added as his hands found their way into Nathan’s hair and he pulled it, reconnecting their lips.

Nathan pulled away slightly, their lips still brushing against each other’s as he asked, “What else did you miss?”

Warren smiled as he thought.  “I missed spending time with you.”  He gave Nathan a light peck on the lips.  “I missed our movie and show marathons.”  Another kiss.  “I missed holding you in my arms all night.”  And another.  “I missed talking to you.”  Another.  “I missed _everything_.”

Nathan brought his hands to cup Warren’s face, a look of despair in his eyes.  “Don’t ever leave me again.”

One of Warren’s hands dropped to rub Nathan’s back under his shirt, the other staying in his hair.  “Never.”  He sighed as he ran his fingers through Nathan’s hair, playing with the longer tresses at the top.  “I’m sorry I ever did that.  I was so worried and everything was just so hard…”

“I know, I know…”  Nathan rested his forehead against Warren’s.  “I shouldn’t have made everything so damn difficult-“

“It’s not your fault, Nathan.”  Warren gently rubbed their noses together and he soothingly rubbed Nathan’s back.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, whose fault it is.  It’s gonna be different this time.”

Before Warren had a chance to ask how things were going to be different, Nathan was kissing him again.  There was an intimacy and desperation, like he was trying to get closer but couldn’t figure out another way to do so.  Nathan found himself unbuttoning Warren’s sleep shirt as his tongue darted into Warren’s mouth.

The moment the shirt was unbuttoned, his hands explored the exposed flesh.  As he nibbled on Warren’s bottom lip, he ran a thumb over one of Warren’s nipples, earning a pleased gasp from Warren.  Their tongues massaged against each others.  Hips rocked together.  As Nathan’s hands continued to roam over Warren’s stomach and chest, Warren’s hands found their way to the hem of Nathan’s shirt.

For the first time, Nathan didn’t offer any sort of protest as Warren rucked his shirt up and eventually removed it.  Nathan didn’t think about how self-conscious he typically was.  He was surprised that he actually wanted his shirt off; he wanted to feel Warren’s bare chest pressed against his, which he made happen the moment the shirt was off and thrown across the room.  He enjoyed the new feeling of smooth flesh on smooth flesh.  It felt intimate.  His heart was pounding.  Warren’s hands caressed his sides.  Nathan’s lips roamed Warren’s skin, leaving a mark on his shoulder before he licked up his neck and nibbled on his earlobe.

Even though Warren was already enjoying himself, there were other things he wanted to do more. His curiosity was getting to him.  He flipped Nathan over so he was the one with his back against the headboard and Warren was sitting in between his legs facing him.  He ran his hands down Nathan’s exposed stomach and chest, wanting to take advantage of the novel situation.

Warren was gentle and slow as he explored the bare skin with his hands and mouth.  There were caresses of every inch of skin; Nathan’s chest, his flat stomach, his arms.  There were nips and sucks on nipples and feather-like kisses on still-bruised ribs.  He earned a delighted gasp as he ran his tongue over the long scar on Nathan’s stomach. Nathan was enjoying all of the completely new sensations, happy to be experiencing them for the first time with someone he actually trusted and cared about.  He wondered if his reactions were normal or if the area was overly sensitive because he wasn’t used to anything touching him there except his clothes and his own hands when he washed.  He hadn’t anticipated it feeling as good as it did, especially when Warren swirled his tongue around his navel and dipped it inside.

As Warren continues to lay kissed upon Nathan’s stomach, his hand dipped below the hem of Nathan’s pajama bottoms.  As he slowly kissed up Nathan’s chest and twirled his tongue around a nipple, he freed Nathan’s cock from the bottoms and briefs.  Nathan’s breath caught in his throat as Warren grasped him.  His mind was racing, fuzzy.  He never thought he’d even get to kiss Warren again, much less be touched by the boy he adored so much again.  He swallowed thickly as he tried to remain quiet and let out a content sigh as Warren continued to stroke him and kiss his chest.

After how shitty Nathan’s Spring Break had started, he hadn’t expected any part of it to go that splendidly.

“Warren,” Nathan attempted to say but it came out much more like a moan.  “I want you.”

“Hmm?” Warren murmured as he kissed and licked Nathan’s collarbone while running his thumb over the tip of Nathan’s cock.

“I want you,” Nathan repeated before groaning as Warren sucked on his nipple again.  “I _need_ you inside of me.”

Warren quickly got to his desk, turned on the lamp, and searched his drawer for his condoms and lube.  He was excited.  His heart was beating so damn fast.  His attention kept returning to the boy on his bed, who he could see better now that an actual light was on.  It was making it difficult to find what he needed as he frantically felt around in the drawer.

Nathan smiled as he got up from the bed and helped look, enjoying just how enthusiastic Warren was.  “Eager, much?” he asked, grinning cockily as he easily found what they’d been looking for.

Warren’s already pink cheeks darkened as he averted his gaze.  “Shut up…  It’s been a _really_ , really long time.”

Nathan chuckled before planting a kiss on Warren’s lips and handing him the lube.  “It’s okay…  It’s been a while for me, too.”

“I doubt that…  There was a Vortex Club party like two weeks ago.”

Nathan gave Warren another kiss, though it lasted much longer than the last one.  “You can’t compare what I do with girls to what I do with you.”  His eyes went to the floor and he bit his lip nervously.  “It actually… means something when I’m with you.”

“Nathan,” Warren purred before kissing his neck.  “There’s been no other guys?”  Nathan shook his head, not understanding why he felt so flustered.  “I’ll be slow, then.”

Warren decided to keep the lamp on as he guided Nathan back to the bed.  He fully removed Nathan’s bottoms and briefs before gesturing to Nathan to get on the mattress.  Nathan did, laying down on his back with his legs spread.  With the light on, his shirt off, and him waiting for Warren to prepare him, he felt so vulnerable.  Naked.  Exposed.  Something felt very different about what they were doing and not just because it had been so long since they’d had sex.

He was certain that he was trembling as Warren settled between his legs.  Warren pushed his legs up to better access the area of interest and laid a trail of kisses from his knee to his thigh. Nathan wanted it, wanted everything that they were doing to happen, but his heart was still pounding in anticipation.

Warren took his time prepping Nathan, for which he was thankful.  Not only did it help to calm his nerves but it also allowed him to relish the sensations he missed so much.  The only real issue he had was that he had to keep reminding himself to keep quiet.  It wasn’t that difficult when Warren inserted one finger and slowly pushed it in and out.  It was harder when Warren inserted two fingers and gently massaged his prostate.  It was damn near impossible when Warren inserted a third finger and simultaneously took as much of Nathan’s cock in his mouth as he could.

Nathan bit the back of his hand to try to muffle the sounds he was emitting.  It was almost too much.  Warren’s lubed fingers lazily stroking his prostate.  Warren’s tongue swirling around the tip of his cock.  He hazily wondered when Warren had gotten so good at such things.  Or maybe Warren wasn’t all that good and it had just been so long that every little movement of the tongue on his cock felt amplified.  Either way, he was ready.  He bit his lip to keep quiet as he pulled on Warren’s hair, trying to draw him up eye level.  When that didn’t work, he grabbed Warren’s hand and put the condom in it.

Warren looked up at him with a full mouth, flicking his tongue on the sensitive underside of the head before releasing it.  “Now who’s the eager one?”

“Shut up…”

Warren grinned before sitting up.  Nathan watched as he carefully slid the condom on and spread more lube over it.  He adjusted Nathan so his legs were further up on his chest.  Nathan had to remind himself to breathe.  He’d really thought they were never going to be able to have sex again.  Words couldn’t express how emotional he felt.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Warren asked, one hand on his dick which was pressing lightly against Nathan’s entrance.  His other hand was massaging Nathan’s thigh.

Nathan reached up to caress Warren’s cheek.  “Yes, oh my God yes.”  He didn’t care that he seemed so desperate because he was certain that Warren felt the same way.  He brought Warren’s face down to his and kissed him.  “I want this so bad, Warren.”

Warren nodded and pressed his lips against Nathan’s again.  The kisses were wet, sloppy, with teeth clacking and tongues sliding against each other.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity for both of them, Warren began pushing into Nathan.  They groaned into each other’s mouths.  Warren was slow, careful, and it felt tortuous.

As Warren was fully inside of Nathan he rasped, “Oh God… Oh _fuck_ ,” against Nathan’s lips.  He lingered a moment, his hips unmoving as he allowed himself to enjoy the sensation for a moment.  Nathan didn’t mind, as he needed to readjust to the filling of being filled for the first time in months.  Plus, he was rather enjoying the feeling as well.

They continued kissing as Warren slid in and out of Nathan.  It was almost too much for Nathan, with his racing heart, short breaths, and all the emotions he was feeling.  It had always been different sleeping with Warren, but things were even more different this time.  He was no longer lying to himself and saying that they were just fuckbuddies.  The question of whether or not he loved Warren weighed heavily in his mind.   He knew he loved Warren but loving someone and being in love with someone weren’t one in the same.  There was also still a fear inside of him while they had sex, but it was a very different one compared to what it used to be.  He used to be so afraid of how much he enjoyed having sex with a man, whereas this time he was afraid of losing Warren again.

Warren let out a disgruntled groan as Nathan pulled his lips away from him.  He’d been rather enjoying the kissing.  It made him feel closer to the other man, their already intimate experience feeling even more so.  He became a lot less irritated by the loss of when Nathan started whispering in his ear.

“I want you to be mine, Warren.”

Chills went down Warren’s spine as Nathan’s hot breath hit his ear and the meaning of the words began to sink it.  He wanted to believe that Nathan meant what he said but he didn’t know if Nathan actually meant it.  It was likely caused by a sex-fueled haze but he couldn’t help but wonder.  He’d never heard anything remotely close to that come from Nathan’s mouth before.

“I want you to be mine and only mine,” Nathan continued as he lightly ran his nails up and down Warren’s back, “and I want to be only yours.”

“I’d like that…”  Warren bit his lip and quickened his pace, afraid of the words that would spill from his own lips if he continued talking.  He loved Nathan.  Truly.  Deeply.  Wholeheartedly.  There was no questioning that feeling anymore.  He knew it as well as he knew the Periodic Table of Elements.  Still, he didn’t want to confess that in the middle of sex.  It could ruin everything.  Nathan could freak out.  Make them stop.  Leave and never come back.  Or maybe Nathan felt the same way but considering they’d barely started talking again it seemed unlikely.

Nathan continued his sweet whisperings: “I don’t wanna do this with anyone else…” and Warren grabbed his cock to make him stop talking.  It was getting to be too much, the words buzzing around in Warren’s brain and making him want to say sweet things in return.  But he couldn’t.  He couldn’t allow himself to potentially mess things up all over again just when things were coming back together.

As Warren began to stroke him, Nathan covered his mouth with his own hand to stifle what would’ve otherwise been a rather loud moan.  He quickly guided Warren’s lips back to his own and moaned into the other boys’ mouth.  There were so many wonderful sensations that he was finding it difficult to keep quiet.  Warren felt wonderful inside of him, hitting his prostate with every thrust, which were timed with the strokes up and down his own dick.  Their kisses were fast and sloppy and oh so desperate as they both drew close to climax.  All the feelings were adding up, making him feel closer to Warren than he'd ever felt to anyone.

All those months, he’d been missing out on feeling that good, feeling that happy.  He missed out on being with someone who genuinely cared for him.  He could have lost Warren, to Brooke, to anyone who realized how wonderful Warren was and he wasn’t going to allow that to happen.  He knew he should have let things progress how they’d originally been heading back around Thanksgiving but there was no point in dwelling on their past mistakes anymore.  They were together in that moment, would be together the next morning, and would hopefully be together for a long time to come.  That was all that mattered.

At least, that’s what Nathan thought as he spurted all over bother of their stomachs and mewled Warren’s name over and over again between kisses.  Warren continued to stroke him through the orgasm, making it more intense and last longer.  Warren only released him when he’d stopped moaning.  For a moment, Nathan just laid beneath Warren, who was still thrusting into him, and did nothing but enjoy the aftereffects of his release.  His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.  His scalp felt tingly.  His heart was still racing but it was starting to slow down.  He ran his fingers over Warren’s chest, face, arms, back, ass, hips, every inch of skin that he could reach.  He wanted to feel as close to Warren as he possibly could.

Warren’s pace quickened and their kissing became more sporadic.  Nathan knew it meant that Warren was nearing his own release.  Nathan did what he could to move his hips to meet the thrusts, causing Warren to somehow go deeper and whimper in pleasure as he did so.  Nathan’s hands continued to roam, clawing at Warren’s back and surely leaving marks that would still be there in the morning.  Finally, he pulled away from Warren’s lips and whispered in his ear once again.

“Cum for me.”  With the way Warren’s breath hitched, Nathan was certain that his words were having an effect.  He felt Warren slam into him, even harder than he’d been going previously. “I wanna feel your big cock cum inside of me.  Cum for me, Warren.”

And so Warren did, rasping something akin to, “Fuck, Nathan, oh God, _Nathan_ ,” as he continued to thrust through his release.  The feeling euphoria quickly set in and he was in awe of how wonderfully that night had turned out.  When he woke up that day, he assumed it would be a good day.  He didn’t think it’d end as nearly as well as it had, though, with Nathan beneath him.  He’d honestly thought, with how badly he’d fucked up, that they’d never have sex again, especially not as good as the sex they’d just had.

Warren hadn’t realized he’d collapsed on top of Nathan until he felt a light trail of kisses on his cheek.  He pushed himself off of Nathan, sitting up to carefully remove the condom and to allow Nathan to put his legs down.  Nathan hadn’t expected Warren to lay down on him once again and again they were kissing.  Slowly.  Gently.  Warren nuzzled Nathan’s nose before planting a kiss on the other his cheek.  They didn’t say anything as they laid there, their legs tangled together, just enjoying the feeling of being together.

Eventually, Warren realized how tired he was and he knew they both needed some sleep.  It had been late when they’d gotten into bed and it was certainly much later after what had just happened.  Still, he was reluctant as he got off of Nathan so they could clean up and go to bed.

When Nathan settled back into the bed and waited for Warren to turn off the lamp, Warren couldn’t help but stare.  Nathan curled up in his bed, the covers pulled back because he wanted Warren to come join him.  Over the many months that they’d somewhat been together, Warren had grown attached to how wavy Nathan’s hair was naturally.  There was still some flush on Nathan’s cheeks and chest.  His cuts and bruises were almost completely healed.  There were hickeys on Nathan’s shoulder, chest, and just below his navel.  Nathan was beautiful and Warren was so deeply in love with him.

“…What?” Nathan asked sleepily when he realized that Warren was staring at him.  “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”  Warren smiled, taking in the mental image of a naked Nathan Prescott lying on his bed before turning off the light.  He lied down beside Nathan and pulled the covers over both of them before wrapping an arm around Nathan and pulling him closer. He kissed Nathan’s cheek.  “I just really, really like you.”

Nathan smiled, turning his head to kiss Warren.  “I really, really like you too.”  He really, really did and he was so happy that he was finally okay with that.  In that moment, his intrusive thoughts and internalized homophobia were far away.  He was safely in Warren’s arms.  He was content and happy and actually able to relax.  When he fell asleep in Warren’s arms, exhausted from good things for once, he slept peacefully and didn’t stir until it was time to get up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest sex scene I’ve ever written. Holy shit, y’all. There’s another sex scene in the next chapter and I kinda wanna try to top this one but I don’t think I could. This is, by far, my favorite sex scene in the entire story (though next chapter’s scene is a close second). I feel dirty posting smut scenes tbh. I feel like a filthy enabler. But hey, they use condoms and lube. Even though technically they should be using condoms for blow jobs because STIs can pass that way too but… idk I just feel like that would kill the mood in the story? But I feel like the mention of condoms before intercourse doesn’t ruin the mood? Is that weird?  
> But yeah. Finally fluff. Fluffy fluff. Fluffy sex. That Happy Nathan I’ve been promising for forever is here after like 18 chapters and it’s beautiful. I need to stop gushing in my story intros and outros.  
> But uh… just warning y’all. There’s still at least 8 chapters to go so… this isn’t permanent. I mean, there’s a few more chapters of fluff after this but yeah. Shit’s gonna get real soon.


	19. We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So TMI but I feel like I can and should talk about this here cuz one of the themes to this story is mental health. So the reason that this isn’t out as quickly as I usually post is that my depression was kicking my ass and even though I fucking love this chapter because it’s so happy and adorable, I had no inspiration to write/edit it. When I tried to force myself, it came out like crap. But I had a doctor’s appointment to check in on how my antidepressants are doing and she upped the dose (because I was on an ulta low dose) and it’s helping. So now I’m on the rise to my non-depression normal and I’m feeling pretty good now. Therapy and meds ftw!  
> But yeah. Warnings. More smut. Slightly kinky smut. Nothing too bad I don’t think but just be warned if that kinda thing makes you uncomfortable. It’s at the end though.  
> …I wonder how many people scrolled to the end after reading that haha.  
> But uh. The next chapter might be awhile as well. University is starting back up, plus I’m still trying to decide if I wanna add this segment I took out back in and then expand upon it.  
> But as always, please enjoy and review/comment/whatever.

Almost a month had passed since Warren and Nathan had started hanging out again.  A lot of things went back to how they’d been before they stopped talking.  They spent copious amounts of time together.  They continued to watch shows and movie and introduced the other to their old and new favorites.  They kissed and made out and occasionally had sex.

However, Nathan made good on his word, so a lot of things had changed in those few weeks.  Since that night during spring break where they’d had sex, Warren hadn’t woken up alone, even if he’d fallen asleep as such.  Whether Warren was in his dorm or at home, Nathan would eventually crawl into bed beside him.  When they did have sex, it wasn’t that quick, emotionless thing they had during Winter Break.  It was mostly warm and affectionate, even if at times it could get a bit rough.  When Nathan went to Vortex Club parties, even if Warren wasn’t there, Nathan didn’t sleep around or anything of that nature.  He’d even once barged into Warren’s room in a huff over a “relentless, horny bitch” he’d used to sleep with.  Warren got extremely jealous and proceeded to spend the better part of that night confirming that Nathan didn’t need any random lays anymore because Warren was better.

What might have been the best thing that changed was that Nathan would actually show Warren affection in front of their closest friends.  It was never anything all that drastic.  It was just a quick kiss while Victoria or Rachel was in the room.  He’d grab Warren’s hand while they bullshit with Hayden or Brooke.  He’d put his arm around Warren while they watched movies with Max and Kate.  Though they were little things that Nathan only did when there was no way random people would see them, Warren knew just what a big step that was.  The fact that he was being shown affection around his friends, not just Nathan's, had to of been difficult even if it were just pecks and handholding.  Warren didn’t need any grand romantic gesture, anyway; it was the little things that mattered to him, which there were now a lot of.

There were texts asking Warren how his tests or chemistry and physics labs went if Nathan wasn’t able to talk to him soon after.  There were meals shared at the Two Whales.  There were dinners with Warren’s parents.  There were dates at the drive-in theater.  There were kisses just because and sweet hugs and cuddling and everything was perfect.

Well, almost everything.  They were doing everything most couples did, except for showing affection in general public which Warren was completely understanding of.  Yet, they weren’t officially a couple and that fact was really starting to bother him.  Things had obviously been heading in that direction, yet Nathan never asked him.  Warren supposed that he could be the one to initiate that conversation but he wanted Nathan to be the one in control of that.  After all, Nathan was the one who potentially had major repercussions if word of their relationship got into the wrong hands.  Nathan was also the one who needed to feel like he had more control over his life.

Warren felt somewhat in control over his life.  Sure, at times his anxiety became crippling over the things he couldn’t fix and over his worry that he wasn’t good enough.  For the most part, he knew he worked hard and was lucky enough that it paid off.  He studied and got good grades.  He worked full time during the summer, and so he had a bunch of money saved up.  He could use that money on what he wanted, when he wanted and it really helped him feel like he was in control of his own life.  What really helped the most was that he got to see his hard work pay off in the form of five university acceptance letters, all of which were accompanied by hefty financial aid packages.  He wasn’t sure which school he wanted to go to.  His deadline for choosing was fast approaching.  Even though he ultimately was the one who decided where he went, having to make that choice left him feeling a little out of control.

No matter where he went, he’d be losing something or someone.  The school he really wanted to go to was up in Seattle.  It had amazing science programs, it would be an amazing city to live in, and Max was going to school there.  He’d be so far away from everyone else, though.  He’d only be able to see his parents over Winter and Summer breaks because he’d be so far away.  He’d never be able to see Nathan either.  Nathan was going to school in Portland, at a school Warren had also been admitted to.

Whenever Warren brought the upcoming issue of college up, Nathan would always shake it off.  There were just too many things about that change that he didn’t like.  Of course, Nathan was bothered by the fact that he’d be away from everyone he cared about.  Victoria would be at university in Seattle and he was certain that Warren would be there, too.  Rachel was staying in the Bay.  Hayden was probably going to school down in California, and it sounded like Taylor and Courtney were as well.  It wasn’t just his friends dispersing that bothered Nathan.

There were so many other things about the situation that he hated, that were suffocating.  He didn’t really have a say in what college he was going to or what degree he was getting.  Those were picked out for him.  Just like his career.  His future.  His father would probably have a wife lined up for him after too long.  His whole damn life had been decided for him and he was completely terrified that he was going to grow up to be another Sean Prescott.

Nathan didn’t know what to do.  If he weren’t completely financially dependent on his father, he’d disappear off the face of the planet.  He could live down in California where no one knew of him or that the Prescott name held any sort of significance.  He could move back to Florida, where he’d spent the first few years of his life before he realized how shitty his parents were.  Maybe he’d find a place somewhere on the East Coast, far away from the shores of Arcadia Bay.  Or perhaps he’d grab his passport and flee the country.  Canada. Brazil.  It didn’t matter where he went, though.  With the money and resources that his father had, Nathan knew he’d surely be tracked down.  Be brought back to his father’s office kicking and screaming.  Then, everything would be even worse than it was to begin with.  There was no doubt in his mind that Sean would go looking for him, as there was no one else to take his place if he turned out to be “a fuckup like Kristine”.

So he avoided the subject of the future like the plague.  It was difficult, considering he was reaching a point in his Senior Year of high school where that was all everyone wanted to talk about.  People were getting college acceptance letters.  People were actually choosing what college or university they were going to.  When he was at his best, when he wasn’t feeling so shitty about his own damn life, Nathan felt bad for ruining the happy and hopeful moods others had when they tried to talk to him about such things.  Victoria was happy, of course, and so very excited.  She was a young, aspiring photographer with supportive, affluent parents and was well on the way to achieving her dreams.  Though Rachel was only going to the local community college, it didn’t hinder her ability to dream that one day she and Chloe would be living in Los Angeles.  Hayden didn’t know what he wanted to do and, though he hid it well, Nathan knew it scared him.  Nathan, however, was envious; if only he were the one with all the terrifying freedom to do with what he wanted.

Thinking about how Warren was likely going far away for college was too painful for Nathan to think about.  It was even more painful than the knowledge that he was going to be separated from his best friends all too soon.  A very selfish part of him wanted to ask Warren to go to Portland with him and he almost did.  That was until he saw Warren’s face light up when he talked to Max about the university in Seattle they’d both been admitted to.  It was at that moment that it really hit him how much he cared about Warren.  He couldn’t deny how he truly felt.

Nathan Prescott was in _love_ with Warren Graham.

And it sucked.  There were so very many things that would make a long, prosperous relationship together difficult, if not impossible.  Of course the biggest issue was Nathan’s father, who’s positively flip his shit if he knew his son was gay, not to mention how much worse it’d be if he knew his son was in love with and regularly getting fucked by another guy.  Distance would likely become an issue in their future.  Even though Warren was only a short flight away, when would they have the time to actually visit?  Even if they both tried their damnedest to make it work, what if that wasn’t enough?  So Nathan decided that there was no way he was going to confess his feelings when their relationship was surely doomed.

Besides, he didn’t need to say it because there was no way that Warren didn’t know.  He had to know with the way that Nathan treated him.  He had to know with the effort Nathan made to enquire about his day or with the way they kissed good morning, every morning.  He had to know with the way they made love and how Nathan always made sure to stay to cuddle and talk afterward.  Warren had to of understood that Nathan wasn’t exactly the best at verbalizing his affections; he had to know that Nathan showed how he felt with the little things he did day-by-day.

The weekend that they went to Newberg to see a black-and-white double feature at the drive-in, Nathan was certain that Warren had to of known how he felt.  Nathan bought the tickets as a surprise because he paid attention to how much Warren like old movies in general.  Nathan drove them in his car to Newberg, took them to a fairly nice restaurant, and didn’t make a move on him through both movies so that Warren could thoroughly watch and enjoy them.  Since it was almost midnight by the time the last movie was done, they stayed at a nice hotel.

When Nathan had told Warren they’d be staying at a hotel after their date, Warren tried to argue against it.  He felt bad enough that Nathan had bought the tickets and was going to take him to an expensive dinner; he didn’t want to be more of a burden by staying at some five-star hotel.  When Nathan mentioned it would probably be best that they didn’t show up to the dorms together in the middle of the night because it would look suspicious as hell, Warren dropped the issue for the most part.

“We could have stayed at a cheap motel, you know,” Warren grumbled, feeling guilty as he plopped onto a plush king-sized bed.  “Is this _really_ necessary?”  He wouldn’t like; it was a beautiful room and, if there were no consequences, he’d want to try to take the bed and put it in his own room at home.  Still, he didn’t feel comfortable having so much money spent on him, even if it was actually Sean Prescott’s money.

Nathan shrugged as he rummaged through the hotel closet to find the complimentary robes.  “Yeah, it kinda is.  In case jackass checks what I’ve been using my card for, I need to make it look like I took some skank on a date.”

Warren sat up on the bed and wrinkled his nose.  “Do you really have to call them that?”

“Would you rather I called them Random Bimbos?”  Nathan smirked as Warren, who regretted letting Victoria know what he used to refer to the women Nathan slept with as, let out an aggravated huff.  “It’s true, though.  The women I attracted were fucking sluts…  and so was I.”

Warren didn’t like the forlorn expression on Nathan’s face.  It had been alluded to that Nathan regretted most, if not all, of his experiences with women.  It got the job done, made people none-the-wiser to the fact that Nathan wasn’t really into women at all, and it wasn’t like Nathan had ever made any of his female fuckbuddies suspect that they were anything more.  That didn’t stop him from feeling guilty, especially about the women he slept with after Warren; specifically, the few Warren watched him make out with and walk away with. He didn’t know how he’d ever make up for that, if it was even possible.  Warren understood why it happened but that did little to ease how shitty Nathan felt about doing it.  Those thoughts were quickly forgotten as Warren came up behind him, grabbed a robe and said in his ear, “Let’s go take a shower,” before disappearing into the bathroom.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Nathan?” Warren called from the bathroom as he took in how big it was and with how many amenities.  “You got us a room with a _jacuzzi_?”  He peaked his head out the door and attempted to glare but it was difficult to actually do so; he was excited about the jacuzzi tub since he’d never been in one before.  He disappeared into the bathroom once again.

In the few short moments it took Nathan to grab his own robe and walk to the bathroom, Warren had already gotten the water in the jacuzzi running and had rid himself of his shirt.  Nathan smiled, enjoying the satisfaction that, for once, he’d done something completely right.  Not only had he done something good, but it was done for someone who actually deserved it, someone who actually cared about him.  He stared as Warren continued to strip, enjoying the delighted look on Warren’s face as he did so.

Warren glanced at Nathan as he got into the half-filled tub and assumed Nathan was smiling at him for a different reason.  “Pervert,” he joked, his tone light and eyes sparkling and Nathan wondered how he got so lucky.  It wasn’t all that long ago that they weren’t even talking.  A year before they were barely aware of the others existence.  Yet there they were, in a hotel, in Newberg, and Nathan was in love with him.  Nathan didn’t dare let himself think about how everything could go wrong because, for the moment, everything felt wonderful and everything was perfect.

Nathan rid himself of his clothes, noticing from the corner of his eye that Warren was watching him.  He smirked and teased with mock cockiness, “Like what you see?”

Warren’s eyes roamed over Nathan’s body again; he was so thin yet there was lean muscle all over his body.  There were scars over his chest and a long, gnarly one on his stomach that Warren had always wanted to ask about but was too afraid to hear the answer he figured he already knew.  Then there was, of course, his package, which was pretty impressive when it wasn’t soft (but really, what penis was impressive soft?).  He was perhaps the most amazing creature Warren had ever seen.

When Warren sweetly replied, “I always like what I see when I’m looking at you,” he was surprised to see a blush creep up Nathan’s cheeks.  He beamed at the rather adorable sight.  It wasn’t often that he got to see Nathan flustered like that while not angry or upset.  “What?  Like you don’t _know_ you’re attractive?

Nathan chose to ignore him and instead turned the bubbles to the jacuzzi on.  Warren giggled as the jets hit him and Nathan found the sound to be absolutely lovely.  Within seconds of Nathan getting in on the opposite side of the tub, Warren was right beside him, forcing Nathan to wrap an arm around him.  It was kind of awkward, cuddling in a tub and Nathan was certain that Warren now wasn’t getting the full jacuzzi experience.  It wasn’t often that Warren was the one being held, though, so Nathan didn’t mention any of those concerns.

“Did you have a good day, Babe?”

Warren smiled as he looked up at Nathan. His day hadn’t started out that great, with a quiz and an essay due, not to mention how he almost had a meltdown in his Digital Arts class because Photoshop was being a little bitch on his laptop.  Then, when he was done with class, he had to get ready very quickly so they’d have time to get dinner before the show, which was especially important because Warren hadn’t had a real lunch that day.  Once they got into Nathan’s car, everything turned around.  The rest of his day went wonderfully and was ending on a very pleasant note, even if he still felt guilty about all the money that had been spent on him.

“Yeah, I did.”  Warren leaned up and gave Nathan a kiss on his cheek.  “I always have a good day when I’m with you.”

Nathan rolled his eyes so hard it was surprising they didn’t get stuck that way.  “Oh my God, shut up with that cheesy, cliché crap.”  He suppressed the grin that was threatening to form on his face.

Warren chuckled.  “Fine, fine.  But really, though, what’s not to enjoy about sushi and old movies?  My only regret is that we didn’t take out the sushi to enjoy with the movies.”

“Oh, so you didn’t enjoy our polite dinner conversation then?”

“Nathan, I wouldn’t really call a thirty-minute joint ramble about how books-to-movies are typically shit polite dinner conversation.  I’m pretty sure every other word that came out of your mouth was some variation of ‘fuck’.  I did enjoy it, though.”

It was nice, sitting and talking like everything was normal and everything was okay.  For the moment, it was.  For the moment, Nathan wasn’t an heir to a family business with an abusive, homophobic father.  For the moment, Warren wasn’t a stressed out poor kid who was counting on his grades to end the cycle of poverty.  They were just a couple, sitting, chatting, smiling, laughing, and enjoying the others company.  For a moment, they felt like the other one was the only person who mattered.

Warren had expected Nathan to make a move on him in the tub, especially with how long they were in there.  He expected something when they got out, especially when Nathan helped towel dry him off but all that happened was he got a kiss on the forehead.  When they went back to the main room of their hotel suite, Warren was absolutely certain that Nathan would try something but instead, he headed to his suitcase and pulled out pajamas.  As he was pulling out a pair of underwear to put on, Warren came up behind him.  If Nathan wasn’t going to make a move, then he was going to have to take matters into his own hands.

Since Nathan had been bending over to get into his suitcase, Warren roughly grabbed his hair and pulled him into a standing position.  His lips quickly found their way to the nape of Nathan’s neck, kissing, sucking, and biting while he wrapped his arms around the boy in front of him.  He pressed his growing arousal into Nathan’s backside, groaning at the delicious friction.

Nathan had wanted Warren to be more assertive, in the bedroom at least.  The topic had come up only a few weeks prior when Warren finally asked him about the bondage photos in his room.  Nathan was interested, very much so, in such things but had never really explored them himself.  It wasn’t something he wanted to bring up with his flings because he didn’t need that particular secret getting out.  He felt comfortable and safe with Warren, enough so to admit that he wanted to try some (or a lot) of those things.  Warren was hesitant, partially because he wasn’t really all that aggressive unless he had to be and partially because the idea of him hurting someone who was physically abused was terrifying for him.  So they agreed they would take things slowly, very slowly, and had only experimented with very light things thus far.

The day Warren asked about the photos ended with them experimenting with blindfolds, or technically Nathan’s thick winter scarves since that was what they had to work with.  Nathan wasn’t sure if Warren enjoyed it or merely tolerated it, but he personally loved the crap out of it.  There was something so erotic about not being able to see what Warren was going to do next, not being able to anticipate his kiss, his touch, or when Warren was going to enter him.  It left him wanting to experiment more, but Warren had seemed more uneasy about it than before.  It seemed as if he hadn’t really enjoyed it.

That’s what Nathan thought until he found himself tied up to the headboard of the hotel bed with the belts from the robes.  He hadn’t expected it, nor had he expected Warren to take charge so completely.  His wrists were tightly bound with the soft fabric of the robe and with an experimental tug he realized he couldn’t get free if he wanted to.  The prospect left him feeling very vulnerable and bare.  Warren could do anything he wanted to him and there wasn’t really anything that he could do about it.

And, holy _fuck_ , did that turn Nathan on.

Warren was pretty sure his entire face was pink between his arousal and the awkwardness he felt.  He was terrified of stepping over a line or doing something to make Nathan panic, even though he’d consented to it, fully wanted it and they already had a safe word established.  Warren had to admit there was something highly arousing about having Nathan submit to him, especially with the sultry looks he was being given.

“What are you going to do to me?” Nathan asked with a seductive edge to his voice.  His eyes were filled with an aroused curiosity as he looked up at Warren, who was currently straddling his waist.  He enjoyed seeing the twitch of Warren’s cock as the words left his lips as he knew they had an effect on the other man, which was good.  He wanted Warren to enjoy it, wanted him to want to take control.

“I’m going to fuck your mouth.”  They were both surprised at the boldness with which Warren said those words.  Nathan’s eyes widened with interest as they flickered down to Warren’s arousal, then back up to Warren’s face, and then back down to Warren’s dick it got closer and he realized that, holy shit, his mouth _really_ was about to get fucked.

There was still a hesitation as Warren grabbed some pillows to prop Nathan’s head into a more comfortable and easy angle.  He was trying to keep his semblance of confidence and control as he grabbed a fistful of Nathan’s hair with one hand and grabbed the headboard with the other hand for leverage.  Their eyes met as he slid into Nathan’s mouth and it only made it that much more arousing. 

He was cautious and slow at first.  His gaze remained fixed on Nathan as he began because of his concerns.  He didn’t want to make Nathan panic or vomit and ruin the moment.  As he continued, his apprehensions dissipated as he noticed that Nathan actually seemed to be enjoying it himself.  His worries were soon forgotten and the only thoughts that filled his mind were how amazing Nathan’s mouth felt and how damn erotic it was to have someone powerless below him.

He'd had every intention of finishing inside of Nathan’s ass; he’d brought the lube, the condoms.  As he continued to thrust into Nathan’s mouth, looking down at the sight of Nathan’s eyes squeezed shut and his cheeks hollowing as he sucked on Warren’s dick, Warren realized that wasn’t going to happen.  Nathan’s mouth felt so good, especially as he fucked it.  He was starting to see the appeal of completely and totally dominating someone.

As Warren’s grip on Nathan’s hair tightened and he let out these small, breathy moans, Nathan knew it meant he was close.  Which was fine, what he wanted, as he was beginning to feel frustrated about his own neglected cock.  He hadn’t even been touched.  Warren was never neglectful, so Nathan -correctly- assumed that Warren had read upon BDSM culture, more specifically orgasm denial, and that the lack of attention was deliberate.  Nathan had been interested in exploring that but in practice, it was irritating as hell.

Warren tried to maintain control over himself as he came into Nathan’s mouth, tried his best not to thrust into it too hard or too deep.  He watched as Nathan swallowed, groaning at the feeling of Nathan swallowing around him as he continued to cum.  Nathan looked up at him with wide eyes and he whimpered at the sight.  He pulled out, lingering where he was for a moment to recoup.

He was careful as he climbed off the bed and examined Nathan to make sure he was okay.  Nathan seemed alright, albeit agitated.  He was quite a sight to behold with red and swollen lips, his cheeks and the tips of his ears crimson, and his hair a complete and utter mess.  If it were possible, Warren was sure he’d be hard again at the sight.  Nathan’s aggravation increased when Warren spoke:

“I’m gonna go wash up.”

Nathan, still tired on the bed, growled, “Are you fucking kidding me, Warren?”

Warren smirked.  “You’re not really in any position to be bitching; it _won’t_ get you what you want.” He disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

“For fucks sake, Warren!  You can’t do this to me.”

Warren opened the door and peaked out.  “It appears I already have.”  He left the door open a smidge as he disappeared again.

Nathan glared at the door, not understanding how Warren could go from hesitating to blindfold him to leaving him alone, tied up on a bed in a matter of weeks.  As angering as the situation was, a stirring in his cock made him realize just how much he was enjoying it.  If he was going to get what he wanted, he was going to have to submit and he found the idea very titillating.

“Warren…  please.”

Warren peaked his head out of the bathroom door again.  “What was that, Nathan?”

“I need you.”

A cocky grin spread over Warren’s face as he sauntered back to the bed, sitting beside Nathan.  He laid a hand on Nathan’s knee and trailed his nails up the inner thigh, making sure not to directly stimulate the area of interest.  He watched Nathan, his breath hitching as Warren came so very close to touching him but not nearly close enough.

“You’re going to need to tell me more than that.”

“Warren, I-“ Nathan emitted a frustrated huff as Warren’s other hand started toying with his pubes, mere inches away from his dick.

“What do you want me to do to you, Nathan?  It’s a simple question.”

“I want my cock in your mouth.”

“Beg.”

“What?”

Warren smirked and laid a few kisses on Nathan’s rather defined hip bone.  “I said ‘ _beg_ ’.”

“Warren, please…”

“You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“Please, Warren, I _need_ you to suck me off.”  Nathan’s face was tomato red but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.  What he especially enjoyed, though, was the sensation of Warren swiftly taking all of him, down to the base.  With the intense contrast of him being denied contact all that time, to being fully engulfed into Warren’s mouth, he’d half expected to come right then and there but what happy when he didn’t.  He felt more sensitive and it was made all the better by the fact that he was still completely powerless and helpless.

When Nathan finally got to come, he screamed utterances of Warren’s name over and over again, not caring if he woke the people in the rooms next to theirs.  He’d been waiting too long and it felt too good to be concerned.  It lasted longer than his orgasms usually did and it really was a lot more powerful as well, and because of that alone he could see why people got into that.  Plus, it was so damn hot when Warren made him beg.

Warren was still as sweet as ever now that he didn’t have to carry the façade of dominance anymore.  He quickly untied Nathan and inspected his wrists to see if they needed any sort of aftercare.  Even though Nathan insisted they were fine, he’d been wrapped up with something rather soft and plush after all, Warren still rubbed them with the complimentary hotel lotion.  Nathan watched as Warren intently rubbed the creamy substance over his wrists.

“You’re perfect.”

Warren looked up at him and smiled.  “I highly doubt that, but that’s sweet that you’d say that.”

“No, I mean it, you’re perfect.”  When they kissed, Nathan realized their lips hadn’t made contact through their whole sexual encounter, so he kissed him again, and again, and again.  “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Nathan, I…” _I love you…_ Warren stopped himself, not wanted to say something to ruin the moment.  “I really care about you.”

Nathan smiled as he nuzzled Warren’s nose with his.  “I really care about you, too.”


	20. But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a few things…  
> OMG y’all so I replayed Life is Strange and I decided I wanted to do a playthrough where Victoria and Nathan hate Max and it’s a fucking TRIP Y’ALL. I have a really weird sense of humor so like in Episode 2, when Max’s room just got thrashed because I took the pic of Victoria AND turned Nathan in to Principal Wells, I fucking laughed so hard at that and I don’t know why. Like DAMN. Why is Nathan the only person who locks his damn door? That’s the real question here.  
> ALSO I MADE A LIFE IS STRANGE TUMBLR (called “kimlovesgrahamscott”)! You should talk to me there and send me head canons so I can write drabbles when I’m bored/to de-stress in between homework loads. I’m serious. Send me your headcanons, things you’d like to see drabbled, what have you.  
> Also as for actually writing this shit… I’m at the start of my last semester of university and I stress the fuck out. I need a schedule and the first few weeks of school I don’t have one figured out yet. Which means I’m stressed as hell. Which means writing shall be sparse (which is why I cranked shit out so fast because I wanted to get this done before my semester started but whatever. It is what it is.) When it gets back to drama central in this fic, I’ll try my best not to leave y’all hanging but while I’m at the start of the semester and we’re into some sweet fluffiness, you might be waiting for a while for updates. I’m sorry.  
> Anyways! As always, please enjoy and review/comment/whatever (and also message me on tumblr :D I have no one to talk LiS to in real life).

It wasn’t very often that Warren got to hang out with Max one-on-one, but when he did he really enjoyed it.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like their other friends because he really did.  He loved Kate and got along with her very well. When he was hanging out with her and Max, it felt like he was a third wheel even when though the couple refrained from showing any major forms of physical affection.  He liked Rachel and her free spirit and Chloe was pretty great as well, and though their lust for adventures could be fun it was sometimes exhausting or just too much for him to handle.

Max wasn’t like that, at least not when she was on her own.  On her own, she was calm and okay with staying grounded in one place.  Alone, they could talk about anything and everything and he would always be reminded as to why she was one of his best friends.  Plus, it was nice having someone to play WoW with that wasn’t a complete dumbass when they played.

What was likely the only downside to hanging out with Max and only Max was just how damn nosy she was.  When there were others around, her attention would be so divided that she typically wouldn’t pry into Warren’s life too much.  When it was only her and Warren, though, there were times that she would get too far into his business.  It had gotten worse since his friends had all found out about his relationship with Nathan (was relationship the right word?  Friends with benefits?  Lovers?  Fuckbuddies?  He honestly didn’t know what to classify it as).  Fortunately, she wasn’t prying at that particular moment; she was actually trying to help him.

 “So you’ve narrowed it down to the school in Seattle and the one in Portland?”

Warren nodded.  The deadline for intent to enroll was fast approaching, only about a week away, so he absolutely needed to decide.  He’d eliminated the school in California he’d applied to because the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he really didn’t want to go down to Los Angeles.  It was a perfectly great place, he was sure, and he’d visit it whenever Chloe and Rachel moved down there, but the sheer size of it was terrifying for the boy who’d spent his whole life in such a small town.  The other two colleges he’d decided against didn’t give him as nearly as good financial aid offers as the other three, so purely because he didn’t want to die in the amount of student loans he’d have to take out, he turned them down as well.

That left him with Seattle and Portland as his two options.  If he went to Portland, he’d only be a few hours away from his family and the only place he’d ever called home.  He’d also be going to the same school as Nathan and maybe they’d eventually move in together, assuming their relationship ever actually progressed.  The school in Portland was amazing but he was still rather drawn to the one in Seattle.  It offered a better program for what he wanted to go into and it was an amazing city.  Plus, Max would be there, too, so he wouldn’t be completely alone.  Other than that, it was so far away from everyone else that he loved.  His mom and dad, Nathan…

 “If you’re going to become a mad scientist and take over the world, you can’t pick your school based on where a guy is going.”

Sometimes, Warren really felt like Max could read minds (or maybe it was her rewind power, but she hadn’t told anyone about that in this particular universe).  He didn’t want to admit that she was kind of right, that a large reason as to why he wanted to go to Portland was so that he could stay near Nathan.  If it wasn’t for that, he would’ve had no issue selecting Seattle.  It had the most amazing school and was a city of opportunity.

“I know you’re right, Max, but it’s not that simple.”  Warren sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.  He wished it could be simple.  He wished Nathan could’ve picked the school he was going to.  Warren knew Nathan would’ve applied to schools in Seattle, if for no other reason than to be near Victoria.  “He kind of needs me.  I can’t tell you why but…  I just don’t know how he’d be able to survive Portland and his family without me and Victoria.

“He could visit you?” Max suggested.  “I mean, he could lie and say he’s just going to visit Victoria.  I’m sure his dad would pay for that, since he mentioned that his dad wants him to get with Victoria.  Then he can just go see you.  Or both of you I guess.”

Though he didn’t understand why Max had been so supportive of their relationship in the time she’d known (or at least, in the time he knew that she knew), Warren was extremely grateful.  He hadn’t anticipated their friends having the best reactions and was surprised that they were met with overwhelming support.  The only issues they’d encountered thus far was Courtney not hiding how shocked she was about Nathan and Warren being a thing and that Chloe seemed absolutely determined to find out who was the top and who was the bottom.

“I know you’re right but it’s just,” Warren’s eyes averted Max’s gaze and rested on one of the posters on his wall, “I don’t wanna lose him, Max.”  He meant that in a multitude of ways.  Of course a part of the reason he was worried about the maintenance of their relationship, if it could even be called a relationship, was distance.  What also scared him, far more than the prospect of them stopping whatever they were doing, was whatever damage could be done by Sean Prescott with Nathan being practically isolated, with the people who actually cared about him being all too far away.

Those same thoughts had crossed Nathan’s mind as well but he was still determined to not do anything to deter Warren from going where he wanted to go.  He didn’t want to be the one responsible for fucking up the person that he love's life.  There was no point in both of their lives being ruined.  He’d come to accept that he was going to lose Warren to Seattle as soon as Warren got his acceptance letter.  While Nathan lamented to Victoria about that, she offered advice strikingly similar to Max’s.

“Tell your asshole of a father that I’m your girlfriend and I’m a needy bitch that demands that you visit me as often as you can.”  Victoria had always been hopeful of Warren and Nathan’s relationship but she’d become determined to help make it work since the two had started seeing each other again.  Since then, Nathan had come out to all of his friends.  Plus Warren made him happy and was sticking around even though he knew the truth about Sean Prescott and Nathan’s mental health issues.  Sure, Warren was a huge nerd and could be downright annoying at times, but he was quite possibly the best thing for her best friend and Nathan deserved nothing less than the best.

Nathan shook his head.  “There’s no way I’m putting you through that kinda shit.”

“Through what shit?  What’s the worst thing that could happen to me?  I have to come visit your family for a holiday or something?  Your parents love me and your father won’t do shit to you while another rich person’s around.”

 “What if you get a boyfriend, Vic?  What if he doesn’t like you pretending you have another boyfriend?”

Victoria rolled her eyes.  “If a guy can’t understand why I have to pretend to be my gay best friend’s girlfriend, then he’s obviously a piece of shit and I don’t go for pieces of shit.”

Nathan smirked as he said, “You went for Zac-“

“That was a momentary lapse of judgement!  And I told you to never speak of it again.”  She took a moment to regain her composure before speaking again.  “If you want things to work out, you might have to accept using me as an out.  I’m just saying, he’s a great guy and yeah, if things don’t work out I’m sure you’ll find someone else, but do you really want someone else?”

It wasn’t even a question.  “No, I don’t.”

That was how Victoria convinced Nathan to use her.  As far as his parents were concerned, he was dating Victoria.  He didn’t like that he had to use his best friend like that and he didn’t like that his parents, or at least his father, would never be able to know who he was actually with.  It was better that way, really, because both Nathan’s parents adored Victoria.

Which was why Victoria didn’t stop at merely insisting she be his fake girlfriend.  Somehow, Nathan wasn’t quite sure how, she’d also convinced him to take Warren to prom.  He was horrified when he found out how much planning she’d actually done for the prom.  With the help of Max, they’d conducted a rather clever scheme so that the same-sex couples could go in secret.  It included a party bus and a private dinner and maybe some pre-partying.

At some point, Max made a card for Nathan to give to Warren so he could have a proper promposal.  When Victoria pulled out the card to show Nathan, he decided that he didn’t like that Max and Victoria were friends.  No, they’d taken things too far with a fucking card that read “Are you made of Copper and Tellurium because you’re CuTe!  Be my date to PrOM!”, with CuTe and PrOM being spelled out with elements from the Periodic Table.  It was too much but there was no way, with everything that Victoria had done for him, that he was going to not use the card.

He felt like an idiot who got played as he made the short walk from his room to Warren’s room with the card in hand.  Victoria stood back, lingering in his doorway like an eager preteen trying to help their friend get some game.  He looked back at her, wide-eyed, silently pleading for her to laugh and tell him it was a joke and he didn’t have to use that silly card.  She looked at him expectantly and he let out a heavy sigh before giving in and knocking on the door.

Moments later, the sounds of the movie or game or whatever stopped.  It was followed by the sound of a female voice and then feet shuffling to the door.  Warren opened the door, revealing that neither he nor Max had made it out of their pajamas.  Max sat on the bed, a gaming controller in hand, snacks and presumably Warren’s controller beside her.  She waved at him, grinning as she spotted the card in his hand.

“Hey, Nate,” Warren greeted.  “Is everything okay?”

Victoria moved to be adjacent him and Warren, her camera in hand.  Max pointed to the card and once again grinned.  Victoria smiled and nodded.  Nathan glared at both of them as it once again hit him that those bitches had played him.  He was tempted to rip up the card, storm off, explain to Warren later what had happened.  Maybe he’d just go to prom alone, or maybe not even go at all, just to spite them.  He’d been to a multitude of parties and banquets in his life; how different could prom really be?  Yet, there was a part of him that wanted to go, a part of him that really, really, really, wanted to see Warren in a tux.  _That would be hot as fuck._

“So, uh, you wanna go to that stupid thing with me?” Nathan asked as he handed Warren the card.

“Stupid thing?” Warren asked, not knowing what Nathan was talking about until he read the card.  His face lit up, a genuine smile crossing his face as he read the card and giggled a bit.  He loved science jokes and puns, so he found the card absolutely amazing.  Max watched eagerly, Victoria snapped photos, and Warren tried not to seem too eager as he said, “Uh…  Yeah, we can go to this stupid thing.”

Nathan nodded, explained that they’d talk more about it later, and then he disappeared back into his room with Victoria.  His agitation was obvious.  Going to prom was risky.  Even with Victoria being his fake date, they could still get caught.  It could all end badly, so badly.  He told Victoria of this.  She asked him what was the worst thing that could happen if Sean Prescott found out that he hadn’t already done before and wasn’t going to do again anyway.

Nathan didn’t want to think about it too much.  “That fucker could kick me out and there’s nothing I could do.  Even if he didn’t own the pigs in this town.”

Victoria sighed.  “Well, then you could just move into my parents’ house in Seattle after graduation.  My parents love the shit out of you and won’t care that you’re gay.  They’d probably try to convince Warren to move in too.”  She gently rubbed Nathan’s back, trying to comfort him.  “And besides, we both know how badly you want to go to prom with Warren.”

Of course Nathan wanted to go to prom with Warren.  He wanted to be able to do normal couple things.  He wanted to go on dates that weren’t discrete or that had to be miles away so they didn’t get caught.  He wanted to be able to kiss him in the hallway at school.  He wanted to be able to just hold hands while they walked on the beach or back to the dorms.  He didn’t want to feel that terror every time another one of their friends found out about them because he was worried that they’d be betrayed and outted.

But Warren had become such an important part of Nathan’s life.  Warren was good to him, kind, and possibly the sweetest person he’d ever met.  Warren was worth the risk, every single one of them, even if he lost everything because what good were his parents, the Prescott fortune, and the family business if those things weren’t enough to make him happy?

\--

Nathan had grown to enjoy the time he spent with Warren and his friends.  Of course, he was very hapy that Rachel was a mutual friend and it made the first few times he spent with their little group a whole lot less awkward, but he had to admit he’d grown fond of the rest of Warren’s friends.  Kate was actually quite sweet now that he’d gotten to know her.  Chloe, although she was quite a pain in the ass, was funny as hell.  He’d never admit, to anyone other than Warren and Victoria, how much he had in common with Chloe.  Even Luke, Brooke, and Daniel weren’t so bad, but Warren didn’t often drag Nathan along when he was spending time with those friends.  Nathan had also grown fond of Max, whom was actually quite a lot like Victoria.

However, there was one thing he still didn’t like about Max that drove him absolutely insane.  She was so damn nosey, almost all the time.  It didn’t bother him when she was quizzing someone else; in fact, he’d learned a lot of interesting and useful information about people that way.  When her insatiable curiosity was aimed at him, though, it was aggravating.  There were plenty of things he didn’t want people knowing that she didn’t seem to understand shouldn’t be public knowledge and there were other times her inquisitiveness brought certain things out in the open.

He didn’t know why he was taken aback when she and Chloe zeroed in on him and Warren, probably because it felt really random to him.  They were sitting in a circle in Chloe’s room, chatting, with a tray of snacks on the side with Cards Against Humanity in the middle.  Max was the card czar and was waiting for everyone to put their cards in and Nathan absentmindedly intertwined his fingers with Warren’s.

“What _are_ you guys?”

Chloe looked up from her cards, eager to chime in, “Yeah, are you a couple or what?”

Rachel continued looking at her cards, her eyes flicking up every so often in silent interest until she decided on a card to play.  Kate looked like she was torn between hiding in a corner and wanting to scold Max and Chloe for invading their privacy but she remained silent with a panic-stricken look on her face.  Max had her usual face of curiosity, Chloe mischievous, and Nathan couldn’t quite place the look on Warren’s face.  Did he look... sad?

“We’re friends, guys.  You already knew this.”  Warren seemed nonchalant, his eyes never leaving his cards as he selected one and placed it face down with the other cards.

“No shit you’re friends,” Chloe said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “Me and Rachel are friends.  Max and Kate are friends.  But you two are hella all over each other and I know you two are fucking, so you can’t be _just_ friends.”

Warren shrugged.  “Friends with benefits I guess?”  He looked over at Nathan, hoping he’d provide some input.  He didn’t expect to see such a disappointed look on Nathan’s face.  Nathan knew they’d never explicitly said they were anything else other than friends.  But with the dates, the affection he showed, the fact that he stopped sleeping with other people, how they slept in the same bed every night, and, for fucks sake, he was spending a quiet Friday night with Warren’s friends and not his own.  How could they _not_ have been on the same page about the state of their relationship?

“We’ll talk about this later,” Nathan mumbled bitterly.

Since things got rather awkward after that, later came rather quickly.  Warren and Nathan only stuck around to finish the game and left when they realized the tension wasn’t going to lift until they actually talked about their relationship.  It hadn’t been bothering Nathan prior, but he had thought they were something, that Warren knew that, that Warren understood he was shit with words.  It made him nervous and worried that he’d assumed too much.  Maybe Warren didn’t think they were together because he didn’t really want them to be.  Maybe Warren had changed his mind and wanted to just be friends who had sex sometimes.

They left the get-together around nine o’clock, several hours earlier than they normally would have, which earned them concerned looks from Joyce and David as they left.  The awkwardness continued through their ride back to the dorms, permeating the air like a thick perfume.  They didn’t speak until they got into the privacy of Warren’s room, afraid of causing a scene if they started outside even though the campus was virtually empty.

“What the fuck do you mean we’re ‘friends with benefits’?” Nathan snapped after closing and locking Warren’s door.  It was obvious that he was angry and that he’d been wanting that question answered since Warren had first said it back at Chloe’s house.  Warren had to of known.  He always told Warren how important he was to him, how much he cared about him.  Friends with benefits didn’t do that.

“What else would we be, Nathan?  We’re good friends that have sex sometimes.”  Warren shrugged as he sat on his bed.

“We also go on dates, I crawl into your bed every night that you don’t fall asleep in mine.  I’m taking you to the Goddamn prom!  I just assumed…”  Nathan trailed off, feeling very overwhelmed.  He felt too many things.  He was angry.  At himself, Warren, his father.  He was afraid that Warren didn’t want to be a couple, of opening up and sharing all of his feelings and thoughts regarding their relationship.  He was saddened by the idea that maybe Warren meant far more to him than he did to Warren, that maybe all he was to Warren was sex.

Those thoughts were made worse when Warren said there was really no point in having the relationship discussion when they’d both be gone in three months.  Warren had submitted his intent to attend to the school in Seattle and Nathan had done the same for the school in Portland.  Nathan knew that distance was difficult but he was willing to make it work for Warren.  Warren was worth it, but it seemed to him that Warren didn’t feel the same way.

“We can just keep doing what we’re doing until we leave.”  Warren grabbed Nathan, pulling him to stand in-between where his legs were hanging off of the bed.  He ran his hands down Nathan’s sides, lingering on his thighs.  He hoped Nathan would take the offer and they could drop the sore subject.

“Whatthefuckever.” Nathan pulled away from Warren’s touch harshly.  He didn’t know what to do.  His mind was racing.  He wanted to cry, to yell, to just run away and not deal with what was happening.  Warren couldn’t have meant that; it mattered to him that they had an actual relationship and he knew that it mattered to Warren too.  It had too.  There was no way Warren had gone through all that for just sex, not when he could’ve gotten far less complicated sex elsewhere.

But what if he had?  What if Nathan and Victoria and Max had somehow been wrong about Warren?  Nathan couldn’t bear to hear that, so he tried to make sure Warren didn’t get a chance to.  He made a motion towards the door but Warren grabbed his hand.

“Nathan, don’t go.”

“Why?” Nathan snapped.  “So you can tell me how this didn’t matter?  That we didn’t matter and that I never fucking mattered to you?”

Warren’s eyes widened as he realized he misspoke and he needed to deescalate the situation _now._   “That’s not what I meant at all.  I care about you, so much.”  He looked up at Nathan with a look of desperation.  “It’s just-“

“It’s just _what?!_ ”

“I thought that’s what you wanted.  I thought you liked what we were doing and that was why we never talked about getting together.”

“I told you I wanted you to be mine, and you said you wanted that.  I thought that meant we were together.”

Warren wanted to pretend he didn’t know the exact moment that Nathan was talking about because he didn’t want to sound, and feel, pathetic, but he did.  “That was in the middle of sex.  I thought it was just the sex talking and you didn’t mean it.”

Nathan sat down beside Warren.  “Why wouldn’t I mean it?”

“A lot of people say shit they don’t mean during sex.”  Warren giggled as he added, “You can’t tell me that none of those girls told you something they didn’t mean while you fucked them.”

“Well, yeah they did but-“ Nathan laced Warren’s fingers with his “-I meant every word I said to you.”  His eyes went to the floor.  His heart was pounding.  His cheeks were red, probably comparable to a Red Delicious apple.  He was so bad with words, but he knew there really were a few simple ones that could sum up how he felt about the boy beside him.  However, they were terrifying words, words he’d never said to anyone in that way before. Of course, that was because he’d never felt that way about anyone before.

Nathan said, barely above a whisper, “I love you, Warren.”

“I love you too.”  Warren answered almost immediately, not caring if he sounded too eager.  It felt like he’d been waiting an eternity to hear those words; though he’d only been aware that he was in love with Nathan for a few months, he was certain that he’d felt that way longer than that.  It might have only dawned on him when Nathan held him as he cried in the bathroom, but he knew that even as he tried to make something happen with Brooke he was already in love.  He didn’t want to be the first one to say it, though.  He wanted Nathan to be the one in control of that.  Now that he’d said it, there was no way Warren was going to hold back.

Warren cupped Nathan’s face with both hands, guiding their lips together.  “I love you,” he said again, feeling a sense of relief that he could admit such things.  “Oh my God, I fucking love you, Nathan.”

“You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it.”  Nathan’s voice cracked.  Tears filled his eyes.  Warren couldn’t have meant that.  Nothing that good ever happened to people like him.  Good people didn’t fall in love with people like him, and certainly not someone as wonderful as Warren could ever fall in love with a piece of shit like him.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”  Warren wiped Nathan’s tears away with his thumbs.  “I’m in love with you, Nathan.  I’m completely-“ he laid a peck on Nathan’s forehead “-and totally-“ a peck on the nose “-in love with you.”  Again, they kissed and he was so happy.  His head was swimming and he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face even if he tried.

Being in love was already a strange and wonderful and overwhelming feeling that Nathan used to wonder if he would ever get to experience in his lifetime and was delighted that he got to.  Being loved in general was almost a foreign concept to him as it was, something he always questioned and felt unworthy of.  But this, _this_ was in a whole other league of its own.  He didn’t know if he was sobbing because of how happy he was or if it had more to do with all the insecurities that had been brought to the surface.

Like always, Warren was wonderful.  Warren laid them down on the bed, pulled Nathan into his chest, and just let him cry.  He didn’t understand what was going on, not really anyway, but it just felt like the right thing to do.  So he stroked Nathan’s hair, kissed him on the head every so often, and spoke softly to him.

“I don’t deserve you…  I don’t deserve _this_ ,” Nathan cried into Warren’s shirt.

“Shh, don’t think like that,” Warren whispered, one of his hands moving to gently rub Nathan’s shoulders.  “You deserve the best, Nathan.  You deserve to be happy and loved.”

Nathan shook his head.  “You could be happier with someone else.”

“I don’t want _anyone_ else.  I tried that, remember?  It resulted in the two worst months of my life.”

Nathan took a deep breath as he tried to calm down and steady his breathing.  “You don’t know how much you’re worth, Warren.”

“Neither do you.  You’re amazing.”

“No I’m not.  I fuck everything up!  I even fucked up this moment.”

Warren kissed Nathan’s forehead again.  “Don’t think like that.  Dr. Crane said to not think in absolutes like that.  And besides, you didn’t fuck up the moment.  It would take a lot more than that to fuck this moment up.”

By now, Nathan’s tears had subsided and his breathing was fairly calm.  “Oh?”

Warren nodded.  “I’ve loved you for a while now and I never thought you’d love me back.”

“How long’s a while?”

“Remember that night during Winter Break, right before we went back to school, that we stayed up almost all night watching TV shows from our childhoods?”

“Yes.”

“I think that’s the moment I fell in love with you.”

“I think I started loving you on Christmas Eve.  I’m sure you noticed how much shit changed after that.”

“I just assumed that’s because you started to actually trust me then.”  Warren shrugged before a goofy grin spread across his face.  “So you still love me now?  After all this time?”

Nathan looked up at that fucking _nerd_ , trying to hide the smile that threatened to form on his lips.  Quoting Harry Potter during a tender moment, really?  He didn’t know why he didn’t expect it.  It was just so Warren, the man he’d fallen in love with.  Maybe it was time to learn to play along with his dorky boyfriend.  “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It happened!!! After 20 fucking chapters and I think like 75k words, it happened!


	21. And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well shit, y’all, it’s been a while. I don’t even know what happened. I’ll try to make sure this doesn’t happen again but I make no guarantees. However, I wrote most of this from scratch while the last few chapters are going to be mostly editing.  
> Oh yeah. There’s only like 6 chapters left I think. I’ve had the idea to do little side-stories that pertain to this AU I’ve created but don’t work with this story. Like a Max/Kate and Warren/Nathan double date. And a smut scene pertaining to some offscreen hanky panky from chapter 19. What do y’all think?  
> Speaking of hanky panky, there’s a sex scene in here. There kinda had to be. It’s a fucking Prom chapter. Also this chapter is long as fuck. Holy shit. It’s over 7k fucking words… I hope it makes up for me going MIA for a whole month. But yeah. I hope you enjoy and please review/comment/whatever.

Everything felt so surreal to Warren as he stood in front of a full-length mirror in Dana’s dorm room.  He was dressed in a classic black tuxedo with a blue bowtie and even he had to admit that he was rather dapper looking.  Dana appeared next to him in a pink mermaid-cut dress, making sure she didn’t need to make any last-minute adjustments to her appearance before they met with their dates and loaded onto the party bus.

Warren couldn’t believe that he had a date to his senior prom.  An actual date, not an “I feel sorry for you” date or “It’s better than going alone” date.  He had a real date with Nathan mother-fucking Prescott and he was ecstatic.  He had a boyfriend and they were in love and, at least for the moment, everything felt perfect.

Well, not completely perfect.  To the public, his date wasn’t Nathan but was actually Kate, which was why her conservative blue dress was the same shade of blue as his bowtie; Nathan was supposedly going to prom with Victoria, whom most people assumed was his girlfriend.  To make sure no one found out, what was actually happening, they would take photographs in the woods instead of somewhere nicer and more public and their dinner and pre-party was at the Prescott beach house instead of at some fancy restaurant.  Compared to how much worse it could be and especially compared to how bad the blow-out could be if Nathan’s or Kate’s parents found out who their real prom dates were, all that were really just some minor inconveniences.

“You look great, Warren, like a real cutie-pie,” Kate said as she appeared beside Warren in the mirror.  She smiled softly as she looked up at him, eternally grateful that he was providing cover by being her supposed date.

 “Thanks.  You look great, too, and so do you, Dana.”  It felt so strange to Warren, getting ready with Dana Ward: cheerleader, Vortex Club member, and one of the few people who knew who his real date was.  At the first Vortex Club party he’d gone to, he was surprised that she’d even talked to him.  Now, they were something of friends and were even getting ready for prom together.  Life was weird.

Life was also wonderful.  At least, that’s what Warren thought when he got his first glimpse of Nathan in his own tuxedo looking absolutely amazing.  It was strange to believe that he, a slightly chubby nerd who’d previously only dated other nerds, ended up with someone like _that_.  Someone refined and popular and looked like a million dollars in that perfectly tailored tux that he probably owned was his date and his lover and his boyfriend and he _loved_ him.

It was difficult containing his affection until their large group had made their way into the party bus, but he had to.  The last thing they needed was random people finding out and outing them both.  Warren wouldn’t have minded if people knew that he was bi, but they would make them all the more suspicious of his interactions with Nathan or any guy for that matter.  The second they were on the bus, though, those restrictions weren’t on them anymore and he immediately glued himself to Nathan’s side.

“Hey, Good-lookin’,” Warren said as he sat down next to Nathan, trying to sound smooth and failing to do so.  He slid an arm around Nathan’s shoulders, feeling exhilarated by the fact that he’d never been able to be so openly affectionate with Nathan before.  He half expected Nathan to instinctually pull away, put instead he leaned in.

“Hey Handsome.”  Nathan leaned in for a brief kiss and smiled as he pulled away.  He was downright giddy by the fact that they could show affection in front of so many people.  He’d been petrified that one of his friends would care that he was gay and hate him for it or that one of them would blab the secret for the whole world to hear.  A few days prior, his heart damn near stopped when Zach and Logan walked in on them cuddling while they watched Steven Universe with Victoria in her room.  Apparently, even those idiots had figured out that something was going on between Nathan and Warren weeks ago.

And, more surprisingly, they didn’t care, which Nathan found incredibly odd.  If it had been virtually anyone else, he was sure they would have at the very least said something fucked up to them; he’d seen it happen.  Maybe it was because his father was funding the Vortex Club and its bad habits or maybe it was because they knew if they attacked one of their unofficial leaders they’d get kicked out of the club and ostracized by most of their friends.  Either way, it had been days and they hadn’t said shit and word hadn’t gotten out so even if they did care, they were too big of pansies to show it.

Which was rather fortunate because it meant that the entirety of the Vortex Club knew about them.  Which meant that later in the night, when they went into the VIP section of the prom (because it really was just a fancy Vortex Club party after all) they’d be free to act like any other couple.  It was nice being able to do so on the bus, which was still lovely and rather spacious but it wasn’t quite the same and they didn’t really spend all that much time in there.

They spent a good portion of time taking photographs, which made sense considering about half of the people there were aspiring photographers or at the very least highly interested in the art.  They took plenty of fake couple prom photos of Warren with Kate and Nathan with Victoria and order to save face, as well as plenty of group and friend shots.  Max and Victoria insisted that they take at least a few actual couple photographs of Nathan and Warren, not that they hadn’t already snapped plenty on the bus, but it was both good practice and something they’d both been wanting to take pictures of anyway.

Though Warren would never admit it, especially not in front of that company, he found the whole process of being a model rather boring and felt that they took far too long taking pictures.  Not to mention, Max and Victoria both could be downright bitches when they were trying to pose the couple, but he tried his best to entertain them.  He owed Max for all the science rambles she put up with, and he owed Victoria because she’d been rooting for him since the whole situation had started back in November.  Max, however, was far worse than Victoria, mostly because she had a finite number of pictures she could take with her instant camera and so she had to be picky.

“We’ve tried to convince you to go digital, Maxine.  Then you wouldn’t have this problem,” Victoria said as Max got frustrated with not being able to get them in the perfect pose with the perfect angle.

Max glared as she said with venom, “Max, _never_ Maxine.”  A lot more light-heartedly, she added, “I’m old school, Victoria, I couldn’t just switch to digital.”

Nathan smirked as he turned his gaze from Warren.  “Digital just doesn’t go with your bullshit hipster motif, does it?”  No one really knew when it happened, but at some point ‘hipster’ became less of an insult and more of a strange term of endearment.  It hadn’t ever really bothered Max when she was called that but once she became something of friends with Victoria, and later Nathan, she began to kind of enjoy it when they called her that.  In response, she just smiled at him before Victoria offered to take shots of Max and Kate.

It left Warren and Nathan alone, or at least with no one in their group paying attention to them.  Since they were in the middle of nowhere and therefore didn’t have to worry about prying eyes, Nathan had no apprehensions about wrapping his arms around Warren and pulling him close.  With how surreal the day felt for Warren, it was nothing compared to how it felt for Nathan.  It was prom, he was going with a guy and yeah, he was still lying to pretty much everyone about that fact, but all of their friends knew and they didn’t care.

Their friends also knew that it wasn’t just a fling; Nathan and Warren were in love.  It was strange and magical and wonderful and so different than everything that Nathan was used to.  Warren was special and Nathan couldn’t believe that someone like that would want to be with him.  He couldn’t believe how supportive his friends were.  He couldn’t believe how many actual friends he had, people who cared about him and not the benefits he could provide as a Prescott.  Things had changed so much during that school year and he couldn’t bear to think about how different things would be soon, with his friends returning home and almost everyone he cared about going away to college.  It was painful to think about; so he didn’t.  He wanted to live in the now, at least while his troubled mind would let him

“Have I told you that you look really sexy in that tux?”

Warren giggled.  “About three times now.”

“I can’t believe I’m in love with a fucking geek,” Nathan smiled as he leaned in, their noses touching.  “I can’t believe you talked Kate into that dress because it’s the same color as the Tardis, or that I know what the hell the Tardis is.”

“Well, I can’t believe that you didn’t start watching Doctor Who until a few months ago.”  Warren grinned and Nathan playfully rolled his eyes at him.  “Besides, it’s a good thing that you love a geek.”

“Yeah?”

Warren nodded.  “Geeks make the best boyfriends.”

“I suppose they do.”  It wasn’t long after their lips connected that they heard a very familiar click of a camera.  They ignored it, continuing their affections until the photographer began speaking.

“This is the sweetest pic I’ve taken all night,” Max said as she looked at her masterpiece.  Warren and Nathan kissing and looking completely natural as it was a candid shot.  They were framed perfectly by the trees and the angle provided the most perfect lighting.  She could have won an award for that thing and, if it wouldn’t out one of her best friends and his boyfriend, she totally would have tried to.

Nathan walked over to her, one of his hands intertwining with Warren’s and dragging him along.  He wanted to see for himself and was certain that it probably wasn’t that good and he or Victoria probably could have shot something better.  As he looked at the photograph, though, his cockiness resolved into something much more sappy and sentimental.  Even if the rest of the shot wasn’t great (it was, though he would _never_ tell Max that), even he had to admit she captured the couple well.  It was obvious the kiss wasn’t staged and that the couple obviously meant a lot to each other, with the way Nathan was protectively holding Warren and how much his face softened while doing the action.

“I’m gonna want a copy of that…”

\--

Nathan was happy that Victoria had proposed having dinner and a pre-prom party at the Prescott beach house.  Not only did it make more sense than going out to some restaurant because of the sheer size of their group, but it also meant that he was still out of the public eye.  Which in turn meant that instead of him being stressed out at a restaurant out of fear of being caught, he’d instead be able to be as affectionate with Warren as he pleased.  Only their friends and the caterers were there, and those people had been paid more than enough to keep their mouths shut about what they saw.

And they saw quite a lot.

Nathan tried his damnedest to refrain from showing Warren too much physical affection.  He knew what it would lead to, especially since they had access to many bedrooms and he’d already thought to pack condoms and a little bottle of lube.  They had the whole night and it would be best if he waited until after the party, since it was at a hotel and he’d already reserved a room there for them to stay the night in.  But there were still a few hours before they’d be arriving at the Prom, Trever and Dana were making out in a corner, and he and Warren had a semi-private little loveseat all to themselves.  The moment felt too right, so Nathan just had to kiss Warren over and over again.

Being kissed so intimately in a place that was so public felt strange to Warren, at least while he was sober enough to realize what he was doing.  He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy every moment of it.  There was something so arousing about the juxtaposition of how careful they normally were and how completely obvious they were being at that moment.

Nathan liked it, too, or at least Warren assumed so with how he was reacting.  He’d gotten Warren laid down on the loveseat with his legs spread and Nathan lying on top of him.  The kisses were quick, almost desperate feeling and it made Warren’s head spin.  The surrounding sounds weren’t even registering in his mind and the people were long forgotten.  He untucked Nathan’s button-up shirt and then his hands roamed Nathan’s back, leaving scratch marks as the boy above him ground into him.  He wasn’t used to Nathan being so aggressive, not since before Christmas when Nathan had decided they were going to just fool around and be nothing else.

It wasn’t until his eyes opened as Nathan attacked his neck with kisses that Warren remembered that they were in a house surrounded by people.  His gaze remained fixed on the ceiling as Nathan marked the crook of his neck.  As Nathan’s attention turned more towards his throat, Warren did observe some of the surrounding areas.  Chloe and Rachel were doing shots with some of the football team members that were in the Vortex Club, Max and Kate were sipping at what were likely non-alcoholic beverages as they flirted near the appetizer trays, and of course Dana and Trevor were still making out in the corner.  He’d expected someone to be watching, maybe even someone with a camera, but he supposed that the reason Victoria was lingering by was to prevent such things from happening.

When a hand tried to travel down his pants, Warren grabbed Nathan’s hand and yanked it away.  As much as he was enjoying making out and getting dry humped, he wasn’t too keen on getting a hand job while there were people in the room.  Nathan pulled away, glaring at Warren as if he didn’t understand what the issue was.  He honestly might not have understood, Warren thought.  Who knew how far Nathan had gone with chicks while there were other people around before he’d become exclusive with Warren?

“We’re _not_ going that far here.”  It was difficult to convey a lot of conviction with the obvious hard-on in his pants, but Warren tried.

Nathan looked at him and smiled.  “I’ll be subtle,” he whispered in Warren’s ear before nibbling on the earlobe.  Again, he tried to stick his hand down Warren’s pants and got a firm grasp before Warren could protest.  As he’d said, he tried making it as unobvious as possible what they were doing.  He did so by being slow, unbearably so, as his hand went up and down Warren’s cock.  Warren tried to keep quiet, which wasn’t all that necessary with how loud the music and the hustle and bustle of the people talking were.  Still, he’d feel better if people didn’t know what was happening.  It felt wrong, really, and it wasn’t something he’d normally consider doing.  He knew that was part of why it felt to so incredibly good.

Warren hadn’t expected that.  Sure, he’d thought about what he would be like fooling around with other people nearby but he always thought it would be one of those things that sounded hot in theory but that he wouldn’t like in practice.  He expected to freak out, especially since a majority of his friends weren’t all that far away.  Really, that just made it more exciting for him, which was apparent with how close he already was to coming.

“Nathan,” Warren murmured against his lover’s lips.  “Nathan, we need to take this somewhere else.”

Nathan smirked, knowing full well what that meant.  After rebuttoning and zipping Warren’s pants, he grabbed Warren’s wrist and dragged him away.  He wasn’t surprised to find that all three bedrooms were occupied but that didn’t really matter; he knew that no one would be in the attic.  Though it didn’t have an actual bed, it did have a really nice sofa and no one would even think to go up there.

He wasted no time in guiding Warren to the red folded up sleeper sofa, sitting him down and undoing his pants once again.  This time, he removed the pants down to Warren’s ankles.  He looked up at him wide eyes, with mock innocence, before taking Warren’s cock in his mouth.  Warren tried to remain quiet purely out of habit since he was used to them fooling around in one another’s dorm rooms.  When Nathan assured him that no one would hear them up in the attic, Warren gave him what he wanted.

“Oh my fucking God, Nathan,” Warren moaned, his nails digging into the couch cushions.  “Your mouth feels _so good_ , holy shit.”

Nathan looked up at him and would’ve smiled if his mouth wasn’t full.  Instead, he deep throated him.  Warren could feel the tightness of the back of Nathan’s throat around his tip.  It was almost enough to make him come.  He was holding on, wanting to enjoy it for as long as possible because it was the first time in a while that they didn’t have to worry about noise and weren’t cramped in one of their cars.  However, when Nathan took all of him into his mouth one more time, he couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Shit… Nathan, I’m gonna cum,” Warren offered as a warning immediately before he did so.  He moaned Nathan’s name much more loudly than he would’ve if they were back in their dorms.  Nathan swallowed skillfully, not allowing a single drop to dribble out of his mouth and Warren never took his eyes away from the sight.  It wasn’t all that often that Nathan finished him off with head so he wanted to enjoy every aspect of it.  He let out a groan as Nathan released him from his mouth, his dick far too sensitive for any stimulation after orgasming.

After Nathan sat down next to him, Warren just sat there for a moment trying to regain his composure.  His breathing was deep and heavy, his face red and blotchy.  A moment later, he was all over Nathan.  His hands roamed his boyfriend’s chest, trailing downwards towards the unattended erection.  His lips roamed Nathan’s neck, leaving a row of pecks from the collar bone and up to his ear.

“Is there anything you want me to do to you, Nathan?” Warren whispered hotly in Nathan’s ear.  His fingers curled into the hem of Nathan’s pants.  “Do you want me to suck you off?”

Nathan turned his head to kiss Warren before answering.  “I wanted to try something else.”

“Yeah?” Warren asked before turning his attention back to Nathan’s neck.  He palmed at the bulge in Nathan’s pants, earning a gasp in response.

“I wanna make love to you, Warren.”  After Nathan said those words, Warren stopped nibbling on his neck and froze in place for a moment.

Warren pulled away, looking at Nathan peculiarly.  “What?”

Nathan sighed, irritated that he needed to clarify when he was trying to be romantic.  “I wanna fuck you.”

Warren blinked slowly.  He’d thought about it before.  He’d thought it would’ve been brought up not too long after they’d starting seeing one another again.  When a few weeks passed without Nathan mentioning anything, Warren assumed that he wasn’t interested and that it would never be brought up.  He didn’t really know how to feel about it.  He was definitely curious enough to try it but the thought of doing that before prom and being sore for the rest of the night wasn’t what he had in mind.

“We don’t gotta if you don’t want to,” Nathan offered when he felt the silence was becoming unbearable.

So they talked, not bothering to pull Warren’s pants back up while they did so.  Warren shared some of his concerns about how he didn’t know if it was going to hurt or make him sore.  He asked Nathan questions about what he liked about bottoming and why suddenly he wanted to top.  Nathan reassured him that they didn’t have to do anything that Warren didn’t want to.  In the end, they decided that they’d try later in the night after they headed up to the hotel room above where the prom was being held.

Even though Warren did finish him off in an attempt to tie him over, the excitement of what was to come occupied Nathan’s mind for most of the night.  He tried his damnedest not to think about it when they returned to the Pre-Prom party.  He was surrounded by his friends, talking to them about this, that, and the other thing but his thoughts kept drifting back to what would be happening at the end of the night.

He couldn’t help it.  He’d always been curious, wondering how having intercourse with a man would compare to being with a woman.  He was certain that being with Warren would feel exponentially better than any girl he’d been with, if in no other way than at least emotionally.  It had to feel better.  Everything else he’d done with Warren did, especially once Warren gained practice and confidence.  It made it difficult for him not to sneak away with Warren the moment they entered the hotel that the prom was being held at.

However, it wasn’t long after the group entered the VIP section that Nathan was dragged away by Victoria to deal with some party business (since it was really just a super fancy Vortex Club party).  Warren didn’t quite catch what the issue was.  Something about food or the D.J. or something.  Either way, he was glad that he wasn’t left completely alone; he still had a bunch of friends back there with him.

Except Chloe and Rachel were busy with Trevor taking body shots off Dana.  Brooke and Alyssa, even though they’d been offered access to the V.I.P. section, refused to go to said section.  Max and Kate were by his side but they’d been abnormally affectionate all night.  They weren’t all that physical, just lots of little pecks here and there.  It was enough to leave Warren uncomfortable and feeling sad that his date was long gone.  The couple eventually disappeared, with Kate saying that she was tired even though they’d only been there about an hour.  Warren smirked to himself when he realized _why_ exactly they were sneaking off so early.  He wasn’t alone for very long before he felt a weight beside him on the couch.

Victoria greeted him, smiling and with a wineglass in hand.  Warren smiled back and was once again struck by how surreal everything felt.  It was prom and Queen Bee Victoria was sitting next to him, keeping him company and seemingly enjoying it.  It wasn’t that long ago that he was petrified of her and yet there he was, talking about the latest episode of Steven Universe with her and seeing if she checked out those animes he’d recommended (which she had, and she especially loved Ouran High School Host Club).

“So where’s Nathan?” Warren asked after he and Victoria had been talking for some time.

“He’s off with Hayden,” Victoria said before taking a sip of her wine.  “When I left, Hayden was insisting that Nathan be his wingman and find him some bitch to spend the night with.  They’re out there somewhere.  Nate could be back in a few minutes.  Or like an hour, depending on how drunk and horny Hayden and whatever girl he spends the night with is.”  Victoria shrugged before taking another drink of her wine.

For a moment, they were quiet.  Victoria appeared to be preoccupied with her wine, perhaps tipsy or lost in thought.  Warren wasn’t quite sure.  However, he was beginning to grow impatient.  Nathan had been away from him for quite some time at that point. Typically, Warren wouldn’t have been that bothered or needy but it was prom for fucks sake!  Warren was considering disappearing into the hotel room and texting Nathan to meet him there when he was done but Victoria spoke again.

“You really love Nathan, don’t you?” Victoria asked, seemingly out of the blue.  Warren was taken aback, nodding but looking at her confusedly.  “I know you do.  I know you wouldn’t have put up with all this shit if you didn’t.  But, it’s just…”  Victoria sighed, her eyes averting to the party.  She told Warren her concerns, about how in two weeks high school would be over.  Almost everyone would be gone.  She’d be in Seattle and yeah, for that first week Kristine would be there and Nathan would be fine around his father.

What could happen after that was what concerned Victoria.  After Kristine left, after Warren went to Seattle and Nathan went to Portland to university, what then?  Nathan would essentially be alone, for the most part, to deal with Sean Prescott.  Even though Nathan was strong, very much so, there was only so much that he could handle before he cracked.  He’d be alone in a new city.  He’d likely be groomed even harder to take over the Prescott fortune.  At least Rachel would still be close by in Arcadia Bay but she didn’t intend to stay long.  Then Nathan would be truly alone.  There were always phone calls, video chats, face time, but there was no way that could be enough.  Not with the way Sean treated his son.

They quickly realized that they had no idea what to do.  They felt guilty for not deciding to go to school in Portland with Nathan.  Though it wasn’t where they wanted to go, they should’ve put what they wanted aside for Nathan.  He’d have been furious at them for giving up on where they really wanted to be but he’d get over it.  Or maybe he wouldn’t.  Maybe the guilt would’ve eaten him alive and been the thing to push him over the edge.

By the time they finished talking, it was after midnight and they weren’t any closer to figuring out what to do.  Warren decided that he would head up to the hotel room.  Victoria said that she was going to find Nathan and see why he’d disappeared for so long.  He was probably just keeping Hayden from doing anything too stupid while he was drunk, or Hayden was being abnormally picky.  Either way, she was going to find them.

Warren wasn’t surprised that once again Nathan had rented them a suite.  He’d suspected as much since Nathan had told him the room was on the top floor.  What did surprise him was that the bed the littered with rose petals and there were candles everywhere.  It was cliché, almost so much so that he wouldn’t have found it sweet if it was done by anyone other than Nathan.  He found a little table with two champagne glasses and his heart almost stopped when he saw a bottle sticking out of an ice bucket. Upon closer inspection, it was sparkling apple-peach juice and not something alcoholic.  There was also a plate of chocolate covered strawberries next to it.  Again, cliché and yet Warren found it endearingly sweet.

Warren found himself reaching for his phone; he’d waited for Nathan long enough.

Nathan answered on the third ring, the hustle and bustle of the dance evident in the background.  Before Nathan could say anything other than hello, Warren told him to get up to the hotel room.  Nathan was silent for a few moments before he spoke.

“You’re already up there, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

Again, Nathan was quiet for some time until an irritated sigh was heard.  “I wanted it to be a surprise…”

Warren smiled and once again insisted that Nathan get up there.

The moment Nathan closed the door behind him, Warren was on him, gently kissing him over and over again.  He wanted Nathan to know how much he appreciated the effort that was being made.  He wanted to reaffirm to Nathan that he loved him, that he trusted him, that he’d do anything for him.  Perhaps it would’ve been better said but instead, it was manifesting in physical affection, which Nathan was completely fine with.

Though he’d tried not to think about what Warren said they were going to try after they left prom, it was never far from his mind.  The strawberries and sparkling apple juice had been already planned, but the rose petals and candles were last-minute additions.  He wanted to make the event special and it was the only thing he and Hayden could come up with on such short notice.  Well, the only thing that would be doable at least.

The night went by slowly.  Clothes were removed over the course of an hour.  Kisses were exchanged.  Light touches.  At some point, they’d made their way to the couch and eventually the bed.  When Nathan grabbed the bottle of lube he’d placed in the bedside drawer while he and Hayden prepped the room earlier in the night, it once again dawned on Warren what was going to happen.

“Warren…  Babe, I meant what I said.  You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

But Warren wanted to, he _really_ did.  Yet, he was still afraid.  He didn’t understand why.  A small part of the worry was about the pain, even though he was certain that Nathan would be gentle and slow.  He was also afraid of what a big step it felt like they were taking.  Which he knew was stupid.  They were dating.  They were in love.  They were out to all of their friends, not to mention his parents.  Hell, they were already having sex and yet Warren was afraid that it would change things.

“It’s not gonna change a damn thing,” Nathan said when Warren voiced his concerns.  He gently fidgeted with the bottle of lube, rotating it in his hand, as he sat down beside where Warren was laying on the bed and kissed him on the forehead. 

Warren examined his boyfriend and wished that he could remember if he was nervous their first time.  He remembered his first time with a girl, years ago, and he distinctly remembered how damn excited he was.  To a lesser extent, he remembered the anxiety he felt, but it was different then.  Then he wasn’t the one having to worry about physical pain.  Even though at that time he loved that girl, it was nothing compared to the way he loved Nathan, so the potential emotional pain was incomparable.  He was also the one in control when he was with a girl.  Could he give Nathan that kind of control?

In many ways, Warren already had.  Nathan knew that Warren loved him and with that power Nathan could break him if he wanted to.  Warren had shown Nathan the weakest parts of himself and instead of being met with coldness or indifference like he’d expected, he was met with warmth and affection.  He trusted Nathan, he loved Nathan, so if there was anyone he’d allow to do that to him, it would be Nathan.

Warren’s hand went to the nape of Nathan’s neck and brought him down for a kiss before whispering, “I wanna feel you inside me.”

Nathan nodded, giving Warren one more kiss before he sat up on his knees.  He set a pillow under Warren’s lower back and propped his legs up for better access.  Warren’s face flushed crimson.  He felt so exposed and vulnerable but he kind of liked it.  He trusted Nathan and he knew that he was safe with him.  He still instinctually tensed as he felt a lubed finger press against him.

“Relax,” Nathan soothed before leaning over to plant a kiss on Warren’s cheekbone.  “Take a few deep breaths.  You’ll be fine as long as you relax.”  Warren did as he was told, taking deep breaths and relaxing his body and his mind.  It was going to feel good.  With the looks he sometimes saw on Nathan’s face while inside of him, it _had_ to feel good.

Nathan laid back down beside Warren and kissed him, plunging his tongue into Warren’s mouth and hoping it would help to calm him.  It worked; as Warren was eagerly kissing him back, a single lubed finger entered him.  It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t exactly feel good, either.  Really, it just felt odd.  Not bad nor good, just different.  He relaxed more as his curiosity took over.  He had to be missing _something_.

Warren groaned at the loss as Nathan pulled away to relubricate his fingers before plunging a second finger inside.  It felt better, not amazing, certainly not anything to warrant the looks he saw cross Nathan’s face.  Maybe Nathan was just being too cautious, going too slow, though he supposed if there was a time for such things, that would be it.  He was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with him until he felt Nathan’s fingers curl inside him and press into something that made him gasp in delight.

Nathan smirked when he realized he found the spot he was looking for and continued to press into it. Warren writhed beside him, biting his lip and whimpering.  He examined Warren; his chest was red and heaving, there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his face was contorted in the most beautiful way.  Nathan loved knowing that he was having such an effect on his boyfriend, loved knowing that he was the one causing Warren such pleasure.

By the time a third lubed finger was inserted, Warren was more than ready. He pushed onto the fingers eagerly, happy that he’d given Nathan the go ahead.  Warren reached over to stroke Nathan while he spent a few moments just enjoying the new sensations.  However, it was strangely Warren’s patience that grew thin.

“Ya know, being inside of me would probably feel a lot better than my hand.”

Nathan couldn’t help but chuckle at that.  Warren was normally so patient and showed a lot more restraint that Nathan did.  It was amusing to see how enthusiastic he was about bottoming, especially considering how earlier he didn’t seem too keen on the idea.  Nathan had been concerned that Warren only agreed to make him happy, but not anymore.

Nervousness once again hit Warren as he watched Nathan cautiously slide the condom on and it once again hit him that, holy shit, that _thing_ was going to be inside of him.  It was a different feeling than earlier, a lot less apprehension and lot more anticipation.  His eyes remained fixed on Nathan as he got between his legs and applied even more lube.  As he was entered, he watched Nathan’s face intently.  Nathan’s eyes glazed over before closing, his face softened, and his mouth hung open and he groaned Warren’s name.

Nathan stopped when he was most of the way in.  He knew he needed to give Warren a moment to adjust but virtually everything in him was screaming to keep going.  It felt exponentially better than he’d thought it would, which really said a lot.  It was just another thing that made all his experiences with all those women pale in comparison; even if he didn’t love the boy beneath him, it would still feel better than anything he’d ever done with a girl.

But he did love Warren; he was sure that he loved Warren more than he ever loved anyone.  It made the experience better, incomparable to his previous encounters.  Warren wasn’t simply using Nathan for his money, or because of who his family was, or just for his body.  Warren was letting Nathan inside of him because he loved him, he trusted him, he wanted to get closer to him, and Nathan was surprised that he, too, wanted to feel even closer to Warren.

Nathan leaned over and kissed him briefly before asking, “Are you okay?”

Warren smiled up at him.  “Yeah.  Keep going.”

“Are you sure?”

Warren nodded, grabbing Nathan’s ass and squeezing for emphasis.

Nathan leaned back upright and slowly slid the rest of him into Warren.  He once again stopped, but for a different reason; he wanted to relish in the moment and memorize everything.  How phenomenal it physically felt.  How oddly emotional he found himself.  The way Warren’s chest heaved.  That look in Warren’s eyes that he’d never seen before.

“Oh my God, you feel amazing.”

Warren reached for him, wanting the contact back.  Nathan complied, wishing there was a way for him to get that deep in while maintaining the close face-to-face contact.  As he kissed him again, Nathan began his movements.  He was slow at first and he tried to carefully observe Warren, making sure he wasn’t causing the other any pain.   His concerns dissipated as he hit that special spot in Warren, causing the boy underneath him to moan into his mouth and claw at his back.

Warren shivered as he felt Nathan proceed to hit the same spot over and over again.  He could now understand the appeal of bottoming because every time Nathan hit that spot he saw stars before his eyes.  Not only did it feel good, but it felt intimate.  When he topped he felt so close to Nathan, but not in the same way.  It wasn’t that he felt closer with Nathan inside him compared to when it was the other way around, but it was a different kind of closeness.  Or maybe it wasn’t.  Maybe it just felt that way because it was new and exciting and they were both fully sober for their first time of it.

“I love you,” Nathan purred after he pulled his lips away from Warren’s.

“I love you, too,” Warren breathed.

Nathan pressed his forehead against the Warren’s.  One of his hands found his way to Warren’s neglected cock and began to stroke it, causing Warren to arch into the touch.  His normally busy mind was whirring with only thoughts of Warren.  He wanted to please Warren because Warren was special; Warren was perfect; Warren was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he almost screwed it up because he was in denial about what he was.  There were so many times he could have lost Warren.  He wasn’t going to risk that ever again.

“You’re perfect.”

Warren couldn’t protest even if he wanted to.  He didn’t think he was capable of coherent speech at that moment.  Between the sensation of his sweet spot being repeatedly hit, the feeling of Nathan’s hand stroking him, and the complex emotions he was feeling, he highly doubted his ability to speak.  Instead, he just let out throaty moans to assure Nathan that he was enjoying himself.

“I don’t wanna do this with anyone else…”

Despite the fact that Warren bit down on Nathan’s shoulder to muffle the sound, Warren was still rather loud as he came.  It was long, drawn out, and felt all the better with the pelting of his prostate.  Afterwards he collapsed, grateful that he was already laying on the bed as his muscles gave out.  He watched Nathan, who had released his dick and quickened his pace as his own orgasm drew near.  Warren gently ran his nails up and down Nathan’s back.

“You’re so amazing, Nathan,” Warren whispered as one of his hands went into Nathan’s hair.  “I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”

“You won’t ever have to worry about that.”  Nathan gingerly bit his lip before giving him a kiss.  “I’m never going to leave you.”

Warren smiled up at him, seemingly innocently, until he leaned into Nathan’s ear and said, “I wanna feel you cum inside of me.”

Nathan faltered for a moment, his eyes widening before he continued his pace.  “Warren, you really _are_ perfect, oh my God.”  When he finally came, he murmured Warren’s name over and continued to ride him throughout his orgasm.  He lingered inside of Warren for just a moment, only pulling out because his muscles were going to give out and he didn’t want to put his full weight on Warren.  The instant that Nathan collapsed beside him, Warren was cuddled up onto him, his head on Nathan’s shoulder and an arm wrapped around his waist.

Nathan smiled as he curled an arm around Warren and spoke, “You’re amazing.  That was amazing.”  He kissed Warren’s sweaty forehead and let out a content sigh.  “We’re disgusting.”  Warren shot him a look, misunderstanding what Nathan meant before it was clarified.  “I mean, we need to shower or something.”  He got off the bed and Warren let out a discontented mewl in response.  After disposing of the condom, he walked back over to the bed and grabbed Warren’s hand.  “Come with me?”

Warren smiled up at him and nodded.  There was no way he wasn’t going with him.  He couldn’t be alone after that, not after feeling so close to him.  So he followed his lover into the bathroom, distracting him with kisses before Nathan could even start to fill the giant, jacuzzi bathtub up (because of course Nathan reserved another room with one of those kinds of tubs).   When Nathan insisted that Warren get in the tub and then disappeared back into the bedroom, Warren couldn’t stop the sad sigh that escaped his lips.  He felt pathetic for feeling so clingy, but bottoming for the first time had left him feeling very vulnerable.

However, Warren was delighted when Nathan returned with the sparkling apple-peach juice, the champagne glasses, and the chocolate covered strawberries.  He set them on the large ridge in the tub before getting in and settling beside Warren.  After Nathan poured them both glasses of the juice, Warren snuggled into him.  Nathan smiled before kissing Warren on the forehead and handing him a white chocolate dipped strawberry to eat.

Warren nuzzled Nathan’s cheek before placing a row of kisses on it, leading down to Nathan’s mouth.  Nathan smiled as they kissed.  At that moment, everything felt perfect.  He’d spent most of the day with his best friends and the boy he was in love with.  He was mostly out and fairly proud.  With the way the night was ending and the way the day had gone, for the first time in a long time Nathan felt completely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again, sorry for disappearing. It shouldn’t happen again. Also, tumblr. Go on my tumblr (kimlovesgrahamscott) because spring break will be coming up and I wanna do drabble requests since I’ll have all that free time. Also I love to talk LiS.


	22. The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m terrible. I apologize for another fricken hiatus but I’ve been doing so much college writing that writing for fun is just… I just don’t wanna do it. But I need to power up and just do it! There’s only like… 4 chapters left or something. 3? I don’t know not many.  
> But yeah. You have my permission to go on my tumblr (kimlovesgrahamscott) and start harassing me. Nothing too hardcore though or it’ll make me wanna write even less haha. However, it might take a while. I’m in crunch time right now, since I’ll be graduating soon and am currently looking for a job while going to school. There’s so many tests and essays and a presentation. But yeah. After graduation, even if I get a job right away, I should have plenty of time to write. But hopefully I’ll be done with this story before then. I have other Grahamscott stories I need to write, though.  
> Anyways, as always my lovelies, I hope you enjoy and review/comment/whatever.

“I’m so proud of you, son.”

Nathan hated himself for the warmth that spread through his chest when he heard those words.  He’s always longed to hear such things from his father.  They were empty words, he knew, just Sean Prescott being a caricature of a warm, supportive father because there were so many people around them.  After all, it was graduation and all of his friends and their respectable parents were nearby. There was no way that his father would slip up around those people.  He had to make them think that the Prescott family was a typical, loving one that came together to celebrate Nathan’s high school graduation.

Nathan couldn’t linger in his shame for long, not as a pair of arms wrapped around him that belonged to a person he’d missed so terribly.  He hadn’t seen Kristine since the previous summer, almost a whole year ago.  She took time off from work just to see him for his graduation; she was taking a whole week off, away from a job she loved so much in Brazil.  Though at times Nathan was still cross with her for leaving, she always let him know how much she cared about him.  Considering she was the only person he was related to that he felt even actually liked him and loved him, it meant a lot for her to be there.

When she told him that she was proud of him and how he’d turned his grades around in his last school year, he knew that she meant it.  Kristine didn’t lie to make herself look good, unlike their parents.  Kristine had strived to be different than that, different than the way they’d try to bring her up to be and maybe that’s exactly why she was the only person in the family that Nathan liked as well.

When Kristine hugged him, he hugged back wholeheartedly and they lingered as if they were trying to make up for the year of no physical contact, no loving hugs, no comforting pats on the back.  When his mother hugged him, it was awkward or at least it felt that way to him.  For as long as he remembered she’d never really been the affectionate type, even when he was a small child.    He tolerated it because it was his mother and he liked to think that maybe she did love him but she just didn’t know how to properly show it.  He couldn’t blame her for not being able to protect him from his father because she was frail and petite and always had been; she stood no chance against Sean Prescott no matter how hard she tried.

Before he knew it, he was surrounded by his friends, who had been dragged over by Rachel.  She was excited, to say the least, and was trying to gather the group together for some pictures of them in their caps and gowns.  In her excitement, she hadn’t really thought about how it wasn’t really a good idea to drag Warren over and hadn’t really considered why he protested when she did so.  He went along because he didn’t want to make a scene; that would have made things a little too obvious.  When Nathan caught his father eyeing the teenagers that he didn’t know suspiciously, Nathan introduced them because he might start to question things if he didn’t.

“Mom, Dad, Kris, this is Max, Kate, Chloe, and Warren.”

Warren, trying to be polite, greeted them.  He felt bitter that his friends were too wrapped up in their own things to notice just how awkward it was for him to be standing in front of his boyfriend’s father, who could never know the actual nature of the two boys’ relationship.  It was especially uncomfortable because he hadn’t really anticipated just how strong the urge to punch Sean Prescott in the face would be until he was only a few feet in front of him.  It didn’t help that it felt like Sean Prescott was examining him, casting judgment on him.

“Nathan, Honey!  I found you!”  Thank God Victoria was there, quickly defusing anything that might have happened as the Prescott parents turned their attention to her and started gushing.  She was exactly the kind of girl they wanted their son to be with: rich, pretty, intelligent, and classy.  Sean and Candace Prescott had no problem telling her such, and when they (not so) jokingly referred to her as their “future daughter-in-law”, it took everything in Warren to not say or do anything.  He knew that it meant nothing because Nathan never had and never would like Victoria in that way, but it still grated on his nerves.

Thankfully, the Prescott parents soon left.  The moment they were far enough away to be out of sight, both Kristine and Nathan visibly relaxed.  Kristine also took the opportunity to turn her attention to her little brother’s boyfriend.

“So, you’re Warren?” she asked as she looked Warren up and down.  It wasn’t in the same way her parents had looked at him, as if they were repulsed or had expected something better.  Hers was more out of curiosity, which she very much was.  “You’re my brother’s _friend_?”

“Uh, yeah I’m Nathan’s friend.”  Warren instantly understood what she meant by the tone she used.  He was surprised; he hadn’t known that anyone knew of his existence, much less that someone in his family knew the actual nature of their relationship.  It made him feel awkward because he knew that meant she’d actually pay attention to him, even though he was used to just blending into the background.

Kristine smiled warmly at him, and then they were hugging, which Warren _really_ hadn’t seen coming and he was certain that he looked terrified.  He hadn’t expected any warm reaction from any of Nathan’s family but was happy to know that Nathan at least had one person who seemed to really care about him, even though he never really mentioned her.

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.”

“You have?”  Warren looked at Nathan, who’s cheeks were dusted with a light pink.

“Kris, is now really the time?”  Nathan didn’t really want to get into that kind of thing at that moment.  He hadn’t really prepared for it, as he thought it’d be too chaotic for them to meet right after graduation and so Warren and Kristine weren’t actually supposed to meet for a few days, or at least that was what he’d planned once Kristine arrived and insisted that she meet Nathan’s boyfriend.  He’d only intended on coming out to her during her visit, but considering that they probably wouldn’t see one another again for another year, he thought maybe it would be a good idea for her to meet Warren.

He just didn’t anticipate the possibility of not having a choice in the matter.

Kristine just smiled at her little brother briefly and turned her attention back to Warren.  She was going to drop the subject, for now at least, but she couldn’t help but be curious about the boy in front of her that she hadn’t learned about until that day.  There just had to be something special about him, she was sure of it, if Nathan was in love with him (he hadn’t used those words, but she knew).

“Maybe the three of us will go out to eat in a few days?”

Warren looked at Nathan questioningly, not sure if his boyfriend would be okay with such a thing and he wanted to be sure before agreeing to it.  Of course he wanted to go, to spend time with the only person in Nathan’s family that he seemed to like.  Watching them interact, the two seemed close, especially compared to how strained it looked when Nathan was interacting with his parents.  He’d like to get to know her, and, judging by the expression on his face, he could tell Nathan felt the same way.

“Uh, yeah, sure, that sounds alright.”  Well, he didn’t want to sound too enthusiastic and instead ended up sounding really freaking awkward.

“Well, we’ll sort out the details later,” Kristine smiled, thankfully not acknowledging how damn socially inept the geek was.  “For now, I’m going to go so you all can go celebrate.”  Before Nathan could protest, because he looked like he was about to, she added, “You go have fun with your friends, Nate.  You’ll have the next six and a half days to spend all of your time with me.”

If it weren’t going to be the last Vortex party he ever attended and if it weren’t for the fact that he was likely never going to see some of the other Vortex Club members again, he would have ditched and opted to spend time with his sister instead.  But Taylor was going back home to L.A. sometime the next day and Dana and Zachary were leaving, too.  Plus, there were still pictures to be taken and he could tell Rachel and Victoria were getting impatient waiting for him, even though they both tried to hide it.

“I’ll be by late tomorrow morning with the movers to help clear out your dorm.”  Kristine pulled Nathan into a tight hug.  “I’m so proud of you, little brother,” she said as she lingered, squeezing around his waist tightly and Nathan knew she meant it.  He knew she was actually proud of him, that she actually cared about him, and it meant so much to him.  Her opinions were among the few that truly mattered to him.

After Kristine left and the entirety of their rather large group had been collected, they were once again dragged by the photographers of the group into the forest near the school for more photos.  It had a very different atmosphere than when they’d been photographed there a few weeks prior.  Prom was exciting, and even though they were still happy for different reasons this time, there was an overwhelming melancholy feeling.  High school was over.  They’d soon be heading off in different directions, down different paths.  It could very well be the last time some of them would see one another again.

But, they still had that night and there would be plenty of photographs to help them remember it.

“Are you seriously wearing that cat box shirt for graduation?” Nathan asked after he noticed the blue fabric sticking out from under Warren’s graduation gown while examining a picture he’d just taken.

“Nathan, we’ve been over this like a million times, it’s Schrödinger’s cat, and yes I’m wearing it.  It’s my favorite shirt.”

Nathan rolled his eyes before taking a candid shot of Victoria off in the distance, taking photos of other people in their group.  “You’re supposed to dress nice for graduation, you dork.”

Warren gave him an unamused look.  “You’re barely dressed any nicer than me, in that purple button-up shirt you got on.”

“The color is _spiceberry_ and the shirt is Burberry.”

“So because it’s Blueberry-“

“-Burberry.”

“Yeah, whatever, so that just magically makes it nice?”  Warren looked at him with disbelief, earning a smirk in response.  “Fucking rich people.”

Nathan emitted a nice, lighthearted chuckle.  Warren was _very_ different from the majority of the people he’d spent time with and grown up with, but it was refreshing.  It was nice being around someone who was brought up so differently than how he was.  It was why Warren was so kind and considerate.

“Even in your nerdy little t-shirts, I still find you incredibly sexy,” Nathan smiled as he walked over to Warren and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“That’s because you love me,” Warren said, nuzzling his nose against Nathan’s before giving him a quick kiss.

“I suppose it is.”

\--

It was a very different kind of Vortex Party than Warren had ever been to, and since he’d become interested in Nathan Prescott he’d been to quite a lot of them in the past few months.  The music was the same, the same faces, same red solo cups and tiny plastic shot glasses.  There was a melancholy, though, that shown even through all the smiles and the laughter.  It was bittersweet, the mix of excitement for the future, happiness for themselves for accomplishing such a task as graduating high school, and a sadness that they knew their lives were going to change forever.  The dorms had to be cleared out in three days, but most of them would be long gone home by then.

They still had that night, though.

Nathan disappeared into the VIP section like he always did, wanting to spend as much time with Victoria as he could before she left in two days, as well as the other Vortex Club members that didn’t live in the area.  Warren, for the first time in a while, if ever, stayed back in the regular section for most of the party, wanting to spend time with his friends that didn’t live in Oregon.  Alyssa lived only an hour away and they promised to visit one another during the summer and Stella had always lived in Arcadia Bay.  However, Brooke lived far away on the coast of southern California, and that’s where she would be going to school as well.  Luke still really didn’t talk to him, but he shrugged it off to spend time with those who did.  Kate lived a few hours away but that was still far away from Seattle, where not only he’d be in a few months but it was also where Max would be the next day.

Max tried to hide what a mess she was but failed to do so.  She was happy that Warren would be visiting in July during their orientation to university in Seattle, which was also where Victoria happened to be going, but once again she was leaving everyone else behind.  She didn’t know how she’d be able to see Kate, or Chloe, or Dana, or any of the other friends she’d made.  She wanted to keep in contact because she didn’t want to make the same mistake she had when she stopped talking to Chloe for five years, but it was just all so overwhelming.  Kate calmed her down by being affectionate and eventually she dragged Max away, saying something about them needing a little privacy and Warren smirked when he figured out exactly what Kate meant.  This all took place over the course of many hours.

It was almost midnight by the time he went into the VIP section and it was odd.  The last time the party was held by the pool was the first time he hooked up with Nathan and reentering the VIP section left the very things he could remember from that night very vivid in his mind.  It felt a lot less strange and he certainly recognized a lot more faces, but there was one face in particular he was looking for.

“Hey Babe,” Warren said as he sat beside Nathan and placed an arm around him.  “I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun, with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.”

Nathan slowly turned away from Victoria to look at him.  “…what the fuck did you just say?”

Warren giggled.  “I’m hitting in you.  Just know that I was hella smooth.”  He earned a chortle and a disbelieving “ _Sure…_ ” as a response.

The three of them talked, mostly about the trip Nathan and Warren were going to take to Seattle in July when Warren, Max, and Victoria had their freshmen orientation at the university.  Nathan was going under the guise of “visiting his girlfriend” so to make it a bit more believable they would be staying for two weeks, far longer than the two-day orientation, and they would be staying at Victoria’s parents’ penthouse.  There was a lot that could be done in those two weeks and it was a lot more fun being excited about those prospects than being sad that it would be over a month before Nathan saw his best friend again, assuming neither of them made an impromptu road trip to see the other.

It wasn’t that much later in the night when Victoria said she needed to go.  The movers her parents had hired were going to be there early in the morning and therefore she, too, would need to be awake early.  Nathan tried to hide his sadness, but both Warren and Victoria knew him too well to buy into his façade of indifference.  Warren half-expected Nathan to break down when he hugged Victoria, and honestly Nathan had expected the same thing, too.  To prevent a breakdown from happening, he was on Warren the moment Victoria walked away.

Things moved quickly.  The kisses were hasty, desperate, and Warren knew that Nathan was purposefully trying to use intimacy as a distraction.  In his defense, Warren tried not to lose himself in Nathan so they could talk.  He really did try but it was difficult for him to be logical while Nathan inconspicuously stroked him under his jeans.  However, when things started getting too hot and heavy for them to continue what they were doing with an audience, the walk from the party to the dorm allowed Warren to think.

It was obvious that Nathan was trying to use sex to dull the pain.  Victoria was leaving.  He’d have no choice but to spend more time with his parents, his abusive father.  Prolonged contact always resulted in the worst things happening.  Warren had a full-time job lined up that summer and Rachel, well, she was Rachel and often was unreachable.  Nathan would have nowhere to go and nowhere to turn to when his father decided to be an asshole.

Plus, there was the juxtaposition of how his father usually acted and how he’d acted on that particular day.  Of course it was only to keep up appearances but it was painful that he was treating Nathan the way he’d always wanted to be treated.  He was kind, freely giving his son compliments and praise.  Even though it was hollow, Nathan ate it up and felt disgusted in himself for doing so.

He didn’t want to feel bad, especially since that was supposed to be such a good day.  He knew he couldn’t use, even though he wanted to desperately, but sex with Warren would be enough to make him feel better.  Warren understood this and considered allowing them to go through with it.  However, even though sex wasn’t physically damaging, since Nathan couldn’t overdose and die and they were always safe, but Nathan was still avoiding his emotions.

“Are you okay, Nathan?” Warren asked as they passed by the Principle Well’s residence on the way to the Prescott dormitory.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Nathan answered, his hurried pace not faltering.  “I graduated high school.  Kristine’s here after like a year of not seeing her.  I’m fucking fantastic.”

“It’s just… I can tell that you’re upset, Nate.  You need to talk instead of bottling shit up.”

This time, Nathan stopped dead in his tracked.  He turned around to face Warren, his gaze narrowing as he said, “Do _not_ psychoanalyze me!  I pay people to do that.  We’re going back to my room, we’re gonna fuck, and then we’re gonna sleep.  Got it?”

“I don’t feel comfortable doing this if you’re not okay.”

Nathan’s let out an aggravated huff and rolled his eyes.  “I told you I’m _fine._ ”  He impatiently tried to drag Warren along, closer to their destination, but the other boy wouldn’t budge.  “For fucks sake!  We aren’t doing this right now.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“The fuck did I just say, Warren?”

Warren’s gaze softened and he grabbed Nathan’s other hand.  “I don’t want sex to turn into another crutch.  I want it to mean something.”

“Do _not_ give me this crap.”

“Fine,” Warren sighed.  “Just remember I’m here if you need to talk, okay?  No matter what.”

Nathan’s gaze went to the ground.  Warren was right; he wasn’t okay.  Everything was shit.  His best friend was leaving.  His boyfriend would be leaving soon as well.  They had the summer, but that was really only a few months and then what?  Victoria would go make a new best friend and Warren would find someone else to be with.  He’d be left in Portland, with no choice but to go back to the Prescott Estate when he wasn’t at school.

Not to mention how much time he’d be spending at the Estate that summer.  It was unavoidable.  If he didn’t spend enough time there, it would be worse when he had to eventually go home.  He didn’t need to worry about his mother; it was likely they’d hardly speak, even if they both spent the entirety of the day in the same house.  She was indifferent towards him and had been for as long as he could remember.  Nothing changed between them, even when things went bad with his father.

That was who he dreaded contact with the most, for obvious reasons.  He wondered if his father had ever actually loved him.  Had Sean Prescott ever actually been proud of his only son?  Nathan liked to think so; the thought of earning his father’s praise, and therefore his love, seemed a more achievable if it was something he’d once had.  And he hated how much he wanted it.  He despised himself for wanting it because he shouldn’t.  He’d said it a million times, that his father was an asshole.  His father was a terrible person.  His father chased Kristine, the only family member who ever actually liked him, away.  His father beat him, often for no reason he could understand, and yet he wanted his love and affection and praise.  And he hated himself for it.

But he wasn’t going to tell Warren that.  He wasn’t going to tell anyone that.  It was bad enough that people had seen him cry.  It was horrible that people had seen his scars, his bruises, that Warren had even cleaned his wounds.  No one, not Victoria, or Rachel, or Kris, not even Warren or his therapist, were allowed to know that he felt that way.  No one needed to know that he still loved the person he hated most in the world.

When Nathan finally managed to drag Warren to his room, the mood had left him.  His train of thought had taken him to a dark place, where he was angry and afraid.  If it wasn’t Warren and was just some random girl he could have gone through with it because, despite the crap he’d given Warren, when they had sex it meant something.  It made Nathan feel things, like a complex cocktail of emotions and vulnerability that he’d never felt when with anyone else.  He didn’t want to open up when he already felt so weak.

So instead, he told Warren he was tired and wanted to go to bed.  They got ready for bed quickly and quietly.  When they curled up on the bed in the dark Nathan buried his face in Warren’s chest and prayed that the other wouldn’t notice him crying.  But Warren did.  He could never hide anything from his ever-so-perceptive boyfriend.  In one way it was frustrating but in another way it was nice.  It meant Warren cared enough to pay attention.

Warren didn’t explicitly say anything to let on that he knew.  It was obvious when one of his hands went up the back of Nathan’s shirt and gently rubbed.  He knew backrubs comforted the boy in his arms and so he did what he thought would help the most.  He laid a gentle kiss on Nathan’s forehead and still remained silent.  He’d expected them to fall asleep without saying another word to one another and was shocked when Nathan spoke.

“You’re not gonna leave me, right?”

“Nathan…”  Warren’s grip around the other tightened.  “I waited too long to be with you to give you up.  You might be stuck with me forever.”

Nathan smiled and found himself thinking that spending forever with Warren Graham might not be a bad thing.  Had he been more awake, that thought might have scared him.  He was too tired and was already so emotionally drained. Besides, he could have done a lot worse than Warren.  In fact, he knew that there was no one better for him.  Warren was patient and kind and loved him enough to just hold him and be there for him.  Being stuck with Warren Graham forever might have been the best thing that could ever happen to him.


	23. It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay so I’ve been missing again but I’ve been super busy. Midterms on top of job applications, followed by more job stuff and planning for the end of the semester projects. Enough said.  
> The next chapter will probably take a while because, again, busy as fuck. Also, I’m combining two chapters into one so I’ll need to cut it down or it’ll be ridiculously long.  
> Also I feel bad but I haven’t been replying to comments. I do see them and I do totally love and appreciate them but I see them on my e-mail and then I smile and then I go on with school and then by the time I remember I never replied an awkward amount of time’s gone by… I’m sorry. I’m a douche.  
> So I’m going to try to start editing the next chapter after uploading this one but don’t get your hopes up for a speedy upload. Until then, please enjoy what I do have uploaded and review/comment/whatever.

Maybe it was because she was the only member of Nathan’s family that he actually cared about, but spending the day with Kristine Prescott was one of the most nerve-wracking things Warren had ever done.  Nathan’s assurance that everything would be okay and Kristine would love him did little to calm Warren’s anxieties.  It was so important that she like him and Warren questioned if she actually would.

What made Warren the most anxious was that they weren’t just going out to lunch like Kristine had originally suggested.  He wouldn’t only be spending a few hours with her.  He would be around Nathan’s sister for the better part of around twenty-four hours.  It started out with Kristine mentioning to Nathan that they should go to Portland because she missed going to the Cheesecake Factory.  It had been something of a tradition for the siblings to go there when she was going to school there and they wanted to have the nostalgia of being there once again.  The conversation eventually led to Kristine and Nathan talking about all the other places in Portland they used to go to and wanted to visit again.  Eventually, their few hour visit turned into an overnight adventure.  It sounded like a great idea when Warren agreed to it, but he regretted that decision after he loaded his things into the back of Kristine’s rental car and then spent the entire ride there so nervous that he was sure he was going to vomit.

Thankfully, Kristine and Nathan were too caught up in their own conversation in the front of the car so Warren just listened to music and focused on trying not to throw up on the drive from Arcadia Bay to Portland.  He was grateful that he hadn’t been immediately put on the spot.  However, that changed when they arrived at the restaurant.  It would have been more awkward if he continued not talking at that point.  Since Kristine could tell how nervous he was, so she decided to not be hard on him and to save the interrogation for later.  She didn’t want to scare him off and she had high hopes for him.

After all, he had to be special if Nathan introduced him to her.

So Kristine and Nathan did a majority of the talking and she made sure to tell Warren about herself.  She was amazing, just like Nathan had said.  Warren hadn’t actually expected her to be, though.  He assumed that Nathan only thought so highly of her because she was the only family member he had that he didn’t despise.  He didn’t know that somehow, despite being groomed from a young age to take over the family business and essentially grow up to be another Sean Prescott, she rejected almost everything she’d been taught.  Her Sophomore year in college, she switched her major from Business to Social Work and immediately left for the Peace Corps about a week after she graduated.  The only reason she kept in contact with her parents was to make it easier to keep in contact and see her little brother, whom she obviously loved so dearly.

Kristine still would ask Warren little questions here and there.  She inquired about what college he was going to, what he wanted to major in, what he liked to do, and just other little things.  By the time they’d finished their lunches and ordered their cheesecakes, Warren had mellowed out considerably and was acting a lot more like himself.  Kristine could tell and, without further hesitation, began to question him on much more serious topics.

“So, what are your intentions with my brother?

Nathan glared at her.  “For fucks sake, Kris!”

Warren had visibly tensed and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes averting theirs and instead focusing on his cheesecake.  “I… um…”

“You don’t have to answer her,” Nathan murmured bitterly, shooting his sister another look.  He hadn’t realized that she was going to drag his boyfriend far away from home to interrogate him.  He’d more than proven himself; he didn’t need to put up with her interrogation.  Besides, as much as Nathan loved Kristine, he was sure he loved Warren more.

“No, it’s…  It’s fine,” Warren stammered, his eyes flickering to the boy beside him and then resting once again on his cheesecake.  “I guess I don’t really know what my intentions are.  I just wanna make him happy.”  His hand under the table went to rest on Nathan’s knee.

Nathan’s face softened and rested his hand on top of Warren’s.  He laced their fingers and gave a gentle squeeze.  He could tell Warren was especially nervous because his palms were sweaty, so Nathan gave him yet another reassuring squeeze.  Their eyes met briefly and Warren smiled.

Kristine looked at the pair and fought back the urge to go “Aww…”  She knew Nathan would never forgive her if she did.  He wouldn’t be happy if she reduced the relationship he was risking everything for as merely something cute.

“Why?”

“Why..?”

“Why do you want to make him happy?”  Kristine didn’t really suspect that Warren had any ulterior motives.  Nathan was smart enough to have deduced such a thing by then.  Still, she wanted to be sure.

“Because he makes me so happy…” Warren paused a moment before adding, “…and because I love him.”

Warren was delighted that Kristine smiled at him and dropped the conversation.  He knew that she believed him and was glad because he meant what he’d said.  He loved Nathan more than he’d ever loved anyone before.  He wanted, more than anything, for Nathan to be happy.  He just hoped that he was good enough to keep Nathan happy forever.

\--

“You’re perfect,” Nathan said very matter-of-factly as Warren reappeared from the hotel bathroom.  They’d all had a long, yet fun, day and were all very tired by the time they finished dinner.  Kristine, fortunately, foresaw that would happen and had rented rooms at a hotel so they wouldn’t have to make the somewhat long drive back to Arcadia Bay after their adventures in Portland.

Warren smiled softly as he roughly towel dried his clean and wet hair.  “You always say that.”

“That’s because it’s true.”

Warren playfully rolled his eyes before hanging up his towel on a hook on the bathroom door.  There was no point in trying to debate with Nathan over that idea because Nathan always won.  Not by using any logical means, but he still won none-the-less.  Warren found it sweet, just how highly Nathan thought of him especially since Nathan only thought well of a few people.  He kissed Nathan on the cheek as he sat down beside him.

“Whatcha looking at?” Warren asked as he saw Nathan going through photos on his computer.

“Max sent some scans of those pics she took at prom, and a few other things,”  Nathan added the last part as he passed a few pictures Max had taken while her parents drove her back up to Seattle.  “I’m gonna print copies of a few of these.”

Warren leaned on his boyfriend’s shoulder, smiling as Nathan stopped scrolling once he got to the really nice shot Max had taken of the couple kissing in the woods.  “Like this one?”

Nathan nodded.  “You can never tell Max this, but that’s actually a really great shot.”  Warren giggled.  “What?”

“You two are ridiculous,” Warren said before kissing Nathan’s cheek again.  “You’re now friends and yet you both refuse to compliment the others photography to the other’s face.  What’s with this photo feud you both got going on?  I don’t get it.”

“That’s just the nature of our relationship.  We can’t just be nice to each other like normal people.”

“Is that why she’s still ‘Hipster Bitch’ on your phone?”

“Hey, I’m ‘dickbagtheasshole’ on hers.”

Warren laughed; he remembered when Max named Nathan that in her phone.  It was way before anything had happened, before they got together, before the first party where they hooked up.  It was the first week of school and Nathan was being a straight up dick to him any chance he got.  Warren couldn’t understand why.  They’d both gone to Blackwell since their freshmen year and Nathan hadn’t acknowledged him once in those three prior years.  After one encounter where Nathan had roughly shoved him out of the way and into the lockers, Warren’s new nosy friend Max dragged out of him what had happened and promptly changed Nathan’s name in her phone to “dickbagtheasshole”.  Warren didn’t understand why she had Nathan’s number, or a good chunk of the Vortex Club member’s numbers for that matter, but when he asked her she just shrugged.  Meddling Max didn’t like it when other people were meddlesome.

“What?” Warren asked when he noticed Nathan’s eye flickering from him to the picture with a sentimental look on his face.

“You’re perfect,” Nathan repeated for the second time that night.  He knew Warren wasn’t technically perfect; no one was.  It was hard to see the flaws with everything good that Warren did.  Warren had cleaned the wounds his father has inflicted.  Warren actually cared how his day went.  Warren actually liked the weird movies that he liked.  Warren didn’t judge him when his bipolar disorder got out of hand, and maybe more importantly, Warren didn’t act like he was some incompetent little piece of shit because he was mentally ill.  Warren was wonderful and he didn’t know how he’d gotten lucky enough for someone like that to love him, even with how fucked up things had been in the beginning.

Now that he had him, Nathan wasn’t going to let him go.

Nathan reoriented so that his arm was around his boyfriend, pulling him close.  “I had a really good time with you today.  Kris loves you.”

“Are you sure?  I thought I made an ass of myself with how damn awkward I am.”  Warren was sure he was even more awkward than usual.  He mentally winced as he remembered one particular occasion during the day when he went on a far-too-long ramble that started out about the college he was going to and somehow ended with vividly explaining the first few years of his life as well as he could remember them.  He was sure he made an ass of himself at that moment.  He couldn’t help it; he was nervous.  He didn’t want to make a bad impression on Kristine, or anyone that Nathan really cared about for that matter.

“She thought it was sweet you cared enough to be nervous, and she really doesn’t give a fuck what you do as long as you make me happy and treat me well.”

“Do I?” Warren asked as he looked up at Nathan.  “Do I make you happy?”

“Warren, how is that even a fucking question?” Nathan looked at Warren, a look of confusion on his face.  “You wouldn’t have got to meet Kris if you didn’t.  Hell, I wouldn’t have stopped fucking random girls if you didn’t.  Why would you ask that?”

Warren’s eyes went back the computer, to the classy hotel art on the wall, to the fancy comforter on the bed, anywhere but Nathan’s eyes.  He hadn’t expected Nathan to follow up what he’d said with a question of his own.  Nathan wasn’t normally that perceptive.  He normally didn’t catch it when there were underlying meanings in Warren’s questions.  Warren didn’t really want to get into the subject.

It was just that sometimes he wondered if he could actually make Nathan happy.  There were times he felt powerless in his endeavor to do so.  After all, there was nothing Warren could do to protect Nathan from his father and there was very little he could do to help Nathan once his mood had a big dip or a major spike.  Sometimes, all Warren could do was give Nathan his love and he couldn’t help but feel like that wasn’t enough.

Little did he know, Nathan thought it was.

“It’s nothing, Babe.  Don’t worry about it.”

Nathan grabbed his chin, forcing Warren to look at him.  “You’d never let me get away with that kinda shit, Warren.”

“It’s nothing, really.”  Nathan gave him a look and Warren sighed.  “It’s just…  am I really enough to make you happy?  Or to keep you happy?”

Nathan took a deep breath before closing his laptop and setting it back in its case.  They obviously needed to talk and it needed to be done while Nathan was in the headspace to do it.  He was currently fine, a lot more mentally okay than he’d been in a while and he was certain it would change when Kristine left and it fully hit him that Victoria wasn’t going to be coming back to Arcadia Bay anytime soon.  So they couldn’t put off that talk that they so obviously needed to have.

“Where the fuck is this coming from, Warren?  This can’t just be because you met Kristine because she’s not that fucking scary.  She’s small and nice and she adores you and she always will as long as you’re good to me.  Which you are, by the way.  If you weren’t, Vic would have ruined you a long time ago.”

“I know, I know it’s just…”  Again, Warren trailed off and sighed.  He went quiet, hoping that Nathan would drop the subject because, really, the thing he was feeling insecure about was foolish.  It was irrational as hell, but as Nathan stared at him, he knew there was no way he was getting out of the subject.  “It’s just…  meeting your parents…”

“My parents?”  Nathan remembered the uncomfortable look on Warren’s face when he met Sean and Candace.  He remembered how anxious Warren looked as Sean Prescott examined him and he also remembered how irritated Warren looked when his parents fawned over Victoria.

“I know it’s stupid, but they’re still your parents and-“

“-and their opinions don’t matter.  They don’t even know Victoria.  All they know is that she came from rich parents and she’s pretty and that’s really all they care about.  They couldn’t care any less about if she made me happy, or if she was even fucking nice to me or cared about me for that matter.  They don’t care if I love her or even like her; they just want me to carry on the family name with her, Warren.  It’s a load of shit.”

“I know, but-“

“No, Warren.  I’m not gonna let you fucking hold yourself to their standards.  They’re terrible people.  They don’t give a shit about anything other than money.  That’s why we’re here, in a fucking hotel in Portland, because even after a year and a half of not seeing them, Kristine can hardly stand to spend more than a few days with them.  Our mother is a bitch who cares more about appearances than her own fucking kids, and our father…”  Nathan took a deep breath.  “Our father is an abusive asshole.”

Warren looked at Nathan apologetically.  He felt bad for making Nathan think about such things, especially since Nathan had been in such a good mood all day.  And then Warren had to ruin it by being in a mood of his own.  Fucking fantastic.

“Do I ever tell you how I got this scar, Warren?” Nathan asked as he pulled up his shirt, gesturing to the long, gnarly scar on his stomach that reached from just to the left of his navel up to the middle of his right ribcage.  He finally told Warren the story.  He remembered the event in great detail but omitted a lot of things here and there.  He didn’t want to let on just how cemented the even was in his memory, how traumatizing it was the day that his relationship with his father changed and became damaged beyond reparation.

Warren remained stoic as Nathan told him the story of how, at age eleven, Sean Prescott gave his son that scar.  Nathan went from not understanding that liking boys was anything out of the norm for society to believing that it was something to be ashamed of, something to repress and hide.  He’d always have the scar to remind him of that.

Nathan ended the story by saying, “So don’t worry about them, Warren.  They’re shit and they always will be.”

Warren delicately traced the scar with his fingertips.  He knew that Nathan wouldn’t want any form of sympathy from him but he couldn’t help but try to provide some comfort.  He’d deduced that something like that had happened a long time ago.  It was safe to assume that most of the scars that were littering Nathan’s body were caused by Sean Prescott in one way or another.  Knowing for a fact that it happened didn’t really change matters much, except for that small part of Warren that was glad that Nathan’s trust in him was continuing to grow.

Warren looked back up at Nathan, his fingers still tracing the scar.  “I know it’s illogical, Nathan, but I already worry that I won’t be enough-“

“Don’t say that shit!” Nathan snapped.  “Don’t even fucking _think_ it.  You’d never let me say that kinda shit about myself and I’m not gonna let you do it, either.”  He pulled Warren into a tight hug.  It was kind of awkward with them both sitting side-by-side but it was comforting nonetheless.   He kissed Warren on the cheek and then chastely on the lips, not sure how to convey what he was feeling.  It saddened him to know that Warren really felt that way because Warren was more than enough.  Warren was the best thing for him.  Warren was patient, kind, sweet and everything Nathan could ever possibly need in a person.  He just wished he could formulate the words to say it.

One of Nathan’s hands snaked its way into Warren’s hair, the other rubbing at Warren’s side.  “I love you so much, Warren.”

“I love you too, Nathan, so much.”  Warren tugged at Nathan’s shirt, trying to convey that he wanted them to lay on the bed for more comfortable cuddling.  Nathan obliged, sinking down so his head was resting on the pillow.  As Warren laid beside him, his hands returned to their previous locations in Warren’s hair and stroking Warren’s side.  Warren shifted, eventually deciding to rest his head on Nathan’s chest.

A complex plethora of emotions came over Warren.  He felt guilty for bringing Nathan’s parents up.  He felt sad and angry because of the story he’d always suspected but had never heard confirmed.  However, he felt a lot better, especially since he could hear the soothing thump of Nathan’s heartbeat.

“I know I do a shitty job at telling you how I feel about you, but you’re enough,” Nathan leaned down to kiss Warren on the top of the head.  “You’re more than enough.”


	24. Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting after only a week? What is this madness?  
> I feel like I need to put warnings up here but I feel like it would spoil the chapter. Let’s just say it’s nothing I didn’t warn y’all about way back in Chapter 1. However, it is definitely a lot more upsetting and triggering than anything posted in the previous chapters. If you feel like you can’t read this chapter because of that, comment and I’ll message you the gist of the chapter. However, I think you read until the paragraph that ends “The outcome would be the same.” and then skip to the paragraph that starts, “The near silence was broken as someone pounded on the heavy wooden doors to the office.” you should be good. Idk if the chapter’s really all that upsetting because I get super desensitized to my own writing but yeah. The warning is there just in case.  
> Also, since I’ve been bitten by the writing bug again I started working on a few other Grahamscott story ideas. Be sure to check those out when this fic is done if I ever post them.  
> But buckle in, my lovelies. It’s gonna be a turbulent 7k ride.

It might have been summer vacation, but Warren had less free time than ever.  A few weeks into June, he went back to the job he’d worked the previous summer, a little local place called Smoothies ‘n’ Shakes that sold exactly what it sounded like it did.  He was working full time, sometimes even more than that when whoever was supposed to relieve him of his duty didn’t show up without telling anyone.  Or when he was scheduled to leave and it randomly got really busy, which was happening a lot at the end of June with the annual summer heatwave hitting.

Had it been the previous summer, he wouldn’t have minded all the overtime he was getting.  Back then, when he only had Stella in town, most of his time was spent alone.  He didn’t mind his time randomly getting taken away from him when he was usually alone.  But now he had Nathan, whom he wasn’t going to be able to see often in just a few months.  His took solace in the fact that he’d be able to take more trips down the Portland to see his beloved because of all the overtime.  Still, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find it irritating.

He’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about Nathan.  He was always worried about Nathan, especially once the summer started and Kristine headed back to Brazil.  There was an immediate blowout between Nathan and his father after that, which caused Nathan to spend about a week hiding out at the Graham house.  This also caused Warren to worry and to try to establish contact with Nathan whenever he went on a break.  He couldn’t stand to think about Nathan being stuck somewhere because of his asshole of a father.

Of course, he was also apprehensive of what would happen when Nathan went to Portland.  Alone.  Without Warren, or Victoria, or Hayden, Rachel, anyone who cared about him.  What if Nathan fell off the wagon and died of an overdose?  What if Nathan found someone who made him happier than Warren did?  What if Nathan ended up getting stuck somewhere with his father with no one to help?

Warren’s greatest concern had and probably always would be Nathan’s father.  It was the root of most of Nathan’s other problems.  The self-loathing that still found ways to creep up on him.  The homophobia that rarely popped up bit still did enough to make Warren want to beat the shit out of Sean Prescott.  Though he couldn’t be completely held responsible for Nathan being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he certainly didn’t help.  Shoving Nathan full of random meds and just upping them if they didn’t work didn’t do shit.  Yeah, Nathan did need meds, but he needed so much more than that.

Since he’d gone to Dr. Crane, Nathan did so much better.  Dr. Crane took the time to figure out which specific meds and doses would be best for Nathan.  Dr. Crane helped Nathan find ways to try to prevent his manic and depressive episodes from happening, or at least to prevent them from spiraling and getting as bad as they could be.  He hadn’t had a psychotic episode in over six months because of the help of Dr. Crane, a psychiatrist who actually gave a shit.

If it weren’t for Victoria helping Nathan find Dr. Crane and encouraging him to go behind his father’s back, his mental illness wouldn’t have been managed as nearly as well.  Nathan would still consistently feel like there was nothing he could do, like he was crazy and there was something wrong with him because all those pills still weren’t enough.  Nathan was starting to accept that his bipolar disorder was a part of him, and that was okay.  It didn’t make him crazy or bad.  It just made him different.

It was entirely possible that Sean Prescott could derail all the hard work Nathan had done to improve himself.  Over seven months’ worth of hard work could be ruined in a matter of minutes.  All because the Prescott Patriarch cared more about public image and money and making sure his children measured up to an impossible standard than he cared about his actual children. 

Warren never verbalized these concerns with Nathan, even though Nathan worried about the very same things.  Nathan also quickly caught on as to why Warren messaged him during all his breaks.  At first he found it irritating because he didn’t need to be babysat.  As he remembered how awful he looked when he went to Warren’s house after Kristine left, though, he started to find it kind of sweet.

Someone actually cared enough to check up on him, someone besides Victoria.  He still loved Victoria like a sister.  He would always appreciate her and never take her for granted, but it was still nice to have more than one person in his life that loved him unconditionally like that.  Kristine did love him, but she couldn’t check up on him.  She was too far away to be of any real help anyways.  Rachel also loved him, but she was often off in her own world.  She was there when he needed her, but she had enough of her own problems to deal with.  He was pretty sure that Hayden loved him, even though those words had never been exchanged between the two males and likely never would.  Then there was his father and mother.

Who was he kidding?  Neither one of those people loved him.  But those other people did, and that was enough for him.

Which was part of why he was parked in his truck by the beach.  He couldn’t stand being in the Prescott Estate any longer. It was lonely and boring sitting alone in his truck but it was still better that being around his parents.  He could have gone to Hayden’s but he didn’t want to be a burden any long after having spent three days at his house.  He got offered to hang out with Chloe and Rachel, but he didn’t want to feel like a third wheel with them.  Warren insisted that Nathan could just go to the Graham’s home, even though Warren wouldn’t be there, but that just felt weird.  It felt strange enough that he’d stayed at that house while Warren went to work for the day, but heading over without Warren even being there in the first place was a whole other level of awkward.  He supposed he could have gone to the hotel, or one of the many properties his family owned, but he didn’t think of that until after he left the Estate with nothing but his key, wallet, and his camera.  So really, he’d still be bored and lonely, just in a different location.

As he heard the familiar Star War’s blaster pew emanate from his phone, Nathan smiled.  It was Warren’s notification sound, which meant Warren must have been on his last ten-minute break.  He eagerly opened the text.

[Warren Grahamcracker 3:46pm]

_you still coming over for dinner tonight?_

It had become something of a ritual that Nathan would go over to the Graham’s house and eat dinner with Warren and his parents at least once a week.  It was actually something Warren’s father had insisted, much to the young couple’s surprise.  Warren knew his father would be supportive of their relationship, but he didn’t count on just how much support he was going to get.  Nathan was initially overwhelmed and a little apprehensive since he didn’t have very much faith in adults.  He went over anyway, once a week minimum since they’d officially gotten together at the end of April.  Slowly, he began to get a lot less antsy around the Graham parents and actually kind of look forward to their get-togethers.

[Nate 3:46pm]

_i’ll b there_

[Warren Grahamcracker 3:48pm]

_my dad’s making burgers so I’m bringing home shakes.  want one?_

[Nate 3:49pm]

_yeah cookies n cream plz_

[Warren Grahamcracker 3:53pm]

_k. I love you._

Nathan couldn’t help the small smile that graced his lips when he read those words.  Being loved still made him feel giddy like a school girl.  He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to the feeling, but he didn’t mind so much if he didn’t.  Even if he did, it wouldn’t make what they had any less special.

[Nate 3:53pm]

_I love you too_

The next time Nathan’s phone made a notification noise, he didn’t notice that it wasn’t the familiar pewing of a Star War’s blaster that he was so used to hearing.  It took him a moment of staring at his and Warren’s conversation to realize it wasn’t his boyfriend that had messaged him back.  It made sense since it was likely Warren had clocked back into work.  He went to see who messaged him, assuming it was Victoria or Hayden and his blood ran cold when it wasn’t.

[Sean Prescott 3:57pm]

_Get your ass home now._

Whatever Nathan’s father wanted him for, it certainly wasn’t anything good.  Not that he expected anything different from a text with his father.  If he didn’t immediately delete every message his father sent him, he would have so many messages basically saying the exact same thing.  Even though he’d seen that very same message before, it didn’t ease his anxiety any.  In fact, it made it worse.  He knew what was to come and of course he didn’t want to go home.  He only did because he knew things would be exponentially worse if he waited.

Even though it briefly crossed his mind, he didn’t text anyone about where he was going before driving away.  He was too busy wracking his brain to try to figure out what could have possibly happened this time.  Did he fuck up somehow and didn’t realize it?  Or did his father come up with something?  Or did he want to dredge up something that was ancient history?  It had to have been one of the first two if his father wanted him to go to the Prescott Estate.

He was surprised he didn’t vomit when he parked his truck in their oversized garage.  His whole body was protesting as he walked into the mansion and then to his father’s private office.  If he didn’t get beat again, he would be surprised.  He wondered if he should even try to talk his way out of it; it wasn’t like the attempt could make anything any worse.  Perhaps it would be best if he spoke the bare minimum.  He felt like it didn’t matter.  The outcome would be the same.

“Hello, Father,” Nathan said as he entered his father’s office and closed the heavy door behind him.  He hated how meek his voice sounded.  At the very least he wanted some form of dignity but apparently he wouldn’t be granted such a thing.

“Nathan,” Sean offered in way of greeting from his desk, the usual bitterness with which he typically spoke to his son thick in his voice.  His face was void of emotion, which Nathan had come to learn meant that his father was furious.  He deduced that it would likely be best to be as quiet as he could.  When Sean Prescott got like that, there was nothing that could be done.

Nathan tentatively walked closer to the desk, his feet feeling like they were made of lead.  “You wanted to see me, Sir?”  His voice didn’t sound as meager as it did when he previously spoke, and he allowed himself to momentarily enjoy his small victory.

“Yes, Nathan.”  Sean opened the top drawer of his desk, retrieving something out of it.  “How do you care to explain _this_?”  He set it on the desk.

Confused, Nathan took a step closer.  What could his father possibly have found?  Typically, when his father did that, it was when he’d gotten a bad grade, or skipped too many classes, or the one time there Sean Prescott was contacted because Nathan tried to steal the Tobanga during one of his manic phases.  It couldn’t have been any of that.  He’d cleaned up.  He graduated already so there were no classes to fail or skip.  During the height of his last manic episode, he was closely monitored by Warren and Victoria who prevented him from getting into any major shenanigans.  He wasn’t prepared for what his father had somehow found.

It was unmistakable what it was and he didn’t know if there was any way to lie about what had been going on.  Nathan didn’t know how, but somehow his father had gotten a copy of the photo Max had taken of him and Warren in the woods.  The one picture that he loved so much.  The one where the pair of them were kissing.  He felt the blood drain from his face as it fully hit him that there was no way he’d be able to bullshit out of the situation.

“I asked you a fucking question, Son.”

Nathan was at a loss for words.  He was certain that there wasn’t anything he could say to smooth this over.  He was certain.  What could he say to anger his father the least?

“It’s not what it looks like.”  It was a pathetic lie, Nathan knew.  It appeared to be blatantly obvious that the shot wasn’t staged.   As Sean proceeded to show Nathan more evidence that he had acquired, showing without a doubt that, no, that very much _wasn’t_ a posed picture.  As Sean pulled out a page of text messages Nathan had sent to Warren the night before while he was at Hayden’s house, he felt like a fool.  He should’ve known that his father had already tracked down plenty of evidence of his and Warren’s relationship.

“Then, tell me, what _exactly_ is this supposed to fucking look like?”

Nathan looked up at his father wide-eyed before looking down at the pictures and printed text messages.  There were countless sweet messages, I love you’s, and other words of comfort ant obvious romance written in the text messages.  There were pictures somehow gotten off of Nathan’s camera that rarely left his side.  There were photos of their post-sex cuddling, random couple selfies, and more than a few dick pics.

“I’m sorry, Sir.  I won’t see him again.” It was another lie, of course.  He couldn’t cut Warren out of his life.  His father was going to continue to beat him regardless, so why would he stop?  Warren made him happy.  They were in love and there was no way he was going to let his father take that away from him.  Even if it meant the risk he was taking and even if it meant they’d have to get better at sneaking around.

When Nathan was backhanded, he wondered why he’d even bothered talking at all.  He already knew there was nothing he could do.  He was powerless, so why even bother trying to appease his father?  It was impossible.  If Sean Prescott thought Nathan did something wrong, he wouldn’t stop until he’d felt his son had learned his lesson.  There was nothing anyone could do about it.

“I’m _done_ with your shit, Nathan!  I’m beyond done!  You’re useless!  I thought you were turning around, picking a nice girl to settle down with.  She was right there, ripe for the Goddamn picking, but no!”  Sean Prescott was in Nathan’s face now, screaming. Nathan was numb.  He’d heard most of that before.  He was never going to make his father proud, not matter how much he wanted to, and that was just something he'd have to accept.

His father continued his verbal onslaught.  “I thought I fucking fixed you!  I thought I beat the fag right out of you but apparently, I didn’t.  A faggot son’s of no use to me.  It would be appalling if you carried on the family name, besmirching the good name of Prescott.  I’m _done_ with you.”

Nathan braced himself, his eyes closing tight and his body tensing.  The blows never came and again he was confused.  His father was livid, angrier than he’d ever seen him.  That was typically the moment when he got the crap beaten out of him and yet the hits still weren’t coming.  His eyes shot open as he heard the click of a cocking of a gun.

The sound was familiar.  They’d gone to shooting ranges before as a father-son bonding thing that didn’t really result in much, if any, bonding.  His father always had his gun with him.  Always.  Nathan just never anticipated that one day it would be turned on him.  He knew his father hated him but did he really hate him enough to want him dead?  Apparently so.

If he died right then and there, he knew he wouldn’t suffer anymore.  His life had been miserable for the most part.  All the money in the world, all the things, the nice car, the cell phone that cost more than most people made in a week were all nice.  But it wasn’t enough.  It didn’t take away the emptiness he’d felt for a majority of his childhood.  It didn’t fix how bleak his predefined future felt.  It didn’t change the fact that he still sometimes felt shame for being gay and bipolar.  Death could have been freeing.

Yet, Nathan wasn’t ready to die.  People would have actually cared if he died and he didn’t want them to hurt.  He loved them and he knew, in that moment, that they loved him as well.  Victoria wouldn’t have stuck around if she didn’t.  Hayden wouldn’t have offered him sanctuary if he didn’t.  Rachel wouldn’t have actually come to check on him when he was first getting sober if she didn’t.  Kristine wouldn’t have spent a week in the Prescott Estate to see him if she didn’t.  And Warren…  Warren would have given up on Nathan long ago if they weren’t actually in love.  Nathan needed to survive and he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to do that.

“Dad…” His voice again was fragile, cracking as he said the one-syllable word.  This time, he didn’t care.  He didn’t care that his fear was visible.  “Dad, please don’t do this.”

The gun was pressed into Nathan’s forehead as his father spoke again.  “Like I said, I’m done with your shit.  I’m beyond done.  I’m sick of cleaning up your messes.  You can’t even do this one simple fucking thing, Nathan!  But it’s fine.  It’ll be over soon.  It’ll be easy to cover this up, to pin this on that drug dealer you go to.  No one will care enough to look into it.  Well, except that poor little shit you’re fucking but he’ll be taken care of as well.”

“What?!”  Nathan didn’t know how it was possible to feel even more afraid, but he was.

“That’ll be even easier.  Just wait until he gets to Seattle.  Make it look like an accident.  His family’s so fucking poor they won’t be able to afford to get his death legitimately looked into.  Everyone will forget about you and everyone will forget about him.  It’ll be like this mistake never fucking happened.”

With surprising strength that he didn’t know he had, Nathan grabbed his father’s wrist and managed to move it so the gun wasn’t pointed at his head.  “You’re not gonna lay a fucking finger on him.”  He sounded calm, deadly, even though his insides were a screaming, nervous wreck.  “I don’t give a shit what you do to me, but you’re not hurting him!”

For a moment, Sean looked taken aback but quickly regained his composure.  “You _actually care_ about him?  You’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.”

“No, Father.  Loving Warren is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.”

A struggle ensued.  Nathan attempted to get the gun away from Sean while Sean attempted to subdue Nathan.  It was unexpected; Nathan had never physically fought back before, not once in the years since the beatings began.  It had been years since Nathan had tried to offer any verbal protests as well.  Nathan wasn’t all that strong, with not much muscle, so the amount of vigor with which he fought was especially surprising.  It wasn’t as surprising as when the gun went off.

There was so much blood.  The metallic smell of it filled the air.  It was spewing from the wound, the puddle on Sean Prescott’s fancy imported rug ever growing.  The blood was all over Nathan and his father – their stomachs, hands, their clothes.  Parts of Nathan’s already red jacket was an even darker shade of red.

For moments after the gun went off, the room was silent.  No one screamed, gasped, shrieked or even really dared to breathe.  Neither the shooter nor the one who got shot made any sort of sound.  The only noise was the rhythmic ticking of the grandfather clock against the wall by the door.

The near silence was broken as someone pounded on the heavy wooden doors to the office.  The unmistakable sound of the gunshot must have alarmed them.  Of course it would.  Any sane person would be concerned if they heard such a sound emanated from the middle of a house.  When they were met by silence, the person outside the door, one of the maids, hesitantly opened the door.  Their concern had risen when neither of the Prescott men answered so they took the risk to open the door.  When they saw the bloody sight before them, they gasped and ran away.

Help was called for immediately and though they arrived quickly, as it was a Prescott who was in trouble, they still arrived too late.  He’d bled out long before, almost immediately after receiving the shot to their chest.  The shooter was brought into custody quickly because, even though he was a Prescott, there was just too much condemning evidence to allow him to walk free.  By the time he got taken to the police station, with Candace Prescott not far behind, it was well into an evening.  It was almost an hour past the time Nathan was supposed to arrive at the Graham’s home.

When Nathan was fifteen minutes late, Warren was concerned.  Nathan was never late for anything, not since they’d officially gotten together.  He didn’t vocalize the concerns because only fifteen minutes wasn’t much of an actual concern.

When it was half an hour past the time Nathan was supposed to arrive, Warren sent a text.  He informed Nathan that dinner was almost ready.  He didn’t want it to sound like he was worried, in case it was nothing.  It wasn’t like his parents were concerned yet or angry because Nathan had never been late for their dinners or stood their son up before.

At the forty-five-minute mark, Warren tried to call him.  The phone rang, so his calls weren’t intentionally being ignored and Nathan’s phone wasn’t turned off.  No one answered.  Warren left a message, asking where Nathan was and mentioning that he was starting to get worried.

By the time Nathan was an hour later, Warren was in a full blown panic.  Even his parents, though they tried his best to hide it, were concerned.  Warren called everyone who could possibly know where Nathan was; Hayden, Rachel, even Victoria, even though she was all the way in Seattle.  He was certain that one of them had to have at least an idea of where his boyfriend was.  Yet no one did.

After he got off the phone with Victoria, who made him promise to keep her posted, he called Rachel again.  He was ready to beg her to help him find Nathan because he felt in his gut that something wasn’t right but she didn’t need any convincing.  When she told him that she and Chloe would be at his house to pick him up shortly, it furthered his concerns.

If even Rachel was worried and if even Chloe was agreeing to help find him, something could actually be wrong.  It wasn’t Warren having one of his overly anxious moments.  Something could actually be wrong with Nathan.  He could have gotten into a car crash on the way over.  He could have started doing drugs again.  He could have overdosed, or he could have taken some freaky shit and was tripping out somewhere.  Maybe it was something simple and Nathan went to the hotel he sometimes stayed at and fell asleep with his phone on silent.  Or maybe, maybe he was somewhere with Sean Prescott.

As Rachel, Chloe, and Warren drove around looking for Nathan, Warren tried not to think about all those horrible what-ifs.  They started with the least dramatic scenario that had popped into Warren’s mind and checked the room that Nathan had on perpetual reserve at the shitty little hotel.  Luckily, Warren had been given a key to the room and was sad to discover that it was empty.  They checked the beach, the lighthouse, even the Two Whales and there was still no sign of Nathan anywhere.

By that point, it had been well over an hour and the trio was desperate.  They were so desperate that they found themselves sneaking into Nathan’s now-empty room in the Prescott Dormitories.  Of course he wasn’t there.  So they sat, trying to figure out where to go next.  Warren and Rachel had both attempted to call Nathan again and still heard nothing.  Warren looked like he was moments away from a panic attack as he leaned against the wall the projector used to display against.

There had been so many wonderful memories in that room.  They’d had so many movie marathons.  They’d fallen asleep in the other’s arms.  They’re made love.  They’d kissed.  They’d shared meals.  They’d laughed a lot.  They’d had a lot of good talks, some of which were coming to mind

If something had happened to prevent more of that from happening, Warren didn’t know what he’d do.

“Maybe…  maybe we should check the Prescott Estate,” Rachel asked hesitantly.  She’d never been there before and had never wanted to go but it seemed like the last reasonable place in town to try to find Nathan.

“Why didn’t anyone bring this up earlier?  Does his father hate one of you or something?”  Chloe didn’t understand, not to the full extent.  She knew that Nathan thought his father was a jackass but didn’t understand that he had legitimate reasons to think that.  She would never have guessed that those reasons were as severe as they were.

“Let’s just say that I don’t think we’d be welcome there,” Rachel said.  “We might not even be let in.”

“We could ask Hayden to go.  Nathan’s father loved Hayden I think.”  Warren was surprised at the calmness with which he spoke considering how he was feeling.  If Nathan was there, at the Prescott Estate, it wasn’t good.  If he was still there and hadn’t left, what did that mean?  What could have happened?  It was becoming undeniable that something was wrong, but the question was what exactly was wrong?

Then Warren’s phone rang.  He immediately reacted, grabbing it out of his pocket and checking to see who it was, praying that Nathan’s name and number would be on the screen.  He frowned when he saw an unfamiliar number, but the first few digits indicated that the line belonged to someone in the Bay.

“It’s not Nate is it?” Rachel asked as she saw Warren’s eager face droop to a disappointed one.

“I don’t know who it is but I’m gonna answer it anyways.”  After all, it wasn’t like it could hinder them.  He accepted the call and pressed the phone to his ear.  “Hello?

“Yes, is this Warren Graham?”  It was a male voice that sounded familiar, but it wasn’t the voice of the person they were looking for.

“Yes, this is him.  Who’s this?”

“This is Officer Berry of the Arcadia Bay Police Department.  I’m sorry to be calling at a somewhat unreasonable hour but we’d like you to come down to the precinct to answer a few questions.”

It was almost nine o’clock at that point.  Not only were the cops calling him, but they were calling him fairly late.  It just confirmed his suspicions that something bad had happened.

“Warr, are you okay?” Chloe asked as she noticed how sickly pale the male had become.

Warren nodded in response to Chloe before speaking to the officer.  “Uh, yeah.  What is this about?”

“I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information.”  Well, shit.  “Could you come in the morning?”

“Uh, yeah.  I could come in now if you want.”  Warren knew it had to be something to do with Nathan and maybe, just maybe he’d find out if he came in.

That was, unless Nathan was already dead.

“Why, yes that would work.  Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Graham.  I’ll see you shortly.”

Warren was bombarded with questions the moment he hung up the phone.  Who was that??  Where did they need to go?  Was Nathan found?  Was Nathan okay?  Was Warren okay?  Warren answered their questions numbly as they piled back into Chloe’s truck and headed to the police station.  On the way, he called into work.  There was no way he’d be able to handle an 8-hour-shift the next day, even if they miraculously found out that Nathan had been safe and sound the whole time.  After that, he called Victoria to tell him what little he knew.  She hung up after saying she’d be there soon and nothing more.

Chloe drove like a mad man but it was still the longest seven-minute drive of Warren’s life.  He tried to take comfort in the fact that it was the police that called.  At least he knew Nathan wasn’t in the hospital.  It meant that Nathan wasn’t seriously hurt.

Unless Nathan was already dead.

When they arrived, Warren was surprised to see Mrs. Prescott in the station.  She looked distraught.  His mind went to the worst possible scenario, one where Sean Prescott was being held at the station for finally taking one of his beatings too far and Nathan was being autopsied.  The thought made him sick to his stomach and he tried to brush that away because that just couldn’t have happened, right?  Nathan had suffered for most of his life and the universe wouldn’t let him die as he was turning his life around.  He wanted to question Nathan’s mother but was whisked away to the interrogation room before he could get anywhere near her.

“Does this have to do with Nathan Prescott?” Warren asked as he sat in a chair across from Officer Berry.  His voice was strained, gravelly sounding from all the stress.

“As a matter of fact, it does.  I just need-“

“Is Nathan alright?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Graham, but I haven’t been authorized to release any information about the Prescott Case.”

Warren felt his heart break.  He was certain that that could have only meant one thing, one thing that he dreaded.  Sean Prescott did something to Nathan, something worse than he’d ever done before.  The love of his life was probably dead.  The only things Warren felt were numbness and nausea, which he was fine with because it was certainly better than the agony he’d be feeling otherwise.

When Warren just sat there staring blankly at the table. Officer Berry began his interrogation.  “What is your relationship with Nathan Prescott?”

Warren swallowed, trying to clear the lump in his throat before he spoke.  “This information isn’t going to be released to the public, right?”

“Everything you tell me in this particular interrogation is likely not to leave the precinct unless things end up in Court.  It doesn’t seem like this case will be taken there, though.  There’s video surveillance of the incident.”

“Why am I being questioned then?”

“We just need a little more information.  So please, what is your relationship with Nathan Prescott?”

The interview continued as one would expect.  Officer Berry questioned Warren about Nathan and Sean Prescott.  Warren apprehensively answered his questions.  He spoke of how he was dating Nathan, that they were in love.  He told the officer that he knew Sean Prescott was abusive, that he’d cleaned Nathan’s wounds, that he’d promised never to tell anyone.  He tried to pretend it wasn’t real, that it was all a bad dream because that was the only way to keep himself feeling nothing.

That was, until Officer Berry pulled out the pictures and text messages that had been found on Sean Prescott’s desk and asked Warren what he knew about it.

Warren erupted into violent sobs, trying to calm himself before he actually did vomit.  He’d always known that their relationship would get Nathan hurt.  It was why he’d pulled away.  It was why he had once insisted that they just be friends.  It was why he didn’t want to fall in love with Nathan in the first place.  But he was weak.  He gave in.  They got together.  They fell in love.  And Nathan was punished for it.

Despite all of his training in interrogating and his typical immunity to emotional displays, Officer Berry couldn’t help but feel sad for Warren.  It was obvious the boy actually loved Nathan, or at the very least cared deeply for him.  Still, he couldn’t risk losing his job over telling Warren about the incident.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Graham.  I’ll tell you what.  If you answer this last question, I’ll see about trying to release some information to you.”

Warren took a deep breath, trying to regain some composure but failing to do so.  He tried to remember what Nathan had said to him the last time he’d been around when Warren almost had a panic attack.  It was a lot more difficult stopping his hysteria without Nathan beside him but eventually he managed to calm down enough to speak.

Warren told the Officer what he could remember about the pictures and texts without getting into too many details.  At the bottom of the pile was the picture Max took of the couple in the forest.

“It’s… uh…  My friend Max, Max Caulfield, took that picture.  After graduation.  In the forest by Blackwell.  She sent both of us digital copies a few days later.”  Warren said as he l

“Do you have any reason to believe that she’d send a copy to Sean Prescott as well?”

“What..?  No, never.  Max wouldn’t do that to us.  Does…  Does it look like someone did do that?”

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss any of that information.  But, I’m going to go see what information can be released to you.”

Every moment that Warren was alone felt like an eternity.  He looked in what he assumed was a one-way mirror, wondering what the point of it was when there was a camera in the corner that was undoubtedly on and had been watching his every move since he’d entered that room.  He stood up, examining himself in the mirror and hoping that no one was on the other side watching him.  He looked like shit.  His hair was disarrayed like it hadn’t been taken care of in days.  His eyes were so bloodshot that it looked like he’d smoked a ton of weed.  His nose was red, dry and cracked from all the times he’d blown his nose into a tissue that night.  His cheeks were red blotches like he had the pox or something.  Even with how horrible he looked, it didn’t begin to match how awful he felt.

The door creaked open and Officer Berry peaked his head in.  “Mr. Graham, if you’d come with me, please.”

Warren froze a moment, not sure if he wanted to go with him.  He was all but certain of what he was going to be told.  He didn’t want to hear it; he didn’t want to know.  He was barely holding it together and hearing that Nathan had died, or was in the process of dying or something, would likely send him into shambles.  It was only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity later that Warren followed after the officer.  His feet felt heavy.  There was a lump in his throat.  His stomach was in knots.

When they only walked across the hall and Officer Berry pulled out a giant keychain, Warren looked up at him wide-eyed and confused.

“I haven’t been cleared to discuss anything with you, but Candice Prescott cleared you to go into Interrogation Room B.”

“Candice Prescott…?” Warren said her name like it was a question and, in all honesty, it was.  He didn’t know that she really knew that he existed, having only met for a few moments after the high school graduation ceremony.  Why would she be clearing him to go into an interrogation room?

“I’m going to have to lock the door behind you, but you’re being monitored so if you wish to leave just say so and one of the observers will release you.”

“Um…  okay?” Warren replied, becoming uneasy when he heard that.  He thanked Officer Berry and opened the door, immediately spotting Candace Prescott sitting on a metal chair.  As he stepped into the room, he noted that someone was sitting in a chair next to her. Warren was sure that his heart stopped and the lump in his throat thickened.

“Warren,” the familiar voice called, springing out of the chair.  Before Warren knew it, he was being crashed into so hard that he was thrown back against the door.  A pair of arms wrapped around him. Warren’s arms wrapped around the figure, letting out a sigh of relief that quickly dissolved into sobs.

“Nathan, Nathan, oh my God!”  Warren closed his eyes as tears cascaded down his face.  He wanted to have just a moment to relish being in Nathan’s embrace.  It was only minutes ago that he thought he’d never get to do such a thing again.  It had to be well past eleven at that point, at least six hours after Nathan was supposed to show up at the Graham’s house for dinner.  Warren had never known such pain and panic before and yet, there Nathan was in his arms once again.  Even thought it was obvious something horrible had happened, it could never have been as bad as Warren had feared.

Even though someone was watching through the glass and Candice was sitting righty there, Nathan kissed him.  For a moment, Warren didn’t care and kissed back with all he had.  It was only after a few moments that he remembered Nathan’s mother was in the room with them and became rather confused and concerned.  As he pulled away, he didn’t question his boyfriend about that.

“I love you,” Warren said as he finally took in the sight of Nathan.  There was dried blood all over Nathan’s shirt, his jacket, his skin, even his hair.  It couldn’t have come from Nathan, otherwise he’d be in the hospital.  Still, Warren ran his hands down Nathan’s sides as if to check for injury.

“I love you too, Warren.”

“I thought you were dead,” Warren’s voice quavered as he spoke.  “The officers couldn’t tell me anything.  If your mother hadn’t let me back here-“

“My mom?” Nathan asked, turning to look back at his mother quizzically.

“I cleared him shortly before I came to see you myself,” Candice spoke softly, “…after I paid the detective off to expedite the examination of Sean’s office surveillance.”

Even though Warren had seen her at the graduation, it was the first time her could actually get a really good look at Nathan’s mother.  She looked young, mid-thirties, but Warren knew that couldn’t be right because she would have had to have Kristine when she was like twelve for that to be true.  She looked skinny like a model, certainly not like she’d given birth to two children.  If both Nathan and Kristine didn’t have the same blue eyes as hers, Warren would have considered the idea that maybe the Prescott children were adopted.  He could tell that she had been previously made up, but with the stress of the night, she looked rather disheveled with hairs out of place and smudged eyeliner.

As Nathan and Warren sat around the interrogation table, Candice thoroughly examined Warren herself.  She’d suspected, back during graduation when she very briefly met him, that there might be something going on between him and her son.  She’d suspected since Nathan was very young that he was gay, which was only confirmed the first time Nathan verbalized that he noticed a boy in front of Sean.  She suspected that things hadn’t ended well for Nathan in that situation; things didn’t end well for her then, either.

Even then, she never expected things to escalate the way they did that night.  Sean was a horrible father and husband, that much was undeniable.  Still, she’d always thought that he at least loved their children.  Even though he abused them, she never thought he’d try to kill someone.

Candice and Nathan spent the next half-hour telling Warren everything that had happened that night.  They told him about his father getting a copy of the photo Max took when the maids went to clean Nathan’s room.  They told him about how that prompted Sean to go through and find as much information about Warren as possible, searching through months and months of text messages and online conversations.  Nathan spoke about being summoned into Sean’s office and having a gun pulled on him.  It was then that Nathan started crying.

He became inconsolable, muttering over and over that he never wanted to kill his father.  He didn’t mean to.  It was an accident.  There was no way he was going to allow himself to die then.  Not when Warren’s safety was also on the line.  After everything Warren had done for him, because of how much he loved Warren, there was no way that Nathan could let Sean hurt him.  In preventing that, he also inadvertently killed his father.

So Nathan cried.  He cried because it was official that he could never make his father love him.  He cried because his mother actually cared enough about him to go to the police station with him.  He cried because his mother never questioned whether or not the death was an accident.  He cried because his father hated him much that he’d pull a gun on him.  He cried because despite what had just happened, Warren was still there for him.  He cried for the things that changed and the things he couldn’t.  But also, he cried because he was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I really feel like I should’ve kept this at two chapters, but I didn’t want to be a dick and leave that massive cliffhanger, especially if it’s a while until I get to update again.  
> But I’d REALLY like to know what you all thought of this chapter especially, with it being so long and the climax of the story and all.


	25. What's so simple in the moonlight, now is so complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So upon editing this chapter, things got really fucking dark. Like really fucking dark. Don’t worry, no one dies or anything but damn.  
> Also, sorry for going MIA for almost a month. It’s finals week right now and I’ve been super busy. Plus, I got distracted writing drabbles because I didn’t feel like writing heavy stuff like this so yeah.  
> Also fucking RECOMMENDATION! Listen to “Mess is Mine” by Vance Joy on repeat while reading this chapter. That’s what I did while editing and it’s just so good. Or maybe it’s not because I’m just obsessed with the song right now. Idk you do what you wanna do.  
> Oh yeah. There's only one chapter left and then an epilogue chapter thing. Holy crap.  
> But as always my Sweets, please enjoy and like/comment/review/whatever.

Even though he was absolutely exhausted, there was no way that Nathan was going to be able to go to sleep.  It was past four in the morning but his brain couldn’t calm down.  He hated it.  He should’ve felt fine, great even.  His father was dead.  He was cleared because with the tape, even if Nathan had intentionally shot his father it was obvious that it was done in self-defense.  In fact, that’s what it was labeled as.  Nathan swore that it was an accident, and it really was, but it was quicker and easier to close the case with it being done by out of the need to protect himself instead of trying to prove that it wasn’t done on purpose.

As Nathan was let go and his mother drove him and Warren away, Nathan felt numb.  He barely processed his mother asking him where he wanted to go.  He couldn’t bear to go to the Prescott Estate and she couldn’t either.  He wanted to go to the Graham’s house, to Warren’s room and Warren’s bed because for some reason he felt safe there.  He didn’t know why he felt so terrified when the one person who wanted to hurt him was gone.

The fear was suffocating but it was the anger that sent him over the edge into hyperventilation.  Warren did his best to calm him, guiding him through the square breathing technique that he’d taught Warren months before.  It still left an angry pit in his stomach and a tight feeling in his chest.  His father was dead and that meant there was so much he couldn’t do.

No matter how long he lived, Nathan would never know what it was like to be loved by his father.  He’d never know what it felt like to hug him, to talk to him like a normal father and son.  His father could never come around, change into something better and try to make up for all that lost time.  Nathan knew that would never have happened anyways but not it was impossible and he hated himself for it.

“I should’ve been the one to die.”  Nathan didn’t know why he said that, why he felt that way but he did.  He hadn’t been doing fine before but he’d never had anything so quickly make him and his mental health plummet.  At a later time, he’d look back and appreciate how Warren maintained his calm composure despite the fact that he was physically and mentally exhausted as well.

“Don’t say things like that,” Warren said, gently reaching out to squeeze his boyfriend’s shoulder.  He was sitting beside Nathan on the bed, who was laying down.  He reached up, tracing Nathan’s cheek, his forehead, down to his nose, trying to memorize every aspect of Nathan’s face.  “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you last night.”

“You’d have been just fine.”  _Damn right, because he doesn’t need you.  No one does._

Warren shook his head. He didn’t want to say anything.  He didn’t want Nathan to know how close he was to losing it himself.  He had to be strong while Nathan was breaking but he didn’t know how long he could keep it up.

“I don’t know how my mom’s going to handle this.  Yeah, she has a fucking degree in business but she’s never used it.  And she loved my father and I just…  I took him away from her…”  _Which is why you should’ve just surrendered and let it all be over with._

Warren didn’t know what to say or how to react, so he said something he thought might just help, “I love you, Nathan.”  He leaned over, kissing Nathan on the forehead.  “I love you so fucking much.”

He was surprised when Nathan burst into tears and said, “But my dad will never love me!”  Again, Warren didn’t know what to do.  He was tired and couldn’t think clearly.  He was afraid that he’d say something wrong and just make matters worse.  Still, he knew he needed to say something, to help Nathan calm down so he could go to sleep.

“I know it has to be hard to know that but there’s so many other people that love you.”  Warren rubbed Nathan’s back as he continued to speak.  “Your mom loves you, and so does Victoria or they wouldn’t be here.  Your sister loves you or she wouldn’t be on her way.  Rachel, and even Chloe and Max, and Hayden, and probably even Taylor and Courtney.  And my parents.”

Nathan looked up at him through teary eyes, intrigued.  “Your parents?”

Warren nodded.  “My mom and dad love the shit outta you, Nate.  They were so freaked out when you didn’t show up last night.  My dad didn’t go to bed until I texted him that I found you last night even though his shift starts at 5 am.  My dad doesn’t lose sleep for just anybody.”

Somehow, that had worked.  Nathan’s face was a mess, his hair greasy and sticking every which way.  His face was red and the stress was showing in the form of the beginning stages of pimples.  His lips were dry and cracked, eyes red and bloodshot.

“You still love me, right?” Nathan asked as Warren again ran a thumb over his cheek.

“Of course I do.  I love you with all of my heart.”

-

“How’s he doing?” Victoria asked Warren as he entered the dining room.  She held a cup of coffee in her hands, made by Warren’s father when he woke up to get ready for work a little earlier in the morning.  The summer sun was barely starting to rise and the three people in the small dining room hard barely slept and all looked horrible.

Warren’s vision was starting to blur between the lack of sleep and the dryness of his eyes.  He’d only managed to catch a very short nap while in the back of Candice Prescott’s car as she drove them to the Graham’s house.  Victoria had managed to get some sleep on the plane and some in the car while the driver she hired drove her from the airport in Portland to Arcadia Bay.  She looked the least put together that Warren had ever seen her.  Her normally perfectly groomed hair was sticking out of place.  She was still in her usual fancy attire, but things weren’t neatly tucked in as they usually were.  Sitting beside her was Candice Prescott. 

Warren was surprised that Candice had even stuck around.  She’d seemed like she just wanted to go home when the three of them got into her Mercedes-Benz, even asking Nathan if he wanted to go to the Estates.  He wasn’t ready to go back there.  He didn’t want to go back to the crime scene to spend the rest of the night stewing over what had happened.  His mother didn’t object when he asked if she’d take him to Warren’s house.  All she asked was how to get there.

It was strange how well she seemed to be handling the situation, especially considering she was now a widow.  Warren couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it wasn’t Nathan that she never loved but maybe Sean Prescott.  Or maybe she was numb.  Maybe reality hadn’t set in for her yet.  Or maybe she, like Nathan, was now free of him.  Of course, Warren couldn’t ask her those things.  He didn’t want that matter to be brought up, not at that exact point in time anyway.  That would be a conversation for when they were much more well-rested and not so emotionally raw. 

“Nathan’s alright, I guess, considering…”  Warren eyed the coffee warily, wondering if it would be a good idea for him to have some.  He’d been awake for almost twenty-four hours.  He was surprised that during the past hour, when he was trying to calm Nathan down enough to go to sleep, that he didn’t break down himself.  Somehow, he stayed strong.  He had to.  Nathan needed him.  He couldn’t allow himself to be selfish at that point.  He couldn’t worry about how he’d almost lost the man he loved.

“So, what exactly happened?” Victoria asked hesitantly.  She didn’t know everything that happened.  She’d spent the entirety of her plane ride wondering where Nathan was, if he was okay, or even alive.  Rachel had texted her that Nathan was alright as soon as she’d dragged that information out of Mrs. Prescott but that was all that she knew.

“Maybe we should go talk somewhere else,” Warren murmured, his eyes flickering toward Nathan’s mother.  He didn’t want to risk upsetting her talking about what had happened. 

“It’s alright,” Candice Prescott spoke, her eyes remaining focused on her own mug of black coffee.

“Are you sure, Mrs. Prescott?”

“You can call me Candice, and I’m sure.  Avoiding hearing about it won’t make it any less real, but it’s sweet that you cared enough to think about that.”  Quietly, she added, “I can see why my son likes you so much.”

Warren cleared his throat and he finally sat at the table.  “Well, I…  I don’t know where to start.”

“Sean had been suspicious of Nathan and Warren for a while,” Candice began, her fingers nervously tapping at her coffee mug.  “I think when Nate was on spring break.  The staff mentioned to Sean that Nathan had brought some boy over and Sean always kept tabs on who our kids spent time with.  So Sean found out who Warren was but didn’t think much of it until we met him after the graduation ceremony.  So he kept having the staff go through Nathan’s room when he was gone.  Apparently yesterday morning, they found a picture hidden in his room somewhere…”

Warren tensed.  So _that_ was how Sean had gotten a copy of that photo.  Candice looked like she was done talking, so Warren filled Victoria in on what information he’d been told by Nathan.  About how it was the photo that Max took, which prompted Sean to go through Nathan’s phone records, his text messages, their instant messages.  There was no denying what Warren was to Nathan.  Victoria’s eyes were almost impossibly wide when Warren told her what happened with Sean, and Nathan, and the gun.

“Are you fucking serious?” Victoria asked as if Warren was telling some sick joke.  She knew he wasn’t.  She knew he’d never make such a thing up.  Warren could have a warped sense of humor at times but he’d never make a joke about that kind of thing.  She knew things between Nathan and his father weren’t good.  She knew Sean frequently beat the crap out of his own son but she never thought that Sean would actually try to kill Nathan.

Victoria’s glared turned towards Candice.  “Where the hell were you when this happened?”  Victoria was furious.  Someone should have known that things could escalate that way.  Candice had to of known.  Kristine had to of known.  At least one member of the Prescott’s staff had to of known.  It seemed like Mrs. Prescott was the only one who had the power to change it.

“Pardon me?”

“You heard me.  Where.   Were.  You.  You had to have known that this was going to happen.  You had to of known that Sean had found out.  Or at least that he kept a fucking gun in your house.”

“Victoria, you need to calm down.”  Warren was trying to stay calm himself in an attempt to defuse the situation.  “Nathan’s okay.  He’s alive.”

“Barely, Warren!” Victoria snapped.  “Look, I know you’re normally mellow.  And logical.  And patient.  And that’s why you’re so damn great for Nathan but you can’t fucking tell me that you’re not emotional over this!  You’re acting like you’re fine but even you must be freaking out over how we almost lost Nathan to that fucker!”

Warren almost always tried to see the good in people.  Nathan’s mother was no exception.  She couldn’t have been a complete monster, unlike the man she’d been married to.  She was there, after all, sitting at the Graham’s table while her son rested in his boyfriend’s room.  She went to the police station and handled the legal matters herself.  She wasn’t the best mother in the world.  Maybe she wasn’t even a good mother.  But she at least she was there at the moment when her son needed her trying to do what was right.

“Of course I’m freaking out, Victoria,” Warren admitted, hoping it would appease her a bit, “…but I think there’s some things we don’t understand and we don’t know.”

The Prescott Widow was thankful that Warren was playing Devil’s advocate because she didn’t have the energy nor the will to defend herself.  Besides, Victoria wouldn’t want to hear about how Sean demanded control not only of his children but also of his wife.  No one needed to know what had happened the only time she’d tried to stop Sean from going after their son.  It not only made things worse for her but also the child she was powerless to protect.  Of course she worried that things would escalate but once Nathan graduated she didn’t think they would.  In a few short months, Nathan would be out of the house and she thought he’d find his way out like Kristine had.  Then Sean would only have her to take his aggressions out on but she was okay with that.  As long as both of her children were safe, she’d be okay with that.

But then she heard the gunshot from her husband’s office and she was worried.  When she heard from the staff that Nathan was the one who was in the office with Sean, she was panicked.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d run.  She didn’t need to ask if it was an accident because she knew her son was no murderer.  She also knew of the top-of-the-line security tapes that were all over the office that was always running.  She paid the investigators to hurry up and go through them so her son would be released.  She had to admit to herself that she was a little heartbroken that Nathan wanted Warren’s comfort instead of hers but she couldn’t blame him.  She’d never been that great of a mother and, from what little she’d seen, it looked like Warren was a great boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Prescott,” Victoria murmured, irritation still evident in her voice.  “Warren was right.  It’s not fair of me to blame you for things Mr. Prescott did.  It’s just…”  she sighed and brought up a hand to massage her forehead, “I’m so worried and tired…”

“I can set up the couch bed for you, Victoria,” Warren offered.  “I’m sure it’s not as comfortable as you’re used to…”

“Someone can sleep on my bed,” Warren’s mother offered as she walked into the kitchen to get her own cup of coffee.  She took the few steps toward the entry frame that divided the kitchen from the dining room and lingered there.  She was still in her pajamas and looked as if she hadn’t slept much.  “I can move the things I need to the master bathroom so one of you can go to bed now if you’d like.”

Upon Victoria and Warren’s insistence, Candice agreed to stay at the Graham house and sleep a few hours until Nathan woke up.  Victoria insisted that she’d pull the couch bed out herself as long as Warren got her the things needed so that she could comfortably sleep on it.  After he grabbed all that, he went to his parent’s room because his mother wanted to speak to him.  She hadn’t really got to talk to Warren since before he’d left the night before.  It was only a few hours really but it felt like a lifetime ago.

“Are you okay, Warren?” Aubrey asked as she pulled some of her work clothes out of the closet to bring into the bathroom with her.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Mom.”

 “You don’t have to lie and be strong for me, Hun.  You know that, right?”

“I know, but I’m fine.  I really am.”

Aubrey set the clothes on the bed, deciding it would be best to ignore the immediate task and instead put her full attention on her son.  She knew him well enough to know that, no, he was _not_ fine.  Hell, who would be fine after a night like that?  He needed someone to lean on, even if it was only for a moment.  She remained quiet and just looked at her son expectantly.

Warren sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.  There was no point in lying to either of his parents when they could read him like a book.  Plus, he was just too tired and knew he wasn’t going to hold on much longer.

“It’s just…” Warren’s voice quavered, “I thought I lost him.”  He looked down at his mother, whom he towered over in height.  There were fresh, stinging tears in his eyes that threatened to fall.

“I’m sorry, Warren.”

“I really, really love him, Mom.”

“I know you do, Son.”

“I…  I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost him.”  And finally, Warren was crying.  Sobbing, and being pulled into his mother’s arms.  It felt strange; she hadn’t held him in some time. The last time she had, he was about her height or maybe shorter.  Scrawny.  Wasn’t half a foot taller than her and covered in lean muscle.  Even so, being in his mother’s arms was still so comforting.  It reminded him of simpler times when he was younger and all it took was a kiss or a Band-Aid to make his problems go away.  If only the solution to this problem were that easy.

Aubrey smiled sadly at her son as she pulled away, wiping away the tears from his cheeks as she said, “Go be with him.”

Warren nodded and scurried to his bedroom.  The light was trickling in through the split in the curtains at his window.  Before he adjusted the curtain to completely darken the room, his eyes drifted to Nathan and lingered there.  His boyfriend was asleep, looking peaceful like he normally did when slumber overtook him.  It was a contrast with the various distraught looks Warren had seen on his face during the past night.

Eventually, Warren shut the curtain, trying to get the room as dark as possible because it would soon be too bright outside to sleep through.  It didn’t occur to him until he got on the bed how in need of a shower he was.  His hair was a greasy mess due to his job and the stress of the evening.  His whole body felt dirty.  He was too tired to actually do anything about it, though.  Besides, there were more important things he had to deal with, like holding Nathan in his arms and never letting go.


	26. What's so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left. It’s more of an epilogue, but yeah. I plan on scrapping the last chapter I wrote because I don’t like it so I’m open to suggestions. What would y’all like to see after this? Like for closure? I’m thinking about a time jump, a year or two or five after this point. Maybe even ten years. And probably a smut scene. Maybe two.  
> Also warnings for… a lot of things in this chapter. It’s pretty heavy. Like, no one gets shot again but yeah. Intrusive thoughts. Nathan is NOT okay.  
> Anyways, like always please enjoy and comment/review/whatever.

Solitude was something Nathan had always despised.  Sure, he’d claimed he wanted it. Sometimes, he felt it was best that he be alone, like when he was in certain foul moods and when his mental illness was exceptionally bad.  Once in a while, he actually did feel like he needed to be alone to recharge but it never took very long and he always started feeling lonely after about an hour or so.

Being alone after his father’s death was insufferable.  It allowed his thoughts to wander and those thoughts were often horrible and the ever increasing intrusive thoughts weren’t helping.  He _killed_ his father.  It was self-defense, yes, and absolutely no charges had been brought against him because that fact was undeniable.  Still, that didn’t make him feel any better.  He still felt an amount of guilt that he didn’t think possible.

The death also brought up all kinds of emotions and issues, some of which he’d worked so hard to repress while others he simply wasn’t ready to deal with.  Like the fact that even though his father was an asshole, who beat the shit out of him, who hated him for everything he was, Nathan still loved his father.  His father had never loved him and now he never would, but Nathan _still_ loved him.  He knew he didn’t need it, that he shouldn’t even want it, but it was his father for fucks sake.  How could he not be desperate for his father’s love and affection?

Everyone thought that, at the very least, Nathan would take solace in his newfound freedom.   With Sean gone and the bulk of the Prescott fortune being left to Candice and bulky trust funds being left to both Nathan and Kris, the world was Nathan’s oyster.  However, he was terrified.  He’d never given much thought, not seriously at least, about what his future could be like without his father in it.  He felt that it was pointless to think about such things when his entire future had been decided for him.  He’d never really entertained the notion of what his life would be like if he had a blank slate in front of him, but he realized that even if he had that wouldn’t change for petrified and confused he was.

After all, even if he’d had any ideas about what he wanted his life to be like, those would’ve been purely fantasies that, when given the option, he wouldn’t really know if he wanted to pursue them.  Nathan was certain of that fact when he realized he couldn’t even decide if he still wanted to go to school in Portland next month.  Hell, he didn’t even know if he wanted to go to school at all.  Maybe he actually would like to take over the family business now that it was a choice rather than his supposed destiny.  He had no idea what he wanted for his future except that he wanted to make sure that he didn’t lose the few people that he loved.

That was why when Warren asked if he still wanted to go up to Seattle with him for his and Victoria’s orientations, Nathan said yes.  He honestly didn’t want to go anymore but he didn’t really want to do anything at all.  That and he’d promised Warren and Victoria that he’d go and he intended to make due on that promise, even though it had been made months before when his life had seemed a lot simpler.

The only thing Nathan hated more in that moment than being forced to do anything was being left alone.  That was why when he was left as such at Victoria’s parent’s penthouse, he decided to head out into the city.  Warren and Victoria would be gone until the evening because of their Freshmen Orientation. He didn’t know how long Victoria’s parents would be working but it was likely they’d be gone for quite some time as well.  So Nathan decided that he’d explore the area, go get coffee, go to a museum, do _anything_ but be left alone with his thoughts.

Even though he felt a tad bit better as he stepped out into the city, he still felt like complete and utter shit.  He felt guilty.  Depressed.  Pissed the fuck off at the life he lived.  He wished life was simple, that his life was a lot more like people had always suspected.  He was born into a rich family and that supposedly meant that he had no problems.  _Like money and money related problems are the only issues in the fucking universe._

Nathan sighed to himself as he stepped to the side of the busy street he’d wandered to and leaned against a building near an alleyway.  He didn’t want to go down that mental pathway.  He’d seen, first hand, what poverty could do to people.  He’d calmed Warren down from several more panic attacks over his perfectionism due to his fear of staying poor.  He saw how tired Warren’s parents were.  How completely and utterly exhausted Aubrey was after hours of dealing with disgruntled people wanting to see her boss.  How sore and defeated Chester was after doing hours of physical labor.  Yet they were still grateful because at least they were still better off than a lot of other people.  Nathan couldn’t begin to imagine how hard life was for those people and he didn’t want to.

No matter what, it seemed as if everyone’s lives were bleak.  Everyone had their struggles, their demons.  It seemed as if no one had a good life.  Not once you got to actually know a person.  It seemed pointless, really, trying to be happy.  No matter what, bad things would find their way to you.

Nathan went into a coffee shop across the street and ordered a white chocolate hot chocolate because getting a coffee with how he felt seemed like a terrible idea.  The last thing he needed was to fuel his bothersome thoughts with caffeine.  It was infuriating; he hadn’t had those kinds of thoughts, the kind that drilled themselves into his mind and took over everything, in so long.  Therapy and being properly medicated could help with all but the most stressful situations.  Nothing could help enough with the level of crisis that he was dealing with.

Well, there were a few things, but if he got them it wouldn’t end well.

His hope had been that, when he entered the coffee shop and sat down, the sounds of the people around him would drown out the thoughts in his head.  The thoughts were loud, overbearing, and everything he learned in therapy didn’t seem to be enough to shut them up anymore.  _Probably because you’re not doing them right.  They’re so easy and you can’t even do them correctly.  You’re a fucking failure._

Nathan’s grip on his cup of hot chocolate tightened a moment before he strummed his fingers against the cup.  He took a deep breath, then two, then three, trying to calm down.  He wasn’t going to let those thoughts get to him.  He couldn’t.  With Nathan’s thoughts frequently turning to his father and his future, that was far easier said than done.

_You killed him.  You fucking **killed** him, you sick fuck._

Nathan leaned back in his chair, taking yet another deep breath.  He needed to focus on something, anything else.  He knew a simple grounding exercise that he needed to do.  He tried to force his attention out the window.

_Four things you can see._ The first thing he noticed was the building that he was staying at off in the distance.  The next thing he saw was a bookstore across the way.  There was also a smoothie store nearby.  Then he looked back to the alley, noticing people disappearing into it and reemerging a few minutes later.   He had a pretty good idea of what went on in that alley, what was being sold there.  _Maybe you should go get some.  It’ll make you feel better._

Nathan felt his pulse racing.  No, no, _no_ fucking way did he just think that.  He turned his attention back to inside the coffee shop, feeling it would be better if he tried to instead focus on things going on in the immediate area.

_Three things you can hear._ The crappy hipster music that always plays at coffee shops.  That is unless they’re playing jazz or some shit.  The girl at the table to his left was bitching about her customer service job.  The girl to the table at his right was going on and on about some date she went on.

He thought about Warren.  They hadn’t gone out on a date in quite some time.  He felt another twinge of guilt.  _He deserves better.  I **told you** that he deserved better.  He’s such a good guy, the best, and you’re a fucking murderer._

_Two things you can feel._   Nathan once again strummed his fingers along the cup. Then he put a hand in his pocket, feeling his phone and wondering if he should call Warren, Victoria, Rachel, his mother, anyone really.  He didn’t want to be a burden, though.  He didn’t want anyone to know just how fucked up he was about something that he felt shouldn’t really bother him.  At the best of times, his father had been indifferent towards him.  Because Nathan knew that the only times his father was ever kind to him was to look good or to manipulate him. Like when he got that “Best Son in the World” award.  _Which you’re pathetic enough to still have._

Nathan closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.  As he lifted the hot chocolate up to his lips, he realized he was shaking.  He returned his attention to the alley and found himself making his way back across the street.  He was trembling and forced himself to lean against the building to take a moment to try to regain his composure.  He couldn’t go in that alley.  He wasn’t even sure what he wanted was back there.

As he stayed there and watched people disappear into the alley and then reappear a few short minutes later, his suspicions were confirmed.  They made it all too obvious from the fidgeting, the marks on their faces, their familiar aromas masked behind colognes and perfumes, what they were going back there for.  He was surprised that a drug dealer resided so close to Victoria’s home.  It was a really nice neighborhood, full of stores that sold clothes that cost more than the average American made in a day, cars that cost more than people made in a year, restaurants that could cause his boyfriend to freak out if he merely looked at the price of the appetizers.  Actually, he didn’t know why he was surprised that a dealer had set up shop there.  When his family lived in Fort Lauderdale, in the nicest part of the city, they, had several drug dealers within walking distance of his home.  It was convenient.  He could sneak out, get what he needed, and be back in his bedroom before anyone even noticed he was gone.

It wasn’t the first time Nathan had cravings since his father died.  Hell, it wasn’t even the first time he’d wanted drugs since he and Warren had arrived in Seattle three days prior.  However, it was the first time it would be just _that_ easy to get what he wanted.  He had money on him in preparation for the trip.  Even if the dealer was reluctant to sell, all he’d have to do was flash a few bills and he’d be able to get whatever he decided he wanted.  He could head back to the apartment and be sober well before Warren and Victoria got back.  No one would have any idea that he’d done anything.  No one would know if he’d smoked pot or did a line of coke and no one would have to know.

Nathan repeated that to himself as he stepped into the alleyway.

\--

It was astounding how animatedly Warren was talking even though he had to of been exhausted after his long day.  He and Victoria had both gotten up early to get to the second day of orientation that started at eight.  They took placement tests, explored more of the campus, met other people in their majors, and finally, after an already exhausting day, picked their classes.  It had taken everything in Victoria not to fall asleep the moment she stepped back into her home though after dinner she immediately disappeared to shower and sleep.  Nathan didn’t know how Warren was still so awake.

Warren had declared his major in chemical engineering and was ecstatic about the three classes he was taking that quarter.   Even though he himself despised Chemistry and Math, Nathan could still understand why Warren was so excited to take those classes.  Warren loved that shit.  His excitement over taking English, though, was something Nathan didn’t understand.  Even Warren wasn’t particularly fond of that subject.

“I just… I can’t believe for the next four years I’m going to be constantly taking at least one chemistry class.  In like two years that’s all I’m going to be taking, I think.  I’m actually going to be a real scientist!  If I get a Ph.D. I can be a doctor of science, oh my God that would be amazing!” Warren continued to chatter on, his enthusiasm evident in his tone and on the smile that hadn’t left his face since he’d returned to the penthouse house before.

As hard as Nathan tried to pay attention, and he really did try, he just couldn’t focus.  He wanted to be excited for his boyfriend because he deserved that.  Warren deserved to be excited about a new chapter of his life where he was going to the school that he wanted and studying a subject that he loved and was passionate about.  Nathan was happy for him but he couldn’t really feel it at the moment.  He hadn’t felt very many positive emotions in general in the past few weeks.  Honestly, the only time he really felt alive was when Warren was inside of him.  Only then could he pretend that everything was normal.  That he was normal.  But, he couldn’t let sex be his new crutch.  He didn’t want to ruin something that was special.

“Are you okay, Babe?”  Of course Warren would notice that something was wrong.  Warren _always_ noticed.

Nathan looked at him from the other side of the bed blankly.  He didn’t want to tell Warren what was going on, what he was feeling and what had happened that day.  Besides, Warren already knew the majority of what was wrong.  They’d talked about it several times.  Too many times.  It was Warren’s time to be excited, not Nathan’s time to sulk.  So he muttered some excuse about him being tired and not sleeping well the night before.

Warren scooted closer to his boyfriend, wrapping an arm around him after he did so.  “It’s okay if you’re not okay, Nate.  It hasn’t been that long.  We can just go to bed if you want.”

“No.”  Nathan let out a heavy sigh.  “This isn’t fucking fair to you.  While you’re doing your awesome college shit, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with my little problems.”

“Nathan,” Warren gently grabbed Nathan’s chin and forced him to look at him, “…just because I’m going through something great right now doesn’t mean you have to pretend like everything’s okay.  It’s not like you’re making a big deal out of something small.  You’ve had something really shitty happen and if you need me to be there for you, I will.  No matter what.”

Nathan continued to stare at his boyfriend blankly.  That wasn’t true.  Not completely, anyway.  He didn’t doubt that Warren would be there for him in any way that he could but only so much could be done.  Warren couldn’t be with him every second of every day because Nathan knew that it was likely there would always be a crisis.  There would always be something to stress him out.  He had anxiety.  He had bipolar disorder.  If one of those two things weren’t acting up, then certainly something in his life was bound to go wrong to cause him to want to self-medicate.  He couldn’t rely on Warren, or Victoria, or people in general to be there for every second to make sure he didn’t do something reckless.

“Nathan, what are you doing?” Warren asked as Nathan got off of the bed and rummaged through the closet they’d set their things in when they got into the Chase’s guest bedroom.

Nathan ignored the question, instead saying, “Remember that I love you, Warren.”

Warren narrowed his gaze, his confusion furthering.  “I love you too, Nathan.”  He wondered what Nathan had done.  Nathan handed him a little plastic bag.  Full of a whitish powdery substance.  He felt anger and rage building in his belly.  “…This better fuckin’ be baking powder or something.”

“For the price I paid, that’s probably pure but I wouldn’t swear by it.”

Warren looked up at Nathan.  He was furious but was trying to remain calm.  He needed to be there for Nathan, even if he fucked up super badly.  It was hard, so he took a couple of deep breaths before he spoke.

“You better not’ve done this shit.”  Well, he tried.  It could’ve come out a lot worse, a lot more bitter, a lot more attacking and aggressive.

“I didn’t,” Nathan said simply.

Again, Warren felt the anger building and he automatically responded, “Bull shit you didn’t!”  He stopped himself from speaking further, knowing nothing good would spew from his lips if he said anything that he was thinking.  Things would certainly spiral out of control if that happened.

“I didn’t!” Nathan repeated, a lot more forcefully the second time.  “I wanted to, I _really_ fucking did, but I couldn’t do it.  I’ve been sober for so long and I didn’t want to disappoint you or Vic.”  Or himself, because getting sober was one of the few things he was really proud of and he wasn’t going to let his father take that away from him.

Warren wanted to believe him but in all honesty, it didn’t matter.  There was nothing he could do about it at that moment.  If Nathan had snorted coke, it would’ve been hours ago.  It wasn’t like Warren could turn back time and change it.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“You were at orientation.  I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I’d rather my boyfriend call me at inconvenient times than go back to doing drugs!” Warren snapped a little more loudly than he’d intended.  He forced himself to sound much calmer when he added, “You can come to me no matter what.”

“No I can’t, Warren.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Warren, fucking listen to me.  I love you more than anything and you’re like the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me but…”  Nathan trailed off for a moment, sighing and agitatedly running his fingers through his hair.

“…But?” Warren questioned, his voice tight.  He wasn’t sure where Nathan was going with his spiel but Warren was terrified.

“You can’t…  You can’t fix me, Warren.”  Nathan swallowed, trying to will his dry mouth to make saliva again.  “Don’t get me wrong.  You’ve done so much for me but you can’t do everything, Warren.”

“What are you getting at, Nathan?”  To Warren, it started like the start of a breakup.   But it couldn’t be.  He couldn’t lose Nathan.  They hadn’t been officially together all that long but Warren already couldn’t imagine life without him.  Maybe it was because they were basically together long before it was official.  His stupid teenage brain fell for Nathan hard and fast once he actually got to know him.  His stupid, hopeful teenage brain hadn’t prepared him for a future without Nathan.

“I can’t be fixed, Warren.  Every time something shitty happens, I’m going to want to go get drunk or high or something.  The first time you went to work after my father died, I went drove to Frank’s.  I didn’t go inside, but I almost fucking did.  I ordered those diet pills I used to be on when you and I stopped seeing each other.  The only reason I didn’t take any was because Hayden was there when I got the package and threatened to tell Victoria about them if I didn’t flush ‘em.”

“We can work on that, Nathan.  Together.”

Nathan shook his head.  “I can’t rely on you to deal with my shit.”

“Why not?”  There was a desperation in Warren’s voice.

“Life’s not a fairytale, Warren.  Love isn’t going to magically fix me.  It’s not gonna stop me from being bipolar.  It’s not gonna cure my anxiety.  It’s not gonna change the fact that my father used to beat me, or that I fucking killed my dad for that matter.”

“Dr. Crane said you needed a support system and I can be a part of that.”

Nathan groaned.  “Stop trying to be this great guy, Warren!  You deserve better.  You need to go, find someone else to be with who doesn’t have all this baggage and-“

And then Warren finally fully snapped.  He was screaming, probably waking up Victoria or her parents, but at that point, he didn’t care anymore.  He wasn’t going to let Nathan pull that kind of shit; they weren’t going to break up purely because Nathan thought that he supposedly deserved better.  If there was a real reason then, of course, it would break his heart but he’d allow it to happen.  However, he wasn’t going to allow someone else to determine who was good enough for him.

He wouldn’t have put in all that time and effort if he didn’t think Nathan was worth it.  True, he’d have been kind to Nathan regardless, cleaning his wounds and offered him shelter even if there wasn’t any romantic attraction happening.  However, he could’ve gotten together with someone that wasn’t in the closet.  He could’ve been with someone whose father wasn’t homophobic, someone who hadn’t spent so much time trying to push him away, been with someone who could show him off to their entire family.  The hardships didn’t matter to him, though.  He knew what he wanted, who he wanted.

If Nathan’s issues were too much for him, Warren would’ve bailed a long time ago.  He could more than handle Nathan at his worst.  Of course it wasn’t easy; maintaining a relationship with another person for an extended period of time isn’t a simple task.  It has to be worked on all the time.  It’s just about finding the person worth all that struggle for.  In Warren’s mind and heart and body, he was certain he’d found that person.

By then, they were both crying.  Warren’s tears were quiet while he continued to lie on the bed, clutching a pillow as if his life depended on it.  Nathan, however, was hysterical, with loud sobs emitting every so often and his frantic pacing while he tried to explain to Warren that, really, he needed to go find someone else.  It was inevitably going to happen so they might as well just break up and get it over with.

It, of course, resulted in more of Warren screaming much of what he had before.  He couldn’t fathom why Nathan had such little faith in them after all they’d been through.  Soon, Warren was also crying violently, burying his head in the pillow he’d been holding.  He was confused, hurt, sad, angry, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Warren,” Nathan continued as he walked over to the bed, tentatively placing a hand on Warren’s shoulder, “you’re gonna be moving up here in like a month and you’re gonna be going to classes and learning and being happy and I’m just going to be a fucking burden down in Portland.”

Warren looked up from the pillow.  He’d quieted a bit, though tears were still freely flowing down his face.  His eyes were bloodshot, nose bright red.

“Is that what all this shit has been about?  You’re worried about the future?”

“I have to go prepare to take over the family business-“

Warren grabbed Nathan and pulled him down on the bed and into his lap, pressing a finger to Nathan’s lips as he said, “Stop.  You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, Nathan.”  He could finally say to Nathan what he’d always wanted to, since he’d found out about his boyfriend’s prechosen future.  “Stop thinking about what your parents want.  Stop thinking about what I want, or what Victoria or Kristine or anyone else wants.  What do _you_ want to do with your future, Nathan?”

Nathan’s eyes widened and filled with panicked tears.  “I…  I don’t know…”  As a sob escaped his mouth, he buried his face into Warren’s chest.  He had no idea what he wanted.  He wasn’t entirely sure if he’d ever even been asked that before. 

Warren sat there, rubbing Nathan’s back and shoulders and just let him cry.  Through tears, Nathan told him a lot of what had been plaguing his mind since the incident.  The guilt he felt for killing his father, especially for the relief that he felt afterward.  How stupid he felt for still wanting his father’s love, even how terrified he was that one day he’d grow up to be his father.  He talked to Warren about how scared he was of the future he never thought he’d have a say in.

Warren kissed him on the forehead.  “Have you considered taking a year off?”

“To do what?” Nathan’s voice was horse from crying so violently, so he cleared his throat before adding, “I don’t even know what I’d do for a year.”

Warren shrugged.  “Just take time to figure things out.  I don’t know.  Maybe travel?  A lot of rich kids take a year off to travel.  You could backpack through Europe or something cliché like that.” He was delighted when Nathan snorted to repress a giggle.

“I can’t see me backpacking through Europe,” Nathan murmured, “but I could see me getting a little apartment up in Seattle.”

Warren’s heart skipped a beat.  He’d love that.  He wanted that, but he didn’t want Nathan to feel like it was something that he had to do.  However, his silence spoke volumes.

“Maybe a little apartment near the university so my boyfriend can come visit me all the time…  Or maybe he can come live with me.”

For a moment, Warren thought Nathan was fucking with him.  That was until Nathan turned at him a smiled a small genuine smile.  Warren smiled back, a smile that rivaled the grin that had been plastered on his face earlier.  The idea of moving in with Nathan, whether it was into a penthouse or a tiny little studio, sounded amazing.  It was something he’d wanted but didn’t bother to bring up before.  It seemed pointless to do so.  There was no way Nathan could have ever done such a thing if his father was alive.  But his father wasn’t there anymore and Nathan’s future was limitless.  Even though the boy didn’t know what he wanted to do with it, he knew one thing about it for sure.  No matter what, he wanted Warren to be in it.


	27. So simple in the moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m an asshole and this took way too long to get out. But honestly I was afraid to finish it. I started writing Lua July of 2016, a year ago and like. It’s my baby. I’ve put a lot of heart and time into this. Honestly, writing this piece is how I convinced myself it was time to go on antidepressant and it helped work out a lot of self-hatred and doubt over my sexuality. I hope I helped some of you along the way.  
> But… for the last time I must say that I hope you enjoy this chapter (as well as the whole damn story) and please comment/review/whatever.

Nathan let out a deep sigh as he examined his yellow tie.  He messed with the knot, straightening it, trying to make sure it looked absolutely perfect.  He tried not to be anxious about where he was going because he shouldn’t have been.  They were celebrating a joyous occasion, though that very occasion made him worry about what was to come.  It wasn’t like he’d reached his end goal; there was still so much more to do.

He didn’t need to be worrying about that shit, not for a few months at least.  He had a party to get ready for.

He’d insisted that he hadn’t wanted a graduation party.  However, when he said that to his mother over lunch one of the times she’d flown up to Seattle to visit him, he noticed the way her demeanor changed.  Her normally perfect stature sank ever so slightly and her bright expression dulled.  She’d been trying so hard to improve their relationship since Sean died, trying to make up for all that she couldn’t do while under her abusive husband’s thumb, and though Nathan had initially resisted at some point he decided to let Candice try.  So he conceded to her planning the party under the conditions that she kept it small, intimate.

When he saw the lists of guests that would be attending said party, Nathan realized that he and his mother had two very different ideas of what small meant.  He wanted ten, maybe twenty people at a gathering at his home but Candice was used to throwing huge parties.  For her, small was more along the lines of fifty to sixty people.  Nathan wondered what she’d constitute a large guest list of his party considering he was certain that she’d invited everyone that he’d ever met.  She invited most of his family, his college friends, and even friends from middle school and high school.  Fortunately, a lot of the people she’d invited couldn't attend but that still amounted to a much larger guest list than Nathan wanted.  But he bit his tongue because he knew it was the easiest way she could show affection and she was doing it with the best intentions.  Plus, by the time he saw the guest list he was about to start finals week and still had graduation pictures to take so there were really much more important matters to attend to.

He couldn’t help but be irritated on the day of the party, though, considering it was before noon and he was certain he’d already gotten a million text messages since he’d woke up.  He didn’t know why his mother insisted on giving him a play-by-play of how the setup for the party was going, especially since everything was going smoothly.  He groaned as he heard his phone vibrating on the nightstand yet again.

[Mom 2:26 pm]

_There will be a limo to pick you up in approximately two minutes._

_I hope you’re ready!_

Nathan muttered a quiet, “Fuck…” before walking over to the master bathroom door and knocking on it.  “Babe, I hope you’re done shaving because apparently a limo’s gonna be here to pick us up in a few minutes.”  He heard shuffling on the other side of the door, followed by a quiet, “Okay.”

A moment later, Warren emerged from the bathroom and made his way to the closet to grab a tie.  He was clean-shaven with a nice button up shirt tucked into some gray slacks and Nathan couldn’t believe just how attractive he still found that fucking nerd.  After five years of being together they were still so smitten with one another.

“Fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever get over how you look in a suit,” Nathan mumbled huskily in Warren’s ear before grabbing his ass.

Warren playfully rolled his eyes as he continued tying his tie.  “You need to get over it, Babe.  Remember what happened a few months ago?”  Warren had a big presentation for one of his classes worth a ridiculous amount of his grade.  He had to dress nice, super nice, in that same suit actually.  He got dressed, went to ask Nathan how he looked and would’ve been late if he’d been the first person presenting that day.

Nathan shrugged and grinned.  “You could’ve told me no when I went to take off your pants.”

Warren chose to ignore that comment as he put on his suit jacket.  “Plus, if you’re late to your own graduation party, I think Candice would explode.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Nathan conceded and then threw on his own suit jacket before rejoining Warren in front of the mirror to make sure he looked pristine.  “After all this time, we’re still sexy as fuck.”

Warren held back a snicker.  “I don’t know, man.  I don’t have my boyish charm anymore, and you look like a douche with that soul patch.”

Nathan looked up at Warren with mock offense.  “It’s the only facial hair I can grow!  Prescott’s aren’t a hairy bunch, unlike you who can already grow a fuckin’ hipster mountain man beard.”

Warren grinned, wrapping an arm around Nathan and pulling him close.  “Jealous?”

“Appalled.  That one winter you grew out your beard you looked like a young Santa Claus.  I felt dirty every time we had sex.”  Nathan was quiet a moment before he added, “If you make some naughty and nice joke I swear, Warren, I’ll leave you here.”

Warren looked defeated, muttering a quiet, “Hey, fuck you…” before deciding that they needed to go downstairs because the limo was surely already there.

-

The party was all too overwhelming from the moment Nathan walked in.  His mom had overdone it, spent far too much money on it for his liking and rented far too nice of a space.  It was made worse as people started trickling in and he had to exchange awkward pleasantries with family members he hadn’t seen since his father’s funeral.  Over and over he received hollow congratulations that made him far more anxious than he’d been in some time.  He’d be fine, he knew, because he was properly medicated and had emergency pills on him in case things started getting out of hand.  The discomfort was worth it for several reasons.

It made his mom happy, not just to show him affection in the best way she knew how but to show off him, herself, and how well the business was doing.  Sean’s family didn’t think that she’d be able to carry on the Prescott business and Sean’s brother actually tried to take it over but Candice was causing the business to flourish.  It helped that she was far kinder and therefore a lot better thought of by the citizens of Arcadia Bay.  They were still unsure who she would pass the business onto, though, since neither of her children wanted to take over but that was an issue to address when she was older.

The main reason Nathan was happy he agreed to the party was that there were many guests he was delighted to see.  Victoria and Max weren’t exciting to see since they still lived in Seattle, working at the Chase’s art gallery, so he still saw them frequently.  However, it had been almost a year since he’d seen Hayden and Rachel.  Hayden was always so busy since he was going to school in southern California.  Meanwhile, Rachel and Chloe couldn’t afford to come up to Seattle to visit very often.  Most of their trips from San Francisco had to be up to Arcadia Bay.

Then there was Kristine, whom he’d seen far more often since she’d moved back to Arcadia Bay a few years prior with her husband that she’d met in Brazil.  He was really nice and seemed far too perfect, like something Kristine had dreamed up, but Nathan knew that she deserved such things.  Plus, their marriage is why Kristine decided to move back to the United States in the first place.  Well, not so much the marriage but the child that came soon after that marriage. Nathan absolutely adored that child.  He’d just turned three and thought his Uncle Nate  -though the way the child pronounced it sounded a lot more like Uncle Gnat- was the coolest person in existence.

The one thing that surprised Nathan was that his mother had thought to invite both of Warren’s parents, even going as far as to pay for round trip plane tickets for them.  When Candice greeted Warren’s parents, even hugging both of them, Nathan realized why she’d invited them.  When Sean died and Nathan spent the following month living with the Graham’s, she was over there frequently.  The interactions between Candice and the Graham’s were strained and contained a lot of awkward silences but they still welcomed her into their home and treated her like she belonged there.  Around that time Candice offhandedly mentioned to Nathan how grateful she was for how they treated him but it seemed as though she was thankful for the part they played in her recovery as well.

“I’m so proud of you, son,” Candice said to Nathan as the party was winding down and starting to empty out.  She rested a hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly up at him.

Nathan smiled back at her.  “Thank you, Mom.”

“I really mean it, Nathan, I really am proud of you.”  Her smile wavered, the corners of her lips trembling slightly as a sheen of tears filled her eyes.  She’s been afraid she hadn’t protected him enough for him to ever get to the point in life where he was at right now.  The night when Sean died she was certain it was over, that there was no way for her son to have any semblance of a normal or happy life.  Yet there he was, graduating with a Bachelor’s degree and already accepted into a Master’s program.  He was in a healthy long-term relationship with a rather lovely man and he’d been very openly out for years.

Of course, it wasn’t completely ideal.  Their relationship was still far from perfect and she was certain that her shortcomings during his childhood were why he still had an anxiety disorder and why he had a cocaine addiction.  She also really hated seeing when his medication wasn’t enough to ebb the highs and lows he had as a bipolar person, but all she could really do about that was continue funding his therapy sessions and doctors’ visits.  He still had trust issues and there were times where he’d seemingly randomly not talk to her but all in all he’d grown up to be such a good man.

Maybe Nathan would never be able to achieve having a father that loved him and was proud of him but maybe having a mother who felt that way about him was enough.

-

The second they were home from the party and the door closed behind them, Nathan felt a fist in his hair and then was flung onto the couch.  Hands were roaming over him, removing their jackets and flinging them to God knows where.  Then there was a weight on top of him and a hand roughly pulled at his hair again.

“I’ve wanted you _all_ fuckin’ night,” Warren mumbled before crashing his lips down on Nathan’s.  There was a certain desperation that Nathan liked; it was nice to know that he was still wanted, that after five years Warren was still so hungry for him.  Between both of their finals and planning for their trip to properly celebrate their anniversary, they hadn’t been together in quite some time.  Even so, their last time was a quickie because they were both so horny but also so exhausted from studying that they couldn’t give each other the attention and time they were used to.

Because of that, Nathan wasn’t at all embarrassed that he was moaning like a cheap whore as Warren trailed kisses down his neck.  He removed Nathan’s tie carefully, making sure to place it on the coffee table, before kissing up Nathan’s neck and licking the rim of his ear.

“Is there anything you want me to do to you?” Warren whispered in his ear and just like that, Nathan was fully hard.  _Holy fuck._   “I wanna make you feel good,” he purred before nibbling at Nathan’s earlobe and gently tugging at it with his teeth.

Nathan’s mind was blank; all his blood was rushing elsewhere and he felt incapable of coherent thought.  It was probably what Warren had intended; he did get pleasure knowing that he could completely unravel Nathan all too easily.  All it took was a few words, gentle touches, kisses in the sensitive spots on his neck, and he was putty in Warren’s hands.  Instead of trying to form something resembling a sentence, Nathan got to work undoing Warren’s tie and unbuttoning Warren’s shirt.

Warren chuckled, his voice abnormally deep and raspy, as Nathan desperately attempted to pull Warren down so their chests were flush against each other.  He normally wouldn’t give in, would exert some control over the situation because he knew that’s what Nathan liked, but it seemed like the kind of situation where he should give in.  He could allow Nathan that closeness.  He could kiss Nathan in that way that let him know that there was still nothing he wanted more than the man underneath him.  He could grind against him, drawing those soft moans while their lips meshed against each others in a familiar rhythm.  And so Warren would concede even if it were just for a moment.

“I love you, Warren,” Nathan gasped between kisses.  His hands ghosted over Warren’s back, his sides, eventually settling on Warren’s ass to help push their throbbing cocks together.  “You’re so _perfect_.”

Warren parted their lips, smirking as he continued to rub against Nathan.  “No, babe.  You’re the perfect one.  You make the sexiest fucking noises.”  As if to illustrate a point, Nathan emitted a long, guttural moan that made Warren’s cock twitch in response.  Nathan looked up at Warren with mock innocence as his hands slid between them, undoing Warren’s pants and pushing them down along with the boxers to free Warren’s cock.  He brought his hand up, gathering up saliva to use as lube and depositing it into his hand before rubbing Warren from base to tip.

“Does that feel good?”  Nathan was still looking at Warren wide-eyed, like he had no idea what he was doing.  He typically didn’t have such a poised demeanor when they fooled around and Warren wasn’t too sure how he felt about Nathan being the one in control.  Besides, he knew what he wanted to do that night.  Still, he let Nathan stroke him for a little while longer before leading him to the bedroom.

It was a flurry of motion after that.  Hands quickly moved to get one another completely naked.  Lips rejoined against each other.  There were teeth clacking.  Lip biting.  Grinding against one another.  Eventually, Nathan was picked up and gingerly placed on the bed, his back resting against the headboard.  He watched as Warren went through the bottom drawer in their bedside table, pulling out lube and a condom.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Nathan asked, his breath labored as his chest heaved in anticipation.

Warren gave him a devious smile as he got on the bed and straddled Nathan’s hips.  He reached over to grab the bottle of lube, placing it in Nathan’s hand.  Warren smirked as a look of confusion washed over Nathan’s face and Warren shook his head.

“Babe, _you’re_ going to fuck _me_ ,” Warren drawled, his hands rubbing over Nathan’s chest before giving him a quick kiss.  Nathan was slow as he prepared Warren; it wasn’t very often that Warren bottomed, after all, and so Nathan wanted to be sure to be gentle and patient.  Their lips connected in languid kisses, only disconnecting momentarily as Warren slid the condom over Nathan’s dick.

Nathan whimpered as Warren slid onto him.  It took everything in him not to buck his hips up but he needed to let it be slow.  He needed to ensure that Warren didn’t get hurt.  But Warren was so tight and winced a bit anyway.  It wasn’t painful, per se.  Just uncomfortable.  He knew it would pass but in the meantime, he focused on Nathan.  The content sighs, the way their lips perfectly meshed together and touching Nathan’s hair, arms, everywhere was enough to distract him from the mild discomfort.

Then it dissipated and Warren angled his hips in such a way that his prostate was hit with every thrust.  Nathan’s hands roamed his back.  The only sounds in the room came from their bodies making contact and the groans coming from both of them.  Warren threw his head back, cursing at a particularly pleasurable thrust, and Nathan lubed up his hand and reached for Warren again.

Nathan had never thought he’d be with someone for so long, long enough that they knew each other’s bodies almost as well as their own.  He never thought he’d get to a point where he didn’t feel even a twinge of guilt when he was with a man.  He didn’t have to worry about what would happen when they were done, or in the morning, or the next week.  They were together, in love, and not only could he admit that to himself but everyone dear to him knew as well.

“Oh fuck, _Nathan_ , you’re so God damn perfect,” Warren murmured huskily.  Nathan loved the way his name poured out of Warren’s mouth.  It was like it was precious, like Warren was thankful to even be on top of him like that.

Nathan brought their lips together once again before whispering, “I love you,” into Warren’s ear.  His grip on Warren’s cock tightened, his pace quickening because he knew his own orgasm was drawing near.  He wanted to make sure Warren felt good.  Because Warren was special and perfect and they were still in love after all those ups and downs.

Then Warren paused with Nathan fully inside of him, arching his back in such a way to make sure there was pressure on his prostate as he came.  Nathan could feel him pulsating, tightening around him and was surprised that he was coming as well.  For a moment, everything felt too good, too perfect, and it all felt surreal.

He rubbed at Warren’s back, feeling the tight muscles beneath his fingers, and again he whispered, “I love you.”

Warren smiled, leaning over and pressing their foreheads together.  “I love you too, Nathan, so fucking much.”

-

“Are you seriously watching Star Wars _again_?”  Nathan didn’t know why he was surprised when he got out of the shower and found Warren rewatching “The Force Awakens” for what was probably the millionth time.

Warren looked over at Nathan, waiting until he swallowed the popcorn he was eating to answer.  “Dude, the last movie is coming out in just a few months.  We _need_ to be prepared.  There may not be another main Star Wars movie ever again.  Ya know, except for in ten to twenty years when they inevitably make another trilogy.”

“Or they remake the original trilogy.”

With the way Warren looked at Nathan, one would think that he’d been slapped.  “We don’t even joke about that, Nate!  I can’t believe I’m hearing these words in my own home!”

Nathan giggled before snuggling up beside Warren on the bed.  They chewed on popcorn, being mostly silent except whenever one of them had a theory they wanted to talk about.  It was comfortable and effortless and something that Nathan wanted to do for the rest of his life.

“So, Warren, I was thinking,” Nathan asked when it got to a relatively quiet part of the movie.

Warren glanced at him, “Yeah?”

“I don’t want to ever have to endure another one of my mom’s parties again.”

Warren nodded.  “I can’t say I blame you.”

“Yeah, so I was thinking…  You know how we were talking about getting married?  I think we should just do it.”

That caught Warren’s attention.  He paused the movie and set the popcorn bowl down on the bedside table.  He turned so he was physically facing Nathan, giving him his full undivided attention.

The silence made Nathan anxious, very much so.  “I was…  I was just thinking.  We’ve been together so long and you said you wanted to get married kinda soon and I was thinking we’d just go get it done at a courthouse or some shit when we get back from vacation.  I mean, we don’t have to if you don-“

“Nathan,” Warren interrupted as he pressed a finger against Nathan’s lips.  “Yeah, let’s just do it.  Let’s go get married.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go about it that way.  There were many people who would be offended or down right pissed that they weren’t there the moment they were legally married.  Maybe there would’ve been some joy in being able to have a big celebration that let everyone know that Nathan and Warren vowed to be together forever.  As the pair cuddled and kissed in excitement over their decision, they knew that wasn’t really what mattered though.  They were both happy.  They both helped the other through hard times, helped the other improve.  They were in love and that was all that really mattered.


End file.
